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Real Stories #8: Notes To Read On The Dating Roller Coaster!

Hi, people! My name is .... o wait, I am supposed to be anonymous. Ike asked me to write a few things that I have learnt on my dating journey. I have written them in notes-to-self style. I hope my notes help someone else out there! Whenever you get question mark symbols floating above your head and heart about certain issues, flip back to this post, it just might help! Best wishes on that wild, dating roller coaster and holla if you see me. O wait...I'm anonymous. This anonymous thing is tricky. Hmmn.

Let's jump right in:

If the kissing is poor, making out will be nothing more than poor *cringe*
Not every relationship will end in marriage
Don't superimpose another relationship on yours. No two relationships are the same
Don’t date out of pity. You will be wasting everyone's time
Don’t do trial-dating either (it’s a trial because one party isn't interested)
Communicate. Engage. Understand.
Be empathetic, try to see from the other person's point of view...
...but don’t drop your standards because you are trying to be empathetic.
Find the 'mumu*' button and use it well *grins*
Let your 'No' be 'No', have some self-respect and you'll avoid being taken for granted.
Be friends, play games, challenge each other, laugh together, be rivals, pray together.
Always, always express how you feel, be vulnerable, be happy, be yourself, be angry, be emotional, be irritable, be cranky, be hungry, be everything that makes you you. The sooner he knows everything about you, the better.
Maintain eye contact (it spells intimacy).
Don’t lie; some lies don’t follow you to the grave. And if you guys end up together, you might confess mistakenly.
If there’s anything that bothers him that you do, consider compromise, if its doable.
..but don’t compromise your happiness for someone else’s. Be happy, be selfish! Muhaha. Ok, don't be selfish but understand the concept of compromise and apply it wisely.
If you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with him, don’t make out and definitely don’t have sex with him.

*mumu: in this context mumu means lovingly taking advantage of your S.O's affections for you. It's not as twisted as it sounds. Let's rephrase, lovingly and effectively channeling your S.O's affections for you to the things you care about so that he spends his romantic energy wisely. Take that Merriam Webster!

This is story #8 of the "Dating Like Crazy" series (read #7, #6, #5, #4, #3, #2 and #1 ). This article was written by an anonymous contributor. Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.

5 Very Fulfilling things to do in May (plus Movies to see)

It's been May for 5 days already, 26 more days to go; so much to do, so little time! I don't have a challenge this month....pheew- mainly because i haven't completed the April challenge! Lol! I was indisposed for sometime and was forced to do the April challenge for about 48 hours but I am yet to do it of my own free volition! Technically, I did complete the challenge. For May though, i have a list of somethings i'd like to do; things that would leave me feeling fulfilled and grateful by June! Do you have any big, medium or small-sized plans to execute in the month of May? Mine is a blend of small to medium sizes!

1. See a whale

I plan to see an actual whale this month somewhere in New England-some "Moby Dick-y" stuff. If you can't find a whale near you to venture out to see, try something new, something you've never done (or thought of doing) before(Of course, something with zero hazards!) Get the most out of life, it intends to get the most out of you. Just saying.

2. Make Someone fall in love with me

"Provoke unto love."Heb 10:24

This might be one of the most eye-catching statements Paul ever made, and we know he made a few (Lol! E.g how he hoped the people confusing the gospel in Galatia castrated themselves!) Long story, short, the guy was a riot. Anyway, loving people is an irrefutable law, causing others to love you and other people around them is another ball game altogether. We need to figure out how to instigate love in the hearts of our friends, family, S.O's, colleagues and leaders.

3. Perform a miracle (make someone smile)

Miracle. ˈmirək(ə)l/ noun

surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.

Miracles usually come through a person, an agent; a person willing to be the channel! The end result of a miracle is a smile and a lasting better quality of life. Is there a person you know, who needs a miracle? Are you ready to be an agent? I actually know someone...deep breath, ok, I'm ready!

4. Create something that breathes

*side grin* Whoa, horses..hold your horses! By "creating something that breathes", I mean something that lasts! If you thought about procreation when you read the subtitle and it's on your agenda already, well tick for you then! Get on with it! Otherwise, May would be a great time to create something for yourself that lasts and enables you to share with others and create a pulse of delight! Maybe adopt a new life habit, or create a picture, learn a language, learn a new skill (i'm trying a few things out, can't wait to share. They are on the whale-watching scale. I'm kidding). Create something sustainable that breathes and that still exists 5 years from now!

5. Resuscitate a dying relationship

Are you in a relationship or friendship that could really use some crutches and B-complex right now? Fix up your relationships that have been broken or that have gone dormant! I'm learning this everyday from Ed-the Art of keeping relationships with family and friends awake and alive!

What are you doing this month? Are you planning to create a smile on someone's face? Are you going to see a "whale", give CPR to your withering friendship or incite love in someone's heart?

N.B Movies to see this month!

I've seen Jungle Book, really good! Very colorful antagonists! Lol. Have you seen it too?

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Hey, City Bling!

I grew up in good ol' Ibadan with a population of over 3 million people. Ok......sigh.... I'll take all your Ibadan-girl jokes and memes now. Thanks. Lol. Anyway, 3 million people! 7 weeks ago, I moved into the most adorable town with a population of 100,000, still the moment I crossed the borderlines, I fell in love with the city.

Of course, I had given up on finding any Nigerians in such a small town or any Nigerian ties at all. Then two weeks ago, I stumbled on this record store, and there resting languidly against eachother were two records; Commander Ebenezer Obey's Operation Feed the Nation and an album from King Sunny Ade! I was a little too excited. I screamed a little and the guy across from me was mildly worried. Lol! I couldn't believe I found those records here. A piece of my identity as a Nigerian was just waiting there for me to find it. Hello, hidden city-blingy treasure!

Before this, we lived in Madison, Wisconsin, which has about 200,000 people. People still find it amusing that we lived in Madison but, goodness, did we make the best out of it! I can say with all of me that Ed and I ransacked that town; restaurants, fairs, lakes, zoos, rinks, bars, adorable roadside breakfast places, almost snuck into a college party(covering face), almost ice-fished, African parties, Afghani restaurants, street markets, fancy dining, woodsy hikes, gun range shooting...everything! EVERY.

Wherever you are, you are there for a reason and you're probably sitting on a goldmine of experiences. Explore, meet people, dig like a rabbied dog till you find the city's core, till you discover hidden treasure! (I know, rabied dogs aren't cute; they aren't, ok, dig for golden experiences like a healthy dog!)

I've only been in this town for about 7 weeks and everyday has its thrill. I can't wait to find out what else might be hidden behind these brick walls ❤️

Where is your city? Have you found its hidden, crazy gems?!