Letters to My Greatgrand Daughter: The Day I Stopped the Bully
Dear Charly,
The day I slapped a bully was probably the most exhilarating day of my life. It all happened so fast though, that part—I regret, because I find it difficult replaying the incident in slow-motion in my mind’s eye. No motion picture should ever end before the popcorn does.
The bully was stunned because I was- well, I am, I was, am, (does it matter?) the meekest of souls. The coolest and most absurd part of this situation was that I wasn’t even defending myself, I was defending someone else. I had been bullied by this same bully earlier that day and apparently, I did nothing.
Of course, the bully came charging at me right after the stunning open-palmed mayweather-loving I dished. For sure, I was going to get beaten to pulp! Great, the tooth fairy would have to make her second trip that month.
At that very moment, the most phenomenal thing happened. All the people who had stood around previously and had cowered during the bullying, suddenly received some boldness! They stood in front of me, shoved the bully back and formed a shield around me. The bully, of course, walked off in shame and with a severely finger-streaked face.
Charly, defend the weak. One day, when you need it the most and expect it the least, help will come your way. Someone will shield you because you shielded someone else. Of course, this doesn’t mean, you should go around slapping bullies and poking people in the eyes, that’s particularly risky and the tooth fairy may very well quit visiting and just move in all together. Understand that bullying is the root all forms of injustice and you should never be an observer.
Bullying occurs as a result of a power differential in the situation. The bully seems more powerful because he may be bigger, richer, higher in hierarchy, more knowledgeable—whatever he thinks he is— the trick is to strip the power by changing your perspective about him. He really isn’t that big, or that important. In fact, bullies only do it because they are deficient in love, security and kindness. Once you see them in that light, the emotion of fear is quickly replaced by compassion. Well, kinda. Someone should have told me this before I slapped the bully, right? Hehe.
If given another chance, would I do things differently? Probably not. Although, I might spin around on my heel, swing my arm a little wider, let my hand hang for a bit, wriggle my fingers theatrically before the slap eventually connects- you know, just to make sure the movie doesn’t end before the popcorn.
Love,
Great Gran x
PS: Beating up bullies doesn't stop bullying altogether. The bullies tend to find other victims or retaliate on a grander scale. The solution to bullying is to educate bullies about the value of kindness. This of course isn't practical on the play ground, office or in cyber-space (as in cyber bullying) but is the responsibility of the school, governing body, social media platform or at least, a person who is able to influence the bully and stir him in the right direction.
What are your thoughts? Is it worth educating bullies on kindness? Ever been bullied? Did you fight back? Have you ever been cyber-bullied? What do you think is the best solution to this? Would love to hear what you think!
October is National Bully Prevention month (in the US)
Mindful Living- The Invisible Gorilla
If a gorilla moved into our home and sat at our dinner table every night- honestly, chances are that I may not notice, might even make him tea. Maybe on Sunday morning when it gets into the car with us as we head out to church, I might eventually notice— at which point, I'd scream until the entire city wakes and then insist respectfully that it take bus.
Thankfully, no gorillas have made it past the front door (at least, I don't think so), though we'll never know. Many times I realize I miss things happening around me because I'm so busy and absorbed into my routine that I really don't notice important and even sometimes, not-so-important things (which have a way of suddenly becoming important).
If you are like me, prepare to be pacified.
In this video, psychologists perform a test to analyze the intuition and minds of observers. The experiment involves an actual gorilla and they go on to prove that the human intuition sees what it expects to see and misses a whole lot of incidents while we focus on tasks at hand. We just aren't particularly mindful about our activities as human beings. [Remember when we talked about apes taking over the world because human aren't paying attention?]
The world is moving so fast, if I didn't know better I'd think it was spinning off its axis and everything was moving at 16x fast forward. It's important to take breathers, like I suggested to Charly once. Mindful living is in, guys. We have to do things deliberately and consciously.
We have to constantly be in a "Earth-to-*insert your name*" state-of-mind; aware that our tasks, the ones we love on and have around are worthy of our attention.
In all things be mindful:
Mindful eating(chew slow);
Mindful sex (hey!);
Mindful loving;
Mindful dates (let your phone kiss the table);
Mindful worship (high-five, God);
Mindful driving (buh-bye Pokémon);
Mindful chilling with your family;
Mindful voting (Aye, Americans);
Mindful spending (or risk a lean piggy bank)
Mindful working (put your mind and back into it)
Mindful speaking (every word is a gift)
Mindful writing;
Mindful socializing;
Mindful everything! Let's watch that gorilla try and break in with all that mindfulness.
What would you like to be more mindful in? Would love to know your thoughts. If it's mindful sex, just nod where you are, we see ya!
Blogged sitting on Ed's lap, recovering from a cold. Sniff. Wait, is that a gorilla?!
Here We Go Again!
Hey, you! You came back! You came back! Welcome. Happy New Blog year! I know you are expecting me to tell you what I did during my time off in September- about my somber reflection, my cyber-muteness and how I've obtained inner strength for the next blogging year. So I will tell you.
~pause~
I played a lot of PS4, ate too much and crashed our friends' honeymoon and did everything else in between; still I got to reflect and get many things in perspective.
I missed being here, missed you guys. PGI turned one last month, I couldn't have pulled that off without you. Thank you for reading and for all your support.
I think this new year I might bring a little more playfulness to the blog. Just a little more. Think we could fit some more in? Pressed-down-shaken-together rascality. Lol. I know, just when you thought there wasn't anymore space! Looking forward to it! I also hope you like the new look. PGI is constantly trying to make this platform easy to use and easy for you to poke around.
By the way, Happy Independence Day, Nigeria. 5&6 is a really big deal.
A few more things I did in September: umm...oh, yeah, I high-fived the coolest homeless guy and I quit the gym.
Then I un-quit the gym.
How have you been? Glad to be back? What was September like? Did you crash anyone's honeymoon? 'Cause you really should.
The Best Thing About Stepping into Poop
Without fail, in the last year, I've landed myself in at least 2 full, loads of glorious metaphorical shit. Pardon my French but if you knew what they were you'd say, "Oh Whao, Ike, crap!"
There I was, waist-deep, determined not to wade in this life-altering problems, because you know how these things work- wade, wade, trip, fall face-in, gurgle. In other words, moving and struggling would have landed me in deeper trouble. It could have gotten much, much worse. Right, where were we? I was in a huge poop pickle. Naturally, I panicked and then I told God, who calmed me down as always; then I told Ed, who is always very calm during the worst situations. We talked about these problems and then proceeded to find a solution-all three of us.
If you've even been in trouble before, you know how much you want to get out, right, and once you do, it's Sayōnara to that rubbish! That was exactly what I did; the moment I got out, I cleaned up quickly and I basked in the relief of the resolution of the problems and just kept going. Sigh, the delight of being free! And then one day, a metaphorical anvil fell on my head, in form of a bible verse. Here it is;
“And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail...””
I don't know about you but whenever I see that scripture, I imagine Satan sitting on an apoti* sifting garri**. Lol!
That verse caused crazy questions to float through my mind, and if you have answers don't hesitate to comment: Why has Satan asked for Simon? He prayed specifically for one person? Why? Wait, Satan can make requests?! Satan prays?
In spite of all my query, one thing was clear; Peter was in deep shit. There's just no cute way of saying it. Satan had asked specifically for him. Thank God, for Jesus who prays for us all the time and rescues us from poopy-situations. Peter still had to go through the trial though, note.
The anvil bit of the verse comes at the end...
“...When you have come through the time of testing, when you have turned around, turn to your companions and strengthen them...”
The best thing about being in deep shit is getting people out of it once we are on safe ground. We win battles everyday. Every single day and one person is still caught in the struggle. After you catch your breath (which probably don't smell like roses), reach back and help some more people out.
If you've ever been rescued from the reluctance to forgive, from malice, envy, addiction, depression, poverty, abuse, please remember that people struggle with these trials everyday. Reach out, pray for them and draw them on to clean grounds! I'm certain someone was praying for me, somewhere, somehow.
Illustration by Mari Andrew
Every triumph is awarded with a trophy but instead of placing that on a mantle and beaming at it, like I did, please take it back to your site of victory, stretch it out until someone grabs hold of the other handle and help the person out of you-know-what.
Don't you just love the girl in this photo? I almost hugged her through the screen when I saw how her expression translates directly to the post title! Do you remember a time you were sure someone was praying for you? Do you have any answers to my questions about Peter? I'd love to read your thoughts and learn!
Page by Ike will be on a blogger's vacay in the month of September, we will be back on the 1st of October by God's grace! Great chance to catch up, right? I know, that's what I said too! See you soon!
5 Easy Peasy Ways to Enjoy Your Flight
More than ever before, holiday-makers are choosing to take their vacation and travel during the "-ember" months, which means Autumn has totally snatched Summer's thunder! Sorry, Summer. Traveling in Autumn is a great way to save on your trips, with reduced travel fares and relatively reduced accommodation rates- one less reason to be sad about the end of Summer!
If you are back from your travels, don't feel bad and there's absolutely no reason why you should feel left out of this post; let us know if you tried any of these 5 points during your flight. Also, let us know if you have been meeting "people of interest" on your travels like I have:
5 easy peasy ways to enjoy your flight
1. Bring your own stuff (BYOS): No matter what class you will be flying, nothing makes a trip better than personalizing your experience. Using your own stuff during a flight adds a layer of increased comfort. Items that are always a good idea are: I) Chewing gum/breath mint II) Socks III) Headphones IV) Tea, coffee, hot chocolate in a sachet V) Snack e.g cashews, gummy bears VI) Sleep gear**
2. Chat up your neighbor: You never know who you might be seating next to on a flight. I once sat next to a regional director for one of the largest Pharmaceutical Multinationals. Hello, LinkedIn bestie. The easiest way to initiate a chat with your neighbor is by showing kindness. A great way to engage your neighbor is by offering them a snack or gum. Gum/breath mints are the most important items on a journey, as you can see.
3. Plan your inflight activities: Planning your inflight activities ties everything up nicely. It ensures that you create time to walk around, which helps your blood flow; also you get to plan your rest times, work and entertainment: watch in-flight movies, solve puzzles, play two dots or whatever games you enjoy, talk to your neighbor with your new, improved minty breath. At the end, your journey feels well-rounded and productive-ish.
4. Moonwalk down the aisle: It always feels like a good idea to take the potato-couch status on board a plane and just sit all through the flight, binge-watching movies, binge-eating weird airplane food and binge-sleeping. However, being docile on a flight, no matter how short, is never a good idea. Flights lasting 8-10 hours pose the greatest risk of the formation of blot clots (aka Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT)). Ensure you make as many trips down the aisle, to the rest room or just moonwalk down the aisle and stare awkwardly into people's faces... just because you can.
5. Hug the free seats: On long haul flights when fatigue makes you anti-social, and you want to skip chatting your neighbor up and you are just content the way your breath smells, ask the flight attendants about free seats. They usually ask you to wait until take off, by which time you might be asleep anyway. If you stay up, move to your new three-seat empire! Oh and don't forget to tell them to wake you for dinner.
4 Interesting people I've met on a plane because I offered them gum
(1) a girl who apparently detests flying and wouldn't stop talking about death *side eye*;
(2) a chef who worked on a rig and missed his family all the time;
(3) an Israeli with the clearest blue eyes who hates Tel Aviv and doesn't speak with his relatives;
(4) a man who told me the history of Nigeria for 5 hours, straight, until I started dozing, which didn't stop him. You'll be amazed the kind of information you'd be privy to with just one act of kindness!
What's your absolute must-have on a flight? Headphones and gum for me. Do you do in-flight exercises? **Do you change into pajamas on long-haul flights? Any interesting people you've met on-board a flight?
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How to End up with the Sexiest Person Alive
On the bunch of keys that open the door to a great relationship, is one shiny silver key that no one likes to talk about.
Attraction.
We talk about it but then it’s quickly lost in that whole, “it’s what’s on the inside that matters” jingle, which by all means is the truth and a great jingle, otherwise, the relationship would be superficial and weird and all you’d have is a pretty picture and nothing else. See what I mean, almost lost my silver key there talking about that jingle again. Back to our gist.
My friend once broke up with a guy because she didn’t find him attractive and I didn't understand why she did that.
“…But he’s a good guy!” I protested, “Why would you do that?” Then one day, as I was thinking about this, I realized that she had a point; a very valid point.
Assuming she married this nice, responsible man- because Ike didn’t wouldn’t stop whining about how great a guy he was (I really didn’t stop)- what would happen? They would play house for about a month or two, have a series of “lie-there-like-a-fish” sexual encounters, then what? She’d keep on living with someone who she had no attraction or particular liking for. Classic case of Marianne in Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility. She would be miserable. She’s glad she didn’t stay with him because now he's with someone who thinks he looks better than a shirtless Channing Tatum on a pole! One sister’s Elma Ford is another sister’s Channing.
One of my guy-friends did the same. He broke up with a girl who he didn’t find attractive. Now she is with someone who thinks she is some form of Gisele-Megan Good-Scarlette Jo' hybrid and she’s about to start planning her wedding.
These two friends of mine were light-years ahead of me in realizing three things; 1. In marriage, there should be a lot of rustling sheets(fact); 2. Physical attraction matters (fact); 3. Ike isn’t the one who has to live with their decisions and lie there like a fish (fact)
Really, there’s nothing wrong with choosing not to be with people you aren’t physically into and vice versa. You are simply making them available to the people who find them irresistible. Someone else would cherish, honor him and give him the best sex of his life *shrug*
Take this as another example: One time, I met a guy who liked me and everything about me except the shape of my head Lol! Can you even believe it? My glorious, wonderful head! That’s the way the world works, preferences, desires, decisions. If he stuck it out with me and my head (assuming I complied), we’d be in a relationship which just involves him staring angrily at my head and kicking himself, while I’d be staring outside a window pining for Ed, who clearly loves my head (He tells me this all the time.)
We know that physical appearance isn’t the primary criteria for choosing a life-partner; of course, this person you have chosen, must have a wonderful, beautiful spirit and heart with which you connect so intimately, that you have frequent fits of increased heart palpitations per minute; but also, this person must test your self-control, if you know what I mean*insert stupid grin*
Choose the right person for you- there’s only ever one “sexiest-person-in-the-world” for each person. Choose your very own sexiest person alive and don't settle for less!
I would love to read your thoughts on this. Do you agree with the decision to let go? Does physical attraction matter to you? Do you like the shape of my head? (Trick question)
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The Gist in our 237th Blog Post
Hurry, what's the gist?
Pages by Ike will be One next month! Weee! One whole year! And so... we will be taking the month of September off! Not-Wee. I know.
I encourage my friends who are small-business owners to take holidays and I see them hesitate and struggle with making that decision. I never really understood the hesitation and drama; now that I have to do it, it feels like I'm leaving my child at a boarding school, in a remote wilderness with tumbleweed and desert vermin as company.
Why do we have to go on holiday? *pout*
One word. Evaluation. I'm in that step-back-and-evaluate-those-goals-girl phase of things. During my time away, one of the most important things I will be reviewing as a writer, blogger, individual, wife, friend is my vision. It's crucial to have the right vision. It's not just OK to have "a vision", but actually having "the right" vision, is the key.
I will be stepping back and evaluating the execution of my goals in a systemic manner. I realize I sound a little intense but I have to be, to ensure the best quality of service to you and my community and my Ed!
When will PGI be back? *breath held*
We will be back on the first day of October.
Are you trying to stop blogging? *skeptical glance*
No, I'm not trying to stop blogging. I have come to see that I am unable to stop, in fact. Many nights I wake up at 2AM, my phone in hand and my blog app open. Suddenly I freak out like, O no! I think I've published an incomplete post with 'fghhhhhhhhhjjhh" typed in. Lol. Falling asleep while blogging is too much fun to give up. Don't you think?
Don't worry one month will swish by fast, it'll be like we never stopped...only that we did for a while and...went on holiday...but never did...but we did...you get my point.
So, what do we do now that PGI is on holiday? *crickets*
Catch up! If you are new, welcome! 10-posts-a-day and you'll be up to date. Fun!
Also, while we are on this short break, you could check out other blogs, yum! www.allthingsbeingamal.com;
[If you write a blog, please comment below! We would love to check your space out during our holiday].
I will miss you guys severely, but we'll be back soon! Thank you for swinging by all the time; for hanging with me, over the last year, 300+ days and 200+ blog posts!
We aren't quite done yet though. The holiday doesn't start until the end of August, so keep swinging! New blog post up soon!
It's surreal but this is our 237th blog post! Weeee! Thank you for being here and there for PGI all the way. Also please thank the Holy Spirit who helps me out like his life depends on it. He works so hard! My star-guy! Muah!
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Travel: Nigerian Girl Under Lookout Mountain! (Chattanooga)
For someone who claims not to be cut from the cloth of adventure and thrill-seeks, I seem to have a thing for mountains! You'd think I'd stick to low grounds, huh? Anyway, please "Take me back to Lookout Mountain and Ruby Falls!" Location: Chattanooga.
Last Summer, Ed and I went on a road trip to some of the southern cities of the United States. Our first stop was Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville, because a certain someone loves country music and listens to David Nail, Florida Georgia Line, and Sam Hunt all day long. Plus, that certain someone also loves the idea of honky-tonking wearing a skirt and cowboy boots. Stating the obvious, Ed doesn't wear skirts.
I recognize 4 out of 5
Anyway, after roof-top bar hoping, eating ice cream, dancing on the street at the traffic lights (there are speakers at the traffic lights constantly streaming music) in that mean ol' sun, we drove to Chattanooga to ride the steepest train in the world and to see the underground waterfallbeneath it, known as Ruby Falls. Ruby Falls is a 145 foot waterfall named after the wife of the geologist, Leo Lambert who discovered it in 1929.
Cool candle wax-looking rock formations
No one has been able to trace the source of the water of the waterfall, which sounded spooky to me. Actually, that day, at 1,120 feet below the ground, everything sounded spooky to me. Barney and the Telly Tubbies would have sounded spooky to me on that adventure. *pensive* The Telly Tubbies scare me already, so that kind of weakens my argument. Anyway, truth, being 1,120 feet under a mountain is darn-spooky. We walked for over a mile through this dark, narrow path with crevices of rock formation on either side. The formations grew out of the walls and the ground like little trees; to my palms, they felt like marble and to my eyes they looked like huge blotches of candle wax pretending to be rare.
Our guide was thrilled by the fact that we were in the dark and we were a bit spooked, so he told us that there were bears in the cave. He was joking, of course, and found this very funny. I didn't and I made sure I was close enough to Ed as possible. It was all very Shaggy-and-Scooby-Doo.
"The previous week", The guide said, in his perfect southern drawl, "the elevator got broken, everyone was stuck here for a long time and we had to walk up the fire exit, all the way up!" then he chuckled and kept walking. He was a fun guy. He also mentioned that they had a Halloween tour edition. Lol. And why would I want to attend that, pray tell?
Scooby mode
Did I think we would be stuck there forever?
Yes
Did I believe the bear story?
Yes
Did I wonder about volcanoes and earthquakes at the moment?
Yes. Very much.
How steep was the train track?
Steep. Steepest incline in the world. Looked like something out of an old Okeke Physics text book. "Inclined planes" chapter. It had a 72.7% gradient. Hello, falling over!
Best part about the tour:
When we got out. I'm kidding, when we saw and heard the waterfalls...and then when we got out.
What did we eat for lunch?
All the junk food we packed for the trip! Gummy bears. Jollof rice and chicken (for sure), corn chips!
Would I recommend checking out Lookout Mountain and Ruby Falls?
Absolutely, you'll love it, unless you are claustrophobic and really, really not cut from the cloth of adventure, which is completely fine by the way. That makes two of us.
If ever you are in the area - you know, Georgia, Tennessee, the Lookout mountain and Ruby falls tour is a really good idea! Let me know how it goes?!
Are you cut out for adventure or not really? What is your all-time most favorite adventure memory?
Uuuuuh! 😃
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Foregone
Fiction
It is abominable, that which I do.
But I hurry to it anyway.
I follow the stream by the white light of the moon, stilling myself at every sound of crunching leaves or rustling bushes. I have wrapped myself in the darkest Ankara, on top of it, is my father’s hunting tunic, darker than night. I have smeared his tobacco and spice behind my ears to ward off any strangers or their dogs.
A traveling stranger is less interesting if she smells of tobacco and roots, than of hibiscus and lemons.
In my hand, is my shepherd’s crook. It whacks and chokes, whether it be sheep or person.
This is no man's land, distant from mother's watchful eye. Any assailant would be out of range of father’s arrow.
Now well into the forest, I hear the faint roar of the waters and my heart races. Quickly, I begin to climb the hill.
It is dark but I know where to place my feet, where to grip and brace, where to heave and lift. The darkness amplifies the thunder of the rushing waterfall of Arè. It surrounds, it terrifies. It is enough to fail a heart.
I remove my sandals and wade into the river, she welcomes me and draws me in along the current. I hold unto familiar stones, slippery and some tufty with growth, my feet find ground on the sandy bed. I feel for the rocks and climb out into a cave.
At last.
He is there waiting.
He rises to his feet. My heart thumps, my belly flutters.
Tórę..