Pillow Talk | Foreplay's Afterplay

For ages, we couldn't get anyone to stop talking about the importance of foreplay because there was proof that it genuinely improved sexual experience- all that kissing and touching gets your heart racing and giddy, works up that apetite and primes your neighbors for the uncomfortable noises that follow.

Now it seems we maybe equally unable to keep anyone quiet about another step...pillow talk!

Pillow talk has been proven to save marriages and prolong life. I joke not.

What is pillow talk? According to the Cambridge dictionary, pillow talk is defined as a conversation between sexual partners in bed.

How easy is that? Just talk to each other right after! Well, these days, most people find out there is a third member involved in their sexual experience, preventing these intimate chats--cell phones. Hey, Instastories! 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but picking up your phone right after scoring, is not the most ideal way to build a romantically functional relationship. Does anyone say "scoring" anymore? Yes. Me.

According to Psychology Today, the acceptable process for any action that can be described as sex, should follow the following sequence: foreplay, penetration, intercourse, orgasm, pillow talk, maybe sleep. Usually in that order, no steps skipped and no cell phones, otherwise, what are you doing?

Each step is uniquely important, but pillow talk is now being researched extensively, as the importance of post-coital communication comes to light.

This study shows that people who pillow-talked after sex felt more secure and were happier. The average time for this effect was 15 minutes of pillow talk. The study showed also that if the time exceeded 15 minutes there was a even higher level of trust, security and relationship satisfaction reported. 

What's the science behind pillow talking? 

According to Professor Denn of the University of Connecticut, oxytocin, our favorite hormone (for obvious reasons) plays a huge role in facilitating pillow talk. Oxytocin is released when orgasm occurs (hence, obvious reason) and is known to trigger pro-social behaviors, making us happy and chatty, which most often results in pillow talk. Note, men are generally less chatty because testosterone dampens the effect of oxytocin but I can guarantee they will be more than happy to have pillow talks that are about more sex. Those crazy Martians. Tsk.

It's definitely worth noting that alcohol consumption also dampens the effect of oxytocin. It's like the ultimate anti-cuddle factor; so take it easy on the wine before sex. More pillow talk inhibitors are Instagram, sleep and kids... Side eye at all three. Kidding, love the kids. Nonetheless, they have to respect cuddle time.

So orgasm, check. Oxytocin, check. Pillow talk, check. Pillow talk is an important step. It should not be replaced by sleep or phone prodding. It improves relationships significantly because it's a rare form of intimate communication, which blends vulnerability in with trust and happiness. It leads to closeness, trust and relationship satisfaction, thanks to oxytocin, our bestie.

So instead of reaching over for your phone, let it charge for an extra 20 minutes. Let oxytocin do its work, Snapchat can wait. 

What are your thoughts on pillow talk? I'd really love to know! 

How to Receive Compliments Gracefully

Whenever I'm paid a compliment, I freeze. My mind freezes, my lips freeze for sure, and of course, I have the hugest brain freeze in the universe. I don't know why! I guess I become a little more self-conscious and aware, which apparently leads to a feeling of embarrassment. I know, I don't get it either. Shrug. Well, good luck to moi because I'm about to push me into a lot of discomfort. I've decided to learn to accept compliments, instead of offering that weirdo-smile I give everyone when they say something nice about me.

Here are the steps I'm taking: 

Step one: Receive the compliment. I usually just let compliments slide off by keeping quiet or giving an awkward laugh or the weirdo smile. I’m learning to say "thank you" and to smile warmly (toning down the weirdness there). Receiving a compliment acknowledges the comment and says that you value the giver's observation and opinion.  If you put in a lot of work into something, and it gets noticed, then just take the props when it comes. 

Step two: Don’t return the compliment unless you really mean it. We can tell if your compliment is sincere. If it isn't... guess what? We can still tell! You gave me a sincere praise, then I dish you a lie about how I like your hair(which is clearly an eye-sore). Blink. Then it becomes weird. Just saying.

You don't have to respond with a compliment. Plus it’s your moment, bask in it a little. 

Step three: Give honor to whom honor is due. If someone compliments your deliverables, remember to mention the other members of your team or support group that contributed to the success. If someone likes your makeup, say thank you, and give some attribution to your makeup artist or whoever taught you the trade.

Step four: This is completely optional. Pass on the secret. If you feel comfortable telling your compliment-giver what the secret to your success is, then go for it. Otherwise just receive, attribute, smile (not like a weirdo) and look pretty.

Do you have  anymore suggestions on how to receive compliments gracefully? I’m really working on this grace thing. 

Letters to my Greatgrand Daughter: Your Inner Samurai

Dear Charly,

This is a letter about being the bigger man. Earlier today*, someone responded to a question I had asked on a social media platform with a remarkably snide remark. Instantly, I took off my earrings, and took my Taekwondo butterfly kick stance. I was ready to attack. I couldn’t believe the number of sarcastic, so-in-context retorts that flooded my head. They were so good, I think I shivered a little.

So good.

Then I stopped. As a (new) rule, I never attack immediately. I wait. Hold my breath and then let it out. Once again, hold that breath, let it out. I close my eyes. I imagine the sun is shining on my face and I let the battle drums fade into the background. Harps play instead—this part takes a while. I think about the consequences. Today, that incident made me think about what I represent. I asked myself what I’d advice someone else to do.

Overlook it, I'd say. Overlook the offense. It's not worth it. Your future is impeccable, your path is sterling. Don't play around in cyber mud. 

It was hard. It is hard—doing the right thing. It’s hard to be already half -suspended in the air, arms spread out like wings, ready to flick that ankle and kick her in the mouth, all calculated. No chance of a miss.

Deep exhale. 

I let it slide.

The next time someone ticks you off so much that the only thing they apparently deserve is a fine whack, a polished lecture, a sweet piece of your mind. Don’t dish it.

Offer mercy instead.

They may not deserve it. I know, but life is crazy, in a few hours, you may be in need of mercy, yourself. You wouldn’t want someone to unleash their inner-Samurai on you. Would you?

Love,

GreatGrand x

 *written two months ago. 

PGI x ÀSÀ WEST | PGI Girls' Give-Away

Remember July's PGI girl, the stylish, awesome Mope ? She recently launched an accessory line called ÀSÀ West! Congratulations, Mope!

ÀSÀ West currently carries a wide range of hand-bags, envelope purses and other accessories. Yes, when I discovered this, I admit, I did hyper-ventilate a little, because I love handbags, and now my friend has a line! If you're looking for me, I'll be at her house, swimming in her inventory.

Just when I thought I couldn't love her anymore, she decided to partner with PGI to give back to her community through a give-away! 

PagesbyIke is proud to be partnering with ÀSÀ West on this exciting project! We will be giving out the beautiful "WANDE" print purse from her line, which I am totally in love with. Men, if she didn't like your Valentine's day present, it's redemption time. Put in an entry for "WANDE" and thank us later.

I love "WANDE", I think she knows.  

But first, one question. Two, actually. Three.

Why can't bloggers enter for their own give-aways? Who made these rules? You're maybe wondering if I plan to enter the PGI x ÀSÀ West Give-Away along with everyone else? It has crossed my mind.  *slow nod and wink*

I really do have the perfect heels to pair "WANDE" with, but I won't enter, I promise. Lol. 

We can't wait to find out who the winner is. The entry closes next week friday, so throw in those entries now!

Ps. Watch out for more giveaways this season from our past PGI girls! Don't forget to read the terms and conditions. 

Best wishes. 

(Congratulations to our winner! She has been contacted! Edited March 9th) 

PGI x ASA WEST GIVE AWAY

She Blogs | Super Shero Grace (G)

SuperShero Grace (G)

Location: Lagos

Blog url: Epiphany29.com

Blog Genre: Fashion and Lifestyle

Grace's blog has a girl-next-door meets chic style vibe to it. She makes looking great look effortless and she makes blogging look so easy! Swing by for some chill time and some great style tips; I just learned a few new tricks on how to wear my shorts, when this snow finally melts. Also, find out how to celebrate Valentine's day as a single girl! Grace is also a personal shopper and an aspiring fashion designer. Here she is:

1. First four words of the lyrics of your current favorite song?

GG: "One month till February..." from "Falling Short" by Lapslèy

2. One experience you plan to tell your grand-kids?

GG: How I fought and survived cancer at the age of 5, not by my might but by Gods Grace...

3. Least traumatic break-up technique you'd recommend?

GG: Change phone numbers et al? Hahahaha.

4. What inspired your blog name?

GG: I had been thinking and struggling with a suitable name and Epiphany29 came to me like an 'Epiphany' get it? Lol

5. If we were all forced to be teachers on the universe. What art/skill/science/discipline would you teach?

GG: Hmmmm, since we would all be teachers, why would I have to teach other teachers, eh? I kid. I think i'd teach IT related stuff. 

6. Last movie that made you cry! (You can't say Titanic)

GG: I could be a cry baby though but let's see... last movie that made me cry... would be "You Before Me" *sniff sniff*

7. "Carbs" is a) Bae b) The Enemy

GG: "Carbs" is BAE whoop whoop

8. John Snow or Jack Bauer?

GG: You know nothing Jack Bauer... John snow anyday for me. 

9. If I promise to be your right-hand girl, name a celebrity's shoe closet you would raid?

GG: Girl, we are so raiding Klohé Kardashian's closet!!! 

10. #bighairdontcare or #shorthairdontcare

GG: Team #Bighairdontcare yo!

11.  You are having lunch with your fave T.V fictional character. What would you order?

GG: I'd order goatmeat peppersoup (straight face) and ice-cream cake for dessert.

12.  "Our _______ makes us beautiful as Nigerians."

GG: Our culture makes us beautiful

13. Avengers, the movie. You have to date someone. Who would it be?

GG: Chris Hemsworth. *swoons*

14.  If I had to, I'd totally name my car...

GG: Jesse

Thank you for hanging with us, Grace! You are the best! And that testimony fighting cancer as a child...we are grateful for the grace!  

Read Grace's How to celebrate valentine's day as a single girl.

She Blogs | Super Shero Tega

SuperShero Tega

Location: Dubai

Blog url: Tegaenai.com

Blog Genre: Fashion and Lifestyle

Tega's blog makes me happy. Just simply that- happy. It's helpful. It's fresh. She genuinely writes from her heart and you can tell from reading her posts- whether she's teaching how to wear loose-fitting clothes or how to edit your instagram photos like a pro or just kicking you out of a discouragement rut, this blogger slays. (Are we still using slay in 2017? Please help) 

Remember, this is a laid back, hair down, lazing in PJs kinda interview! Here she is!

A Nigerian song you’d love to karaoke to?

TE: I have a couple!

Tekno – Wash; 2face – Ole, African Queen; 9ice – Gongo Aso, Street Credibility; MI – Safe

I'm old-school. That's quality music there!

PGI: Love Gongo Aso! And Street Cred! I sang Street Cred in the shower just last week.

Your 15-year old niece is going out on a date for the first time. You can only say one word to her, what would it be?

TE: No Kissing!

PGI: Hahaha! Aunty Tega, that's two words!

What movie makes you cry all the time?

TE: The Fault in Our Stars – My favourite movie of all time. Even the book makes me cry. 

Imagine your best friend is a guy. He's getting married, he puts you in charge of his Bachelor's Eve planning. What type of party would you organize?

T.E: No strippers! We have to protect his wife's Interest, so let's give no room for temptation. But it’s definitely going to be a crazy party.

PGI: Shouldn't we have more women on Bach Eve Planning committees? Someone looking out for our interests *pensive*

“Can not blog without..."

T.E: The Internet..

The most embarrassing nickname you've ever had

None really, I’ve been lucky. I had really cute nicknames like "Sweet" because I was the sweetest baby ever, "Smilie" because I smiled all the time. Most of my friends call me "Mama", which I love also, because it gives me a sense of responsibility. I love to play mother hen, so the name suits me perfectly.

If you were a guy, what would be your signature pick-up line?

"You’re a real gift, you’d give my life a lift" I don’t know if this should be considered a pick up line but it sounds pretty good to me.

This line is from the MTN Sunshine advert, I loved it back then, still do. It stuck ever since and gives me goosebumps all the time (I actually just watched it on YouTube again for the billionth time). For a long time I hope to have a man as romantic as Jerry in my life. *laughs*

PGI: I remember that ad! "Oh Jerry...tantantatatararan MTN everywhere you go!" 

Nails are currently colored…….?

T.E : No color. I admire cute long Manicures on other girls but my nails are too soft, after a week it starts to get green. Taking the nails off is too painful, and I always end up hurting myself. If I decide to polish them directly, they start turning green in 2 days and start peeling off. The struggle is real!  So, I have my nails bare most of the time except on special occasions like my birthday. That’s the only time I actually got my nails fixed in 2016! 

Truth or Dare?

TE: It depends. If I'm playing with crazy people, I respect myself and choose "Truth".  Otherwise, "Dare"- and I make the rules before we start!

The most awesome thing about being Nigerian?

TE: Nigerians are loved. We’ve set a global standard for ourselves through our work and talent. When I tell people I am Nigerian, some people ask, "Do you know this comedian? – ooo I love him/her so much", or "I love this Nigerian music", or "I have a Nigerian friend that’s so nice to me". Then I smile and have that ‘I am proud to be Nigerian moment'.

PGI: Thanks for making us proud Nigerians with your work, Tega! 

Stop by Tega's blog today and binge-read! Have a great weekend!

Super Sheroes | The Ones We've Been Waiting For

When my nephew, Dabi visited last summer, I asked him for a blog post idea or theme, which I could develop and write on. Any topic, I said. Just say the word. I'd be all over it like a rash- a pretty rash. If right now you are thinking, "She doesn't know what she's getting herself into"... You aren't too far from what's coming.

Dabi looked up from his bowl of chocolate cereal, fixed his eyes on me and said, "Ummm, write about....... superheroes," then he lifted a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, crunching away at those choc puffs, head swinging from side to side to some imaginary music. I stared blankly at him. Seriously? I thought. Next to his cereal bowl was a copy of a DC batman comic: "Batman and Robin Take on Ice Man"... or something like that.

How convenient, Dabi.

"Ahem", I said,"Any other suggestions?"

"Nope!" He said. Crunch. Crunch.

Superheroes.

Superheroes.

I couldn't even believe this boy.

I plopped on my sofa and sought solace in my favorite run-away-from-your-challenges-lala-land- Instagram. 

Superheroes.

Then it hit me- not all at once, but it short spurts of sudden realizations- I actually knew a few superheroes myself! As I went through my Instagram page, there they were. With every thumb-swipe, they just kept showing up. I myself knew many superheroes and to make it even more special they were She's! It was like suddenly discovering that you had Wonder Woman, Natasha Romanova, Rogue, Storm, Jean Grey, Sue Storm-Richards, Jessica Jones, Kitty Pryde, all on your phone, on your instagram wall! Your timeline, swimming with all the amazing things they do daily. 

I had superheroes on my phone! *Scream!* *Happy scream*

Last summer, I got the blessed opportunity of stepping off the 700mph bloggers' train through out the month of September  and really got to watch people do their thing. If you have a favorite blogger, you should give him/her a cyber-bear hug. Like right now. They break their backs, write, edit, stand-sit-hang during long photo shoots, they tweet, IG, pin....everything— just to maintain that continuity we all admire.

These women, these fabulous girls, all kyrptonite-free, doing amazing things. 

To honor these women who blog, PGI will be starting the Super Sheroes series on Friday, the 3rd of February. The series will consist of quick, fun interviews with these women (it'll be like hanging out with your favorite blogger, hair down, in PJs with no chill, of course).

Some of them you know, some, new. Can not wait! I hope you enjoy this as much I intend to.

So Dabi, I accept your challenge! I am about to write about some of the SuperSheroes of my time...

And so it begins...

Why People May Begin To Avoid Bloggers Like They Do Their Weird Uncle Fred

Conversation between my  friend and I

Friend: So...I like this girl (sends me photo of girl)

Me: Really?!!! Cool. I know her! She's a blogger too.

Me: Slide into her dm, quickly!

Friend: Right, so she can take a screen-shot of my "sliding in" and blog about it.

Me: *laughing hysterically* How can you even say that? We have some filter! We don't blog about everything!

Friend: Yes, you do. You guys blog about everything!

Me: *pensive* You are right. We do. A little.  I'm so blogging about this conversation.

Friend: *laughs* You see...

I know *covering my face*. I didn't want to blog about it, because I'd be validating his very specious, yet very true opinion about bloggers. Still, our conversation relayed to me an important message: People may actually start to avoid bloggers because we keep open diaries accessible by the World Wide Web.

This conversation had me pondering (and stuff happens when I ponder, just letting you know). So the questions began to come; are people more careful around me now because I'm a blogger? Am I suddenly this predatory creature who stalks innocent by-standers and friends for blog posts? Would I eventually be avoided by my friends at events and end up sitting next to their weird Uncle Fred at the reserved people-I-really-want-to-avoid guest table? Should I write about everything I see, hear, feel, taste? Is everything I experience "bloggable"? Where do I draw the line with my blog material and even on social media shareables in general?

Social media was created as a platform to share our opinions and experiences, while simultaneously benefiting from the opinions and experiences of others. Fact: it's completely up to us what we choose to share. However, I just discovered this new thing I call the Social Media Sharing Discernment Filter (SMSDF) or simply, The Discernment Filter (DF), which basically is an awareness of knowing our motives for sharing and having a clear understanding of what to share and what to keep. 

You know those times when you are ready to post something, but you take another look at it and delete; or those times when you just want to hide under the covers with a photo or experience you recorded and you just stare and grin at it, and of course, you know the others that you just have to share with the world because you know it'll help or make someone smile. That's you exercising DF, right there, so it's not particularly novel. 

It boils down to this: why do we share experiences and publish anyway? What's the motive? Whatever it is, whether it's to share our privileges and experiences with the world, or to encourage others or make them smile or to make sport of a guy in love. It's important that our motives are in line with our values and we are sensitive to the feelings of other people, as well as sensitive to the apparent beauty of privacy(post for another day). 

Right, so more questions: Should we publish everything we consider shareable? Probably not, but that's completely up to the user. Should my blogger-friend make a screen-shot of her slide-in? Maybe. Maybe not. Some slide-ins though. Epic. LOL! I should share, but I'm exercising D.F. Hehe. Should my friend slide in, regardless? Yes! Don't let social media screen-shots and memes frighten you into not taking a chance. Take that chance!

If all goes well, and my friend slides in and D.F is employed, I just might be attending a wedding soon. If screen-shots are taken, however and D.F takes the backseat, well, that would be one more blogger ushering us to sit next to weird Uncle Fred at the people-we-really-want-to-avoid guest table. It's a cold, cold, dark place.

What are your thoughts? I'd really love to know. Are there times you keep some memories to and for yourself? Are you an avid sharer and think a filter is unecessary?

P.s: Special Thanks to my friend who permitted me to use our conversation in this post!