Real Stories #5: This Modern Princess and her Frog
I think the best part about dating is the chase! Who's with me on that? That period when he promises you everything, anything, his heart, his life, his grandma's ring and his grandma too. I love the butterflies I get in my tummy and the way my heart slams in my chest. It's amusing how much effort guys put into it. It does a lot for a girl's self-esteem and honestly I wish I could have had more "chases".
If I could send a text to my teenage self, I'd say, "Date A lot, you sexy thing! xxx". I've dated 3 guys in my life and I wish I had put myself out there a bit more, to improve my romantic repertoire! Lol! I am not saying one should date 10 guys or something, but put yourself out there, nonetheless!
Let's rephrase, put yourself out there, but don't kiss too many frogs either! My first frog was at 17. First and worst kissing experience ever. Ever. Ever. I know, 17 years-old is like grandma-old in make-out world.
Anyway, back to the first frog kiss. I was standing there, kissing this guy, whom I had no feelings for, with his tongue down my throat, literally! I almost gagged but I politely held on for about 10 minutes. Then the boob-squeezing began and he also started to breathe heavily for some reason. I decided at that point that it was enough and pushed him off. When I was finally alone, I remember taking off my clothes and taking a long bath. I wouldn't stop crying. Of course, I also brushed my teeth.
After that, I was done with everything; guys, kissing, frogs and boobs. Little did I know, that I would be madly in love with someone a while later. When we kissed, it felt like I was on bubbles. It was perfect. It was Heaven. Perfect heavenly bubbles. Then at some point, it all went south because we realized we wanted different things. He was very intensely "testing the waters" and thought I'd be fine with it.
Dating has taught me a few things, (1) don't settle; (2) don't be fine with a guy who "tests waters" when you are in his life, (3) don't dabble into things that have no future and of course, (4) kiss only the frogs who you have feelings for, otherwise, you'd just be kissing a random frog and we all know that's yucky.
This is story #5 of the "Dating Like Crazy" series (read #4, #3, #2 and #1 ). This article was written by an anonymous contributor. Her views and opinions are entirely hers and do not necessarily reflect the views of PGI on this topic.Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.
My 7-year old nephew is visiting and he has been loitering around me because he saw the title! Lol! This is not the fairytale you think it is, I've told him but he doesn't believe. He reads quite impressively too.
How to Get her to be On time for your Date
It's the weekend. Duh-dum! Date night! Well, maybe, if she's ready by the time you get in.
Bet you triple-clicked on the link because you are tired of seeing your girlfriend or wife wobbling around in her heels, looking for her lipstick and keys and perfume, while you fume with your back against the door post, with that “You can’t be serious” look and the “We are going to be late…again” grunt.
Ok, first, here are some things you should know as a man about how we get ready; a LOT goes into our preparation for outings. A lot! I, personally take a few moments to get ready and by “few”, I mean “not few”.
It takes us sometime to get our things together and the time we take varies in direct proportion to the amount of make-up we use.
Formula 1:
Time ∝ Amount of Make up used
If you got attracted to a 10-over-10 face-contoured, brow-perfect, tummy-trained queen, then that's exactly what you signed up for! It’s a great idea to factor that in, whenever you go on dates with her, instead of fuming by the doorpost. You do want her to remain the girl you fell in love with right? A-ha, see!
The time we take also depends on if we know what we plan to wear already.
Formula 2:
Time ∝ What-to-wear conundrum
One great way to urge her to be on time would be to get her to see value in early preparations. I learnt to see the value in being ready on time the hard way; I'd be in a hurry or stressed out and I'd forget to wear lipstick on lined lips! One day, I went out with one penciled-in eye brow! Lol! That's a secret, don't utter that anywhere.
No one had to spell "value early preparations" out for me with my astonishing brows. Your girlfriend probably doesn't forget her brows, but anyway, the point is, the more time she has to get ready, the better. I've consciously started planning my prep-time, so that I have enough time to try on at least two outfits, draw my brows, paint my nails even, and it's such a relief!
Below are the 5 Golden rules that may help to get her ready, so you don't get into the cinema 45 minutes into the movie:
Golden rule 1: Use wiser sentence structures
Don’t tell her the time of the movie (or appointment) but tell her the time you need to leave. Instead of “We have reservations for 8pm”, try, “We have to leave at 6.45pm to be on time."
Golden rule 2: Ditch the grunt and scowl
Don’t nag her and utter the words,"You are wasting my time." It's not progressive or helpful in anyway.
Golden rule 3: Motivate her
If she is not an early bird and you have an early appointment, getting her coffee or tea or breakfast in bed might really help (grin). If you are picking her up for a date, you should call her about your location, time and status updates. Communication is completely necessary.
Golden rule 4: Inspire by example
A relationship is an improvement platform, where both partners encourage each other to be better people and essentially rub off on each other, but only rub on the good stuff. Don't start eating toe-clippings just because your girlfriend does it.
Anyway, if she has previously suggested that you improve some aspects of your life this might be a great time to improve! You could trade too! You could say, "Why don't we work on these areas of ourselves: I'll improve in this area, while you improve your time management?"
Note: This is not a conditional agreement. It's not a "I'll-change-if-you-change" type of agreement, it's more of a collaborative effort to make each other better.
Golden rule 5: Send her this post!
Hey, what are your thoughts? I'd love to know! Do you ever get stressed because you are in a hurry? Ever forgotten to wear your other false lash in the frenzy? Men, which is your favorite rule? Girls post up soon!
Related posts: My worst date experience ever; Your first date kit (Men); Dating on referral!
11 Spoilers for my 15 year-old Self
If I could meet my 15 year-old self, she would be in for a world of surprises, if only she knew. Of course, the ideal thing would be to give her good advise and have her make good decisions early on- and what better way to nudge her straight, than by feeding her life-spoilers, even though they would probably reduce the fun of her experiences by over 200%, hehe). Here are 11 spoilers I'd tell her:
On her identity crisis:
No, you will not be wed to Curtis Jackson also known as 50 cent (rme)
On her love interest at the time:
*Clears throat*, I don't see this guy in our future, not even remotely; like I don't even think you are friends with him on Facebook!
On her future ambitions:
What's a Facebook, you ask? Well....this is going to be good. Grab a pen. We are about to be very....very rich. While the world is still recovering from the "Y2K" supposed- apocalypse, buy a one-way ticket to California, there's this place called Silicon Valley............
On her opinion about mum not understanding her:
Summary: You and mum become best friends and then you literally start acting like her.
On her blind dedication to Arsenal FC:
*Static* Sigh. I would say give up but don't.
On her love for mono-sleeve blouses:
You didn't really think tops with just one full sleeve would stay, did you?
On her relationship with God:
You guys are like best buds and you begin to discover how much you both have in common
The Spoiler about the One:
His name starts with a consonant and a vowel! *insert everlasting mischievous laugh*
On sex:
Everything they say about it is true. It's thoroughly primordial and not cute, don't get hung up on trying to have it till you really should, with the right person.
On writing as a hobby:
Please don't shred and burn our diaries. Please....but I know you will, anyway. I know you don't want anyone knowing what goes on in your head but we write a blog, so there. Get over yourself.
On Self-respect and respect from others:
Respect from others is over-rated. The only respect you need is from us, me and you. Make decisions that make your future self (yours truly) proud of you and I'll ensure I make you proud too ♥️
What spoilers would you tell your 15 year-old self?
14 Better-Me Habits
First, i just want to say if #9 is already a habit, we should be friends. Lol. Here are 14 habits to adopt that help with becoming a more wonderful you. I know. Just when you thought you couldn't be more fabulous. I hope it helps!
- Isolate anger from your decisions
- Spend on experiences not just items
- Celebrate the successes of others close to you, not just a flaccid 'hurray', but really mean it from within
- Tell yourself what you like about you!
- Shoot down all negative thoughts: Remember “Whatever you meditate upon you become.”
- Speak positively about yourself
- Do not complain but be grateful
- Set goals and achieve them
- Lay your bed
- Learn something new
- Visit somewhere new
- Get a pet (animate or inanimate)
- Enjoy what you do
- Do what you enjoy
Which one of these do you do already? What are your personal self-improvement habits?!
What's Wrong with Turning 30?
I recently turned 28.
Gasp! I wrote out my age! Why is age such a sensitive topic? A person would ask, 'How old are you?' Suddenly things on our bodies get tight and our breath gets cut in half, we start hyperventilating, our eyes dart around the room. After reluctantly answering the question, the person asking immediately starts calculating the difference, mean and standard deviation of their age from ours! Lol!
I always thought I had embraced my age until the eve of 26. 25 was such a fun age and I especially loved the '5' at the rear but with 26, 30 seemed nearer, and with the scary 30, you are so much closer to 50!
30, the age where your mid-rif won't let you be great and wear a crop top. By the way, who decided to reach into the 80's and bring back crop tops.....*side-eye* 30, the scariest age, even scarier than 40. I think by 40, you've made your peace with life, the elements and the wheel had been handed over to God, the Son.
I've decided to to hit the ground running with 30; by making a pre-30/ 30th birthday bucket list. If you are terrified of hitting 30, maybe you should too!
I would have written a list of to-do's before 30 here, but mine is pretty personalized and not everyone wants to go whale-watching, or fly to Rio or dye their hair red. Plus the jury is still out on the red hair.
One of the best ways to feel fulfilled every birthday, and even everyday, is to have achievable goals listed and achieving those goals through actionable steps. It's crazy but it's the way humans are wired. Fulfillment comes with achievements, which is why Maslow's hierarchy of needs, shows the several levels of the needs of man and right at the top is self-actualization. Man needs self-actualization!
According to Maslow, self-actualization is the desire for accomplishment; to be everything a person can be; to achieve all things within one's ability and sometimes beyond. Man's most apparent need is to be able to strive and obtain, which when partnered with hard work and the grace of God, is pretty close to perfect!
If you write out goals before 30, make concrete plans to achieve them. Even if by 30 you aren't quite there, you'd be on track and 30 will fly right by. You wouldn't even notice.
Something tells me Mark Zuckerberg wasn't scared of 30. Oh, Shut up, Something!
If you are 30 and above, of course you can write a list too! If not YOU then WHO?! Also remember to tell us under-30's what to expect. Are you spooked by 30? Do you have a pre/post 30 bucket list?
Look Guys, No Toes!
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There's nothing more exhausting than getting offended, being upset, waiting to be pacified by an apology; then becoming offended again, upset again, loitering in the hall for an apology, then offended again....the cycle is endless..... It's gets more complicated when there are multiple cycles running at the same time. Everyone has the ability to upset you; friends, family, kids, colleagues, strangers (uhmm, strangers the most!). They all come with their little annoying wheels and the moment they annoy you, round the cycle goes.
To be rid of this tiresome cycles, I have decided to stop the silly centrifugal force powering them- my toes. I'm cutting off my toes! Now, no one can step on them. True, I still get upset but not for long. These days, I just look at the person for about 4 seconds, shrug and classify the situation as an code Magenta and I move on. And who doesn't love Magenta.
Here's what triggered this, a while back two people upset me and until recently, I had been waiting around for an apology from these people. When I told them how I felt about their conduct, they provided a counter-argument, defended themselves and well, they never apologized. However, since, i've stopped keeping any record of wrong , plus, the timeline of the offenses were becoming ridiculous, I had to do something about it. I apologized to myself on their behalf, bribed myself and cut off my toes! Who knows when these persons would get around to realizing that what they did to me was wrong. If I was still mad, well, that would be ALOT of anger plaque now, wouldn't it? No time. Words to live by:
✔️Forgive in advance.
✔️Make excuses for people.
✔️Don't wait around for an apology.
✔️Cut off the toes (metaphorically)
✔️When someone comes around with the intent of offending, point down and scream, 'Look, No Toes!'
How do you deal with getting over offenses? I believe there's a world where people just walk around without getting offended and wrong-doings just get dusted off their shoulders. If you live in that world, you seriously need to show us all the way! Comment below! xx If you don't, tell us about your journey there!
Letters to my Greatgrand daughter: I found the One and she's a "She"
Dear Charly,
I found the One!
No, not your Greatgrand father. I found the one, years before I met him. Surprisingly, she was a girl. She had short, curly lashes and a huge mass of brown hair that never fell. She bit her lip when she was nervous and doodled like her life depended on it. She couldn't hold a 15-second gaze without breaking it and then shifting her weight on her feet while saying something completely inappropriate.
She had an easy laugh and bounced around when we were alone. You could see her heart in her eyes and it beamed a yellowish hue of gold. She had long, gangling arms and sometimes she joked about cutting them off because she said it made her feel like a furry primate.
She took long, deep breaths after every rainfall and never avoided rain puddles. When we were together, the world stopped just because she smiled, we blushed at each other incessantly and my world never remained the same. But whenever others came around, she closed up fast and all they could see was me. She was so self-conscious and uncertain, all I wanted to do was hold her shoulders all the time- i think that was when I fell in love with her- the day I held her shoulders. In those shoulders, I felt all her strength, all her resilience and all her fragility.
I saw her this morning, right after I kissed your great grandfather as he left for work. She's still beautiful, very much so. She still bursts with mirth when we are alone, she still has gangling arms but she no longer doodles, she writes now, she says. Her gaze is a lot steadier, she even made it to 20 seconds, but nothing more.
Her smile broadened as she smiled back at me from the mirror- she was amused because she knew you'd never guess who it was.
Charly, I fell in love with myself ages before I met your Greatgrand dad.
I can't remember what prompted this decision but I decided to love myself anyway; and not just regular self love that is preceded by a hashtag but an intense astounding love that makes me blush in the mirror. I'd wink at myself (still do), i'd tell me how pretty I am, even when I wasn't feeling that way. I accepted me for who I was, I embraced my loud laugh, my large nose, my long arms, my complexion, my age, my hair, my skin, my body, my skills, my likes, my flaws, my inadequacies, my spirit, my abilities -everything I was destined to be. I realized consciously that every single part of me was designed intentionally for a purpose by God, even the random fact that I love only the red skittles and the red Pringles.
Once I accepted who I was, I decided to do the work of becoming the best version of me. I discovered this beautiful, fun, playful and sometimes quiet person, who I spent time getting to know and I discovered - hey, I could spend forever with this person!
I placed more value on myself and on my time and would not let anyone regard me with less than that value. In doing this, I was becoming more conscious of valuing others and respecting their time and the things they stood for and loved.
Dear Charly, love yourself and don't wait around for someone to love you until you realize how wonderful you are; don't look for love in sub-standard places, scraping around for it and eating leftovers.
Spend time with yourself and make yourself blush in the mirror. When you love yourself, you are able to love others, in the right measure and in the right quality.
It's in that journey of self-love that you can enjoy and place value on others; it's in that journey that you can foster growth in the lives of people around you and watch them flourish endlessly.
You are perfect when you realize the value of your uniqueness and spend your time improving those awesome qualities that make you, you.
Love,
Greatgran x
Ps Your Greatgrand dad almost passed out reading the first three paragraphs too. Hehe!
Accountability Post: Garri vs Salad
This is my accountability post. The one where as the writer of a life-hack blog, I give account of the better decisions I have made recently.
First up, The Garri/Salad dilemma.
I never thought i'd say this but last night, I chose a salad over chilled garri. I don't know if it was a mood thing but I think I really might be making better life decisions! *crickets* Ok, so the jury is still out on whether I made the right decision there but still, I was proud of myself.
Better decision in a bowl 💋
Next, The Young&Restless Fix.
Last week, I stilled my tongue and refused to gossip about this amazing Young-and-Restless type intrigue and drama situation, not even with Ed. We have both decided not to gossip about other people with each other. My will-power muscle was stretched on that one. Everytime I felt the urge to say something, I just looked to the side, out the window and minded my own business. Minding my business is so cool though, all the stuff I can achieve in that time..........
Next up, kicking procrastination in the mutz (not a typo and also not a word)
I've been giving procrastination a knee in the mid-area. It deserves it and much more. Now, I'm trying the trick of breaking my tasks in to smaller, more manageable tasks. Also, studies show that if you start a project, your brain will prompt you to finish it, more like nag you, because it needs the closure, it needs to see that the task can be ticked off as resolved. I'm trying it and it's working. The trick is to start and the trick to starting is to break the huge task into teeny bits!
What great decision have you made recently? Nothing is insignificant. Good decisions should be celebrated (hence the garri celebration), whether it's putting the phone down and resisting the urge to flirt with an ex, paying back debt quickly, letting go of grudges, choosing not to be stuck in a random relationship, understanding your place with God, passing on garri, choosing not to complain or remembering to shine your light!
Share with us! What awesome decisions have you been making?