Back in the Saddle with a Car Seat
I’m back. I say that too often. But I am. Back in the blogging saddle, baby. The only difference now is that I have a car seat behind my proverbial saddle. I have a little one. A mini Ed. Best feeling.
Describe the feeling? It’s like heaven, hard work and fun had a baby, that baby is the feeling of having a baby. I’ve confused us all. Haven’t I? Shrug.
So the big question, “Ike, are we going to start seeing titles such as ‘5 positions to burp your baby while in a car seat’ or ‘8 ways to purée avocados and beets’?”
No.
I’m still the same ol’ me! Only now I have superior skills in multi-tasking, clipping tiny baby nails , doing the Rafikki baby-lift while singing 'Circle of life' and singing non-traditional lullabies remixes of actual nursery rhymes, worship songs, and Daft Punk (It is the sci-fi age after all).
I may mention mamahood sometimes but predominantly, it’s still fiction, love, and God for you and me. Oh, glee.
5 Obvious Habits That Make Relationships Go Kaboom
In relationships, there are good "Kabooms" and there are bad "Kabooms". This post aims to point out 5 bad-kaboom triggers that could cause a relationship to go desperately wrong. They may seem trivial and the big deal may be questioned. However, the presence of these habits in a relationship implies that the relationship needs a little work, as do all relationships, that we may all attain the good kaboom (fireworks) *grin*
Bad Kaboom Triggers
1. Hanging up the phone
Someone recently asked me if it was OK for a person's significant other to make a habit of hanging up the phone in anger.
Yes, it is...if your significant other is 12 years old.
Adult relationships require a lot more than hanging up to prove a point or to show displeasure. The last time I hung up on someone was a while back but still I'm sure Elmo was disappointed.
Action: If you can't deal with the conversation at that moment, simply state that you are upset, would need some alone-timeand excuse yourself.
2. Cussing out (privately or publicly)
Except cussing out is a huge turn-on or a value-adding activity for a couple, it's probably best not to. Berating your significant other, in front of other people isn't cool at all. It shows a lack of respect and drops you down everyone's hangout list. "Not inviting those guys to dinner anytime soon."
Action: Get on everyone's guest list by postponing the resolution of your misunderstanding to a later time when you are both alone.
3. Talking about your problems to other people
Here's the gist and I hope you'll agree: Anyone who will not be present after the disagreement, at the "make-up make-out" session should not be involved in any step of the disagreement either. Third parties shouldn't be in your relationship's business, neither should you run to them when stuff gets weird.
Action: Talk to the only other people involved in this spat- God and your partner
4. Running to mummy every time something goes wrong
My mum also believes in the 'make-up make-out' rule. Why run to mum when mum has her own make-out schedule to keep?! Figure it out, child!
5. Not listening
This is not the same as zoning out, although they have the same results. Not listening doesn't mean you aren't present mentally during the conversation but it means you aren't reading between the lines and trying to understand what S.O is saying. Half of the things we try to say never get said. They instead come out in weird blurts and verbal squirts that convey less meaning than they actually imply.
Paying rapt attention to S.O and understanding what's being said helps the quality of a relationship a lot! I've come to notice that on the days I pay attention to what Ed is really saying, I almost always get a "I'm so good at decoding and decrypting, I should be employed by the CIA" feeling!
Action: Read between the lines.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Are there times that it's absolutely necessary to talk to someone about relationship problems? Are there any more habits you think could make relationships go wrong?
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Made for Grey
The sky was overcast, as I walked down to the library about noon today. I was off to return some books. It was beyond grey and the clouds had that stormy, purple tinge to them. As I walked along, I realized a man with a red baseball cap had stopped by the door of his car, his hand on the handle and was staring at me.
It was then I realized that he had caught me smiling to myself, and also that I was walking with a leap in my step. "How odd", he must have thought, in a Victorian accent. "For who is happy on a day such as this? The weather couldn't be less satisfactory!" *Reading too much Jane Austen* (Too much Jane Austen, bah! Like that's possible!)
During this walk, I would come to intensify my delighted gait and the man would continue to twist his neck awkwardly in its rigid axis. I had realized something: I was made for grey days, WE were made for grey days; all of us- we were made for days of gloom, for purple tinges and howling winds! We are the rays on that overcast day, the beam through the clouds, the bubbly in the hushed! We are so lit that we really don't know what to do with ourselves!
We were made for grey! No silly clouds will get us down. We shine bright even on a gloomy day!
Say it with me!
We were made for grey! No silly clouds will get us down! We shine bright even on a gloomy day!
If you could use some rays yourself, try encouraging someone else. You'd be amazed at how suddenly your world would light up! Also try a good book and some milo or hot choc! Goosebumps, baby!
Are you a fan of grey days or sunny days? Not a trick question! Lol. Have you read any Jane Austen's? Don't the characters just come alive and show up in your day? *crazy-book-lover talk*
Amusing Conversation With My Nephew (Wait for it!)
My nephew, Dabi (who is 7 years-old today), is on holiday, and is staying with Ed and I for about 2 weeks. This was a conversation that transpired yesterday, after I served him his hot bowl of Basmati rice, plantain, tomato stew and chicken strips. He was waiting for it to cool down.
Dabi: If Ruel* and I are here together, where will he sleep?
Me: If Ruel was here, I'd pack my bags and go to Bahamas because you guys won't let me rest and you'll be running around and stomping on the floor even if I tell you not to
Dabi: Haha! Who will cook for us?
Me: I don't know. I'll be in Bahamas
Dabi: We will cook by ourselves
Me: That's probably illegal
Dabi: What's illegal?
Me: Cooking by yourselves is probably a crime. The police will get you!
Dabi: *Gasps* We will hide!
Me: The K9 will find you
Dabi: What's a K9?
Me: A police dog
Dabi: Doggie! It will sniff me out!
Me: Yes, indeed and I'll be on the beach in Bahamas!
Dabi: I will run away and run to the airport, get on a plane and give the attendant my ticket
Me: Well, the K9 will give the flight attendant his ticket too and follow you on the plane. He'll seat next to you and read a newspaper. Then mid-flight he will look at you suddenly! And keep looking at you till you land!
Dabi: (squeal-laughs) No!!! I will use my parachute and land in Bahamas
Me: No way! I'll move to Grenada!
Dabi: I'll swim after you!
Me: Wait, so you won't take Ruel along?
Dabi: Oh yes, I'll use Ruel as a raft and paddle to meet you
Me: *must have fallen over my seat laughing* That's just mean
Dabi: Ruel will have his turn too.
Me: Alright! Fair enough
Happy birthday, Dabi!
*Ruel is my other nephew and is Dabi's cousin and best friend.
Do you know any children? Don't they say the most ridiculous things? Lol!
Real Stories #4: Whao, Karma!
Girl: Are you breaking up with me?
Me: You just deserve better than what I have to offer.
GIrl*colour gone from her face*
Me: You are too good for me. I don’t think I could bear to hurt you.
Me *insert sad face*
In reality, what I was trying to say to this girl was “Move... Get out the way, get out the way! I just found someone else and she’s unbelievably, nerve-wreckingly hot! So I guess it's over!” Before you classify me as a jerk (which you have already), let me pacify you with the news that it came back around eventually.
But first about me, I’m your typical everyday guy, I love football, love to hang out, a pretty good swimmer and a seasoned dater. Dating has been quite the journey, a bit of a roller coaster with some smooth-sailing and some intermittent, crazy nose-dives.
I’ve dated every type of girl- the sweet, the crazy, the beautiful, the moody, the drop-dead gorgeous, the older woman, the under-cover pretender (long story). I have nicked, swiped, shoplifted a few girlfriends from their boyfriends. I’ve never been a side-dude.
Well, dating has been quite the experience. I’ve noticed that whenever I do get serious and I try to give my all to a relationship, and not be the guy in the dialogue above, something usually goes colossally wrong! Hmmn. I wonder why?
I had been with a girl who I was really serious about for about 3 years and this was most probably going to be 'it' for me. One bright morning, she arrives at my place of employment, before I get in, waits around the premises until I arrive and tells me that it is over— after 3 years of being together. Just like that! She actually took a bus and a keke-marwa to my office and probably got there about 7am for the announcement. Such drive! The break-up speech took place inside my car and my colleagues kept waving at us and knocking on the passenger’s window to say hi to her.
“How cute!”, They must have thought, “Lovebirds cooing in the morning.” The hopeless romantics must have wished for a love so deep.
In reality, my behind was getting very dumped. So yeah, it came back around.
I’ve learnt a lot from my experiences; with the older woman, I learnt that women are timeless and eternally beautiful, with the same insecurities, hidden passions, secrets and knowing smiles. Yup, secrets. She also forgot to tell me she was getting married and refused to pick my calls after.
I’m much older now and my most important lesson learnt is that you must always involve God in your decisions and dealings. Now, I pray more for my spouse-to-be, than myself, even though I’m not married yet. I’ve learnt to accommodate women and their excesses and I have come to understand that phrase, ‘some things are better left unsaid’ alot better.
These days I’m out there, looking for a ring and figuring out the best way to propose to the best thing that ever happened to me!
This is story #4 of the "Dating Like Crazy" series (read #3, #2 and #1 ). This article was written by an anonymous contributor. His views and opinions are entirely his and do not necessarily reflect the views of PGI on this topic. Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.
Why You Shouldn’t be in a Hurry to get Married: The Law of the Avocado
The other day, I heard about a couple who got married three weeks after their first date and they are very happy together; they’ve been together for over five years now! I love that couple already. They clearly aren’t mainstream. Those are the type of stories I love to hear and tell people; extraordinary situations, good vibes, no negativity, no bad thoughts—you know, being the exception, the couple who dates for three weeks and whose marriage don’t fall apart in a huff and puff contest! I really like those stories. However, that's not what this post is about. It's about the crazy world we live in and the law of the avocado.
Stay with me.
I love avocados. I don't know what it is- I cut it open, I see the green flesh and I get very, very happy. I go crazy with one half- I eat it with a spoon, or slather it all over my chicken sandwich or chop it into my salad but I only ever use half, because both halves might be over-doing it for me. Now, if you’re an avocado-lover like me and you realize you can only eat one half, then you know that in a few moments, you desperately need to figure out a way to preserve the other half as soon as possible.
Why?
Avocados contain an enzyme known as polyphenol oxidase, which when exposed to air turns it brown. Summary, leaving your cut avocado out, will have it looking like something the cat dragged in and sneezed on.
Avocados are very sensitive to air— and to time. If you leave it out for about 10 to 30 minutes, it just keeps grinning at you, all green and lush and juicy. In two hours…then ...ATCHOO!! Cat’s sneeze.
It’s the same with relationships, it always starts out green, lush and juicy—always; but like the avocado, when left to the elements, it begins to show its true nature (which isn't always negative by the way). Nevertheless, it's a good idea to date for a while before getting married. There are no rules about how long a couple should date before they get married, however, the importance of knowing without any doubt or sentiment that you are making the right decision is so ridiculously imperative.
One of the advantages of dating for ages, is that it gives you a chance to sit still and watch your relationship, to watch for habits, for anger issues, for spending patterns, for cheating habits, for interpersonal skills and parent-sibling relations, to watch for reconcilable and irreconcilable differences. Do all the watching before you get married. Seriously, before you say ‘I do’, sit back, and watch your avocado-relationship in HD, if need be, rewind, pause, set to slo-mo. Please, just watch. Whenever you notice any issue, it's a good idea to discuss with your significant other. If it is an irreconcilable difference then, well then, I guess you caught it before you said “Yes”.
If you give your relationship enough time to let its real nature come through, you could be saving yourself a lot of drama. On one hand, it could either pass the avocado test, i.e remain greenly constant and constantly green- unchanging, despite the circumstances or amount of time or it might morph and look like 'the thing I said about the cat'. ATCHOO!
Ever tried the avocado test on your relationship? Did you have a short dating period? How cool is that? If you did, please share! What’s your ideal dating duration? Ever heard about the wait-for-30-days-before-we-start-dating rule?
Please share your thoughts with us:
Related Posts: Married to a jerk; 4 things I wish I knew on Dating Boulevard
Crop-Top-o-phobia: The Fear of crop tops
Last Summer, I tried wearing crop-tops for the first time and rightly so because we were in Vegas, baby! And it was hot, baby. *Straight face* Very hot. They should have been handing out crop-tops at the airport!
Anyway, I suggested in this post that the best way to get over the dread of crop-tops is to wear it with high-waist bottoms. I still stand by that suggestion. If you are thinking about baring some tummy but are a little hesitant, try a high-waist bottom, it works wonders for your confidence and as I advised someone on Twitter, also works wonders for preventing mosquitoes from feasting on your bare midriff, assuming you live in the tropics!
Although, I think the whole point of crops is to expose your glistening, toned midriff, baby steps are required for some of us.
How to wear a crop successfully
Get rid of added sugars and limit your carb intake. Yes, you can! I just drank a latte without adding any sugar. Was it gross? Yes, indeed! Was it a decision that would help me get an even midriff and be rid of my bashfulness? Oh, yes indeed! Studies show that reducing your sugar intake gets rid of tummy fat more effectively than tummy exercises! Who knew?!
Also, switching your meal proportions around help a great deal. Let your proteins and vegetables make up at least two-thirds of your meal, and carbs, a little less than a third; which implies that my edikaikong and assorted meats should be more than my Garri/Eba.
Hey, ever tried wearing a crop-top? Do you love it or does it make you feel like food for the 'quitoes? How do you maintain a toned core? Have you ever tried cutting sugar out of your diet?
Follow me on Instagram @ikeoluwapo and on Twitter @pagesbyike
Lemonade-From Halo to Pitch-Fork
I recently saw Beyoncé in her new visual album, Lemonade, where she talks about dealing with life's lemons! She talks about cheating husbands, some mysterious lady called “Becky with the good hair” (the drama, the memes...lol!), politics, heartbreak and reconciliation. Some people think it's a publicity stunt, a gimmick, which the Carters maybe cashing in on; i don't know, but one thing is certain-- Beyoncé is the Queen of crazy eyes! She has that crazy woman-scorned glare! Whether scripted or not, it's present all over her face in the one-hour video, especially in the song, Hold Up, where she runs down a street in a flowing mustard dress, smashing things with a baseball bat.
There’s only one reason in the history of histories why women ever hold a baseball bat, ever--to smash the belongings and to separate the glass from the metal in a cheating lover’s car. Women don’t touch a baseball bat for anything less. The grip is accompanied by, of course, the crazy eyes, angry, hot breath and a self-satisfied look when the deed is done.
How do women get here though? She wasn't always like that, our hypothetical crazed girl. Was she? No mother births a baseball bat-wielding, burn-his-clothes-in-the-tub, crazy-eyed baby! Clearly, it a process and journey to this state.
How do women get here? Ok, true, we get a little crazy eyed at the start of menarche and every month since then but this is a different type of nuts. The nuts caused by men. Pun intended.
The typical woman on her wedding day is full of laughter, throwing bouquets, a priceless smile on her face that photographers capture with ease. Everything is beautiful, the tiers of cake, petals and tulle everywhere! The love of her life- there he is. All regal and dapper. Forever couldn’t come in better hide. On this day, there is no possibility of crazy eyes, not at the moment or even in the future. This is our default mode, let’s call her, Halo. Halo, it will always be until an unfortunate day when she is required to carry a bat, then, even hell takes a step back in fright when this scorned woman takes to the streets.
Lemonade got me asking a lot of questions; Do Halo's know from the scratch that he might cheat? Are women able to tell if a man has infidelity propensities? "If he loves you, you won't find out", what does this even mean?! How much is a baseball bat? What do women do in Nigeria, when a guy cheats? (we don't have bats) I once heard of a girl who tried to throw away the guy's stuff and got beaten up*blink*. Another girl got beaten up by the guy and his side chic, my opinion, she should have tased them.
What do men do when a girl cheats? They don't break her perfume bottles, cut out the cups in her bras and deflate her tires, do they? How distressing for her, especially the bras.
Should I make lemonades this summer? Those are the questions running through my mind. And of course, who in the world is "Becky with the good hair"?
Ok, if you read this, you should answer at least one question! Lol! Have you seen the "Lemonade" video?
Foregone
Fiction
It is abominable, that which I do.
But I hurry to it anyway.
I follow the stream by the white light of the moon, stilling myself at every sound of crunching leaves or rustling bushes. I have wrapped myself in the darkest Ankara, on top of it, is my father’s hunting tunic, darker than night. I have smeared his tobacco and spice behind my ears to ward off any strangers or their dogs.
A traveling stranger is less interesting if she smells of tobacco and roots, than of hibiscus and lemons.
In my hand, is my shepherd’s crook. It whacks and chokes, whether it be sheep or person.
This is no man's land, distant from mother's watchful eye. Any assailant would be out of range of father’s arrow.
Now well into the forest, I hear the faint roar of the waters and my heart races. Quickly, I begin to climb the hill.
It is dark but I know where to place my feet, where to grip and brace, where to heave and lift. The darkness amplifies the thunder of the rushing waterfall of Arè. It surrounds, it terrifies. It is enough to fail a heart.
I remove my sandals and wade into the river, she welcomes me and draws me in along the current. I hold unto familiar stones, slippery and some tufty with growth, my feet find ground on the sandy bed. I feel for the rocks and climb out into a cave.
At last.
He is there waiting.
He rises to his feet. My heart thumps, my belly flutters.
Tórę..