To Skip- How I Found "X"

Weeks ago, a PGI reader sent me this letter about his experience on Dating Boulevard, in search of "X", the ever-elusive Ms. Right. At the end, he asked me how i found my "X" and here is my response to Skip's letter. Hope this helps, Skip!

'There are many ways to find X', the teacher said,'Keep trying.'

He would make me sit and strive to find this mysterious value. On some days, I'd make up a number; I'd make an educated guess and being the terribly assertive person I am, I would argue, that the true value of "X" was equal to my made-up answer.

'X=Dimeji', I'd chirp at the teacher and walk out of the class with that self-righteous look you so rightly described in your letter, Chip.

But in 7 months or less, X would have morphed into this grotesque sum known as "Ex". I'd come back into the class, a little burnt out but still willing to find this X. How dare it prove so elusive? Did it not know I was growing old?

Sometimes, I'd get a real value just like you, Skip! A real value! I would be so certain this was it. This was X! Then it would turn out not to be.

A fond memory was when I found X, for the umpteenth time and oh, how I loved X; how he made my heart skip and turned my mind to mush, how his lashes intrigued me in all its black, curly glory; then I found out that X was finding the square root of Y. Y was some hot girl with huge breasts who I believe lived in Oregun at the time.

The real X is ever so elusive, sometimes and other times right beneath our noses or the noses of others.

So how did I find X?

I'll be honest, I found X because I asked the teacher; no not that teacher, not the one I mentioned in the first part of this letter. No, not Life; Life is a crazy teacher, the one who tells me to keep trying; the one who knocked me on the head with the revelation of big-breasted Y; the one who mocked me every year I got older and still couldn't find X. Life loads you with so much drama and trauma that the chances of finding X in the first place is equal to zero! He almost provides no help at all, just innumerable chances to keep trying to find x, over and over. 

The teacher I asked, was the head teacher, teacher of life itself, the creator of X. 

I asked Him plainly. "Where is X?"

He stared back at me and knew I was serious this time. I was done with the guessing and the Enny Meeny Miny's- the Dimeji's and the ones who found square roots were now in the past. He looked me straight in the eyes and that day, I knew he heard.

In less than 6 months, X found me.

And after 7 years, the summation of X and I was solved and now, we are equal to 1.

Must Read: Finding "X"!

Three weeks ago I received a letter from a reader nicknamed Skip. I've traveled, slept, stared into space, chewed Rice Krispies absentmindedly, mulling over this letter, over the questions he asked me. It took me quite a while to figure out what the right response would be. Eventually, I told him the truth.
With Skip's permission here's his letter. Feel very free to respond in the comments section below! (Lix is the nickname dubbed me by this equally aliased person)

Dear Lix,

Any assumption you make about how miserably poor I was at basic arithmetic is right! Actually, only the absolute worst assumption would be right. It was that bad! Solving the supposedly simple sums almost ruined my greatness, but I graduated primary school, eventually. So you can imagine what happened to my super-hero-life in secondary school when simultaneous equations got into the mix. But what’s a super hero without a nemesis?

……….  find x

Arrrrgh! This damn question or instruction or whatever.

The frustration it brought me was almost spiritual, I was hopeless, like I was born without the requisite skills to find "x". And come to think of it, it could have been a medical condition. I bet there’s medical research going on right now somewhere; I bet there’s a support group somewhere for folks living with this condition.

Anywhoz, I just didn’t gerrit, I could never find x.

 
What’s your story? How did it make you feel? Did it bother you too or were you better than me? I bet you were better than me and you found "x" all the time. I can feel your self-righteousness from here sef; mtchewwwww! Lol!

 
And my imagination Lix, sometimes I would just drift during tests and stare at the ceiling; who was this being asking me to find x? I used to picture Gandalf. Sometimes it was my old primary school math teacher. He was mean and probably a wizard too.
Sometimes they were together, Gandalf and my old primary school math teacher.
They would sit and laugh, share stories about my previous tests and mock me.

The fun they had during my London GCSE Math exam! And I ended up with a ‘U’ grade too. Lix, there’s the A* and the A grade, then B and C, then D, then E, and then there’s F for Fail, followed by ‘Absent’ and finally U for ‘unclassified’. You can imagine the kind of intense nonsense I must have written to be graded lower that someone who was absent.

Are you still proud of me? Are you close to buying the ‘medical condition’ theory yet?

The ultimate humor is how confident and sure I always was about "x". I always thought I found "x" until the teacher said I didn’t, until I got my test score.

 
I’ve always wondered why anyone needed "x" anyway, why so necessary? Why so frequently? Like why is it so important and what is it supposed to do? What happens when you find x? The right x.

One time, after all was said and done, I found x and I was certain. There was no confusion; her smile, the way she looked at me and how she made me feel, this was it. If there ever was an x, this was the most confident I had ever been.

She was vivacious. She looked like I like, walked like I like, thought like I like and prayed like I like. What more could I ask for? And what she saw in me, when she spoke about me; the best medicine.

She always built me up.

Whatever went wrong?

My best answer has always been timing. Timing not because she was older, timing not because she was ready to settle waaay ahead of time and I wasn’t. Maybe her fault was being right at the wrong time.

There was no doubt she was right, there is no doubt. She was definitely x, the right x. Errrr okay Lix, I know. I know I shouldn’t be taken seriously as to what x is, isn’t or what it should be, but she felt so right, the only heart I ever broke.

How the hell then do you find x? Not just any x though, but the right x? Is there an x for every phase? Is there really an absolute right x that works out the theory of everything or do you just find any x and make it right? Did every couple find the right x or are they just getting by?

..one x to rule them all, one x to find them,

one x to bring them all and in the darkness bind them..

…hehehe… straightface.

You’ve found x Lix. Tell me.

I always thought I found x until the teacher said I didn’t, until I got my test score.

On your sofa,

 
Skip.