Where Do Broken (Male) Hearts Go?
Where do broken hearts go?
If you said “the heartbreak hotel”, congratulations, you just dated yourself. You are right though, kinda. According to several studies, broken female hearts go to “the heart break hotel”, a place where they cry, delete and/or burn relationship keepsakes and memorabilia, cry some more on a friend’s shoulder, rant and sing-along to sad pop songs. For the broken male hearts, many of them go into a dark alley, which I call “the hole”...
Where do broken hearts go?
If you said “the heartbreak hotel”, congratulations, you just dated yourself. You are right though, kinda. According to several studies, broken female hearts go to “the heart break hotel”, a place where they cry, delete and/or burn relationship keepsakes and memorabilia, cry some more on a friend’s shoulder, rant and sing-along to sad pop songs. For the broken male hearts, many of them go into a dark alley, which I call “the hole”—a place where they bottle up their feelings, grow a beard, drink a little too much and desperately seek distractions to preoccupy their minds. After being here a while, it’s no surprise they end up enrolling in the greatest institution of all time— the Royal Academy of Heartbreakers (RAH).
Yes, it would appear that heartbroken people tend to go to either of these two places when their hearts have been ripped out of their chests—the Heartbreak hotel(HH) or the Royal Academy of Heartbreakers (RAH).
As you would imagine, at the RAH, students acquire the unique skill set of breaking hearts, after taking the mandatory first year prerequisite of Emotional Dissociation and a 4-unit course in Commitment Unavailability.
Eventually, they graduate with flying, soaring colors, wearing their academic hats, and are handed their certificates along with a pitch fork. They are released in legions into society, where they make their alma mata proud by sweeping through Ladiesville and leaving many shattered hearts in their wake. The female survivors of Ladiesville then check into heartbreak hotel...It’s all a vicious cycle.
Research shows breakups have a more devastating effect on men than on women. Mainly because they don’t choose the most effective way to heal. You know, beard..."the hole"...bottles of ale...rebounds. And no, the best way to get over someone isn’t by getting under someone else. The hurt and pain still stand unresolved.
Men aren't endowed with the emotional support women get so freely from friends and family and men lack safe spaces to express how they truly feel in every step of their healing process. I personally believe they deserve a safe place where they can bawl their eyes out, etch gothic scribblings on walls, chew their toe nails, shower once in two months and munch on dry cereal. Or at least have the option of wearing duo-tone spandex while wailing and miming to Taylor Swift songs in their bathroom mirror. They deserve the safe space to process their emotions so they can recover properly.
According to Dr. Miller of the University of Utah, *heads up, sports/orthopedic analogy* when a rookie suffers from a fracture or bone injury, there’s a chance their bones may not heal right . This is usually because they may undergo non-operative treatment, in other words, they don’t select the right treatment plan for their fracture. This results in malalignment of the bone. This mutation is sometimes visibly observable in some patients. You can tell a mile away. When the proper healing route isn’t selected, sometimes, there’s a malformation. (Men, note that I chose sports and bones as an analogy because it’s all macho and stuff. You are welcome.)
When a heart doesn’t heal right, then out come the pitch forks.
This guy surely has a pitch fork.
It’s a great idea for your heart to heal the right way. But how do you know your heart is healed?
Answer: It’s available to love again, wisely but genuinely. You also don’t own a pitch fork, you aren’t in possession of little black books (or the modern day equivalent, whatever that is) and you aren’t a renowned creep on dating websites. And of course, your beard is grown for a good cause. Of course.
What do you think? Did you heal right from all your past relationships? Do you think men get enough emotional support in their heart break journeys?
Related posts you'd love: Get Over Him On A Budget! & The Sunny Side Of Your Breakup!
Mum, on the matter of Eloping with Dimeji
When I was in primary 2, I was going to elope with Dimeji, my crush. We had it all figured out too, after school that day, we would meet at the Mobil petrol station closest to my house at 4pm, with all our things, including our toys and disappear forever!
We were two 4 year-olds.
When I got home, I was stoked. I started packing! I couldn't tell the time yet, so I'd ask anyone around what the time was and smile knowingly to myself, counting down the hours.
At some point that evening, mum and I had a little disagreement, so I blurted out that Dimeji and I were running away this evening anyway, and pouted.
She must have laughed for a full 10 minutes. Then she said, "He's probably eating beans at home and taking a nap. When you are ready, I will take you to Mobil."
I didn't believe her though. How could Dimeji be eating beans?! He was probably packing his clothes and stuff into his Warner bros. backpack.
I asked my siblings to take me to Mobil. I had to meet Dimeji! He would be waiting! Why didn't they understand? What was so funny? No one took me, I was so sad. I kept imagining him standing at Mobil being bullied by bus drivers and taxi drivers, waiting for me with our survival gear; toys, clothes and maybe a packet of biscuits. I packed my flute too, you know, for entertainment and all.
In school, the following day, after assembly, I walked up to Dimeji to apologize for not showing up, it was my family, they just wouldn't cooperate! Would he like to try again?
Dimeji couldn't even remember that we planned to elope!
Was he kidding?! Mum was right, he probably was eating beans and chilling when he got home, while I spent all evening packing and trying to get to my rendezvous!
That was my last memory of liking Dimeji. I immediately moved on. How could he not even remember plans we made just 4 hours before? He was severely crushed but i wasn’t very forgiving. Plus this was before science validated males as the more forgetful gender!
So to Dimeji's wife or significant other, and to all the women out there really, don’t be mad at him if he forgot your anniversary and the song at your first dance. Science has proven that men are more biologically forgetful than women. Dimeji, that was no reason to ruin my only chance of eloping though!
By the way, just because science validates the fact doesn't mean forgetting her birthday and elopement schedule is acceptable! Any Dimeji experiences or justification of this habit? Please comment below! Plus is your mum eerily right almost always?
PGI Feature: Men's Style by Deji Eniola
I met Deji within the first few hours of NYSC camp (you guys have no idea how much treasure i found on those camp grounds- no idea). We were on this ridiculous registration queue from noon until 9pm standing in the sun and then the moon! At about 8.55pm, it began to rain, most people ran for shelter and deserted the ridiculous queue. I looked to my right, saw a plastic chair and lifted it above my head as my make-shift umbrella; to my left was this guy who had grabbed a chair too. We were not kidding here, we were going to be registered no matter what- rain, volcano, avalanche. We stood there and instantly, i knew we'd be friends. He struck me as irrationally resilient and brilliantly resourceful; the perfect fuses for being an entrepreneur! Deji Eniola Osinulu, is the Creative Director of the Nigerian-based Men's bespoke fashion label- Deji Eniola. His brand is frequently sighted on the red carpet, and featured in the 2015 Lagos Fashion and Design Week last October. He has styled some of our favorite celebrities such as TuFace Idibia, M.I Abaga, Christopher Attoh, Dj Spinall, Gideon Okeke.
Here he is; the man behind DE:
Deji, what do you love the most about what you do?
The ability to birth forms and the grace to make something out of nothing
How did you know it had to be fashion?
It was the only thing that didn’t seem it would leave me if every other thing that could leave left. It felt like my ‘Ruth’. It was that thing that puts me in my zone. It was my element. Imagine Kanye telling you “Don’t let me get into my zone” …because there will be no respite for any lyricist challenger against him. *LoL*
How did you learn to design and sew?
Designing is innate for me. It is the only thing I didn’t learn, I definitely had to hone the skill though. However, you know when they say a writer needs to write all the bad stuff out of her system first before getting to the good part? Yeah, I had to design all the ‘rubbish’ out of me first. *Laughs* Then it got to the good part.
With sewing, I took tailoring classes twice actually, once, during my last year in college and also during my NYSC service year on weekends. I started with female outfits. Surprise!
What's your most creative period of the day?
Mornings mostly, probably because i'm still calm enough to be in tune with my mind and spirit. I get ideas and themes at other times of the day too but I find that mornings are most frequent
What's the most unusual inspiration you've ever had?
Colour block! Before the craze started, those words literally floated into my mind. I didn’t understand it to the extent of implementing it. Months later, “colour blocking” swarmed the catwalks and filled the magazine pages.
What’s your creative space like?
I guess by that, you'd be referring to my flat. My studio is quite comfy, and well laid out. I have tried to avoid clutter to give the illusion of more space than it actually has. My bedroom seems to have me more when it comes to designing.
If you could, what would you change about the world of fashion?
Christopher Attoh in D.E
Vanity- but on second thought, I'd rather leave it alone, because it forms the basic foundation of the existence and advancement of fashion, although, the indistinct borderline between ‘necessary’ vanity and ‘absurd’ vanity seems to have faded, the inability to define this borderline, is the ample reason why it should just be left alone. There is a saying “Kill all my demons and my Angels might die too”
The most stressful thing about getting a bespoke service is the wait time! How long does it take you to complete a suit?
It takes an average of 21 working days for our half canvassed suits and much longer for the fully canvassed ones. Waiting is an inherent feature of bespoke. You honestly can't rush the process.
Who are your most admired local (and foreign) designers?
I like the Okunoren twins, I like their story and that they have journied on roads that we now tread. I like Paul Smith for starting his business with just 600GBP and also Ozwald Boateng, for being the first designer (to the best of my knowledge) to lend an African identity to a British heritage.
Your most important work equipment?
My eyes! *Laughs*
After all has been done, from design concept to design execution, what determines if it will make the shelves or hit the runway is its appeal! Beauty doesn’t need a second opinion to know if it’s pleasing or not. I stand back and look at it and immediately I know if it will make it or not.
The most challenging part of designing?
Designing for another! To design for someone else, you have to become him, you have to think like him, you have to know what he likes to do, his preferences and tastes. All that factors into the creative process.
What do you love the most about Lagos?
The beauty in its chaos!
What app do you use the most on your phone?
What's your favorite game?
M.I Abaga in D.E
Grand Theft Auto, Baby!
Your first thought in the morning?
God. And then more God!
The most alarming incident you've seen on Ikorodu road?
I saw a Toyota Highlander burning right there on the express with no one trying to quench the fire. It just got charred and everyone continued their day!
Lagos Traffic survival kit?
If I'm driving; a chilled bottle of coke, (partly iced), music, air conditioning and interesting company. If I'm not driving-a book.
Can you cook?
Yes, I can. I find pleasure in cooking.
Alright then, what's your most exquisite Deji Eniola-made dish?
Haha, see trap! Well, remove the word “exquisite". That word might be a little tricky! *Laughs* It'll have to be noodles!
Deji Eniola with a model
Four things i learnt!
1. "Beauty doesn't need a second opinion..."
2. Understand your industry and what makes it tick!
3. "Write out all the rubbish" and then GOLD!
4. Deji came up with Colour block! What?! If he told me then, we would be gazzilionaires right now! Thanks alot, man.
Thank you, Deji for being PGI's February feature! Below are photos from the Deji Eniola Spring collection as seen at the Lagos Fashion and Design Week! Enjoy!
If you are planning your wedding and bae and the groomsmen intend to buy their suits the day before the wedding like most men do, Lol; tell them to check DE out! They can't go wrong!
Contact
Email: de.bespoke@yahoo.com
Phone: +2348169282829
Follow on IG @dejieniola