4 Reasons You Should Read The Broadcast Messages Your Parents Send To You

If you ever wondered where your parents get those videos—the "Happy New Month" videos with the jazz sound track and the glittering letters, well, welcome to the club, it appears we will never know. My 4 parents love to send me broadcast messages and videos that have been forwarded to them by friends. The real mystery is who the people who create and peddle out these messages are. They sure know how to cover their tracks.

Our parents love them anyway.  In a way, it’s a little endearing to see them embrace technology and social media so readily. Their generation really is the real MVP. They were privileged enough to witness town-criers as kids, send telegrams and hand-written letters as young adults, they used those phones with the circular number dials in the 80s and 90s, then they moved to digital phones and faxes, then came emails, cellular phones and texting. My dad owned texting! He probably came up with at least half of the acronyms used in texting today, some of them my siblings and I are still trying to decipher until date. Owned it!

I miss using this phone! 

Seriously though, that generation amazes me, the way they have adapted to the times and adopted technology so fast.

If I were them, I’d have given up right after telegrams. So the next time they send you a message, regardless of the quality of the media, here are 4 reasons you should read it:

1. To humor them(and yourself):  The messages our parents send actually make the news at our dinner table. Ed and I go like,“Did you see the message dad sent out today?” Then we either reflect or laugh or be grossed out(my mum once sent a video of a chicken farm attendant pumping chickens with gallons of fat till they were double their sizes. We did not eat chicken for a month. Then she sent one about canned fish…)

2. To learn: Surprisingly some of these messages could be quite informative. We owe several lifestyle changes to some  of the broadcasts my parents and Ed’s parents send to us. For example, we have started drinking more water, eating more fruits and vegetables and are thoroughly aware that Jesus is coming back soon, through the not-so-gentle-reminders.

3. So you can discuss with them next time you speak: You know that moment when mum excitedly asks,”Did you see the video I sent to you?” and you start to stutter. Never to happen again! These messages make great conversation starters, and mum is glad that you acknowledged her message. The best child award goes to you.

4. To smile and remember how awesome they are: All 4 parents of mine love to send "Good Morning" messages, "Happy New Month" messages, messages containing motivational content as well as debatable political views. My favorite are the conspiracy theories. I personally love conspiracy theories and have mine stacked up in my mind. It makes me glad to know where I got this from. Lol! I try to send some back as well when I can. Yes, I admit, sometimes I'm a peddler, but only because it makes them happy!

How about you? Do your parents send you these broadcast messages? Which was the best? Are you a broadcast peddler? 

How to Receive Compliments Gracefully

Whenever I'm paid a compliment, I freeze. My mind freezes, my lips freeze for sure, and of course, I have the hugest brain freeze in the universe. I don't know why! I guess I become a little more self-conscious and aware, which apparently leads to a feeling of embarrassment. I know, I don't get it either. Shrug. Well, good luck to moi because I'm about to push me into a lot of discomfort. I've decided to learn to accept compliments, instead of offering that weirdo-smile I give everyone when they say something nice about me.

Here are the steps I'm taking: 

Step one: Receive the compliment. I usually just let compliments slide off by keeping quiet or giving an awkward laugh or the weirdo smile. I’m learning to say "thank you" and to smile warmly (toning down the weirdness there). Receiving a compliment acknowledges the comment and says that you value the giver's observation and opinion.  If you put in a lot of work into something, and it gets noticed, then just take the props when it comes. 

Step two: Don’t return the compliment unless you really mean it. We can tell if your compliment is sincere. If it isn't... guess what? We can still tell! You gave me a sincere praise, then I dish you a lie about how I like your hair(which is clearly an eye-sore). Blink. Then it becomes weird. Just saying.

You don't have to respond with a compliment. Plus it’s your moment, bask in it a little. 

Step three: Give honor to whom honor is due. If someone compliments your deliverables, remember to mention the other members of your team or support group that contributed to the success. If someone likes your makeup, say thank you, and give some attribution to your makeup artist or whoever taught you the trade.

Step four: This is completely optional. Pass on the secret. If you feel comfortable telling your compliment-giver what the secret to your success is, then go for it. Otherwise just receive, attribute, smile (not like a weirdo) and look pretty.

Do you have  anymore suggestions on how to receive compliments gracefully? I’m really working on this grace thing. 

Letters to my Greatgrand Daughter: Your Inner Samurai

Dear Charly,

This is a letter about being the bigger man. Earlier today*, someone responded to a question I had asked on a social media platform with a remarkably snide remark. Instantly, I took off my earrings, and took my Taekwondo butterfly kick stance. I was ready to attack. I couldn’t believe the number of sarcastic, so-in-context retorts that flooded my head. They were so good, I think I shivered a little.

So good.

Then I stopped. As a (new) rule, I never attack immediately. I wait. Hold my breath and then let it out. Once again, hold that breath, let it out. I close my eyes. I imagine the sun is shining on my face and I let the battle drums fade into the background. Harps play instead—this part takes a while. I think about the consequences. Today, that incident made me think about what I represent. I asked myself what I’d advice someone else to do.

Overlook it, I'd say. Overlook the offense. It's not worth it. Your future is impeccable, your path is sterling. Don't play around in cyber mud. 

It was hard. It is hard—doing the right thing. It’s hard to be already half -suspended in the air, arms spread out like wings, ready to flick that ankle and kick her in the mouth, all calculated. No chance of a miss.

Deep exhale. 

I let it slide.

The next time someone ticks you off so much that the only thing they apparently deserve is a fine whack, a polished lecture, a sweet piece of your mind. Don’t dish it.

Offer mercy instead.

They may not deserve it. I know, but life is crazy, in a few hours, you may be in need of mercy, yourself. You wouldn’t want someone to unleash their inner-Samurai on you. Would you?

Love,

GreatGrand x

 *written two months ago. 

The Pros and Cons of Sexting

It may surprise you to know that zapping past your head right now- couriered by invisible radio waves- are millions of media messages that people hope their grandmas never see.

Sexting has become a huge part of romantic relationships in our time. These days, with a two-way phone camera, some light, one or two filters, and as little as 24 megabytes of data, we could make grandma very uncomfortable.

According to Dr. Emily Stasko of Drexel University Philadelphia, sexting is defined as the sending or receiving of sexually suggestive or explicit content via text message, primarily using a mobile device. Some sexters may send content with the intent of receiving racy content too, while others just send them in without the intentions of receiving. What can I say, some people really are just givers from the heart *shrug*

A lot of research has been done on sexting, with a main focus on teenagers and everyone agrees that choosing whether to sext or not, is not a decision teenagers should be making or worrying about. In fact, it usually does them more harm than good, but the rest of us and our grandmas still wonder about sexting and whether it's morally right or wrong; whether it's acceptable practice or just plain reprehensible; whether romantic relationships benefit from it or can do well without it.

The public opinion is divided. Some people think it's completely wrong, some think it's the best thing since air travel, and of course some people are on the fence- the fencers.

This post is for the fencers.

People on the fence at some point tend to be swung one way or the other, usually influenced by opinions of others or more bothersome, pressurized into participating in activities they'd rather not- which in this case would be the act of sexting.

If you are trying to decide whether or not to add sexting to your romantic life, it's necessary to consider the implications of your decision. Weigh the benefits(pros) and drawbacks(cons) on your partner, conscience, image, relationship and lifestyle. Here are some things to consider before you jump right in or stay right out: 

Pros

Asides from improving your photography and directing skills on some level, sexting has been reported to make couples feel closer and more intimate. Couples in long distance relationships, most especially have benefited from this. It creates tension, excitement, creates that taut feeling of anticipation and all that good stuff.

A study from Drexel University by Dr. Stasko, reported a connection between sexting and sexual satisfaction, as well as relationship satisfaction, for people in long-term, committed relationships.

The same study found that single people reported a lower level of relationship and sexual satisfaction, when compared with  married people.

Cons

May become a meme or go viral

If not properly managed, photos, screenshots of messages, and other content may go viral, become memes and/or end up as a Dropbox link with over 50,000 hits.

Studies show that 17% of sexters forward their sexts, and 55% of these sexters send it to multiple recipients...just because sharing is caring. If this occurs, there's a higher chance that grandma will see it.

Maybe hacked into

While some of us are just trying to have a good time on the internet, there are also people who are on there to hack, harass and blackmail. It's important to be aware that hackers are able to access our data, if we don't put proper systems in place. According to TIME, one solution is to switch on the "two-step verification"option on your phone and apps. This provides a barrier against hackers and keeps those sultry face-pouts safe.  

May become someone's wallpaper...forever

The sext recipient has this content forever and can do whatever they want with it- make post stamps, stickers, posters, banners, postcards, Christmas cards. Just saying. Not to mention their grandma could see it too!

On my first day at Business School, the IT department gave a quick presentation about our tech-related lives in affiliation with school and life, in general. They provided information about our online platform, taught us the importance of using complex passwords, the relevance of our social media presence, cyber footprint, and of course, as in any fun presentation- the topic of sexting came up. We were adviced to hold off on it as much as we had the power to. Sometimes, things go south.

One minute he's buying you roses, the next you are sending all-a-that into his phone, then you break up and Mr. Hyde suddenly goes into his lab with your sexy all-a-that photos and unleashes vengeance by attaching that jpeg file to everyone on his friend list! It's important to note that relationships have life cycles and things change. There have been too many cases of sextees using material as blackmail or bullying material after a break up. 

This may be in part,  why single people seem to report a lower rate of satisfaction after sexting experiences. More research would be required to find out why they really aren't too delighted. 

Still, it appears sexting does hold benefits for married couples. However, it's important to manage messages properly and securely, and to be aware of the susceptibility of electronic content to hacking and accidental discovery. It might help to provide several barriers of security such as passwords, "hide" option, the fingerprint security option. Why? Because leaving photos lying around in your memory card, unprotected is probably not a good idea, anyone could stumble on it- your friends, your colleagues,  that-person-we-all-know-who-you-show-one-photo-to-but-just-keeps-scrolling-through-your-photos *side eye*, your kids and of course, grandma.

With the pros and cons all laid out, fencers, what'd you say?

What are your thoughts? Would love to know!  

Questions to Ask Before Getting into a Relationship || Plus Download PGI's Fun Relationship Inquiry form

Starting a new relationship is arguably the 7th best feeling in the world ("7th" is totally random, btw). You would agree with me that it's a pretty awesome feeling; the sunshine, the birds, the butterflies, the palpitating cardiac muscles. Experienced it a few times myself, and every time was just as exciting and delightful as the last. I call this stage of dating the "New Bae Fever". The law of diminishing returns doesn't set in until your 73rd New Bae Fever. That's a lot of baes! Phew! Really, on a roll with my random numbers today.

At this stage, blinded by the sunlight and confused by the butterflies, we tend to make one very common mistake; the mistake of assumptions. As human beings, we make assumptions about situations, about people, about love, about people we love.  We make assumptions about these people who give us butterflies and then never make any attempt to clarify those assumptions because we don’t want our florid, made-believe imaginations about this person to be false. That, of course, is a great way to love-in-ignorance, which really is as worrisome as it sounds.

Many times oblivious lovers get smacked on the head with information their Significant Other conveniently forgot to mention, for example, undeclared children or a secret family; like that time I met Collin (not his real name) who had a family in another town and thought I might make an awesome "girlfriend" *rme* He definitely forgot to mention his family. Women are equally full of surprises, we all know that. All the She-Collins out there!

No matter how much you think you love surprises, these types really suck. So how do you avoid these awful surprises, then?

By caging the chirping birds, stilling those cardiac muscles and asking questions. Questions give answers. Answers provide data. Our minds and brains process data, and provide information. Information helps us make better decisions. Best decisions are required in love! Please don’t ever be shy to ask a question. If he/she thinks you are interrogating him/her, then he/she should go ahead and interrogate right back. We all have skeletons chilling in our closets, dying to get out. It's a trade, you have to give skeletons to know skeletons. Lol.  If you decide to be with someone, ensure that you ask questions. Hopefully they tell the truth and declare their past. But don't wait around for that, make inquires, you have every right to snoop and conduct as much research as you want. The more research and questions you ask, the less likely you'd be celebrating a 73rd New Bae Fever-a-thon.

Ps: If you have a past, there’s really no need to hide, it's either this person takes all of you or not. It's only fair on them, if you are honest, and it's fair on you because you get a chance at true acceptance. Plus, honesty is sexy. It just is. Of course, a person’s past shouldn't be used to judge her future but it should be shared with someone she claims to love, so he knows what he's getting into and has the freedom to choose and make sound decisions concerning the events that could occur.  

Here’s a 5 page form which was a joke initially, but really has several important questions we forget to ask people we are about to date or are currently dating. Ed and I are answering ours tonight. LOL! It should be fun. There's a printable version available at the end. Do you get shy asking questions? Any Collins or She-Collins ever swing your way?

View & Print Form Here

Amusing Conversation with my 70 Year Old Male Friend + Postpartum Snap-back tips

My days are never lacking in hilarious thought-provoking conversations. There was that time, mum and I talked about kissing bearded guys; and that time when my 7-year old nephew and I talked about paddling to the Caribbean on a human raft. This post is about a conversation that ensued between my ~70 year old caucasian male friend and I. He is very amusing. Honestly, children and older people get away with saying anything! 

Friend:  African women are so beautiful. Great physiques.

Me: *feigning modesty graciously*

Friend: There's just one problem

Me: What?

Friend: Once you have a baby, you never go back to the way you were

Me: So not true! 

Friend: *not buying it* You know you'll blow up after your first child

Me: Haha! Well, I have to work to get back. Blame it on water retention and extra fat from pregnancy.

Friend: I dated a girl from Zimbabwe, you know. Beautiful girl. After one child... Boom!

Friend: Saddest thing is, they don't even get any in the boobs! Everywhere else, but not there!

Friend: I love shapey petite women. African women look so beautiful...then after the first child...White women, they go right back.

Me: I know, right? *quirky comebacks severely elusive after boob comment* 

Friend: When you have your first child, you need to work at it, Ok? Promise me. Go back to how you were.

Me: OK. I promise 

Cringe. There I go making promises that I now have to keep. This conversation really got me thinking, because my friend has promised to laugh at me when the time comes. Smh. Below are a few things I found on preventing water retention and some snap-back-into-shape tips. I'm keeping them here as a reminder.  

Snap Back Tips

1. Gain the recommended weight (~25-35 pounds/11-15 kg*)

2. Getting your weight back depends on your habits before and during pregnancy. Develop healthy habits that transition smoothly (somewhat smoothly) into pregnancy. I have pregnant women in my Zumba class

3. Gain healthy weight. Snack on fruits, vegetables. (My cousin says she ate a lot of carrots when she got hungry between meals)

4. Breastfeed

Preventing Water Retention

1. Drink a lot of fluids (like your life and sexiness depends on it)

2. Reduce salt intake

3. Stay out of the heat

4. Avoid standing for too long

5. Eat juicy fruits

6. Recruit impregnator for massage duties

If you are a mum or have any information about snapping right back after kids, please share your knowledge. You would be helping someone and you would be rescuing me from this wager. If snapping back is still project for you, please share your milestones! Power to you!

*Recommended Weight breakdown

Baby: 7.5 lb (3.4 kg) Enlarged Uterus: 2.0 lbs (0.9 kg) ; Placenta 1.5 lb (0.7 kg); Amniotic fluid 2.0 lb (0.9 kg); Breast enlargement 2.0 lbs (0.9 kg); Extra blood & fluid volume 8.0 lbs (3.6 kg) ; Extra fat reserves 7.0 lbs (3 kg)  

Source recommends that extra fat reserves should be controlled, because it's the only weight-gain factor than can be safely manipulated. 

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News for the Modern Couple: Why Being Equals isn't Trending Anymore

A few years ago, I conversed with a woman who couldn't relate to the concept of submitting to a man. I was newly married then and had no understanding of it, myself. I obeyed it as a rule and nothing else.

"It's 2014! We are equals", the woman exclaimed, "who submits in 2014?!"

Well, it's 2016, and I am very proud to say I submit, consciously and intentionally to Ed. I don't crawl on my knees to bring him dinner or lie down at the doorstep, so he can walk all over me, neither do I cower when he walks into a room. There's another name for those situations but it sure isn't submission.

The word, submit, comes from the Greek military term, huppotasso which means to "fall into rank under" or "to arrange in a military fashion under a leader." It's a military term. Sexy, I know. Submission is not oppression. It's a call to responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly. It's definitely not passive and it doesn't mean you should be silent and servile.

A husband is the General. His wife is his Lieutenant General. He has a role. She has a role. Her role is just as important and the significance of her femininity is very profound. If you are a woman, be honest, sometimes you scare yourself, all that complexity in your head, your ability to sense and perceive things from a unique perspective and all that insight, when that intuition is working in over-drive...fascinating. Women are great at many things, I can't write them all here but there's one special skill women possess- the ability to acquire information. No one else comes close to info-acquisition and knowledge management like women, which maybe why we are prone to gossiping a lot. Haha. So how is this skill useful?

Men make decisions, that's their job. It's innate, it's instinct, it's divine. As a wife, it usually helps not to struggle with this fact. It's what he does. Where do you come in as a woman in this decision-making? Information provision. Nothing can stand against the power of an informed decision. She provides the information, he makes the sound, informed decisions. Everyone knows where they fit. If both people struggle for the same role, things usually spiral out of control, everyone gets cranky and no one has sex that night, which means this post published a while back would be useless.

Men are assertive decision-makers (even when they have no clue what they are doing lol!) They are always assertive, it's a gift that I admire, and I praise them for it. Now, for some reason, women seem to know the answers or the best mode of action before men do. Our intuition is killer, we listen, we feel, we ponder, we know, we share (solicited or not). The issue, sometimes, is the way we share the information, a little forceful, naggy, a little condescending-just a teeny bit. No one likes a wise-guy or an I-T-K*. The goal isn't to prove we were right, the goal is to make sure our plans and endeavors as a couple materialize. Many men ask their wives for prayers, it's not because we are super-prayer beings. It's because he knows your role in his life. If this was a chess board, you'd be both queen and bishop. Most older women in their array of experiences and prudence tell me, "He makes decisions, pray for wisdom for him because he will make the decision anyway, and if it's an unwise decision, then you have to reconfigure it in prayers and damage-control takes a while." Being Lt. General is not a joke. At all.

I love being Lt. General, I'm not trying to be equal with Ed. He already treats me like royalty anyway, which is way more than an equal. So why in the world would I struggle to be an equal and aim for less?

Everything starts with an understanding: For men- an understanding to honor and not suppress the voice of a woman. We always have a lot to say, we know, and it may seem overwhelming but if you listen...if you really listen...you would never have to fake assertion and the quality of those decisions you'd be making...wawu!

For women- the understanding that being Lt. General is a role that should never be despised, that submitting is honorable and worth many, many medallions. Most importantly, realizing that the standards are a little higher than being equals- having a man who treats you far more than an equal, while preserving your role as Lt. Gen- those are the new acceptable trends and standards.

What are your thoughts?

*ITK(I too know)- Nigerian slang which describes a person who speaks and behaves as if they know more than others. 

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Letters to My Greatgrand Daughter: The Day I Stopped the Bully

Dear Charly,

The day I slapped a bully was probably the most exhilarating day of my life. It all happened so fast though, that part—I regret, because I find it difficult replaying the incident in slow-motion in my mind’s eye. No motion picture should ever end before the popcorn does.

The bully was stunned because I was- well, I am, I was, am, (does it matter?) the meekest of souls. The coolest and most absurd part of this situation was that I wasn’t even defending myself, I was defending someone else. I had been bullied by this same bully earlier that day and apparently, I did nothing. Of course, the bully came charging at me right after the stunning open-palmed mayweather-loving I dished. For sure, I was going to get beaten to pulp! Great, the tooth fairy would have to make her second trip that month.

At that very moment, the most phenomenal thing happened. All the people who had stood around previously and had cowered during the bullying, suddenly received some boldness! They stood in front of me, shoved the bully back and formed a shield around me. The bully, of course, walked off in shame and with a severely finger-streaked face.

Charly, defend the weak. One day, when you need it the most and expect it the least, help will come your way. Someone will shield you because you shielded someone else. Of course, this doesn’t mean, you should go around slapping bullies and poking people in the eyes, that’s particularly risky and the tooth fairy may very well quit visiting and just move in all together. Understand that bullying is the root all forms of injustice and you should never be an observer.

Bullying occurs as a result of a power differential in the situation. The bully seems more powerful because he may be bigger, richer, higher in hierarchy, more knowledgeable—whatever he thinks he is— the trick is to strip the power by changing your perspective about him. He really isn’t that big, or that important. In fact, bullies only do it because they are deficient in love, security and kindness. Once you see them in that light, the emotion of fear is quickly replaced by compassion. Well, kinda. Someone should have told me this before I slapped the bully, right? Hehe.

If given another chance, would I do things differently? Probably not. Although, I might spin around on my heel, swing my arm a little wider, let my hand hang for a bit, wriggle my fingers theatrically before the slap eventually connects- you know, just to make sure the movie doesn’t end before the popcorn.

Love,

Great Gran x

PS: Beating up bullies doesn't stop bullying altogether. The bullies tend to find other victims or retaliate on a grander scale. The solution to bullying is to educate bullies about the value of kindness. This of course isn't practical on the play ground, office or in cyber-space (as in cyber bullying) but is the responsibility of the school, governing body, social media platform or at least, a person who is able to influence the bully and stir him in the right direction.

What are your thoughts? Is it worth educating bullies on kindness? Ever been bullied? Did you fight back? Have you ever been cyber-bullied? What do you think is the best solution to this? Would love to hear what you think!

October is National Bully Prevention month (in the US)

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