Abi's Story | Married to a Jerk
Nabal, i think, might have been the most notable jerk in the bible, other than Judas, of course. Nabal was also married to one of the coolest girls ever recorded- Abigail. I mean, for David to have married her as a widow, it must have meant she was pretty cool or she was severely endowed. Endowed with whatever made David tick....probably, virtue........Yeah, right! Grin.
If you don't know the story, you could read it here. I had always imagined David marrying Abigail because he pitied her, because she was old and raggedy with creases on her face, cloaked in grey; because no one else would want her. That was not the case, the bible actually says she was quite the hottie and when the bible calls you a hottie, you best believe.
Unfortunately, she was stuck with this less-than-desirable man, Nabal.
It was a typical "How-did-a-beautiful-girl-like-you-end-up-in-a-dump-like-this?" situation. What makes the story unique is the familiarity of the situation. We all know an Abigail; one girl stuck in a "dump-like-this", stuck with a fool. It happens all the time.
Abi, somehow makes dump-situations quite promising, mainly because she ends up with David, another hottie. Most importantly, Abi makes this life of hers a bit more bearable by making the best of her dumpy-situation, without ever imagining she would ever come out of it. Sometimes, we think we are in bad situations and so we'd have to live dreary, miserable lives where we mope all day or distract ourselves with social media or Game of Thrones. She was very aware of Nabal's folly and its potential for impending doom and was able to manage it very well.
I think there are many things to be learnt off this woman, whether we are married or single; dating or not, dating fools or not, married to Nabals or not. She wasn't just a pretty face, not at all, she was endowed, like i said with so many "virtues". On a more serious note, here are 6 things to learn from this girl, Abigail. Here they are below:
1. She was very prepared for NABAL's stupidity
It would appear Nabal did stuff like this often enough, so, at some point she must have acquired wisdom and would counter his folly often and swiftly. He was rude and literally a fool. It's sad to think people like that exist, even worse to think amazing women are stuck with them. Get wisdom and get understanding. They are the most universal currency you'd ever know. They would save your life and set you on the path to destiny, in Abi's case, her wisdom set her on the path to becoming queen.
2. She was approachable to her servants
The servants could talk to Abi. She wasn't stuck up and lofty. By contrast, Nabal was. His servants called him a brute and called him unapproachable. Our subordinates should find us approachable, not perceive us as the kings and queens of tyranny. Take care of people in lower ranks and be friends with them. They may save your hide and hook you up, again, with destiny.
3. SHE DID NOT PROCRASTINATE NEITHER WAS SHE A G.O.T FAN!
Not kidding, if that was me, David might have killed us all. I might have said to the servant who reported the situation to me, "You do realize, Game of thrones is on right now. I'll go and meet this David person right after I find out if Jon Snow is dead for real." She did not procrastinate or take situations lightly. She was also quite informed about David and she knew he was an fugitive. She had probably seen him on TV. I guess that means we should watch the news and not just GOT.
4. She sent the servants ahead with the food
Dang, this girl though. She sent the food first. Your gift makes a path for you. This shows us not to be stingy, to know how food pacifies people (yup) and how to deliver gifts (with humility). Then she appeared right after the food had been delivered, probably not too bad looking either. She was the dessert.
Was that too much?
She was the dessert though....eventually.
5. She saw david's potential
Note these were David's broke days, like Chris Gardner (In Pursuit of Happiness kinda broke). David's hustle was too real but she saw he would be great, despite it. She saw substance and potential. She wasn't clairvoyant, she saw because she had substance too! She wasn't superficial or drawn to wealth, maybe she used to be and ended up with Nabal and now had come realize that money couldn't buy many things (in the case of Nabal, common sense). Her values had probably evolved with depth, as should ours.
6. She spoke into his life (ok, officially my fave girl in the bible)
Abi spoke into David's life and he literarily burst into a song and began to praise God. That's deep and you need to think about that. She spoke words of life into his being and evoked praise from him.
Now looking at Ed while he's asleep and I'm thinking about speaking words into his life even as he sleeps. Maybe tomorrow while he's awake. Nope, I'm going to do it right now.
Speak life into his being.
xx
Bank of Daddy to Bank of Bae
Sometimes, I imagine my dad somewhere on an island, say old San Juan wearing a straw hat, drinking an authentic piña colada and kicking the sand into the air as he dances off into the sunset. Oh, the joy! Those high maintenance girls are gone! Now he doesn’t have to stare into those doe eyes anymore, wondering why shoes and purses cost so much; doesn't have to try to wrap his mind around the concept of weaves and why I pay so much to have them put in, even more perplexing, #teamnatural expenses; how expensive is it to let your own hair grow out of your own head?! I'm kidding my dad is awesome and has never considered my sister and I a burden, but he can't deny our high maintenance-ness. Now, we are both married and on those delightfully warm, sunny wedding days, he signed off all responsibility to our wonderful spouses. He must have chuckled discreetly at each one's beaming, ecstatic face and thought, "In time, my son, in time."
It's been over a year now that i've been off payroll for Bank of Daddy(BOD), of which daddy had been the chairman and mommy, the president of the financial reserve. For close to 30 years, BOD has found ways of investing and working to ensure that everything that I have needed and sometimes, wanted, has been provided to the best of its ability. These days, i am with Bank of Bae (BOB), where bae and I are chairman and president. Things are a little different.
For starters, we only began investing in the last one year. Needs, cravings and wants are no longer in an indistinguishable muddle. There exists now something called a priority list. Purchases are planned, bills have our names on them, which really makes me feel old, we own a printer and care about ink, we own saucers and single people don't want to be friends with us anymore (sniff). That was completely random, back to having a priority list.
I've had a couple of days when Ed and I would disagree in the store aisles over stuff we actually need. You know how we girls really really need a pretty shiny salad tosser? Or is it just me? What about all those colorful Kate Spade home decor items; those neon colored kitchen utensils, like the fuschia whisk and lime spatulas, those bedsheets with so much threadcount, it's almost like sleeping on a cloud. Uh! those towels that make me feel like I just dried myself with a sheep, and then, that clutch purse.....*eyes glazed over* and then.....*eyes twinkling* those killer-heels! All this while, I'm all over the store and Ed is looking at me like, "Umm.....rent."
Needless to say, I needed to get a grip and who likes to get a grip? Not me. I wish I knew the steps to transitioning. It's either one of two things, either you restrict yourself and acquire more financial management skills or expand to what is in Bank of Bae and acquire even MORE financial management skills. Now, your very perception of value needs to be reconfigured. Now, the strappy sandals you just bought really should be on number 9 of your priority list but it's still number 1. Now, if you want to get a Masters degree, you actually have to plan. In the past, Bank of Daddy would wire you all the money. Not any more, now you own saucers! If you don’t mentally prepare yourself before you take your vows, its very possible you’ll think you are still on pay-roll from BOD and then you make an unjustifiable purchase (the pair of killer-sandals) which puts a significant dent in BOB and then to make it worse, you kinda forgot to buy groceries. If you are lucky or in the UK or US, you'll be able to return the purchase. If you live in Italy or Nigeria, I guess you and Bae would have to eat your new shoes for dinner.
It starts with a change in our minds to downsize or expand, all with wisdom and also the decision to choose to be realistic and considerate. Little comparison can be made with the financial situation of BOD and BOB, Bank Of Daddy has like a 40-50 year head-start, it's sturdy while BOB, sometimes, is like that new bank down the road, it needs a little bit of time to take root, so some consideration and prudence from your end will do it a lot of good. If you are high-maintenance, take the knob down just a notch. In time, it all comes together. Of course, it helps if BOB allows some occasional splurging, it makes the readjustment process a little better. So hear, he-baes, your task is to help her transition easy, let her buy her cloud-bedsheets or get her the clutch that got her eyes glazed over or that random polka dot skirt that makes her happy for some reason; she's in transition. And you know what they say about people in transition.......[hehe, nothing, just get her the clutch, jo].
Have you loved on your parents recently, verbally and financially? How have you successfully transitioned from BOD to BOB? How did you figure it out?