The Retirement of A Melodramatic Feminist
Once upon a time, I was a feminist. I wasn't born a feminist though. Long story; a guy broke my heart, danced on it, put it in a blender and poured it down the drain. Suddenly, I hated men. I hated them all (which makes very little sense, as it was just one man with whom I had an issue, and who I was fairly certain was evil personified). Still, they were all the enemy- these men. "They are all the same!" That was my chorus and "I will survive" was my anthem. They thought I'd crumble, they thought I'd lay down and die, O no not I!
Suddenly, I was very determined to make "my own money" and be financially independent; intentionally financially unattached to any man...except my dad, of course. Love you, dad! [That ended at some point though. Lol]
I was a different type of feminist- the hypocritical kind, whose adherence to feminism was developed from my bitterness and innate desire for revenge, and to be above men in every endeavor- an insincere kind of feminism.
All of a sudden, I wanted rights for women. I was now concerned if women in country A had access to education and freedom. I cared if country B prevented women from buying property. I cared if a woman was being abused down the street. If my friend complained about her boyfriend..."Break up with him." I'd say, not batting an eyelid.
It was really interesting watching my hurt morph into this weird caricature of feminism. True, I never burnt my bra or went days with shaving my underarms or shredded my wig, still, it was fun joining the band wagon.
If I could travel back in time and see myself back then, I'd tell myself that feminism isn't a game. It isn't a tool to whack men over the head or a balm to ease my pulverized heart but a platform for the avocation of dignity, respect and freedom for all women.
If I could see the old me, I'd tell her that men aren't the enemy, they never were; that the enemy is ignorance. Ignorance in every sense of the word; ignorance of men who pulverize hearts for fun, my ignorance for not being streetwise, my ignorance of not having important information about this heart breaker person before diving in, as for the society, their ignorance of the benefits of celebrating and supporting women.
Years ago, I put an end to being vindictive and my resentment towards men evaporated, with that came a new understanding.
My discomfort was negligible in comparison to little girls prevented from going to school, women who are abused just down the street, and single mums who are discriminated against. Yes, my feelings were justified but not the most appropriate fuel for the vehicle of fighting injustice.
And so in my retirement, I decided to revise this whole feminist thing. I decided that I don't need a title to solve injustice. All I'd ever need is a heart which isn't self-centered. A heart that does not muddle up compassion with hate and revenge. A heart that is truly compassionate and pure. A heart that longs to serve- with that I will solve injustice one woman at a time.
Have you ever been in this pseudo-feminism bubble? What are your thoughts? Ever wondered how to get information about someone you are dating? Download your PGI inquisition form here!
7 Hilarious Fashion-Mishaps And How to Recover
Girls, you know it! There are number of fashion uber-duber-oops that none of us ever want to experience. Sometimes they occur but there's nothing some confidence and grace can't fix. Although, #7 would require a lot of grace! These are my top scariest fashion mishaps and recovery options. What are your biggest fashion-mishaps?
Oops #1 That my wig would fall on the road and be mistaken for a brief moment for a puppy.
I admire women who wear wigs fearlessly, who strut and flip its silky curls over their shoulders. I, on the other hand, am very careful. I don't trust wigs. Period. I definitely can't whip it back and forth (as I am required to do at Zumba class). Wearing a wig requires you to be poised and dignified always. You have to constantly remind yourself that you can't get into any brawls. Every insult to you MUST be countered by a humble "Shalom" and a wave of hand. No fights with wigs.
Also, a handy wind vane and anemometer must be in your purse. For no one knows where the wind bloweth.
Recover: Remove you wig cap swiftly and stare at the wig along with everyone else or pick your wig in one confident swoop, throw in a cat-walk, find a mirror and fix it!
Oops #2 That I'll trip in heels, fall and remain on the ground...forever
I love high heels. Who doesn't, right? The thing is, wearing heels requires patience and elegance. There's just no way around it, otherwise you stand the chance of looking like a day-old deer.
I fear that I'd be on my way up to give a presentation or talk one day and then I'd fall. This was the thought that guided my steps, as I received my graduation certificate. Easy does it.
Recover: Lie there forever or get up, laugh and keep strutting. The shorter the recovery time, the better.
Oops #3 That my false lashes may fall into my food and I may eat it.
I don't wear false lashes but if I did, I'd be worried.
Recover: Well, I'd stop chewing first. Find a mirror, fix it asap or remove the other lash and go au naturel.
Oops #4 That my red lipstick will get smeared all over my face.
This has happened already. My niece loves brightly colored things; in this case, my lips. When I carry her, surely, as a moth to a flame, her fingers find my lips and she gently spreads the colour all over my face. She still doesn't get the concept of localized color on a face. But I say this, better this than her yanking a wig off.
Recover: Find a mirror. A girl needs a mirror always. Wipe off smear, reapply lipstick.
Oops #5 That my distressed jeans will get caught in something and rip themselves into knee-length shorts.
For this reason, I wear evenly covered denim pants.
Recover: Add a pair of sunglasses, start a trend.
Oops #6 That I'll poke my eye with a needle.
My friend's mum separates her lashes with a needle when her mascara clumps them up. She carefully passes the needle between the strands and I must say it gets the best results -thick, evenly coated, separated lashes. This used to be part of my makeup routine...that is, until I poked my eye one day. Conclusion. Do not try this at home.
Recover: Set down needle. Make an appointment with your ophthalmologist. Reassess your need for perfect lashes. Try using several types of mascara wands per application. Watch YouTube videos.
Oops #7 Of course,my final fear is that if I wear a long, strapless evening dress with a long train, someone would step on the hem and it'll all fall down.
Then I'd trend for months and become a renowned GIF! Gasp!
Recover: Use renowned GIF status as a career-starter, get endorsements.
What is your biggest fashion fear? What are your recovery techniques?
Merry Christmas || What to Give the Birthday Boy
Ed had his gifts wrapped almost two weeks before Christmas. Of course, this wasn't easy for me, because I kept staring and touching the colorfully wrapped presents, trying to guess which one was mine. Starry-eyed, I'd stand there, shaking one of them and listening for the sound it makes. This has gone on for over a week. Yesterday—yet again—I was shaking one of the presents and I wondered... I wondered if Jesus was going to get any gifts this year. It is his birthday, after all. Like me, would he have gifts underneath his "tree"? Is he excited, trying to hear if the gift rattles or thumps as he shakes it?
This year, I want to get him something, but I don't know what. What do you give to someone who is God and created everything and who IS everything? I could give him my heart but he has it already. He has my love. My time...hmm. I definitely could give him more of that. What are you getting Jesus this Christmas?
Have a wonderful Christmas, full of love and cheer. Create memories, make someone else smile today and if you'd like to give Jesus your heart today, you can, right here! Have fun!
Questions to Ask Before Getting into a Relationship || Plus Download PGI's Fun Relationship Inquiry form
Starting a new relationship is arguably the 7th best feeling in the world ("7th" is totally random, btw). You would agree with me that it's a pretty awesome feeling; the sunshine, the birds, the butterflies, the palpitating cardiac muscles. Experienced it a few times myself, and every time was just as exciting and delightful as the last. I call this stage of dating the "New Bae Fever". The law of diminishing returns doesn't set in until your 73rd New Bae Fever. That's a lot of baes! Phew! Really, on a roll with my random numbers today.
At this stage, blinded by the sunlight and confused by the butterflies, we tend to make one very common mistake; the mistake of assumptions. As human beings, we make assumptions about situations, about people, about love, about people we love. We make assumptions about these people who give us butterflies and then never make any attempt to clarify those assumptions because we don’t want our florid, made-believe imaginations about this person to be false. That, of course, is a great way to love-in-ignorance, which really is as worrisome as it sounds.
Many times oblivious lovers get smacked on the head with information their Significant Other conveniently forgot to mention, for example, undeclared children or a secret family; like that time I met Collin (not his real name) who had a family in another town and thought I might make an awesome "girlfriend" *rme* He definitely forgot to mention his family. Women are equally full of surprises, we all know that. All the She-Collins out there!
No matter how much you think you love surprises, these types really suck. So how do you avoid these awful surprises, then?
By caging the chirping birds, stilling those cardiac muscles and asking questions. Questions give answers. Answers provide data. Our minds and brains process data, and provide information. Information helps us make better decisions. Best decisions are required in love! Please don’t ever be shy to ask a question. If he/she thinks you are interrogating him/her, then he/she should go ahead and interrogate right back. We all have skeletons chilling in our closets, dying to get out. It's a trade, you have to give skeletons to know skeletons. Lol. If you decide to be with someone, ensure that you ask questions. Hopefully they tell the truth and declare their past. But don't wait around for that, make inquires, you have every right to snoop and conduct as much research as you want. The more research and questions you ask, the less likely you'd be celebrating a 73rd New Bae Fever-a-thon.
Ps: If you have a past, there’s really no need to hide, it's either this person takes all of you or not. It's only fair on them, if you are honest, and it's fair on you because you get a chance at true acceptance. Plus, honesty is sexy. It just is. Of course, a person’s past shouldn't be used to judge her future but it should be shared with someone she claims to love, so he knows what he's getting into and has the freedom to choose and make sound decisions concerning the events that could occur.
Here’s a 5 page form which was a joke initially, but really has several important questions we forget to ask people we are about to date or are currently dating. Ed and I are answering ours tonight. LOL! It should be fun. There's a printable version available at the end. Do you get shy asking questions? Any Collins or She-Collins ever swing your way?
Christmas Shopping Gone Wild (Plus One Gift She Wouldn't Expect)
'Tis the season to be jolly. 'Tis the season for cheer. 'Tis also the season to steal presents from indecisive fellow-shoppers' carts without any fear. This was my story a few weeks ago, when my shopping cart got "emptied" by another shopper because I couldn't make up my mind. I had started my Christmas shopping at an online store, where I found the perfect gift for my friend. For a split-second, just a split-second, I hesitated on "proceeding to checkout" and when I refreshed a few moments later, my item was gone from my cart! Shopping does get a little wild this time of the year but that's Ok, because somehow, I got a good feeling from it. It felt good knowing someone had snatched a gift from my cart to purchase it for someone else! In a weird way, I was a Secret Santa. Very nuanced, but a Secret nonetheless. And for that opportunity, I'd allow 15 more cart-thefts from fellow shoppers but no more- all in the spirit of Christmas.
If you haven't started shopping, clearly you like to live on the edge. Lol, I'm kidding. To help you along, below are some PGI-selected gift ideas! "Number 6" on the list labeled "For Her" would be something she would never expect. Of course, it goes both ways and it should equally be on the "For Him" list but we ran out of space *Shrug*
That said, I'd really like to hand Ed a leather-bound folder containing "Number 6", I'm a little tired of buying sweaters and trending gadgets. Just a little. I know it's too late now to get"Number 6", I should have told you earlier, I know, but there's always next Christmas!
As for me, all I want for Christmas is to draw closer to the birthday-boy and some snow! Let the elements align!
Wouldn't it be great handing "Number 6" to a someone-especially someone who really needs it?! What's on your Christmas list?
1. Fendi Cat Eye Sunglasses 2. Kate Spade NY Hybrid Smart Watch 3. FujiFIlm Instax Mini 8 Instant Film Camera 4.Kendall and Kylie Bambi Key Fob 5. Ted Baker Ichlibi Bow Pump 6. Property Deeds encased in a Kate Spade File Folder 7. Victoria Beckham Half Moon Shoulder Bag
1. Master and Dynamic Headphones 2. Tom Ford Black Orchid Eau de Parfum 3. LED Word Clock 4. The Dapper Chap Linen Laundry Bag 5. Tile Key FInder 6. Ghurka Cavalier III Leather Duffel
This is not a sponsored post, wish it was! Contact me here, if you'd like to work together!
Our Turkey Pardon and Thanksgiving Menu
Ciao, guys. I apologize for the inconsistency in the last few weeks. I have been working on some fictional work for the blog, as requested by several readers. This was after great feedback from "The Adventures of Saudiq Amao" and "Blue Twine". Older readers also loved the "Tiide series", which I should bring back one of these days. Anyway, after a ridiculous number of drafts, I believe I may have found the one I’d like to refine and edit the heck out of. Look out for it!
Right now, I am getting ready to host our first Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night. First, we aren't having turkey, so somewhere, somehow, a turkey is walking around free as a bird, pun so intended! Prez Obama also pardoned his last two turkeys today, his last pardon as president, it was a bit sad. Anyway, we are having baked hens instead because I'm allergic to turkey. Don't ask.
It’s going to be a Nigerian Thanksgiving; puff-puff and a lot of fried rice and jollof rice. It'll be my first time baking cornbread from scratch, I snubbed all the ready-made ones at the store. Now, I'm thinking I should have bought one, just incase things go wild. For dessert, I chose to make an Apple-Walnut cake, which I intend to serve with some vanilla ice-cream. This is also my first attempt at making desserts *crickets*. I don't have vanilla ice-cream. I have a tub of strawberry and a tub of cookies and cream. *taps chin*. This is going to be fun.
Thanksgiving Menu
Appetizer
Puffpuff (made by my friend, Funmi)
Goatmeat pepper soup (this bit makes my heart beat a little faster)
Entrée
Baked Hens (they ousted the turkey)
Stewed Gizzards (Ed’s recipe)
Sides
Jollof rice (I’ll share this soon. Jollof hack, that will prevent your rice from burning)
Fried rice
Fried plantains
Cornbread
Dessert
Apple-Walnut cake
Ice-cream
Are you hosting Thanksgiving? What would be on your menu?
Travel: 6 Reasons I’d Revisit Washington DC
If I had to summarize my visit to Vegas in one word, it would be hedonism; my trip to New York, diversity; my trip to Nashville, music (naturally); my trip to DC, power. You can almost touch it. Another word, of course, would be traffic *straight face*. Nevertheless, DC has become my second favorite city in America! Boston, still at the top. During this trip, I explored DC with my dad, who was in town at the time. My explorer genes are all from him, so it was a superb adventure!
Einstein chilling with a book and no shoes #nerdgoals
Unfortunately Fortunately, we couldn't complete my exploration of DC during the visit and so I will be returning soon. Here are 6 reasons I'm sure I'd be returning:
1. Museum sugar-rush: If you love museums as much as I do, DC is the town for you. It has a wide selection of Smithsonian museums located within the area called the National mall and also at other locations. Here is the part which would tickle the soul of any museum-lover. Admission is free. If you didn’t utter the expression “Muhehehe”, then you don’t love museums. You would love the experience. We could only complete 2 museums and a bunch of memorials, so I definitely will be returning! You can find the list of museums here!
The new National Museum of African-American History and Culture designed by Ghanian architect, David Adjaye
2. Political celebrities: DC is like the Beverly hills of politics. I'm sure we was about 1000 feet away from Michelle Obama at some point, when a motorcade that looked very "first-lady-like", drove past us near the National Museum of African-American History and Culture (photo above). One evening though, I saw John McCain (Republican nominee who ran against Prez Obama, in 2008) walking down the street! I had little chill.
3. To revisit Ab: I’ve always wanted to see Abraham Lincoln's memorial for some reason. There’s a scene from a movie where the protagonist is standing in front of Lincoln at night…and speaking to him… Wait, am I making this up?Lol. I just checked: Legally Blonde 2. Anyway, I’ve always been infatuated, so to speak. Yeah, so, finally I saw Ab, he says "Hey". I have to revisit him at night. It must be so spooky in the dark.
Lincoln's view
4. Partial fulfillment of my Foodie Degree: The best thing about tourist cities is the vast availability of restaurants. After burning ourselves out exploring museums and memorials, we found this Mexican place that served fajitas and plantains. And as the wise men say, "Where there are plantains, there is life." Amen.
5. To live out my espionage fantasy : Exhaustion and a food coma eventually set in. I'm not the girl with the red cape from Krypton you thought I was. We stumbled on the International Spy Museum at about 5PM. The attendant was brimming over with so much energy, which made me dizzy because I had just stuffed my face with the feast above. Apparently, we were supposed to perform some espionage stints of adventure, perform stunts, slay the villain and rescue the girl. Err...not with this induced food coma we won’t. We made a note to return on our next visit. And this is why 007 never eats. Note: the spy museum isn’t free. It costs about $15- $30 and probably about 2700 calories.
6. To relive the best pancakes of my life: There are a few situations in life, where you experience remarkably memorable breakfasts. This was one of them. My cousin took me for a beautiful breakfast in Bethesda, Maryland, which isn't in DC but really was just a few minutes away. I felt like Goldilocks at Baby bear's table. The pancakes weren't too big, they weren't too small, they were just right. And they didn't give me a food coma, unlike Goldie.
And that was how DC became my second baby. Donald, take care of her for me! I will see you very soon.
DC is listed in the top 5 most expensive cities to live. I stayed at an Airbnb in Palisades, which is on the west side. A peaceful, quiet suburb. An Uber to Union Station costs ~$35. Union Station is your friend, if you plan to travel by rail. It's good to know that DC doesn't have an airport. Dulles and National are in the state of Virginia and BWI is in Maryland but they are close enough and accessible with uber, taxis or the train. We ate here and here. If you visit, enjoy!
What was your last memorable travel experience? What's your favorite city in the world? Tell us!
Amusing Conversation with my 70 Year Old Male Friend + Postpartum Snap-back tips
My days are never lacking in hilarious thought-provoking conversations. There was that time, mum and I talked about kissing bearded guys; and that time when my 7-year old nephew and I talked about paddling to the Caribbean on a human raft. This post is about a conversation that ensued between my ~70 year old caucasian male friend and I. He is very amusing. Honestly, children and older people get away with saying anything!
Friend: African women are so beautiful. Great physiques.
Me: *feigning modesty graciously*
Friend: There's just one problem
Me: What?
Friend: Once you have a baby, you never go back to the way you were
Me: So not true!
Friend: *not buying it* You know you'll blow up after your first child
Me: Haha! Well, I have to work to get back. Blame it on water retention and extra fat from pregnancy.
Friend: I dated a girl from Zimbabwe, you know. Beautiful girl. After one child... Boom!
Friend: Saddest thing is, they don't even get any in the boobs! Everywhere else, but not there!
Friend: I love shapey petite women. African women look so beautiful...then after the first child...White women, they go right back.
Me: I know, right? *quirky comebacks severely elusive after boob comment*
Friend: When you have your first child, you need to work at it, Ok? Promise me. Go back to how you were.
Me: OK. I promise
Cringe. There I go making promises that I now have to keep. This conversation really got me thinking, because my friend has promised to laugh at me when the time comes. Smh. Below are a few things I found on preventing water retention and some snap-back-into-shape tips. I'm keeping them here as a reminder.
Snap Back Tips
1. Gain the recommended weight (~25-35 pounds/11-15 kg*)
2. Getting your weight back depends on your habits before and during pregnancy. Develop healthy habits that transition smoothly (somewhat smoothly) into pregnancy. I have pregnant women in my Zumba class
3. Gain healthy weight. Snack on fruits, vegetables. (My cousin says she ate a lot of carrots when she got hungry between meals)
4. Breastfeed
Preventing Water Retention
1. Drink a lot of fluids (like your life and sexiness depends on it)
2. Reduce salt intake
3. Stay out of the heat
4. Avoid standing for too long
5. Eat juicy fruits
6. Recruit impregnator for massage duties
If you are a mum or have any information about snapping right back after kids, please share your knowledge. You would be helping someone and you would be rescuing me from this wager. If snapping back is still project for you, please share your milestones! Power to you!
*Recommended Weight breakdown
Baby: 7.5 lb (3.4 kg) Enlarged Uterus: 2.0 lbs (0.9 kg) ; Placenta 1.5 lb (0.7 kg); Amniotic fluid 2.0 lb (0.9 kg); Breast enlargement 2.0 lbs (0.9 kg); Extra blood & fluid volume 8.0 lbs (3.6 kg) ; Extra fat reserves 7.0 lbs (3 kg)
Source recommends that extra fat reserves should be controlled, because it's the only weight-gain factor than can be safely manipulated.