The Sex Recession

Millennials are having less sex than previous generations. I never would have guessed. Apparently, it appears the sexagenarians and septuagenarians are steaming things up more than we are! Now seeing that generation in a new light.  That’s way too much light. I officially can’t look at them the same again. Nope. Our parents, aunties, uncles. Presidents. Blindfold me, please! *Insert bird box reference* 

From observation though (not research), I’m sure generation X isn’t doing too badly either.

Generation X had Keith Sweat and Jodeci crooning into their ears in their teenage and young adult years. They are bound to still be reeling from all that—Usher taking it nice and slow; Another level trying to lick something*stare*; Ginuwine’s pony. Enough said. It was Steamatopia with those guys.

So what’s going on with millennials?

Many things.

Apart from our lack of songs laden with sexual innuendos and contrasting verbal cues, the truth is, millennials are busy. We may be the most achievement-oriented, self-actualizing generation that ever lived under the sun. There’s too much to be done. Goals. Checklists. Agendas. Breakfasts on the move. Presentations. Walking lunches. Meetings. Networking drinks. More checklists, ticking goals off, having apps that tick them off. It’s the life. There are targets to be hit, creative juices to be channeled, entrepreneurial heights to be surpassed, a whole continent of terra nillus in innovation and business to be claimed. Millennials are busy building empires(for other people and themselves), meeting deadlines and turning in deliverables. They are not interested in riding ponies or licking anything. Well, they are happy to fight along with animal protection for injustice against ponies or any other animal in the equine family and beyond by clicking to sign a petition. But that’s as ‘pony’ as they plan to get.

Millennials are at work, trying to get ahead, reinventing the rat race, roller-blading down those green tracks.

Small wins and big wins are the new O.

There’s also social media. But I choose not to dwell. All I can say is turn off to turn on. Shrug. Also you should read this article about the benefits of sex.

There is some good in all of this though. Reported sexual abuse is at an all time low! How wonderful is this? I guess pervs are elsewhere doing other things—maybe laughing hysterically to memes on Instagram or learning to knit on Youtube or to cook on Yummly.

I wonder what other effects this recession may have:

Will the prices of condoms and contraception plummet? Will there be a reduction in contracted STDs? Will the porn industry see a boost in demand? Will the sale of sex toys reach an all time high? I hope human trafficking nose-dives and crashes. Traffickers will have to find a day job or diversify into selling caffeinated confectionaries and energy bars. Shrug. Business idea, trafficker. Thank me later. Let your victims go and put together a business plan!

I guess in all of this, I am proud that the sexagenarians and septuagenarians are getting it on at least. Those guys, even though they are still trying to figure out Skyping within the frame, they really are troopers where it counts.

What are your thoughts? Any other reasons you think millennials are choosing to skip sex?

Pillow Talk | Foreplay's Afterplay

For ages, we couldn't get anyone to stop talking about the importance of foreplay because there was proof that it genuinely improved sexual experience- all that kissing and touching gets your heart racing and giddy, works up that apetite and primes your neighbors for the uncomfortable noises that follow.

Now it seems we maybe equally unable to keep anyone quiet about another step...pillow talk!

Pillow talk has been proven to save marriages and prolong life. I joke not.

What is pillow talk? According to the Cambridge dictionary, pillow talk is defined as a conversation between sexual partners in bed.

How easy is that? Just talk to each other right after! Well, these days, most people find out there is a third member involved in their sexual experience, preventing these intimate chats--cell phones. Hey, Instastories! 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but picking up your phone right after scoring, is not the most ideal way to build a romantically functional relationship. Does anyone say "scoring" anymore? Yes. Me.

According to Psychology Today, the acceptable process for any action that can be described as sex, should follow the following sequence: foreplay, penetration, intercourse, orgasm, pillow talk, maybe sleep. Usually in that order, no steps skipped and no cell phones, otherwise, what are you doing?

Each step is uniquely important, but pillow talk is now being researched extensively, as the importance of post-coital communication comes to light.

This study shows that people who pillow-talked after sex felt more secure and were happier. The average time for this effect was 15 minutes of pillow talk. The study showed also that if the time exceeded 15 minutes there was a even higher level of trust, security and relationship satisfaction reported. 

What's the science behind pillow talking? 

According to Professor Denn of the University of Connecticut, oxytocin, our favorite hormone (for obvious reasons) plays a huge role in facilitating pillow talk. Oxytocin is released when orgasm occurs (hence, obvious reason) and is known to trigger pro-social behaviors, making us happy and chatty, which most often results in pillow talk. Note, men are generally less chatty because testosterone dampens the effect of oxytocin but I can guarantee they will be more than happy to have pillow talks that are about more sex. Those crazy Martians. Tsk.

It's definitely worth noting that alcohol consumption also dampens the effect of oxytocin. It's like the ultimate anti-cuddle factor; so take it easy on the wine before sex. More pillow talk inhibitors are Instagram, sleep and kids... Side eye at all three. Kidding, love the kids. Nonetheless, they have to respect cuddle time.

So orgasm, check. Oxytocin, check. Pillow talk, check. Pillow talk is an important step. It should not be replaced by sleep or phone prodding. It improves relationships significantly because it's a rare form of intimate communication, which blends vulnerability in with trust and happiness. It leads to closeness, trust and relationship satisfaction, thanks to oxytocin, our bestie.

So instead of reaching over for your phone, let it charge for an extra 20 minutes. Let oxytocin do its work, Snapchat can wait. 

What are your thoughts on pillow talk? I'd really love to know! 

How to End up with the Sexiest Person Alive

On the bunch of keys that open the door to a great relationship, is one shiny silver key that no one likes to talk about.

Attraction.

We talk about it but then it’s quickly lost in that whole, “it’s what’s on the inside that matters” jingle, which by all means is the truth and a great jingle, otherwise, the relationship would be superficial and weird and all you’d have is a pretty picture and nothing else. See what I mean, almost lost my silver key there talking about that jingle again. Back to our gist.

My friend once broke up with a guy because she didn’t find him attractive and I didn't understand why she did that.
“…But he’s a good guy!” I protested, “Why would you do that?” Then one day, as I was thinking about this, I realized that she had a point; a very valid point.
Assuming she married this nice, responsible man- because Ike didn’t wouldn’t stop whining about how great a guy he was (I really didn’t stop)- what would happen? They would play house for about a month or two, have a series of “lie-there-like-a-fish” sexual encounters, then what? She’d keep on living with someone who she had no attraction or particular liking for. Classic case of Marianne in Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility. She would be miserable. She’s glad she didn’t stay with him because now he's with someone who thinks he looks better than a shirtless Channing Tatum on a pole! One sister’s Elma Ford is another sister’s Channing.

One of my guy-friends did the same. He broke up with a girl who he didn’t find attractive. Now she is with someone who thinks she is some form of Gisele-Megan Good-Scarlette Jo' hybrid and she’s about to start planning her wedding.   
These two friends of mine were light-years ahead of me in realizing three things; 1. In marriage, there should be a lot of rustling sheets(fact); 2. Physical attraction matters (fact); 3. Ike isn’t the one who has to live with their decisions and lie there like a fish (fact)

Really, there’s nothing wrong with choosing not to be with people you aren’t physically into and vice versa. You are simply making them available to the people who find them irresistible. Someone else would cherish, honor him and give him the best sex of his life *shrug*

Take this as another example: One time, I met a guy who liked me and everything about me except the shape of my head Lol! Can you even believe it? My glorious, wonderful head! That’s the way the world works, preferences, desires, decisions. If he stuck it out with me and my head (assuming I complied), we’d be in a relationship which just involves him staring angrily at my head and kicking himself, while I’d be staring outside a window pining for Ed, who clearly loves my head (He tells me this all the time.)

We know that physical appearance isn’t the primary criteria for choosing a life-partner; of course, this person you have chosen, must have a wonderful, beautiful spirit and heart with which you connect so intimately, that you have frequent fits of increased heart palpitations per minute; but also, this person must test your self-control, if you know what I mean*insert stupid grin*

Choose the right person for you- there’s only ever one “sexiest-person-in-the-world” for each person. Choose your very own sexiest person alive and don't settle for less!

I would love to read your thoughts on this. Do you agree with the decision to let go? Does physical attraction matter to you? Do you like the shape of my head? (Trick question)

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