Jurisdiction to Love

As a woman, I have deluded myself into believing that I can change anyone I want to—like a fairy godmother with a restless wrist and a sparkly wand, turning pumpkins into carriages and mice to noble steeds. I have carried this belief from dating, into my friendships, into family, into work, into teams, into almost every aspect of my life. If you’re a woman, maybe you have too?

So, do people really change? Of course they do. I, myself am constantly changing everyday! My 2016 self wouldn’t even recognize me. Hey, girl! *Smacks lips*

I guess the question is, is it my job to change people? And who bestowed this responsibility on me. I guess women just have this natural propensity for identifying an ideal state of things and willing their loved ones in that chosen way.

*Shrug* What can we say? 

I have realized though that it’s not my job to change people.

It’s my job to love them.

It’s my job to correct them, if it’s within my jurisdiction, but it’s always my jurisdiction to love.

I like that.

It’s easy!

Why didn’t anyone tell me this before? Do men do this too—try to change people? 

P.s Good luck if you’re trying to change someone you’re dating and Godspeed if your working on changing a spouse.

*Laughing in Cantonese*

Which of these Mrs-Money-Bags Girl is She?

Money and love have long been married in a complex, symbiotic relationship for ages. Sometimes 'love' exists because of money and sometimes money ceases to exist because of love -- and the other person's spending habits. Lol. Money management disparities cause a lot of misunderstandings and disagreements between couples; and just when you didn't think this money matter couldn't get more entertaining, people, most times, get attracted to other people with contrasting spending habits. Hehe. Fun.

So, what's the best way to handle this baby? Recently, our reader and avid commenter, David, sent me an article, which covered a talk hosted by Harvard Law School last February. Present during this talk as panelists, were individuals who are experts in negotiation, lasting marriage and mediation and they were asked to give advice, provide solutions and share effective techniques to develop healthy relationships.

It was advised that couples open joint bank accounts because couples with joint accounts tend to bemore committed, "share money, time and responsibility".

Could this joint account idea be a middle ground for the financial management differences the couple might have? I wondered.

Of course, advice isn't one size fits all, because we all have different backgrounds, experiences and spending habits. Some people have intentions of owning a secret savings accounts, some love the idea of joint accounts, some just don't get it, some believe in spending one salary, some believe in spending till you drop and some believe in saving money till you drop.

As human beings, many of us have come up with ways around this money-love conundrum! Below is a list of 7 hypothetically real girls in different financial situations. I think when I was 8 years old, I wanted to be girl #2 and #7. I was almost #5 at some point! Have you ever been or do you know any of these girls? Which girl would you want to be? Which girl is your alter-ego?

Girl #1

Married. Full time job. Joint account with husband. No personal savings.

Girl #2

Married. Full time job. Joint account with husband. Secret personal savings account.

Girl #3

Married. No job. Monthly allowance from husband. No savings at all!

Girl #4

Married. Entrepreneur. Earnings spent on household. No savings. Husband's earnings used predominantly for savings and big purchases.

Girl #5

Single. Full time job. Joint investment and savings with boyfriend.

Girl #6

Single. No job. Manhunt.

Girl #7

Married. Concealed savings and property. And a crazy-believable poker face.

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