Mary’s Story: Script Flip

If you’ve ever been pregnant, or if you ever read that pamphlet your doctor gave you on that awkward day in front of your parents, you’d know that pregnancy is pretty much contingent on the Law of Cause and Effect. There’s just no other way. If perchance you are with child, then only you, God and Billy know what you have been up to.

There was one woman who did not obey this law, however, her name was Mary. She was not about this law at all. She defied probably every obstetrics/gynecology principle ever known to medicine. Many have tried to claim this same scientific defiance as the reason for their own mysterious pregnancies but ahem, c’mon…there’s always a Billy in there somewhere.

Mary was a virgin, promised in marriage to a carpenter called Joe. There was no cause in that relationship, but she got a fine load of effect. She is visited by an angel who tells her she will have a son as a virgin. 

Fast forward to present-day, everyone loves Mary; she was pure and chosen. She is always portrayed as this obedient, dove-like, scarfed woman with a modest look on her face in bible stories.

 No one ever stops and asks,“Did Mary have set life-plans and goals when Angel Gabriel showed up?”

Newsflash, she actually had plans. She really did. She wasn't just lying around waiting for her uterus to house“the One” who Isaiah prophesied about. She had plans! Plans to marry Joe. Wedding plans; the dress; vendor drama: Titus, the photographer, Marina, the cake sculptor; would she carry a bouquet of orchids or lilies? She had plans to build a home. Five-bedrooms or four? Minimalist or strewn with rustic mediterranean sculptures?! She had plans to have kids. Twin girls, then twin boys? Maybe triplets? She probably knew their names in her head. She probably had career goals too. Start-up or 9 to 5? 

Then comes Gabriel with a message from God—a plan from God. A very, very unusual plan. The ultimate flip-the-script-of-my-life plan! A meek and obedient virgin she was, but you must be kidding if you think she didn’t mull this new plan over in her mind. Her mind could very well have exploded with this ludicrous plan, thoughts colliding in her head...

“This plan may cause Joe to dump you like a hot potato,”

"Start up suspended for now."

"Do they sell maternity wedding dresses in Nazareth? *Gasp!* Will there even be a wedding?!"

“Your star-virgin reputation will surely be drenched in gutter goo now.”

“Amara and Dorcas will never believe”,

“Oh, yeah. Your first kid with Joe, who you dreamt about meeting all your life isn't going to be your first kid after all"

"Mae, you had carefully selected the name Michael-John-Scott-Afolarin as your baby’s first four names but that won't fly. His name is to be called Jesus.”

On a grander scale, another thought must have loomed, in the shadow of which the other thoughts would have paled: 

"This is a suicide mission."

According to Jewish law, a  woman who is pledged to a man, and then steps out on him, visits some Billy’s tent and gets pregnant will surely be stoned. Joe had every right to have her stoned.

She must have thought about these things. The Bible doesn't describe the internal struggle, still, I bet it was there. But she did it anyway. She humbly accepted God's will and suspended hers- a remarkable show of faith in the unseen. 

She laid aside her plans to be used by God. Interestingly, she wasn’t only a portal through which the savior was born, but she followed through on Jesus. She raised him(she could have abandoned him under a bridge and gotten on with life), but she was there throughout his life, even at calvary, she was there at the cross. She didn’t abandon this divine project. She laid aside her life and plans to be used for the project of salvation.

I don’t know about you but I’ve had plans and preferences since I was 2 years old. 18 months, actually.

However, God has a plan too; he’s had it for ages—before the foundations of the earth were created, he's had a plan. He offers it to me all the time but I stare at my own highlighted, segmented, neat blueprints, and many, many times I say through my actions, “God, your blueprints make no sense to me. They aren’t even blue! I can’t. Sorry. Shoo, Gabriel!”

I have fixed my ways.

His plan is always unique…and a little weird. That's what makes it so intriguing and perfect.  Don't try and understand it. If Mary and Joseph tried to understand, they’d have gone crazy. Trust in God’s plan; if it isn't weird, something is off. If it isn’t crazy; if it doesn’t defy the Law of Cause and Effect; if it doesn’t require faith; if it doesn’t make people mock and despise you, then bleh, clearly then it’s your plan. Ditch that, take on God’s plan. Trust in the unseen! You won't regret it.

How are your life plans coming along? Have you considered God's plans too?

Salome’s Story | The Flash-In-The Pan Performer

Imagine that fine day in Jerusalem, you and I are at Herod’s party sipping our glasses of Pinot Noir, as we gobble up our array of Mediterranean-style cuisine. Everything is going great- it's Herod's birthday, the food is being wheeled in by the second, the drinks flowing, music playing, John the Baptist is in the dungeons below, but still everything is going well.

A dance performance is announced by a colorfully dressed servant. Herod’s niece and step-daughter, Salome, appears on the center stage. We are stunned by her excellent dance techniques, standing on her toes one minute and her elbows the next, twirling her flaming hulla hoops, all with the vigor of Beyoncé and the stretchiness of Ciara, spinning, transitioning into some ballet-krunk footwork; throws in some moonwalking into that medley.

We are all fascinated by her superior motor skills, of course.

The King, himself, is visibly impressed, red in the face, eyes glassy with pride and lips wide in a smile. He's also probably a little drunk, and his next proposition gives some evidence to this.

“Ask me for anything”, His voice thunders, all at once offering everything and nothing at the same time.

All heads turn to look at him and back at her. The whole room is silent, so much that we could hear a pin drop.

“Go ahead. Ask away! I'll give you up to half of my kingdom. Just ask!”

The girl is shocked. She had skills, she knew, but to be rewarded with half of the kingdom! We sip our wines, wide eyed and expectant. What would she say? This girl could be our queen by nightfall, depending on our postal codes.

Sip.

Everyone’s breath is held.

No one speaks.

We only hear our thumping hearts and the labored breathing of the dancing girl catching her breath from the activity and now this proposition!

She doesn't know what to say. Eventually she manages,“Please give me some time to make my decision.”

Smart woman.

She retreats to her mother's side.

The silence erupts into murmurs. We are excited and mildly terrified. Our political system now sat in the balance with this inexperienced girl up for Queen, no thanks to our mildly intoxicated king and this girl’s superior stanky leg dance moves.

What did this mean for us?

Would she increase taxes?

Would she subsidize our donkey hay?

Would we have more public holidays?

Would we have Monday's off? 

She returns.

The murmurs quieten; with the look on her face, we are certain she has decided to be queen of half of the kingdom and the issue of donkey subsidies would be debatable.

“I want the head of John the Baptist on a platter?” She sounds unsure and looks at her mother, who nods slowly. 

Our blank stares are epic. Your mouth is wide open. I push up your jaw and close your mouth shut. The hall erupts in chaos.

She can’t be serious! John?!

First, John is such a cool guy! Who'd want to kill him? The only reason he was in prison was because Herodias* wanted him there but also, the king loved to visit him in prison, hang out and ask him questions that puzzled him.

We all love John! Well, not all of us, but most. What was this child saying?

The king is distraught, hey, but his word is his word, whether under the influence or not. So a few moments later, John’s head is on a platter.

The end.

Head. Platter. End of party.

The most intriguing and disturbing part about this occurrence is that Salome could have asked for anything. ANYTHING; but she asked for something that held no meaning or value after 2 minutes. I get what they were going for-- some drama, some intrigue, some lip-trembling theatre and they achieved this for about 15 seconds, but the moment they cut his head off, the value of that head decreased by 1000% - and that was how Salome never became anything greater than a flash-in-the-pan dancer, forever lost to obscurity because she asked the wrong person for advice. She could have been queen. A renowned dancer. A warrior, maybe. A Queen-warrior-dancer but no, she had to ask for advice from some woman who was past her prime and buried in bitterness, a woman who lacked judgement.

The women in this story are just plain sad. They really could have been something, maybe Queen and Queen-Mother. Two weeks after, they were still Heroidas and Salome who depended on Herod for money to buy earrings and ankle bracelets. Hurrah, at least they still had the rotting head on their dresser. A few years later, Herod died, and with him probably died their livelihood. Tsk. 

In life, we get the opportunity to become what we were destined to be; this very important moment presents itself to everyone and is dependent on two things: time and chance. 

It all aligned for Salome that day, the entire universe aligned, breaths were held, the silence throbbed. All she had to say was "Half." 

She didn't.

She took the wrong advice. Seek out your counsel wisely, there are so many influences out there. Seek out the right influences and advice cautiously, think it all through. Weed out your Herodias and watch the universe align as you walk into your destiny.

Sipping that Pinot.

What are your thoughts? 

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*[Quick backdrop, Herodias got married to Herod, her brother-in-law and moved into the palace with her daughter, Salome. John, the Baptist called them out and said it wasn't lawful for them to be married and found it eeky. Herodias held a grudge against him because of this and when the opportunity arose, she asked Salome to have him beheaded]

The Queen of Sheba | In Pursuit of Wisdom and The Ladies' Man

In my books, the top 3 fashionistas of the Bible, would have to be The Queen of Sheba, Queen Vashti and maybe, the virtuous woman, maybe. The Queen of Sheba (QoSheba) has my vote as number one.

In my children's bible, she rode into Jerusalem on this magnificent elephant draped with Persian rugs; jewelry dangled from the elepahant's large ears and a huge jewel sat between its eyes. She, of course, was fabulously beautiful. She sat in a shaded carriage on the back of the elephant, her shady, ebony skin peeked from underneath a long, gold, silk dress, her neck was wrapped in a gold neck piece that sat just above her clavicles. Hair was endless, nails coated, lashes for days. Wrist, arm and ankles clasped in gold cuffs, huge hazel eyes peered from behind the gold frills of a sheer veil. The Bible's number one stunner—or so she thought, until she met Solomon.

I've been a little obsessed with the Queen of Sheba in the last few weeks. I love her story because it is unique and because I'm very much in her shoes right now (I'll get to that later). She's my Bible crush these days because she did a remarkable thing and because of that got her name into the most read book on the planet.

But first, my personal thoughts about her, I think the Queen of Sheba was a hater— beautiful and stylish—but a hater, nonetheless. 

It's recorded that she traveled a great distance to test Solomon with hard questions. She wasn't going as a fan, she wasn't going to hang out with the coolest king on the planet, she wasn't going for a snapchat-story or so she could tweet about it. It seems this queen was coming to Solomon to debunk this larger-than-life reputation of his. Uhh..feisty. 

Note, she was traveling on an animal, which is no Bugatti. Travel time must have been months or even years. She was coming to see who this Solomon-guy was. Wisest man her foot. 

I imagine her rolling her eyes when her courtiers talked about Solomon and how awesome he was and the splendor of his palace, his city, his servants, his clothes, his God— his God had given him so much peace, even the most violent kings loved him. His food, his chefs, his gardens. Oh...and when he spoke...all the court maidens swooned and the girls couldn't keep their hands to themselves.

"I heard he is the wisest person that ever walked the earth!" Her court gossip-blogger would have said with twinkling eyes,"I also heard...he's dating 700 women...all at the same time! And his 300 wives know!" This was probably the moment the Queen of Sheba said, "You know what, I can't...I'm going to meet this guy you're all talking about, 1000 women! Yeah, right! And they all know?! Unbelievable." 

She got to work with her "philosophers" and "wise men", did some research and came up with some difficult questions for Solomon, which must have taken time and considerable effort. 

Her plan: She'd ride into his city, find at least 1 fault, stun him with her questions and leave. So girlfriend got on a horse, donkey, elephant, something, and began her journey.

Her entourage was unmatched. She traveled in style. She was there to impress, her defenses were probably up, so she didn't become Girl #1001. When she got there, it turned out all she had heard was a lie and that his kingdom was even more awesome than described! Even his servants looked great! Everything was functional, hinged on the wisdom God had given Solomon for administration and governance and she was so impressed that she praised HIS God. She couldn't help it! 

Even though she may have started out planning to test this wisdom, she later opened up to Solomon. She chose to be vulnerable and asked him some personal questions that she needed answers to. He answered those as well! I think at that point she became even more beautiful to me.

QoSheba made it into the Bible because she sought out wisdom. She could have stayed back in good ol' Sheba, gotten a manicure and chewed on red grapes and we would never have heard about her . I love that she saw the value of wisdom, and put in quite the effort to uncover it. 

Whether or not she was a hater initially, it doesn't change the fact that she traveled thousands of miles to see Solomon, to hear this man who everyone talked about and to witness the awesomeness of his God. She stopped being a hater (hating is so pre-historic-era anyway) and honored God by giving him praise for Solomon's success. It take a whole lot of character to thank God for another's success. I just love this girl. 

This journey was life-changing for her. It must have changed the way she thought, the way she governed, even the way she would choose her King (if she didn't have one already). She left Jerusalem with so much stuff, treasure, gold, I-love-Jerusalem T-shirts, precious stones. It's recorded that Solomon gave her everything she asked for. That's the thing about wisdom, if you seek it and treasure it, it will give you riches, that's in Proverbs 3: 13-16. I'm not making this up! An encounter with God's wisdom changes everything!

This season, I have so many questions I'd like answers to—just like QoSheba— hard questions; I have to make decisions that require the application of wisdom. Do you have some too? Some funky dilemma getting you down? You need to choose between Richard or Debo; or both Joyce and Temi were your Valentine's, you just couldn't decide; or you need to choose between two job offers, or three schools or you just need direction in a situation. Instead of traveling to see some wise man these days, all we need to do is ask for wisdom for ourselves, so we can make better decisions. We need to see the value of wisdom like the Queen of Sheba did, then ask for it.

Just ask him for wisdom. He knows the outcome of every choice. Still your troubled mind and ask.

If you ask, you will receive.

What are your thoughts? Wasn't the Queen of Sheba everything?! By the way the BBC thinks the Queen of Sheba may have been Nigerian! Read here!

If you know this could help someone, please share!

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Cover Art by the wonderful Nigerian artist, Ruthie Akuchie! This Queen of Sheba piece was one of the 29 art pieces painted in 28 days to honor black, female leaders Ruthie's inspired by, honoring the Black History Month. Read her feature  here!

4 Things No one tells you about a Pap Smear

Quick one, before we get carried away—you need to get a pap smear if you are over the age of 21 and sexually active. There are two words in your entire existence that should never appear next to your name on a form—“cancer” and “hell”. For the latter, i feel like heaven has forms, filed in cabinets with bright colored page makers and bahhh….back to pap smears (watch me resist digressing today).

Pap smears are very important, they help to examine the health of the cervix and to screen for cellular change that may occur from the presence of Human Papillomavirus (HPV), a nuisance of a virus, known to cause cervical cancer. Pap smears are very accurate and reduce cervical cancer rates and mortality by 80%.

Fun fact: the pap smear was discovered by a man with the most upbeat name i’ve ever heard—Georgios Papanikolaou.

Many people are bothered by the fact that a face and a pair of hands are in between their spread legs during a pap smear- this really is the least of my concerns, my main concerns are listed below:

Ike’s main concerns about pap smears

• That i look a little like Spider-Man in a pastel-colored ward gown. You have to scoot down to the end of the examination table, while balancing your feet in stirrups
• That even 5 hours after, you find yourself asking "What the heck just happened down there, seriously?" Feels like a parade just walked through! (ok I'm exaggerating....but I really am not *straight face*)
• That you begin to wonder if the gynecologist can read your sex life pattern from being down there *blink* somewhat like reading palms
• That you can’t see what the doctor is actually doing, could be taking a selfie with your….*overactive mind alert*.

I’m sure you don’t have these thoughts, not unless you have an overactive mind like me, in which case, we should meet and discuss the probability of these concerns. Lol.

4 tips on how to prepare and get through a pap smear

Glad tidings, Pap smears are very brief. Here are 4 tips on how to prepare and get through unscathed-relatively unscathed.

• Avoid sex, douching and spermicides the day before
• Get a wax or go in Lioness style, completely up to you
• Take a deep breath and relax; try not to think about the pokes and scrapes
• Say the word “Papanikolaou” about 20 times, you should be done on the 18th count!

Phew! Not so bad, huh? Goodluck with experiencing "the parade" feeling for the next 5 hours!
Seriously though, you need to get a pap smear, please!

Have you had your routine check up this year? Any experiences? Tell me you have at least one of these thoughts? Let’s discuss!

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Leah's Story | When your Dad sells you: Buy One, Get One Free

If you've ever seen the words "Repeat class" or "Retake course" on your report card, the realization of those words come with dramatic chest palpitations, a huge feeling of inadequacy, you lean on the wall to steady yourself and take quick successive breaths- if you are a drama queen.

However, what your teacher or course director is really trying to say is, "*insert your name*, you need to get 'IT'; you just have to get 'IT' before I can let you move on to the next level".

"IT", being the general gist and point of enrolling in this class in the first place.

I've repeated too many times to count now. Well, I've never actually repeated an academic class, but my life lesson classes, sometimes, are stuck on repeat. My 'forgiveness' class probably took 4 years to pass, with a D (aka room for improvement, mildly speaking).

Early in the year, a story caught my eye about a woman who just didn't get IT either and it took her a pretty long while to figure out what life lesson she was supposed to be learning. It was the story of Leah; the least-slaying girl in the bible (we'll get to that in a bit).

Leah was the third wheel in Jacob and Rachel's relationship. Leah was Rachel's older sister and was given to Jacob as a wife because in their culture, it wasn't cool for the older daughter to remain single, while her little sister ran in tall meadows and rolled around in the hay with the man of her dreams. It just wasn't allowed. So, her dad, Laban, tossed her as a surprise add-on into Jacob's cart. Talk about discounted merchandise. Imagine what that would have done to the poor girl's esteem!
Leah, by the way was not a hottie, it was clearly stated in the bible and when the bible denies you as a hottie, best believe. She wasn't slaying, was definitely not styling or fleeking or whatever. Basically, she was this girl that dad was really, really trying to get rid of; that Jacob did not want AT ALL; that her sister probably despised because she kind of stole her man and that girl whose esteem needed a little a lot of a ummph!

Here are some quick facts about this story: Jake had always been in love with Rachel; Rachel was also in love with Jake; Leah was in love with Jacob but no one cared. Really. No one. Not even me, not until last January when the true impact and relevance of this girl's story hit me right in the face.

Where were we? Yeah, no one cared, I imagine Jacob and Rachel running around a tree (or a cactus), carving their names into it and blushing at each other, then suddenly, Leah comes into the scene, looking for some carve-blush-love action, but that never happened. Rachel and Jake paid her no attention at all and Leah complained incessantly about it.

Then God noticed, that she was unloved! He actually noticed and because of that He gave her children. Why did He give her children? Was that supposed to make up for her love-cactus denial and love starvation? I've wondered about this since January. Then one day, I realized, He gave her the kids to teach her something; but what?

When Leah had the first baby, she thought to herself, 'Yay, Jake is so going to love me! *Sigh*! My initials will finally be carved into that cactus!'
Baby Rueben came, no one cared.
She got pregnant again, she thought, 'OK, this isn't a drill. He will love me this time!'
Baby Simeon came, crickets.
Then Baby Levi, nothing. No roses, no party, no blue stone of the Nile. Nothing. Just the same ol' crickets.
It was after this baby IT hit her! Jacob was never going to love her or her kids (in fact, it was later recorded that Jacob loved Joseph, Rachel's son, so much that he gave him the famous coat of many colors. He didn't love Leah's kids that much).

On Leah's delivery of her fourth child, she finally got what God was trying to teach her all along!
When her fourth son, Judah, came along, she said "This time, I will praise the Lord." When I read this scripture in January, for the first time, I initially thought she had given up hope on being loved by Jake but in actual fact, she had gotten IT! She got what God was trying to teach her. You see, God had been chasing after her maniacally! He wanted Leah. He chose Leah. He wanted her to turn her attention from pining for Jake's love. He wanted her to look and focus on him.  The unwanted, unpretty, third-wheel, non-slaying, add-on wife was being chased by the God of all things!

He chose her. I can't get over that! This has excited me for about 3 months now, that a person that people do not regard as important would be chosen by God.

“God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being may boast in the presence of God”

— 1 Cor 1:28 (ESV)

It took Leah 4 children, to understand that God was saying to her "Hey, darling, stop trying to get that guy to fall in love with you. Psst. Fall in love with me."

Sometimes we hear stories like this: "God is not giving them children because he wants their attention." And we think God is this mean, stingy person who only knows to withhold before he gives but that's not who he is! He gave Leah tons of children to get her attention! And then one day, Leah got IT; and from her, son, Judah came Jesus Christ, the Saviour of all mankind, 36 generations later.

The day we get IT, heaven begins to unwind the scrolls of our destinies.

Psst! Get IT. Fall in Love with Him!

I hope you enjoyed this post! If you know someone who might need it, please share!

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What's so Wrong with 'Woman on Top'?

I have written 4 separate drafts of this post, each at least 400 words long. In all of them, i sound a little crazed, and mildly temperamental. Lol. It's what happens when it occurs to me that in 2016, women are still fighting for rights. This post is void of all sentiments, which i've found is a great way to think clearly.

I have a question, what is so bothersome about a woman being in the same league as men?

This is a happy read, so put your guards down. For the people who thought this post was about sexual positions, sorry.

Women, we WILL get those rights, the right to make as much as men, to get the same educational and occupational opportunities, to own property, to speak freely. However, we all need to want these rights, not just some of us. Women are wonderful beings, but still in this age, solidarity still has to be preached to us! 

We are sentimental individuals and we are heavy on those emotions, right? We make a lot of our decisions based on how we feel, in addition to our skills and that's great! It's an amazing selling point for us. We bring intuition and human concern into board rooms and warmth into the lives of those around us but we also bring other negative emotions too, sometimes. These emotions are usually targeted at other women. I've been a recipient of some of these "emotions" from women i was subordinate to. Why? Maybe because i was young, sometimes older women dislike younger women; maybe because i had long, skinny legs. These were the reasons my friends gave me for my superiors' behaviors. To be honest, i would have given them those legs, if i could.  Lol.  Seriously though, we need to be more supportive of one another.

Men mentor one another, men help each other, men recommend one another for positions....even if they dislike the other person. Surveys and studies show all these. For women though, that's not how we roll. We backbite, gossip, snicker, bully each other and think a system will take us seriously? The rights start with us. We need to respect one another, value each others' rights and honor other women.

Men, empowering women does not mean you'll lose status or that we'll take over the world. Haha, if we wanted to take over the world, Eve would have eaten that fruit, all of it and given Adam nothing. She'd have made a smoothie and planned a flawless, instant world take-over, while Adam ran around with butterflies.

No human should have to beg for a better quality of life. Women shouldn't have to struggle to be as successful as any man. Success shouldn't be an unachievable luxury.

Being 'the man of the house', means that you protect, nurture and beautify the woman and not oppress her. You should decorate and honor her, encourage her to follow her dreams. Find a good balance for raising your kids. Don't blackmail her or make her feel bad for wanting more. Don't bully her to stroke your ego. That's distasteful (And distasteful isn't trending). Please, defend women in public and speak up, don't just be quiet and watch your sisters, nieces, wives, mothers struggle for rights that are theirs.

For the Christians who use the bible as an excuse to subjugate women, my peeps, Jesus Christ came to empower women. The woman with the constant period, yes, the society-reject who everyone 'eww-ed' at, he restored and reintegrated her into the community. Mary M, the most sultry girl out there, who was a prostitute, was his friend. He helped her choose a better life. He hung out with Mary and Martha. On the cross, in his pain and sorrow, he made living arrangements for his mum! Luke 8: 1-3 names women who gave Jesus money for his ministry; working women who financially empowered Jesus!  Then you say, women should not be empowered? Are you kidding me?!

Fix the problem, don't be the problem.

xx

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The Yoruba Demon-Angel Hybrid

In the post on Yoruba demons, we established that women are into bad boys. When My friend, Tee (who is a self- proclaimed Yoruba angel)  read the post, he protested! He felt like there was absolutely no hope for all the good boys out there. If girls are biologically programmed to fall in love with bad boys, then what hope exists for the good guys? Did it mean he had to become a bad boy? Did nature hate good guys? No Tee, you don't have to be a bad boy to get the girl. Nature doesn't hate you, on the contrary, it loves you!

From observation, i've noticed that the good boy actually sights the girl first, and the bad boy notices her, much, much later ( because the bad boy is too self-absorbed and is swimming already in a cascading stream of women). However, on the long run the girl ends up with the bad boy. Pray tell me why?!  If you were the first to see this beautiful girl, why would some other guy come along and whisk her away? Answer: Because good boys say nothing when they like a girl. Nothing. Nahda. This is from experience.

For all the good guys out there, who have lost the loves of their lives to a Yoruba demon, it's probably because you were taking your sweet time. Then science nails this baby on the head; a study shows that ...Argh.. I love science...a study by Michigan State University, shows that women would mostly choose the first man who approaches her. This is because women are risk averse and quite frankly we don't know when the next best guy will come along. So we abide by the bird-in-hand principle. If every good boy who spotted that girl first made the first move, think of all the happy couples that would be out there right now!

Nature apparently doesn't hate good guys by letting the bad guys get the girl. It, in fact gives everyone a fair chance. It especially gives good guys the upper hand with the first-come, first-speak, first-get rule. But like I said, the good boys shuffle their feet, put their hands behind their back, open their mouth and nothing comes out!

Girls fall for the bad boy because he's assertive, confident, exciting. Wouldn't it be great if we had an angel-demon hybrid who is actually fully angel but has the qualities that attract women to the bad boys; a loving, respectful, romantic, who remembers important dates and is also assertive, fun and makes the first move.

Of course, sometimes both a good guy and a bad guy make their move and she still picks the bad guy. Sigh. It's still about the excitement.

I remember one time I wanted to make this good-boy/bad-boy decision. I won't say who I chose but let's just say....I stumbled on a study to justify my actions. Watch this, you are going to love it.....and probably pass out from shock.

A study from the University of Virginia showed that people would rather put themselves in "harmful" situations than be bored. The subjects of this study were put in an empty room with absolutely nothing to do. The only thing available to them was a device with which they could electrocute themselves. After hours of being bored out of their skulls, the subjects were seen to administer small doses of electric shock to themselves! Best believe. People really, really, really, really hate being bored, which is exactly what girls think will happen when we end up in a relationship with a good guy.

So, if people would rather be electrocuted than bored, this implies and further strengthens the claim that women would really rather risk getting electrocuted by a bad guy than be in a mellow relationship.  (LoL! I can't help thinking about hairs on end and everyone looking like Doc from Back to the Future in that room)

So good boys, how about that hybrid?

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5 Ways to Stop her from Snooping around your Phone

Every morning you realize your phone battery reads 34%, you can't figure out why. Before you fell asleep the night before, there was at least 89% and charging. Now your phone is placed awkwardly, unplugged and your battery is a little lower than you'd hoped. Your gaze falls on her. It had to be her. She must have engaged in her nightly perusal of your phone and communication activities of the entire day again. Your own personal phone vigilante. She definitely meticulously went through your emails, messages, likes and loves; any new girls you might be following, new friends, missed calls. She must have taken screenshots; sent them to her phone, copied your entire phone book to her clipboard because, it's the thorough person she is.

There are two main reasons women take on the undignified role of phone watch-woman: (a) You are super-shady (b) She's insecure (c) There's some miscommunication, neither of you have addressed.

If she's your phone vigilante, who flinches at every red light, every bleep and every tone, stalks your activities on social media and wakes up with eye bags the size of Congo because she's been up all night solving your infidelity conspiracy, here are 5 ways to make her stop. #1 is your friend, it's the best way to keep her off your phone. #2 is even better.

1. Don't give her a reason to be a vigilante:  Women have at least 6 extra senses plus the first five. If you were in our heads, you wouldn't last a day, men. This means sometimes we make up stuff.  Be honest and keep your business tidy and let her know that you are worthy of trust. If you do, your phone perusal drops down to a negative.
2. Give her the password: It's just that simple. Hand over the password. I just gave several guys heart attacks. haha. Openness and honesty are the best ways to eradicate paranoia, your low battery problem and all those unnecessary fights.
3. Move on: If you can't do #2 because you have stuff to hide, fix it, or please move on, so another person can make her happy and not drive her insane with back-to-back vigilante shifts.
4. Keep her occupied: Women have very active minds (refer to #1), bolstered by our "eleven" senses. We sometimes make conclusions before the evaluation is complete. It's always a good idea to keep her engaged in a preoccupation of some sort and not left alone to her thoughts (which run amok way too often). Encourage her to get a hobby. This tempers the perusing down only a bit though.
5. Manage her insecurities: Women have insecurities, as do men. Unlike men's, ours don't lay dormant, they run wild and free and create problems. lol. The most ideal way to manage her insecurities is by letting her understand that God keeps her secure and she is perfect. Also understanding the right way to love her, in addition to your constant acts and words of affirmation of your love and faithfulness, will get her off your phone in an instant.

These 5 points are not a one-time thing. They are elements of a continuous process, otherwise, tomorrow night she'll have her whistle, flashlight and your phone!

What are your thoughts?!

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