The Sex Recession

Millennials are having less sex than previous generations. I never would have guessed. Apparently, it appears the sexagenarians and septuagenarians are steaming things up more than we are! Now seeing that generation in a new light.  That’s way too much light. I officially can’t look at them the same again. Nope. Our parents, aunties, uncles. Presidents. Blindfold me, please! *Insert bird box reference* 

From observation though (not research), I’m sure generation X isn’t doing too badly either.

Generation X had Keith Sweat and Jodeci crooning into their ears in their teenage and young adult years. They are bound to still be reeling from all that—Usher taking it nice and slow; Another level trying to lick something*stare*; Ginuwine’s pony. Enough said. It was Steamatopia with those guys.

So what’s going on with millennials?

Many things.

Apart from our lack of songs laden with sexual innuendos and contrasting verbal cues, the truth is, millennials are busy. We may be the most achievement-oriented, self-actualizing generation that ever lived under the sun. There’s too much to be done. Goals. Checklists. Agendas. Breakfasts on the move. Presentations. Walking lunches. Meetings. Networking drinks. More checklists, ticking goals off, having apps that tick them off. It’s the life. There are targets to be hit, creative juices to be channeled, entrepreneurial heights to be surpassed, a whole continent of terra nillus in innovation and business to be claimed. Millennials are busy building empires(for other people and themselves), meeting deadlines and turning in deliverables. They are not interested in riding ponies or licking anything. Well, they are happy to fight along with animal protection for injustice against ponies or any other animal in the equine family and beyond by clicking to sign a petition. But that’s as ‘pony’ as they plan to get.

Millennials are at work, trying to get ahead, reinventing the rat race, roller-blading down those green tracks.

Small wins and big wins are the new O.

There’s also social media. But I choose not to dwell. All I can say is turn off to turn on. Shrug. Also you should read this article about the benefits of sex.

There is some good in all of this though. Reported sexual abuse is at an all time low! How wonderful is this? I guess pervs are elsewhere doing other things—maybe laughing hysterically to memes on Instagram or learning to knit on Youtube or to cook on Yummly.

I wonder what other effects this recession may have:

Will the prices of condoms and contraception plummet? Will there be a reduction in contracted STDs? Will the porn industry see a boost in demand? Will the sale of sex toys reach an all time high? I hope human trafficking nose-dives and crashes. Traffickers will have to find a day job or diversify into selling caffeinated confectionaries and energy bars. Shrug. Business idea, trafficker. Thank me later. Let your victims go and put together a business plan!

I guess in all of this, I am proud that the sexagenarians and septuagenarians are getting it on at least. Those guys, even though they are still trying to figure out Skyping within the frame, they really are troopers where it counts.

What are your thoughts? Any other reasons you think millennials are choosing to skip sex?

When Opposites Attract| What To Know When Loving An Extrovert or Introvert

So you fell in love with someone who is completely different from you. Surprise! No surprise there, actually, a good number of us find ourselves attracted to people who are fundamentally different from us. The further they are from us on the temperament spectrum, the more googly and starry our eyes become. Num.

Opposites attract; we bond over our similarities, and are fascinated by our differences. Extroverts, for some reason, find introverts mysteriously hot, while introverts find extroverts colorfully entertaining, and like the opposite ends of a magnet, *snap* we stick. This isn't always the case as you know, but you and I can agree that we know at least 250,346,000 couples living out this extrovert-meets-introvert love story.

It's awesome being with someone who is different, it provides experiences you never would have had otherwise. One of you likes to party, while the other loves the couch, then you get the best of both worlds! One of you loves to be around family, friends and even family of friends, and the other loves the company of the wall (In fact, maybe you've caught him smiling at the wall a few times) Well, best of both worlds again; sometimes, you could both hang out with people, and sometimes, you could both smile at the wall.

I took the Myers Briggs test a few years ago and it turns out I'm both an introvert and extrovert. I'm a hybrid of some sort, so that explains a lot. Lol. Ed is the star of the show because he has to know when to switch methods of loving me. I decided to write this post on how to love your introvert or extrovert because I'm a hybrid and I get the complexity of all of this. Stay with me.

First, let's get this out there—there is nothing wrong with your introvert or extrovert. If she is a couch-lover and you always know where the party is at, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with this person you love, in fact, you'll find that you complement each other quite well. If your extrovert loves to host friends and strangers at your dinner table every weekend, there's nothing wrong with that either, it's a personality type and is part of what makes him the person you love. The strangers though...(can't help you there).

In these cases when opposites attract, it's usually important to accept the person the way he or she is, cherish your similarities and celebrate your differences.

It makes your experience all the richer—walls, strangers and all. Let's assume your introvert is a "He" and our extrovert is a "She". Here are some important tips on how to love them: 

How to love your introvert

#1 Accept him (there is nothing wrong with being reclusive) Don't try to make him an extrovert, that's not who he is.

#2 Let him have his own space. Respect the space 

#3 Never criticize him publicly

#4 Never demand to settle a quarrel on the spot. Internalizing is a bid deal to introverts. Let him walk through the process. He'll speak eventually.

#5 Listen when he finally starts to speak, read between the lines and clarify after he is done communicating. Clarify after, not during, it may disrupt the internalizing and thought process and then in goes Mr. Turtle into his shell. 

#6 Make time for him

#7 Celebrate him privately (I feel like some extroverts like to be celebrated publicly as well). However, if he really doesn't like being center of attention, keep it private.

#8 Acknowledge his arrival in public with very little ruckus, nothing to draw attention!

#9 Don't let him feel left out during conversations with other people, ask what his opinion is. Acknowledge his contribution.

How to love your extrovert

#1 Accept her (there is nothing wrong with being gregarious) Don't try to make her into an introvert, she'll grow defensive and weird.

#2 Let her fly! Extroverts love to be around people, they feed off the energy of congregated parties, you might need to make some adjustments to learn to tolerate having lots of people in your space(lol)

#3 Praise your extrovert publicly and let her hear you do it

#4 Let her do her thing, whether it's to travel or hang out or host multitudes at your home

#5 Don't guilt trip her when she returns from doing her thing (very important, it contradicts #6)

#6 Support her activities. Buy her a ticket to Maui, make her multitude feel welcome at your home, party sometimes 

#7 Let her know she is the life of the party

#8 Let her know she is the life of your party (*cue* awww)

#9 Be happy to see her in private and in public and show how happy you are!

Are you an introvert or extrovert? How do you like to be loved? How do you love yours?

4 Reasons You Should Read The Broadcast Messages Your Parents Send To You

If you ever wondered where your parents get those videos—the "Happy New Month" videos with the jazz sound track and the glittering letters, well, welcome to the club, it appears we will never know. My 4 parents love to send me broadcast messages and videos that have been forwarded to them by friends. The real mystery is who the people who create and peddle out these messages are. They sure know how to cover their tracks.

Our parents love them anyway.  In a way, it’s a little endearing to see them embrace technology and social media so readily. Their generation really is the real MVP. They were privileged enough to witness town-criers as kids, send telegrams and hand-written letters as young adults, they used those phones with the circular number dials in the 80s and 90s, then they moved to digital phones and faxes, then came emails, cellular phones and texting. My dad owned texting! He probably came up with at least half of the acronyms used in texting today, some of them my siblings and I are still trying to decipher until date. Owned it!

I miss using this phone! 

Seriously though, that generation amazes me, the way they have adapted to the times and adopted technology so fast.

If I were them, I’d have given up right after telegrams. So the next time they send you a message, regardless of the quality of the media, here are 4 reasons you should read it:

1. To humor them(and yourself):  The messages our parents send actually make the news at our dinner table. Ed and I go like,“Did you see the message dad sent out today?” Then we either reflect or laugh or be grossed out(my mum once sent a video of a chicken farm attendant pumping chickens with gallons of fat till they were double their sizes. We did not eat chicken for a month. Then she sent one about canned fish…)

2. To learn: Surprisingly some of these messages could be quite informative. We owe several lifestyle changes to some  of the broadcasts my parents and Ed’s parents send to us. For example, we have started drinking more water, eating more fruits and vegetables and are thoroughly aware that Jesus is coming back soon, through the not-so-gentle-reminders.

3. So you can discuss with them next time you speak: You know that moment when mum excitedly asks,”Did you see the video I sent to you?” and you start to stutter. Never to happen again! These messages make great conversation starters, and mum is glad that you acknowledged her message. The best child award goes to you.

4. To smile and remember how awesome they are: All 4 parents of mine love to send "Good Morning" messages, "Happy New Month" messages, messages containing motivational content as well as debatable political views. My favorite are the conspiracy theories. I personally love conspiracy theories and have mine stacked up in my mind. It makes me glad to know where I got this from. Lol! I try to send some back as well when I can. Yes, I admit, sometimes I'm a peddler, but only because it makes them happy!

How about you? Do your parents send you these broadcast messages? Which was the best? Are you a broadcast peddler? 

One Thing Every Creative, Parent, Spouse and Entrepreneur Should Know

I am my own biggest critic. I probably edit a piece of creative work more than I should and just when I'm done, I realize, "Nope, I can't possibly be done, that line just isn’t good enough", "That expression fails to communicate", I'd rumple my electronic sheet of paper and start all over. Of course, I'd continue to poke and cringe at it for ages even after it's published.

Everyone who has ever created or invented something-no matter how seemingly minute- has probably criticized their creation on some level. For sure, it's important to be uncomfortable with mediocre work but at the same time, we must be sure that we see the good in what we do, much more than we see the bad (Creatives, Selah).

Well, that wasn't me a few weeks ago. Critique-extraordinaire was my compound middle name, and if I had written something as awesome as the Ulysses or The Great Gatsby, I wouldn't have known. I would probably have burnt it or deleted it (if I was feeling less dramatic). I became so critical that I lost the sight of the good (spouses out there, Selah!). Anyway, as always, I was stopped in my tracks when I stumbled on this scripture:

“And He created the *insert creature*…and God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:4; 10; 12; 18; 21; 25; 31.

Every day that God created something new, He saw that it was good. Granted, He's the grand master of all creators and creation, and everything He could ever make will be good, but He could have chosen to see how huge my nose is (which is perfect, by the way) or thought the sky was too blue or not blue enough after it rains. He chose to see good. He created, saw the good and moved on to create more! He saw the good in you. He sees the good in us, everyday.

When you create, take some time to stop and actually look at the wonder you have produced and consciously see the good in it. See the good in your creation, in your toil, in your kids(yup, they are creations too technically). See the good in your idea (Hey, Entrepreneurs). Yes, that one idea.

Go for it.

It is good.

I would love to know your thoughts! How does this message apply to you life? I'm pretty sure is transcends many more life roles than those in the title! 

The Pros and Cons of Sexting

It may surprise you to know that zapping past your head right now- couriered by invisible radio waves- are millions of media messages that people hope their grandmas never see.

Sexting has become a huge part of romantic relationships in our time. These days, with a two-way phone camera, some light, one or two filters, and as little as 24 megabytes of data, we could make grandma very uncomfortable.

According to Dr. Emily Stasko of Drexel University Philadelphia, sexting is defined as the sending or receiving of sexually suggestive or explicit content via text message, primarily using a mobile device. Some sexters may send content with the intent of receiving racy content too, while others just send them in without the intentions of receiving. What can I say, some people really are just givers from the heart *shrug*

A lot of research has been done on sexting, with a main focus on teenagers and everyone agrees that choosing whether to sext or not, is not a decision teenagers should be making or worrying about. In fact, it usually does them more harm than good, but the rest of us and our grandmas still wonder about sexting and whether it's morally right or wrong; whether it's acceptable practice or just plain reprehensible; whether romantic relationships benefit from it or can do well without it.

The public opinion is divided. Some people think it's completely wrong, some think it's the best thing since air travel, and of course some people are on the fence- the fencers.

This post is for the fencers.

People on the fence at some point tend to be swung one way or the other, usually influenced by opinions of others or more bothersome, pressurized into participating in activities they'd rather not- which in this case would be the act of sexting.

If you are trying to decide whether or not to add sexting to your romantic life, it's necessary to consider the implications of your decision. Weigh the benefits(pros) and drawbacks(cons) on your partner, conscience, image, relationship and lifestyle. Here are some things to consider before you jump right in or stay right out: 

Pros

Asides from improving your photography and directing skills on some level, sexting has been reported to make couples feel closer and more intimate. Couples in long distance relationships, most especially have benefited from this. It creates tension, excitement, creates that taut feeling of anticipation and all that good stuff.

A study from Drexel University by Dr. Stasko, reported a connection between sexting and sexual satisfaction, as well as relationship satisfaction, for people in long-term, committed relationships.

The same study found that single people reported a lower level of relationship and sexual satisfaction, when compared with  married people.

Cons

May become a meme or go viral

If not properly managed, photos, screenshots of messages, and other content may go viral, become memes and/or end up as a Dropbox link with over 50,000 hits.

Studies show that 17% of sexters forward their sexts, and 55% of these sexters send it to multiple recipients...just because sharing is caring. If this occurs, there's a higher chance that grandma will see it.

Maybe hacked into

While some of us are just trying to have a good time on the internet, there are also people who are on there to hack, harass and blackmail. It's important to be aware that hackers are able to access our data, if we don't put proper systems in place. According to TIME, one solution is to switch on the "two-step verification"option on your phone and apps. This provides a barrier against hackers and keeps those sultry face-pouts safe.  

May become someone's wallpaper...forever

The sext recipient has this content forever and can do whatever they want with it- make post stamps, stickers, posters, banners, postcards, Christmas cards. Just saying. Not to mention their grandma could see it too!

On my first day at Business School, the IT department gave a quick presentation about our tech-related lives in affiliation with school and life, in general. They provided information about our online platform, taught us the importance of using complex passwords, the relevance of our social media presence, cyber footprint, and of course, as in any fun presentation- the topic of sexting came up. We were adviced to hold off on it as much as we had the power to. Sometimes, things go south.

One minute he's buying you roses, the next you are sending all-a-that into his phone, then you break up and Mr. Hyde suddenly goes into his lab with your sexy all-a-that photos and unleashes vengeance by attaching that jpeg file to everyone on his friend list! It's important to note that relationships have life cycles and things change. There have been too many cases of sextees using material as blackmail or bullying material after a break up. 

This may be in part,  why single people seem to report a lower rate of satisfaction after sexting experiences. More research would be required to find out why they really aren't too delighted. 

Still, it appears sexting does hold benefits for married couples. However, it's important to manage messages properly and securely, and to be aware of the susceptibility of electronic content to hacking and accidental discovery. It might help to provide several barriers of security such as passwords, "hide" option, the fingerprint security option. Why? Because leaving photos lying around in your memory card, unprotected is probably not a good idea, anyone could stumble on it- your friends, your colleagues,  that-person-we-all-know-who-you-show-one-photo-to-but-just-keeps-scrolling-through-your-photos *side eye*, your kids and of course, grandma.

With the pros and cons all laid out, fencers, what'd you say?

What are your thoughts? Would love to know!