Emperor of Sofa to Emperor, Fitfam

Photo credit: Me!

If you are an adopted member of #fitfam (like me) and ignoring Cold stone, Krispy Kreme and Dominos is getting pretty hard; if running 5 miles feels like a stretch and exercising in general looks like it's cut out for others and not you, well, I've got great news for you. Below are some tips on how to repudiate your reign as Emperor of sofa and assume a new position; Emperor of #fitfam. If you can't stand the term #fitfam, please skip to the last paragraph. I can't particularly give you a time frame for your transition; the main determinant is your will....fused with this post. Here goes....

1. Insta-Mentor

An insta-mentor gets you rolling out the mat and grabbing the dumbbells in no time. Mine on Instagram is @sofialevfitness. She never fails to inspire my abs. My abs love her. The part of me that hates to work out though....not so much. During those times when I don't feel like being Emperor, I just scroll fast past her 15 second videos, but then after a swift scroll, there she is again! She's one of those multiple photo/video uploaders. A fitness mentor inspires your body parts and it helps if they are really active on social media and in your face all the time.

2. Buy Gym wear (neon does it!) 

 I don't know if this happens to anyone else but when I wear my gym clothes, I have a Clark-Kent-like transformation. My jaw is set, I stand akimbo, staring into the sun with an imaginary red cape blowing in wind...that kind of stuff and then off I go to the gym to run less than my proposed 3 miles. Superman has his timeout days too, what can I say? Nevertheless, buying gym gear definitely helps your morale and enthusiasm in breaking a sweat. If you feel you need an arm, head, ankle, belly band, get them all, as long as they makes you feel like you were born on the thread mill and get that heart rate up.

3. Gym/Work it  

Now that you have those neon beauties, i guess it's important to join a gym! It's worth every penny. A cheaper alternative would be buying work out tapes (I said tapes, I don't know why i said tapes). If you are on a budget, google some aerobic exercises or do what i do; make up a routine and work it out consistently.   

4. Ignore junk food

You'd think that associating the word "junk" with "food" would turn us all into junk food snobs but no, makes us love and crave it even more. Make cooking a habit and do it quantities that last at least a week. Also snack right with healthier options; nuts, fruits, vegetables. Leftovers and healthy snacks are the key to junk-snubing.

5. Make healthy eating fun! 

Try new healthy recipes and make healthy pastries. If you are a baked goods lover, bake healthy. Eat dinner early, 7pm early, and if you are above the age of 25, carby night-caps are probably not the best idea.

6. Get a pedometer!

I should get paid for this pedometer thing but seriously, get one for yourself and a loved one this Christmas. It helps to measure your daily activity. You'll very soon realize how sedentary you actually might be, which we don't want, sitting being the new smoking and all. Set a target for each day, we are supposed to take about 7000-8000 steps a day. My pedometer just whispered, "Hypocrite," which is exactly why you want one. 

7. Be consistent! 

#Fitfam is a lifestyle and requires a complete lifestyle turn around. It really is a conscious effort to get off the sofa, suspend Netflix 'n' chill and actually get active. Having someone who you are accountable to helps a lot as well; someone to stare you down as you open the fridge at midnight; someone to slap your wrist as you reach for that ooze-drippy caramel-ly, chocolatey desert; someone to send you this post, because they love you. 

So remember; insta-mentor+ some neon+ junk snobbery+ workout tapes +dinner before 7+ nagging pedometer+ willpower= Emperor Fitfam

Now, if you hate the term #fitfam and you want absolutely nothing to do with them. Read this post again and cover the #fitfam with your pinkie. Once you've done that, buy you some neon colored gym clothes, follow a health entusiast on IG, make some healthy diet changes, buy a pedometer and share this post. 

For de Men Dem: Your First Date Kit.

It's the first date!! We all know men like to act like the first date is a 'casual' see-where-it-goes affair, so read the first sentence again without the exclamation marks. They also like to pretend like they don't fall into the frantic "What do i wear?!!" dilemma, so we are going to pretend along side and casually put up this product collage, so they can 'casually' be aware of what might work on this 'casual' event.

Let's jump right in. What are the 5 places on you she will notice first?

If you said eyes, you are wrong! Top 5 places she will look: Your shoes, your shirt, your ankles, your hair, your watch (maybe). That explains #1, #2, #3 and #6a. #6a, being your shirt, if she cares about labels, she will notice a crest, if you care about crests too, well, i guess you both are in luck! Your shirt has to be clean, crested or not, like this #6-guy kinda clean. No recycling for your date! Do not rummage through your laundry bag. Don't. Women have a superior sense of smell, i'm not kidding, click the link to see. We smell everything you can't. 

#3 is Coconut oil for your hair, beard (no pressure, unless you are in the beard gang. If you are, then pressure!) and your ankles (we see them). Ashy ankles are one of those things that can only be tagged as preventable. Prevent it. The fact that you smell of coconut is probably an interesting ice-breaker. Hehe.

For a first date, comfort is important. You would already probably have a mild nervous breakdown from being close to her (except you are Bond. James Bond.). I guess its best you dress up in stuff you are comfortable in which brings me to number 6b! Shorts! I'm a great believer in shorts on a first date. It  gives her the opportunity to see if it's an Esau or Jacob situation we have going down there and also gives you the opportunity to show off those legs. That is, if you have legs you are proud of. This is only appropriate on certain occasions, obviously and is completely up to you to try out. I don't think i've ever been on a date with someone who was brave enough to wear shorts....ok wait, maybe once. I don't think it was voluntary though. Long story. Only the brave....Pharrel pulled it off on the red carpet more than once. #Justsaying

#4 Handkerchiefs, aren't those extinct! Well, they shouldn't be. You probably need 2, one for drying your nervous perspiration(unless you are so together like Bond. James Bond) and the other for her, just in case she begins to cry for some reason. Maybe she can't believe how perfect you are and how long she has been waiting for someone like you. The things that make us cry......rme*. 

#7 Sunglasses are great, but not for the whole duration. She probably wants to see your eyes at some point (except you are crying too, lol). #5 is this really nice bracelet by Paul Hewitt which i couldn't resist putting up. Accessories are great, as long as it's a minimalist effect overall. 

I generally wouldn't recommend a tank top for your first date. Why? The armpits. The armpits are NOT a place anyone wants to get acquainted with right after the first "hello", especially if the hair there is of significant volume. Cringe*.

In conclusion, you don't need to have all these items to have a good time. It definitely helps to be neat and well put together and most importantly to have good intentions, which all women wish could be as apparent as your bare legs but she'll have to learn to decipher if you are a hit and run kinda guy all by herself.

 If you live anywhere where your leaves are turning various shades of the primary colors already, well, this is probably the last weekend to try to wear this. So goodluck! 

**Sheabutter also works wonders on ashy ankles but the smell would probably break the ice and much, much more.

Would you wear shorts on your first date? What 5 places do you think women notice first?