Burning Bridges For Breakfast
We’ve all met a few people in our lives that really deserve to be left on the other side of the pond…permanently. No communication, no contact. Just simply severed off from our lives. I’ve always believed in burning bridges, especially when the person has messed up on a grand scale, grand enough for me to applause this offense as epic.
In my defense, I do give a considerably long rope; I consider strike one, a human failing. I consider strike two, a one-off; strike three...
We’ve all met a few people in our lives that really deserve to be left on the other side of the pond…permanently. No communication, no contact. Just simply severed off from our lives. I’ve always believed in burning bridges, especially when the person has messed up on a grand scale, grand enough for me to applause this offense as epic.
In my defense, I do give a considerably long rope; I consider strike one, a human failing. I consider strike two, a one-off; strike 3, a glitch in character; strike 4, she’s-just-having-a-bad-day; strike 5, just needs a squirt of grace and tolerance and a quick shine; strike 6…silence and observation as this person's attitude tilts dangerously towards epic. By strike 7 though, your name just became Felicia (bridge goes off in flames, as I walk away in slo’ mo). I actually enjoyed burning bridges. I had become so good at it, I could do it in my sleep.
One of the things I’ve been learning this season of introspection is learning not to burn bridges. Don’t burn bridges. Why?
You may be all that person needs to be a better person.
Who cares if they become better? You may wonder(My previous sentiments exactly). Well, this much I can say, there is something about reconciliation. The whole point of Jesus’ mission was to reconcile us back to God. Forget the barbecued fishes and the miracles, the water walking and the turnt crowd as he rode into Jerusalem. He simply did all that to reconcile man to God. Reconciliation.
There is nothing more precious than reconciliation. If there’s someone you are holding a grudge against, someone you stopped speaking to because that someone pushed their luck up to strike 19, please consider mending.
Try. Don’t burn the bridge. And if that bridge has already gone up in flames, pray for strength and lay the first brick to rebuild.
"But she messed up! Why do I have to lay any stone at all?” Remember we messed up first too, we burnt our bridge connecting us to God. Lit that baby up! But God made the first move, and wrote himself into our stories. He made us right. He brought reconciliation into our world and we have never been the same since. Grab the first brick. That moment you set your first brick, hold your breath because you are about to be amazed by the ridiculous amount of light that floods your soul.
The Best Thing About Stepping into Poop
Without fail, in the last year, I've landed myself in at least 2 full, loads of glorious metaphorical shit. Pardon my French but if you knew what they were you'd say, "Oh Whao, Ike, crap!"
There I was, waist-deep, determined not to wade in this life-altering problems, because you know how these things work- wade, wade, trip, fall face-in, gurgle. In other words, moving and struggling would have landed me in deeper trouble. It could have gotten much, much worse. Right, where were we? I was in a huge poop pickle. Naturally, I panicked and then I told God, who calmed me down as always; then I told Ed, who is always very calm during the worst situations. We talked about these problems and then proceeded to find a solution-all three of us.
If you've even been in trouble before, you know how much you want to get out, right, and once you do, it's Sayōnara to that rubbish! That was exactly what I did; the moment I got out, I cleaned up quickly and I basked in the relief of the resolution of the problems and just kept going. Sigh, the delight of being free! And then one day, a metaphorical anvil fell on my head, in form of a bible verse. Here it is;
“And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail...””
I don't know about you but whenever I see that scripture, I imagine Satan sitting on an apoti* sifting garri**. Lol!
That verse caused crazy questions to float through my mind, and if you have answers don't hesitate to comment: Why has Satan asked for Simon? He prayed specifically for one person? Why? Wait, Satan can make requests?! Satan prays?
In spite of all my query, one thing was clear; Peter was in deep shit. There's just no cute way of saying it. Satan had asked specifically for him. Thank God, for Jesus who prays for us all the time and rescues us from poopy-situations. Peter still had to go through the trial though, note.
The anvil bit of the verse comes at the end...
“...When you have come through the time of testing, when you have turned around, turn to your companions and strengthen them...”
The best thing about being in deep shit is getting people out of it once we are on safe ground. We win battles everyday. Every single day and one person is still caught in the struggle. After you catch your breath (which probably don't smell like roses), reach back and help some more people out.
If you've ever been rescued from the reluctance to forgive, from malice, envy, addiction, depression, poverty, abuse, please remember that people struggle with these trials everyday. Reach out, pray for them and draw them on to clean grounds! I'm certain someone was praying for me, somewhere, somehow.
Illustration by Mari Andrew
Every triumph is awarded with a trophy but instead of placing that on a mantle and beaming at it, like I did, please take it back to your site of victory, stretch it out until someone grabs hold of the other handle and help the person out of you-know-what.
Don't you just love the girl in this photo? I almost hugged her through the screen when I saw how her expression translates directly to the post title! Do you remember a time you were sure someone was praying for you? Do you have any answers to my questions about Peter? I'd love to read your thoughts and learn!
Page by Ike will be on a blogger's vacay in the month of September, we will be back on the 1st of October by God's grace! Great chance to catch up, right? I know, that's what I said too! See you soon!
Side-chic Rehab: How to Slay that Heartbreak
This one is for the side-chics.
The ones who took the brave leap of partition and said 'I'm done with this ish', and bravely broke up with that predatory man who constantly chose someone else over them.
Congratulations!!! No one has probably told you and you may not feel it just yet, but you did the right thing by breaking up with him! You saved everyone a lot of misfortune including yourself, you do not want to be on a scorned wife's to-do list, trust me. It only ever results in undignified cat fights or sometimes, more hazardous encounters. Here are some tips to help through your transition. I hope it helps:
Heal
It probably hurts as much as any breakup, so it's great to cry. Cry all month or year, if you want. I hope you have a friend who knows the whole story and is willing to be there for you, without rolling her eyes as she hands you the tissues. However, keep in mind that side-chics receive little or no sympathy from people, so don't expect any.
Forgive yourself
You have come to the decision either by your own volition or by coercion, understanding that living without him is ideal, that shows a lot of courage. If for a long time, you have hated yourself for it, it's time to forgive yourself and let it go. Lesson learnt moving on.
Forget closure
Closure is over-rated, don't bother trying to find out why he did it or why he wouldn't leave his wife for you. Don't try to reach out to his wife either. No, sending her an apology is not a good idea. It was never between you and her. They are a unit, regardless of what he said about her. She doesn't need closure from you. If she needs closure, she will get it from his apology or whatever way they sort their issues out.
Just retreat and lick your wounds (for all eternity, that expression would always sound gross). The great thing about life is that licking your wounds is not as gloomy as it sounds. You could amuse yourself with a purchase or travel somewhere by yourself, eat some exotic street food on the upbeat streets of Marrakech or some fine dining at L'Ambroisie, umm or at home on a paper plate.
If you are on a budget, you are in luck! Read here for budget/heart break tips.
Now to the fun part!!!!! His gifts. What to do?
So now that you are out of the relationship, it's time to give out that Cartier watch and the Marco Bicego necklace. I know we all want to keep the stuff, right, but items have a way of reminding us of every moment and shared breath. You really want to give them out. If you are considering burning them, especially the car, consider other options (no point being dramatic and ruining the ozone). Find someone who is sorely in need. Hopefully someone you don't see too often and just hand them over.
No one ever takes this advice lol so it's ok if you just hid your Ferragamo purse in the back of your drawer when you read this tip.
Time to rebuild those bridges
It's time to get in touch with all the people you broke ties with because they wouldn't support your side-chic status; mum, siblings, friends etc. Try spending time around friends and also people who are in need or hurting and find ways to bring them joy.
Come to mama, fishes in the sea
Get out there! The good news is there are oodles of men on the planet. The better news is there a specific guy for you out there who is currently unattached! The bad news is he might be buried in a haystack. Here's a post that could help with finding him!
Acquire some good judgement
Good judgement and prudence will do you a world of good. It definitely will prevent you from making the same mistake twice! How do you acquire good judgement? The best sources are self-improvement books. Just google "Books on good judgement" or just download a bible! That works. Note that it's a continuous process and requires practice.
Remember to do something meaningful for people around you. Being more sensitive to the needs of others is the best way to deal with pain within.
What to do with your libido?
I wish I knew. If you weren't having sex with him, well, great, it usually takes a lesser time to get over a man you weren't sleeping with. If you were, it might be time to find three hobbies. Why three? Well, one active, one semi-docile like painting or beading or sewing and one in your community which involves helping people. You might also want to avoid risqué material. Just saying.
Side chicks are forever despised by society and the recovering ones need a place to go. Pagesbyike is your go-to! We take everyone contrite❤️ .
Any advice for retired side-chics? If this helped you, please comment below. You can be anonymous if you want. Just sign in and fill in 'Anonymous' as your name! Are you considering dumping a guy who has you on the side, we can help!
Foregone
Fiction
It is abominable, that which I do.
But I hurry to it anyway.
I follow the stream by the white light of the moon, stilling myself at every sound of crunching leaves or rustling bushes. I have wrapped myself in the darkest Ankara, on top of it, is my father’s hunting tunic, darker than night. I have smeared his tobacco and spice behind my ears to ward off any strangers or their dogs.
A traveling stranger is less interesting if she smells of tobacco and roots, than of hibiscus and lemons.
In my hand, is my shepherd’s crook. It whacks and chokes, whether it be sheep or person.
This is no man's land, distant from mother's watchful eye. Any assailant would be out of range of father’s arrow.
Now well into the forest, I hear the faint roar of the waters and my heart races. Quickly, I begin to climb the hill.
It is dark but I know where to place my feet, where to grip and brace, where to heave and lift. The darkness amplifies the thunder of the rushing waterfall of Arè. It surrounds, it terrifies. It is enough to fail a heart.
I remove my sandals and wade into the river, she welcomes me and draws me in along the current. I hold unto familiar stones, slippery and some tufty with growth, my feet find ground on the sandy bed. I feel for the rocks and climb out into a cave.
At last.
He is there waiting.
He rises to his feet. My heart thumps, my belly flutters.
Tórę..