What To Do When You Know The Answer To Your Friend’s Conundrum

One of the coolest things about being you is your field of expertise. There are just some areas in life in which you excel exceedingly and dramatically; whether it’s the sector of financial planning, finding love, chasing ambition, making people feel like a million bucks, giving wise advice, excellent work ethics, tunnel vision, romance, sex, adventure, doing a back flip- whatever it is…you just kill it and everyone loves you for it. 

The second coolest thing about you is the ability to identify the deficit of this skill of yours in another person’s life, i.e watching someone you know struggle with making a decision which comes quite easily to you. 

For example, your friend could say: 

“My boss hates me. I don’t know what to do.”

“He hit me and I don’t know whether to leave.”

“I earn 200 grand but I have zero savings.”

“Oh! Missionary?! That’s what it’s called? Well, there’s no other way to do it…is there?” 

*insert Dwight Shrute side eye with a smile*

The cool thing isn’t watching them squirm with the perplexity of decision-making, but it’s in knowing you know the answer but choose not to interfere with their decision making process…unless they ask for it. You might think a true friend would interfere. Relatively true, but only to some extent will your interference be genuinely appreciated. 

I recently struggled with a decision I had to make. The required skills and thought process of this issue, however, came very easily to my friend. He let me know what his suggestion was. Of course, I kicked at the idea wildly, like a goat at an abattoir. 

He just kept looking at me as I struggled with the decision. A real toughie it was...to me anyway. I eventually took his suggestion. 

But the beauty of it was in him letting me go through the motions of decision making; denial, freaking out, the still, the acknowledgement of my apparent incompetence, asking for help and guidance, praying and then making the right decision. 

He didn’t try to force me or insist his way was right and mine was shabby. He didn’t mandate but suggested. He guided and didn’t legislate. He put it out there and let me come to the realization of the wisdom myself.  

We can’t force people to take our expert advice. There’s just more satisfaction watching them flail around initially like an abattoir goat. Grin. Once you’ve presented your wisdom, they’ll ease into it at their own time or not at all. Shrug. It’s a blessing knowing I don’t have to make decisions for others. That’s not what we really are made for. We are made to excel and guide. And to snicker at abattoir-goat friends. 

What are your thoughts?! 

Love At First Try

When I was growing up I was determined to end up with the first person I dated. My only sister married her first official boyfriend, so hey, I wasn’t trying to drift too far from that. Get it right the first time, babe. I'd tell myself.

No seconds.

So I met my first boyfriend...

If I ended up with my first boyfriend, he'd be at the bottom of the ocean“swimming with the fishes” by now. 

Swimming. With. The. Fishes. 

Not the“Godfather”type of swimming-with-the-fishes. He wouldn't be dead or anything. No. He really would have just devised a way to live as a sea creature, so he could get away from me and terrestrial life and anything that was associated with me. Hey, and this is not because I'm not fun to live with(Ed, tell em!) but because boyfriend 1 and I were not designed for one another and living together would have proven mildly inconvenient. And by mildly, I mean any acceptable antonym of mildly. Discordantly. Disagreeably. Harshly. Unpleasantly.

Yes, unpleasantly inconvenient. You see, me obsessing over getting it right the first time would have been counter productive, to say the least. 

I guess one mustn’t be so averse to other numbers and positions--number 1 is great but so is number 3, number 5 may be "the one" and number 11 may even dare to be divine. Be open to dating as many people as it takes to find the one. 

But if you do insist on 1, beware, he may buy himself a scuba tank, some fins and diving goggles and it's sayonara! 

Do you think you should end up with the first person you date? Did you“ace” it the first time? The thirteenth time? Tell us?

Psst! If you've been dating #1 forever and you know it isn't working out. Would you stay because you don't want to lose all that time and resources you invested?  

Letters to my Greatgrand Daughter: Your Inner Samurai

Dear Charly,

This is a letter about being the bigger man. Earlier today*, someone responded to a question I had asked on a social media platform with a remarkably snide remark. Instantly, I took off my earrings, and took my Taekwondo butterfly kick stance. I was ready to attack. I couldn’t believe the number of sarcastic, so-in-context retorts that flooded my head. They were so good, I think I shivered a little.

So good.

Then I stopped. As a (new) rule, I never attack immediately. I wait. Hold my breath and then let it out. Once again, hold that breath, let it out. I close my eyes. I imagine the sun is shining on my face and I let the battle drums fade into the background. Harps play instead—this part takes a while. I think about the consequences. Today, that incident made me think about what I represent. I asked myself what I’d advice someone else to do.

Overlook it, I'd say. Overlook the offense. It's not worth it. Your future is impeccable, your path is sterling. Don't play around in cyber mud. 

It was hard. It is hard—doing the right thing. It’s hard to be already half -suspended in the air, arms spread out like wings, ready to flick that ankle and kick her in the mouth, all calculated. No chance of a miss.

Deep exhale. 

I let it slide.

The next time someone ticks you off so much that the only thing they apparently deserve is a fine whack, a polished lecture, a sweet piece of your mind. Don’t dish it.

Offer mercy instead.

They may not deserve it. I know, but life is crazy, in a few hours, you may be in need of mercy, yourself. You wouldn’t want someone to unleash their inner-Samurai on you. Would you?

Love,

GreatGrand x

 *written two months ago. 

Pages by Ike's Exciting News for July!

July is almost here! I feel like it's everyone's favorite month, secretly anyway.

70% of my relatives have their birthdays in July, which you can imagine means the joyful crashing sounds of piggy banks and the popping sounds of party streamers! 

July is also hotdog month in some part of the world and nude recreation month somewhere...else. *blink*

In the spirit of all the fun, I thought we could have a little party of our own here!

About July

This month, PGI will be introducing the "Real Stories- Dating Like Crazy" series, featuring real-life stories, of real people telling their  funny and not-so-funny stories, most importantly sharing with us what they've learnt on their dating journey!

Our sole intention is to learn from these stories, as you know by now that Pages by Ike encourages learning and sharing; learning from our experiences and the experiences of others and sharing with others, so they can benefit as well.

About The Contributors

Our contributors are everyday people, not pro-writers. The emotions are true and their stories are unfeigned. 

It has taken a lot of courage and vulnerability for these people to share their experiences, so please honor them with your kind words and laugh as you deem fit but remember these are real people with scars to show. 

I appreciate them! They are truly sterling!

How can you help? 

You can help by reading and sharing your own experiences and/or knowledge on the matter.

I believe one person's experience enables others to make better decisions, so please don't forget to share! Someone might need that particular story!

Schedule

Running through July, there will be two Dating-Like-Crazy posts every week, one from the girls and another from the guys, starting this saturday!

I'm too excited! Can't wait, can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait for you, July! 

Don't miss a story! 

Subscribe here. Follow on IG here and send a private comment here. Oh, bloglovin' over there!

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ECO102: The Opportunity Cost of Cheating

Definition: Opportunity Cost (Economics)
The loss of potential gain from other alternatives when one alternative is chosen.

Example 1: If one body-con dress from Zara costs $99 and a pair of Badgley Mishka pumps costs $268. What is the opportunity cost of choosing the pumps over 3 Zara dresses in three different colors,if a sales promotion is on for the dresses: buy one get one 40% off?

Answer: *bored face*I don't care, I intend to buy them all and also the chandelier earrings in the corner.

Opportunity cost (OC) was a concept lost on me in Economics class. I intended to be so rich, that I’d have no need for such troublesome math issues. Why would I want to give up one thing for another, when I could conveniently (or inconveniently) have both? I am of the school of thought, which abides by the rule of eating your moist and glorious cake and having it. Who wouldn't want to rip up a priority list and play Candy Crush Saga in an Economics class, when you know all those concepts don't concern you at all?!

However, that isn’t how reality works *sad face*. We have to make choices- the best ones, while weighing options continuously, to obtain optimum satisfaction and the best use of our resources. And not just financial resources but also the resources of time, energy, physical and mental acuity-anything that can be converted into productivity and profit.

Therefore, the concept of opportunity cost can also be applied to most life-decisions we make, and not just for pecuniary causes. For example, there is an opportunity cost for you reading this post, you could easily spend your time doing something else**. There is an opportunity cost for having a quarrel with your spouse or partner, or keeping a grudge; you guys could very well be making out on a raft, while sipping pineapple cocktails in between. And of course, there is the opportunity cost of cheating. When a person chooses to be unfaithful, are the benefits forgone, considered? What potential gain is lost when the alternative of infidelity is chosen? What are they missing out on, by nibbling illegal, glorious cakes in shrouded, dark, air-conditioned hotel rooms?

Before we answer those questions, let's first figure out, why people cheat. Studies show that women cheat as a result of emotional dissatisfaction with their partners while men cheat as a result of sexual dissatisfaction or in search of “variety". Summary, a lot of dissatisfied parties and a need for “variety”!
For some clarity, I will invite you to go back with me to the Stone Age, to gain some understanding to why science believes people cheat and why men seek variety *shrug*.

Men have an inherent biological drive to produce as many offspring as possible. Back then, a man would tend to holler from cave to cave in an attempt to spread his gene pool. Now, at that time the best strategy they could come up with, albeit crude,  was to impregnate as many post-puberty women as possible. Women weren't into the monogamous scene either because they received favors from their sexual partners and the fathers of their children and the more wallets flipped open for child support, the better. For the women, their decisions were based on the base-criteria of food and protection, for the men, well, anyone who could give birth to a child worked. For optimal supply of their needs, women and men ran loose on the streets, shopping for as many partners as possible! Staying with one man couldn't produce the highest social responsibility output, neither could staying with one woman produce the highest offspring output!
So it was thus:

Homo Erectus: *grunts and points to self*: Many. Baby. Me

She Erectus: *grunts*: Protect. Food. Me want chicken with side of sweetcorn.

Homo Erectus:*points to woman*: Ok. Boobs. Mine.

She Erectus *points to 6 other men*: Also. Them 

Homo Erectus:*points to a group of women*: More. Boobs. Mine. Again. Me have many baby!

She Erectus: Me. Many. Food. And Lion. Not eat me. 

It was dysfunctional but simple, men could have multiple partners, women could have multiple partners.

It’s not the same today, as you would notice. These days, Homo Sapiens*** rule the streets.
Shouldn’t we, as Homo Sapiens, who are rumored to have the bigger brains and more comely bone structures and let’s admit it, better looking facial features than the cave men, act the part? Homo Habilis and Homo Erectus worked with basic biological urges, that was their excuse. What's the Homo Sapiens excuse? Habilis and Erectus weren't aware of the concept of opportunity cost (and probably hygiene as well) but we are and are able to make better decisions!

Example 2: What is the opportunity cost of cheating on your significant other(S.O) with the Homo Erectus down the street?

Answer:

1. You have more spending-money

Affairs are expensive and if not uncomfortably expensive, they still impact resources. Now, many people don't mind spending a little side cash here and there for a "good time" and there have been correlations between successful people and a propensity for infidelity (because they can afford it). The interesting specimen though are the middle-class or lower middle-class who cheat! The value forgone when taking her to that hotel or on that 19 hour trip, could be put to better use. Bottom line, you have more cash to go around!

2. You have more energy to expend

Cheating requires so much physical and mental energy. You have to come up with an infallible do-not-get-caught strategy; you have to use your toe-pinkie print as the pass-code to your phone; you have to bribe your driver incessantly to cover your tracks-your driver, who has now bought a pretty flat in the city from your generosity; you have to look your kids in the eyes and ensure they don’t sense your dishonesty and unfaithfulness. It’s just so much work- and the lies-those just keep morphing and multiplying. Conserve your energy, save the planet!

3. You get to visit the same ice-cream shop with 200 flavors to choose from (creative variety)

We established that men cheat sometimes because they seek variety. Here's something you don't hear everyday: Monogamy requires creativity. Having sex with the same person for years, definitely requires that you do some homework to spice things up regularly. If your sex life is boring, it's an opportunity to make it work for the both of you. It's like going to your favorite ice cream shop and having >150 flavors to choose from! No need to cross the street to the other store, when you've been going here for ages and this one knows what you need before you even ask. It gets better, you don't have to pay a dime.

4. You get a life-long bestie and someone to share dentures with

Prudent people don't cheat. It might be all bat-swinging and triathlons now but one day you will grow old and "who's gonna have your back when it's all gone?" *in Shaggy's voice* Stay faithful and play the denture game.

5. Heart peace and an unlocked phone

Imagine a life where your heart doesn't climb into your mouth whenever your wife's fingers graze your phone or a moment when your child is playing a game on your phone and a sext doesn't mistakenly come in. Imagine everything was simpler and you could sleep with both eyes closed, that's what you get when you stay faithful!

6. Productivity and becoming the next Zuckerberg

Less time eating moist, glorious cake, means more time to focus and spend on more useful things, like starting a business or pursuing a dream you've always wanted to. Use your time well!

7. You are able to repair and rebuild as a team

Women, cheating because you aren't emotionally satisfied or because your S.O is broke is probably not your better alternative. Emotions, for one, are so over-rated. There are millions of emotions that come with your side-man and you get the whole package, not just the squishy love bit. Finding ways to fix the emotional deficit in your relationship is less of a hustle and at the end you get the satisfaction of saying, "Hey, we fixed that!"

8. The avoidance of having children with the same proclivity for cheating

It's one thing to want loads of kids, it's another thing to ensure that they are raised with care and sufficient emotional, spiritual and financial support. What Habilis and Erectus didn't know was that it was not about quantity, it was about quality. The cohesive effort of raising wonderful kids with your S.O should be priority-kids who turn out less like the cavemen. Like I asked in this post, how do you prevent your child from being lynched by a group of 17 girls for cheating on them? I guess here's an answer to that: live by example, honor your marital bed and esteem honesty.

*** Word on the Science-streets is that Homo Sapiens are evolving, see what i mean? Not the time to think like Habilis at all. Levels have changed.

**Thank you for choosing our blog over your opportunity cost! We appreciate you spending your time here. Thank you!

What are your thoughts? We'd really love to know! 

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Letters to my Greatgrand daughter: I found the One and she's a "She"

Dear Charly,

I found the One!

No, not your Greatgrand father. I found the one, years before I met him. Surprisingly, she was a girl. She had short, curly lashes and a huge mass of brown hair that never fell. She bit her lip when she was nervous and doodled like her life depended on it. She couldn't hold a 15-second gaze without breaking it and then shifting her weight on her feet while saying something completely inappropriate.

She had an easy laugh and bounced around when we were alone. You could see her heart in her eyes and it beamed a yellowish hue of gold. She had long, gangling arms and sometimes she joked about cutting them off because she said it made her feel like a furry primate.

She took long, deep breaths after every rainfall and never avoided rain puddles. When we were together, the world stopped just because she smiled, we blushed at each other incessantly and my world never remained the same. But whenever others came around, she closed up fast and all they could see was me. She was so self-conscious and uncertain, all I wanted to do was hold her shoulders all the time- i think that was when I fell in love with her- the day I held her shoulders. In those shoulders, I felt all her strength, all her resilience and all her fragility.

I saw her this morning, right after I kissed your great grandfather as he left for work. She's still beautiful, very much so. She still bursts with mirth when we are alone, she still has gangling arms but she no longer doodles, she writes now, she says. Her gaze is a lot steadier, she even made it to 20 seconds, but nothing more.

Her smile broadened as she smiled back at me from the mirror- she was amused because she knew you'd never guess who it was.

Charly, I fell in love with myself ages before I met your Greatgrand dad.

I can't remember what prompted this decision but I decided to love myself anyway; and not just regular self love that is preceded by a hashtag but an intense astounding love that makes me blush in the mirror. I'd wink at myself (still do), i'd tell me how pretty I am, even when I wasn't feeling that way. I accepted me for who I was, I embraced my loud laugh, my large nose, my long arms, my complexion, my age, my hair, my skin, my body, my skills, my likes, my flaws, my inadequacies, my spirit, my abilities -everything I was destined to be. I realized consciously that every single part of me was designed intentionally for a purpose by God, even the random fact that I love only the red skittles and the red Pringles.

Once I accepted who I was, I decided to do the work of becoming the best version of me. I discovered this beautiful, fun, playful and sometimes quiet person, who I spent time getting to know and I discovered - hey, I could spend forever with this person! 

I placed more value on myself and on my time and would not let anyone regard me with less than that value.  In doing this, I was becoming more conscious of valuing others and respecting their time and the things they stood for and loved.

Dear Charly, love yourself and don't wait around for someone to love you until you realize how wonderful you are; don't look for love in sub-standard places, scraping around for it and eating leftovers.

Spend time with yourself and make yourself blush in the mirror. When you love yourself, you are able to love others, in the right measure and in the right quality.

It's in that journey of self-love that you can enjoy and place value on others; it's in that journey that you can foster growth in the lives of people around you and watch them flourish endlessly. 

You are perfect when you realize the value of your uniqueness and spend your time improving those awesome qualities that make you, you.  

Love, 

Greatgran x

Ps Your Greatgrand dad almost passed out reading the first three paragraphs too. Hehe!

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SCREAM! Cupcake frostings, Cobwebs and Courage

On my bed, flat on my tummy, typing in the dark; thinking about my fears and masterminding their demise.

About 3 months ago, in my old apartment, I ran into a spider while taking a shower. It was a peeping-Tom spider, who in my opinion was too huge for the habit. Of course, I screamed and ran out of the shower. Then spent the next 30 minutes googling methods to kill a spider who just showed up randomly in your bathroom, and also gathering my ammunition, which included a vacuum cleaner, newspapers, a long, long, long, long, lon-ng broom, my spray deodorant (this I can't explain). I tried practicing my swats at it and I bounced from side to side, looking for the best angle to hit it, but still, after a full 40 minutes, I couldn't do anything. I just stood there terrified out of my wits. Then I started to pray. Lol! Jesus is probably like "Girl, seriously?"

The spider definitely didn't move by any divine power. It just stayed there. Then I realized, there was someone else right there with me.... Fear. This had quickly become a fun, crowded showering experience.

Note: I do not like crowded showering experiences.

I then decided- I would NOT let fear rule my bathroom. This is my bathroom! This, I said to the spider. Lol! If this was recorded, I'd have like 5 million hits right now on YouTube.

After another 15 minutes, I hit it with the famous long broom and that was all. Spider, gone; fear zapped; me again all alone, just the way I like my morning rituals.

Fear; it disappears with one swat, one slap, one flick of the wrist. It's a decision, you just need to decide not to share the shower nozzle with it, just the way you'd choose that chocolate fudge buttercream frosting on your cupcake.