4 Long Distance Relationship mind-tricks + How to deal
Somewhere in between feeling like a third wheel on most social outings and scowling on the crowded train next to the kissing couple, you'll realize that this long distance relationship (LDR) isn't just your thing!
No one can take away the discomfort (putting it mildly) that LDR brings but you can sure make it easier on yourself. From experience, i noticed that LDRs tend to have certain effects on the individuals involved--minds tricks that's what they are really. The distance, of course, makes you feel as frustrated as ever and begins to play games on your mind, causing you to make decisions you wouldn't make otherwise (especially #4). I've narrowed these effects down to 4 effects, because this post could easily turn into a book if I don't. Lol!
Spoiler alert for effect #2: During our LDR, probably in our 7th year, Ed and I were away from each other for a while--the longest we had ever been. By the 3rd month, we couldn't remember what the other person felt or looked like! Don't be alarmed if this happens to you, somewhere along the line you might lose bits and pieces of the events and time you shared together, but that's ok, breathe, it doesn't mean your relationship is dying. Check out #2 for tricks!
Here are 4 tricks LDRs might have on your mind and 4 neat tricks to manage them:
1. Stuck on Stag Island
Stagnant (Stag) island: that place where you want to hide under a rock and become a hermit. From experience, I can say LDR has a knack for getting you to put your life on hold, because your Significant other(S.O) is not around. You are here watching the world go by, passing on some awesome experiences and all you want to do is dip yourself in a slow, mundane cycle and sluggishly go with the motions till you see bae again.
Neat trick: Get busy and don't let those experiences pass you by (Well, not unless they cost money and you are broke). Find a hobby. Develop yourself! If you want to go to Turkey for a- once-in-life-time internship opportunity, this would be a great time to do so.
2. Forget S.O's face and features
By week 9 of your LDR, you may begin to forget features, voice tones, the tiny things that made you fall in love with S.O. True, you talk every day on FaceTime or Imo but you can't get past the virtual barricade the screen offers. Don't panic and think your relationship is over just because you can't remember the way he feels or the way she laughs!
Neat trick: Discusswith your S.O. He/she probably feels the same way and is just as spooked about telling you. Sharing this will take the load off your shoulders. A surprise visit may also be in order, if you can afford it!
Something Ed did that helped was "a letter box". He wrote about 10 letters all sealed in individual envelopes and marked for the days I was to open them and read (P.s I love you style). *heart bubbles bursting all over my head right now* It also helped that we gave each other rich narratives of our day.
3. PDA intolerance
You suddenly become intolerant to couples holding hands and kissing on the streets. I remember one particular couple in Trafalgar Square. They were both dressed in white clothes, top to bottom, for some reason. They wouldn't stop kissing each other! If you have me a pen and paper, I could draw and label their tongues. I saw too much in one glance. Way too much.
Neat trick: Zone out of the situation and give the couple as much space as possible. There's not a lot to do in this situation but self-pacify. Lol! If you think about it, you guys will eventually be that gross couple that everyone can draw their tongues in future. Sohold your peace and focus on the future!
4. Illegally Crushing
You begin to crush on someone who is near and isn't even cute! LDRers are lonely people and are the most susceptible to having weird, random crushes. Tut. Tut. It's the LDR hustle.
Not-so-neat trick: You have two options: (1)Tell S.O about it. Reassure him/her that it's nothing. You guys can work through it together. (2) If you are going the other obvious route-the don't-tell-S.O route, please find someone who you can trust and confide in. Be accountable. It's great to have good platonic friendships at your location to ensure you aren't lonely and are occupied! It really helps, unless they are "Jacks". Lol! I just remembered that post. I'm going to read that now. I hope you enjoyed this and that it helped! Please share with an LDRers you know! Thanks!
Hey, can you identify with any of these mind-tricks? Please feel free to add any effects of long distance relationships you might have experienced below!
LDR: My Sweet Virtual Valentine's
Source: IG @meganhess_official
To all Long Distance Relationship-ers (LDR-ers) out there, this Valentine's day is going to suck...........unless you have a plan. One thing i know about being in a LDR is that, it forces you out of your comfort zone and makes you think creatively! Plus, every romantic gesture you do has the potential to earn a million cookie points! It's just the way it is. For some odd reason, receiving an unexpected bouquet or package, getting a pre-recorded video, a hand written letter just gets everything sparkly and delightful and for that day and the next few days, the world is ok for your significant other. Contrary to popular belief, you CAN have a wonderful Valentine's Day, even in a Long Distance Relationship. Remember, you need to plan, like I said, else, it'll suck. I reiterate, the "Suck" factor will abide, mainly because you have nothing planned and all the couples are out that night cuddling, strolling, making out, or all three at the same time!
Here are 3 Things to consider during this planning:
The Surprise
All your significant other (sigO) really wants for Valentine's Day, is you. If you can, plan a trip to see him/her, make it a surprise! I once pulled off a surprise visit, i flew in from Italy on a Sunday, landed at night. Of course, this was all strategically planned. I knew Ed would be at church for about 2 hours out of my 7 hour flight and i know he eats huge lunches on Sundays, which is inevitably followed closely by a chronic case of food coma. He didn't wake up until i landed! We chatted for a while and went to bed, he was completely oblivious. The following morning, at 5AM, i got to his apartment building, ready to surprise! I was let in by the gateman, and then.......and then........and then.......I got attacked by his dog who had run into the compound, clearly perplexed by my presence. Lol! Then he had to rescue me from the dog, who I admit has always been a little jealous of me. Anyway, the visit was epic and amazing!
Strategically plan a surprise visit, it's worth 4,678,000 Cookie points!
The Gift
Since the beginning of time, the most common Valentine's Day gifts have been; Perfume, Teddy Bears, Cake, Chocolate, Flowers, Engagement rings (now we're talking, Grin)! They are all cute but sometimes, getting creative and character-specific with gifts earns you more points that the generic gifts.
Secret: I once sent a video of myself dancing to Don Jazzy and Tiwa's 'Eminado' to Ed one Valentine's Day. This video has since been destroyed, so as not to hinder any political office aspirations I may have in the future.
Generic Gift** (gift wrapped): 900,000 Cookie points
Creative Gift: 2,570,000 Cookie points
The Date
LDRs are the best! They get you creative, I tell you! They also make you appear a little looney.
Date night on Valentine's evening is a possibility, provided you are ready to give it a try.
Dress up (yes, shoes too), order or make a meal, call Sig.O on skype, light some candles (but don't turn the lights off because you won't be able to see each other) and have a Skype date on Valentine's night! Of course, if someone walks in on you, then you'd look a tad nuts but what do they know! If you both are culinary enthusiasts, the date can begin in the kitchen!
What are your Valentine's Day plans? Ever planned a fun surprise visit? How did it go? Were dogs involved? Hope not!
**There's absolutely nothing wrong with generic gifts, present it properly and bump up your cookie points!