How to Give CPR to a Dead Relationship
A few weeks ago, Mhis Kemi O, a reader of ours, requested I write a post on "giving CPR" to dead relationships. Lol. Perfect title. This post is generic enough to be applied to romantic relationships, friendships and even our intense love affair with Jesus, our Lord-Home-boy. I really hope it helps.
Relationship flames go from fiery red to uncertain ember glows for various reasons; busy schedules, the distraction of new interests, loss or strain of communication. It could also be caused by misunderstandings or grudges. Whatever it is, sometimes, we come to a place where we truly miss our friend and the old times; the sparkle and laughter and we want it back!
The resuscitation and survival of relationships is to a large extent, hinged on communication. In essence, communication is the first thing to be fixed when giving CPR to a dead relationship. God bless social media and silicon valley, which have made it a little too easy to communicate these days. All you have to do is pick up the phone, slide into his/her DM or tweet at your friend or make a plain ol' call.
However, it’s understandable that the first step to resuscitation is usually the hardest. Just do what I do; type a message and walk away from your phone. If a response comes, great! Otherwise, ‘not great’, we’ll have to find an alternate way to get across.
Messages like “We need to talk” or “Call me when you can”, may cause the person to get anxious or defensive, considering you’ve been MIA for a while. Can you blame them, really?
This might be a better approach to a message, “Hi, *insert name*, i hope you are well. You’ve been on my mind for a while now, please let’s catch up soon.” And then follow up with an actual “catch up soon” act such as a call or a lunch date.**
Listed below are five action-points to consider while reactivating your relationship:
1. Show genuine interest
Finally you have a set date to hang out once again as friends! You both sit down and begin to catch up, next thing, your phone lights up on the table. "K-daddy retweeted your tweet". You pick up your phone and zone out and forget your friend exists (again). Show genuine interest in your friend (or partner). Give them the gift of your attention.
2. Bribe(grin)
A little gift goes a long way. It doesn't have to be a yacht, just something of value and that rings true that you remember their interests and favorite things.
3. Talk about the death of the relationship
This isn't necessarily confrontation. Discuss what went wrong and what can be done better this time around. If there's any need for forgiveness then do it on the spot!
4. Do throw-backs
Remember the good times! You and this friend must have had a few good times and laughs, so bring them back to the present. Talk about your adventures, your epic failures, your shared interests and joy-evoking moments you've shared.
5. Celebrate the resurrection
I don't know about you but anything that comes back alive to a functional, active existence is a bit of a big deal and deserves a toast!
Go out together and celebrate. If it’s your thing, praise your newly burnished relationship on social media.
It helps if your resurrecting-intents are reciprocated. I must say though, that some relationships are worth preserving or reviving and others, not so much.
I guess you have to figure out if you should revive the relationship, you know what they say about sleeping dogs lying and all. Some sleeping dog-relationships should be tucked in with a pillow and blanket and paralyzed for good.
**If it’s a spouse, a weekend away does wonders!
Do you have any Dead relationship CPR-giving tips or experience? Please share below with us and Mhis Kemi O! Thanks!
Dating on Referral-The Photo
You know that situation where you have two friends who you think should meet because they'd make such a great couple and also because your superior match-making skills allows you to outperform all algorithms the dating sites employ? Yeah, that situation when the match-maker (MM) in you suddenly awakens! For some people MM awakens more often than others *cough-Ed-cough*
Ed and I met through a friend, with some serious skills. He was also our best man, so i know this match-making thing actually works to a certain degree.
I've only ever tried to set 2 sets of people up and well, *blink*, I haven't been sent a maid of honor(MOH) request yet.
While waiting, i think i'll share with you something you might be doing, that's preventing me from reaching my MoH goals; one word-photographs.
Most setups start with the words, "Hey, I know someone you should meet!" After a light description (always light, you don’t want to give it all away), inevitably a picture will be requested for, if the two candidates haven’t met already. As the referee, you are the channel through which this photos will be passed and you have the right to turn down low quality photos (lol) I'm not even kidding. It reflects badly on your recommendation.
As the candidate, you should send a nice (very nice) photo, ask for a second option from somebody if you can. Hey, if you are going to do something, better you do it well!
Smile!
I, just at this exact moment, tested my algorithmic match-making skills and asked my friend for a photo to send to a girl. Let’s hope that works out! I want to be someone's MOH! Wail!
Anyway, back to the picture. It would be a great idea to have a really good photo-stash of yourself. Pssst! Girls, studies show we look hotter during ovulation. Sorry guys, i don’t have any information for you. So girls, right around day 14-ish, you want a little selfie-marathon. I’m kidding, no pressure. Day 14.
As for makeup apps and filters, in my opinion, i think you should "manage those expectations"-if you know what I mean. Just a little makeup enhancement, minimal filters and NO body enhancement apps. If you are looking long term, chances are that ALL and i mean, ALL, will be revealed at the right time, so body-part enhancement apps could maybe be kept behind the curtains. Lol.
To take a nice photo, all you really need is good lighting, the right angle; photos taken from beneath make you look bigger and give us the perfect view to your nose hairs *Blink* A photo taken from above usually is more flattering especially in great light and of course, a smile is always pleasant to look at!
Did you meet your significant other through a referral? Any blind-dating tips? Any photographers with tips on taking great photos, please advice!