Pillow Talk | Foreplay's Afterplay

For ages, we couldn't get anyone to stop talking about the importance of foreplay because there was proof that it genuinely improved sexual experience- all that kissing and touching gets your heart racing and giddy, works up that apetite and primes your neighbors for the uncomfortable noises that follow.

Now it seems we maybe equally unable to keep anyone quiet about another step...pillow talk!

Pillow talk has been proven to save marriages and prolong life. I joke not.

What is pillow talk? According to the Cambridge dictionary, pillow talk is defined as a conversation between sexual partners in bed.

How easy is that? Just talk to each other right after! Well, these days, most people find out there is a third member involved in their sexual experience, preventing these intimate chats--cell phones. Hey, Instastories! 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but picking up your phone right after scoring, is not the most ideal way to build a romantically functional relationship. Does anyone say "scoring" anymore? Yes. Me.

According to Psychology Today, the acceptable process for any action that can be described as sex, should follow the following sequence: foreplay, penetration, intercourse, orgasm, pillow talk, maybe sleep. Usually in that order, no steps skipped and no cell phones, otherwise, what are you doing?

Each step is uniquely important, but pillow talk is now being researched extensively, as the importance of post-coital communication comes to light.

This study shows that people who pillow-talked after sex felt more secure and were happier. The average time for this effect was 15 minutes of pillow talk. The study showed also that if the time exceeded 15 minutes there was a even higher level of trust, security and relationship satisfaction reported. 

What's the science behind pillow talking? 

According to Professor Denn of the University of Connecticut, oxytocin, our favorite hormone (for obvious reasons) plays a huge role in facilitating pillow talk. Oxytocin is released when orgasm occurs (hence, obvious reason) and is known to trigger pro-social behaviors, making us happy and chatty, which most often results in pillow talk. Note, men are generally less chatty because testosterone dampens the effect of oxytocin but I can guarantee they will be more than happy to have pillow talks that are about more sex. Those crazy Martians. Tsk.

It's definitely worth noting that alcohol consumption also dampens the effect of oxytocin. It's like the ultimate anti-cuddle factor; so take it easy on the wine before sex. More pillow talk inhibitors are Instagram, sleep and kids... Side eye at all three. Kidding, love the kids. Nonetheless, they have to respect cuddle time.

So orgasm, check. Oxytocin, check. Pillow talk, check. Pillow talk is an important step. It should not be replaced by sleep or phone prodding. It improves relationships significantly because it's a rare form of intimate communication, which blends vulnerability in with trust and happiness. It leads to closeness, trust and relationship satisfaction, thanks to oxytocin, our bestie.

So instead of reaching over for your phone, let it charge for an extra 20 minutes. Let oxytocin do its work, Snapchat can wait. 

What are your thoughts on pillow talk? I'd really love to know! 

How Does my Zumba Instructor Keep a Straight Face?

My Zumba instructor is the epitome of self-control. It's a mystery to me how she leads and coordinates a group of dancing adults with a straight face. I am the star of my Zumba class, of course. I steal the instructor's attention with my moves. I feel everyone staring at me because of these same moves. I also confuse the entire class with these very same moves. Haha! Yup, I'm that person in your Zumba class that makes your head spin; I turn left when everyone is turning right and I do the feet-shuffle thing to keep up with the pace and direction, true, I skip some steps and replace them with others, "I make my moves up as I go", yo.

Halfway through class, we face the wall-long mirror and quite frankly, this part is like a horror movie. Chalky-on-Elm-Street Horror. I try not to look at myself in the mirror but that's what it's for, I guess, to stare at yourself, as you dance like a drunken elf. I've made my peace. I look, I note what needs improvement and I'm working on them. 

My instructor is great, although I'm certain that whenever we leave, she walks over to her water bottle takes a mouth full of water and just as she's about to swallow, remembers us and bursts out laughing, spraying the mirror with all the water in her mouth. Haha! She's sweet though, really holds her amusement in. I'd fall over laughing, if I taught Zumba.

The good thing is that she laughs at herself when she makes mistakes too. She asked me to suggest Nigerian songs we could dance to. Any ideas? I was thinking D'banj's "Breaking News"? What do you think?

I love Zumba and I can't wait for the next class!

While I won't be making class captain anytime soon, I'm very determined to be the very best Zumba student in the world, in my area code, in my entire home.

I'll keep you updated.

Do you take any fitness/dance classes? Do you do Zumba? Any tips? Nigerian songs? Do you have a show-stopper like me in your class?

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Mindful Living- The Invisible Gorilla

If a gorilla moved into our home and sat at our dinner table every night- honestly, chances are that I may not notice, might even make him tea. Maybe on Sunday morning when it gets into the car with us as we head out to church, I might eventually notice— at which point, I'd scream until the entire city wakes and then insist respectfully that it take bus.

Thankfully, no gorillas have made it past the front door (at least, I don't think so), though we'll never know. Many times I realize I miss things happening around me because I'm so busy and absorbed into my routine that I really don't notice important and even sometimes, not-so-important things (which have a way of suddenly becoming important).

If you are like me, prepare to be pacified.

In this video, psychologists perform a test to analyze the intuition and minds of observers. The experiment involves an actual gorilla and they go on to prove that the human intuition sees what it expects to see and misses a whole lot of incidents while we focus on tasks at hand. We just aren't particularly mindful about our activities as human beings. [Remember when we talked about apes taking over the world because human aren't paying attention?]

The world is moving so fast, if I didn't know better I'd think it was spinning off its axis and everything was moving at 16x fast forward. It's important to take breathers, like I suggested to Charly once. Mindful living is in, guys. We have to do things deliberately and consciously.

We have to constantly be in a "Earth-to-*insert your name*" state-of-mind; aware that our tasks, the ones we love on and have around are worthy of our attention.

In all things be mindful:

Mindful eating(chew slow);

Mindful sex (hey!);

Mindful loving;

Mindful dates (let your phone kiss the table);

Mindful worship (high-five, God);

Mindful driving (buh-bye Pokémon);

Mindful chilling with your family;

Mindful voting (Aye, Americans);

Mindful spending (or risk a lean piggy bank)

Mindful working (put your mind and back into it)

Mindful speaking (every word is a gift)

Mindful writing;

Mindful socializing;

Mindful everything! Let's watch that gorilla try and break in with all that mindfulness.

 What would you like to be more mindful in? Would love to know your thoughts. If it's mindful sex, just nod where you are, we see ya!

Blogged sitting on Ed's lap, recovering from a cold. Sniff. Wait, is that a gorilla?!

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4 Things No one tells you about a Pap Smear

Quick one, before we get carried away—you need to get a pap smear if you are over the age of 21 and sexually active. There are two words in your entire existence that should never appear next to your name on a form—“cancer” and “hell”. For the latter, i feel like heaven has forms, filed in cabinets with bright colored page makers and bahhh….back to pap smears (watch me resist digressing today).

Pap smears are very important, they help to examine the health of the cervix and to screen for cellular change that may occur from the presence of Human Papillomavirus (HPV), a nuisance of a virus, known to cause cervical cancer. Pap smears are very accurate and reduce cervical cancer rates and mortality by 80%.

Fun fact: the pap smear was discovered by a man with the most upbeat name i’ve ever heard—Georgios Papanikolaou.

Many people are bothered by the fact that a face and a pair of hands are in between their spread legs during a pap smear- this really is the least of my concerns, my main concerns are listed below:

Ike’s main concerns about pap smears

• That i look a little like Spider-Man in a pastel-colored ward gown. You have to scoot down to the end of the examination table, while balancing your feet in stirrups
• That even 5 hours after, you find yourself asking "What the heck just happened down there, seriously?" Feels like a parade just walked through! (ok I'm exaggerating....but I really am not *straight face*)
• That you begin to wonder if the gynecologist can read your sex life pattern from being down there *blink* somewhat like reading palms
• That you can’t see what the doctor is actually doing, could be taking a selfie with your….*overactive mind alert*.

I’m sure you don’t have these thoughts, not unless you have an overactive mind like me, in which case, we should meet and discuss the probability of these concerns. Lol.

4 tips on how to prepare and get through a pap smear

Glad tidings, Pap smears are very brief. Here are 4 tips on how to prepare and get through unscathed-relatively unscathed.

• Avoid sex, douching and spermicides the day before
• Get a wax or go in Lioness style, completely up to you
• Take a deep breath and relax; try not to think about the pokes and scrapes
• Say the word “Papanikolaou” about 20 times, you should be done on the 18th count!

Phew! Not so bad, huh? Goodluck with experiencing "the parade" feeling for the next 5 hours!
Seriously though, you need to get a pap smear, please!

Have you had your routine check up this year? Any experiences? Tell me you have at least one of these thoughts? Let’s discuss!

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Are you playing Ringer-a-ringer o'roses at the gym?

It turns out that I've been going to the gym to play ringer-a-ringer o'roses. 2-3 times a week I'd show up in my gym gear, my music blaring from my head phones, pumped and ready to go. I'd do some cardio and some strength building exercises for about 35 minutes and then kiss my biceps (like all gymnasts do) and head home.

Anyway, recently i realized that i've been doing close to nothing at the gym. I had a one-on-one session with an instructor who chatted with me about my physical training needs, took me on a tour of my gym and made work, work, work (3x). I was certain I would pass out at some point. Apparently, I hadn't been pushing myself as far as I should have. I was giving it my best -the best by my standards, which in serious gym people world is equal to ringer-a-ringer o'roses (I just learnt how to spell this, hehe).

My point is, though, you need to get the most out of your workout experience.

As with everything in life, you should have actual, achievable goals, in this case, fitness goals and build your work-out routine around these. It didn't occur to me that I needed goals until I chatted with this instructor. 

Consider performing a fitness evaluation and speaking with a trainer about your needs. Remember to set your fitness goals; realistic, achievable, challenging goals. Also remember to have the right music playing and to get some other soft motivations too like gym crushes and motivation partners (wink).

Disclaimer: Soft motivations are for single people only. If you are in a relationship, bae is your soft motivation. Studies show couples who work out together attain their fitness goals like that...BAM!!!

Have you set your fitness goals? Any soft motivations? Grin.

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Why You should go dancing this weekend

It's Friday, Monday's desirable cousin! What to do? Umm. Go dancing, of course. Here are 3 reasons why you should:

#1 Dancing promotes physical fitness and is a great from of aerobic exercise. Personally, it's my go-to on those days of full-fledged gym truancy (which are usually during the weekends). I turn on the TV or listen to an upbeat playlist using my headphones and dance, works like a charm.....on a treadmill.....going at 8 miles per hour.

#2 Dancing as a frequent activity is also associated with self-confidence which, you'll need on Monday morning....and really every other day....but those Monday mornings, especially. They need all the help they can get.

#3 Dancing makes you smarter by increasing the number of neural pathways in your brain and who wouldn't want that! A study shows that dancing protects against dementia, improves cognitive acuity and optimizes the use of intelligence during decision-making.  After reading that, I would often remind myself to break into a dance randomly. The trick though, is to be creative with it, according to this article by Richard Powers of Stanford University.

If you don't feel like leaving your home, all you need to do is dance along to a music video or your favorite playlist. I have a video of myself dancing to Psquare's Shekini lol. It's not flattering but it sure built up those pathways, made me feel better about skipping the gym that day and probably boosted in me some self-confidence! 

Are you a dance-enthusiast? How often do you dance? Are you dancing this weekend?

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Do You Practice any of these 5 Eating Habits?

Apparently, you are not only what you eat, you are also how you eat. Sometimes, i wonder what all the fuss is about with eating healthy, exercising and why my Fitbit nags me all the time. I'd like to be left alone on a raft with an endless supply of food! Then i remember my health goals for 87, which is to be a hot granny! Who is with me? Here are 5 eating habits that promote healthy lifestyles. Do you already practice any of these habits? If you do, please share below!

1. Chewing slowly

Are you the last to finish at the dinner table because you chew like a snail? Apparently, it's a great habit!

Studies show that chewing slowly has tremendous health benefits. It helps to relieve stress, to maintain a healthy weight and to maximize caloric consumption! Chewing properly also takes the pressure off your gastrointestinal tract (GIT) during digestion. This is because well-masticated food digests easier and promotes GIT health.

2. The Apple test

If you already do this, you are probably on your path to several clean bills of health!

Recently, I discovered that asking myself if I'm hungry before opening the fridge might be the key to healthier eating. Eating is a response to hunger, not a hobby (this I discovered, much to my distress, sigh. Lol). Hunger and satisfaction are regulated by a mechanism in the brain, located in the hypothalamus. Excessive eating murks up this feedback process and at a point it's hard to tell if you are hungry or satiated. To know if you are hungry, ask yourself if you'd like an apple. If the answer is No, chances are that you aren't hungry. (Healthy snacks such as nuts and fruits help to manage hunger during the day in between meals)

3. Developing healthy eating habits while young

Young. Bet you are past that category, huh? According to a study at Stanford University, the most effective diets and eating habits are diets which begin when you are young. Evidence shows that developing healthy eating habits at a young age helps to increase life expectancy! This would include eating a balanced diet complete with fibers and loads of water and reduced carbonated drinks. Also see #6. Why didn't anyone tell me this years ago? Does it still count at my age? I'm young, right? In my opinion, it's never too late to begin!

4. Savoring your food  

Do you take your time with your meals, consciously acknowledging all the explosive flavors that occur in your mouth? 

Savoring your meals boosts your mood and helps to regulate your food portions. When we eat, our senses come alive and savoring the experience helps the brain to store it as a memory. This stored memory helps to manage portion control and binge-eating. It's the voice that tells you, 'You just ate...20 minutes ago. Ahem.'

5. Reducing TV-dinner time combo

Watching TV while eating might be killing 2 birds with the same stone; it might also be getting you progressively unhealthy. This report from Havard, shows that being distracted while eating increases food portions, which leads to weight gain and subsequently results in obesity .

Another study shows that when the event of eating is associated with the event of TV watching, then every time you switch on the TV, your brain thinks it's time to eat! This is known as habituation, the TV becomes a stimulus to the hunger center in your brain(same as in #2), which leads to overeating, an increase in caloric intake and subsequent weight gain. This is so true, we haven't used our dining table in like 2 weeks! I also find myself planning multiple snack times in my mind once I switch on the Tv! Hehe. I definitely have to dissociate those two activities. 

Do you think up multi-snack opportunities while you watch TV too? Do you already practice any of these habits?  

P.s I found the remote by the way! Spring cleaning rocks! 

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Gym Hack: The Boy at the Gym

What motivates you to go to the gym? For me, I think it's Ed and mainly guilty conscience for eating all that moist, delish Thai curry with Basmati rice and not applying any portion control methods. Actually, I do portion control but with jara*. *Blush*

For my friend, her motivation to get those running shoes on and head to the gym is a guy. Hmmm. Wink. Wink. It gets better, he's a celebrity. It gets better still, he's single....we think. Come to think of it, what if he isn't?! We don't care, that's not what we need him for.

So my friend says they keep having all those flirty eye-locks in the gym mirror. Dear single celebrity guy, thanks for inspiring my friend to hit the gym and giving her the eye. We know your workout schedule and have neatly carved her workout days around yours. She's not hoping for anything more than your cooperation in helping her attain her fitness goals by staring at her. Just staring at her.
Studies suggest that the presence of the opposite sex during workouts motivate women to work out even more, even though it's also reported that women feel a lot more self conscious in a mixed gym; but we are working with the first part, thanks studies.
It's a short-term motivational plan but it's getting the work done and she's on her way to being super fit!

Honestly, it doesn't even matter what it takes to maintain an active lifestyle; guilty conscience, celebrity Adonis', your local Justin Beiber, your significant other, just do it!. You don't have to go to the gym to be fit either. You can work out at home with videos and fitness blogs!
What gets you to the gym? What keeps you on your grind in there?

*jara- Nigerian slang for 'a little extra'

Thanks, Busola for letting me use your gist here. Muah!

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