Watching Another Person find the One
One of the three runners-up for my wedding dress was a dress I fondly refer to as "The Thumbelina dress". That's not actually what the manufacturers dubbed it but I tagged it so, to be able to tell it apart from the other 90 dresses I tried on. The Thumbelina was a fairy tale dress; and if you wore this dress, I'm not kidding now, whether you are a guy or girl, you suddenly would begin to sing in a meadow somewhere, with birds singing along, a burbling brook bouncing your voice over its gentle current. It was a "Princess-y" Belle meets Sleeping beauty kinda dress.
That day, i was at a bridal shop in Watertown, Massachusetts and at this store, they usually have one dress in a particular style, in one size, which you can later alter; so there was just one Thumbelina in the entire store. When I tried it on, I fell in love with it and I was certain I could give Cinderella a run for her money or seeds.....or whatever Cinderella spends. However, I kept trying on others, you know, testing the waters.
In the middle of the taffeta and silk whirlwind, a lady who was also trying out dresses on a podium next to me asked if she could try on "the Thumbelina"--my Thumbelina. Straight face. She had tried on about five dresses but hadn't found anything yet. Her face was drawn in a forlorn upside down smile and she seemed exhausted already. Note, by this time, i had tried on about 82 dresses! Try on Thumbelina, huh? I eyed her suspiciously. "Alright", I said.
She gladly took it off the hook in my corner and hurried to hers, stepping out of the A-lined dress she was wearing into the Thumbelina with the help of her personal shopper. As she stepped up unto her podium and turned to face the mirror, my jaw dropped to the floor. She looked like THE THUMBELINA! It looked like the dress was actually designed for her! Seriously, she put the "Thumbelina" in the dress. It fit her at every curve and stroke. There was no contest who wore it best. I had to beg her to buy the dress. I was willing to let it go. It just couldn't have looked better on anyone, anymore than it did on her.
Of course, she ran off to the till to pay. Lol.
Needless to say, I hadn't found my dress. Dress number #82 and i still hadn't found the one!
Some people find the one on the first try or the sixth try and some of us have to try on 80+ dresses or date 80+ people to find the one (I'm kidding, I don't even think that's chronologically possible lol!)
It's a sweet and sour feeling** sometimes, when you see someone find the one, you are genuinely happy for them, you toast to them, you throw the streamers and rice and party till 4am, genuinely wishing them every perfect thing God bestows- but at night when you go home with absolutely no "dress" of your own and you are all alone with your thoughts, then the feelings come.
The great thing about life is that there are times and there are seasons and they are scheduled at different times for different people. Being in stride at the exact same time with another person is very rare and probably not ideal. Everyone eventually gets their own moment and enjoys the thrill of basking in it. If you are on "dress" #70 and still contemplating testing the waters, don't be discouraged. At a certain time, you will find "the one" and you will be dropping the jaws of everyone around!
Written with all the love in my heart x
**every time i read this part i said 'sweet and sour chicken' Lol!
Letters to my Greatgrand daughter: I found the One and she's a "She"
Dear Charly,
I found the One!
No, not your Greatgrand father. I found the one, years before I met him. Surprisingly, she was a girl. She had short, curly lashes and a huge mass of brown hair that never fell. She bit her lip when she was nervous and doodled like her life depended on it. She couldn't hold a 15-second gaze without breaking it and then shifting her weight on her feet while saying something completely inappropriate.
She had an easy laugh and bounced around when we were alone. You could see her heart in her eyes and it beamed a yellowish hue of gold. She had long, gangling arms and sometimes she joked about cutting them off because she said it made her feel like a furry primate.
She took long, deep breaths after every rainfall and never avoided rain puddles. When we were together, the world stopped just because she smiled, we blushed at each other incessantly and my world never remained the same. But whenever others came around, she closed up fast and all they could see was me. She was so self-conscious and uncertain, all I wanted to do was hold her shoulders all the time- i think that was when I fell in love with her- the day I held her shoulders. In those shoulders, I felt all her strength, all her resilience and all her fragility.
I saw her this morning, right after I kissed your great grandfather as he left for work. She's still beautiful, very much so. She still bursts with mirth when we are alone, she still has gangling arms but she no longer doodles, she writes now, she says. Her gaze is a lot steadier, she even made it to 20 seconds, but nothing more.
Her smile broadened as she smiled back at me from the mirror- she was amused because she knew you'd never guess who it was.
Charly, I fell in love with myself ages before I met your Greatgrand dad.
I can't remember what prompted this decision but I decided to love myself anyway; and not just regular self love that is preceded by a hashtag but an intense astounding love that makes me blush in the mirror. I'd wink at myself (still do), i'd tell me how pretty I am, even when I wasn't feeling that way. I accepted me for who I was, I embraced my loud laugh, my large nose, my long arms, my complexion, my age, my hair, my skin, my body, my skills, my likes, my flaws, my inadequacies, my spirit, my abilities -everything I was destined to be. I realized consciously that every single part of me was designed intentionally for a purpose by God, even the random fact that I love only the red skittles and the red Pringles.
Once I accepted who I was, I decided to do the work of becoming the best version of me. I discovered this beautiful, fun, playful and sometimes quiet person, who I spent time getting to know and I discovered - hey, I could spend forever with this person!
I placed more value on myself and on my time and would not let anyone regard me with less than that value. In doing this, I was becoming more conscious of valuing others and respecting their time and the things they stood for and loved.
Dear Charly, love yourself and don't wait around for someone to love you until you realize how wonderful you are; don't look for love in sub-standard places, scraping around for it and eating leftovers.
Spend time with yourself and make yourself blush in the mirror. When you love yourself, you are able to love others, in the right measure and in the right quality.
It's in that journey of self-love that you can enjoy and place value on others; it's in that journey that you can foster growth in the lives of people around you and watch them flourish endlessly.
You are perfect when you realize the value of your uniqueness and spend your time improving those awesome qualities that make you, you.
Love,
Greatgran x
Ps Your Greatgrand dad almost passed out reading the first three paragraphs too. Hehe!