How to Avoid Buyer's Remorse in Marriage (If You Are Single)
Over the last few years, being married to Ed has taught me one thing— read reviews. The guy reads reviews like it’s a Jeffery Archer novel. I’m usually one click away from my online purchase when I hear his voice in my head, “Have you read the reviews?”Even better, I’m at the store and the item is in my cart and I’m eager to buy that baby, when he comes up to me, places the item back on the shelf and says, “I just read reviews, it has two stars online.”
I admit, it’s frustrating but he has a point. Every single time, he rescues me from buyer’s remorse. I’m also a bad loser when it comes to regrettable purchases. Once I realize I have bought an inferior item, I literally can’t sleep. I take my receipt to bed with me (not kidding, lol), and at the crack of dawn, after a shower and breakfast(because those have to be had) I’m off to the store with the product and my rumpled receipt.
While we all follow wedding blogs and IG accounts, and we "uhh!" and "aww" at those photos, a lot of married people suffer from Buyers' Remorse. Buyers remorse is basically an unpleasant feeling of regret you feel when you realize you’ve bought an inferior product or basically a feeling of discontent with a purchase you considered valuable. If you’re anti-buyers-remorse like me, it’s a great idea to read reviews before getting married.
How do you do that?
Wouldn't it be great if we had an online platform which reviews to-be-spouses like reviews.com does for all things consumer goods?
Until then, the best way to avoid buyer’s remorse as a single person is *drumroll* by objectively observing this dreamboat-person of yours and also observing the quality of your relationship; by listening to the honest opinion of people who love you genuinely (not haters, you’ll know the difference); by observing how he treats others and his family; if you are insane enough— by asking his ex for reviews *side eye* (chances are she will block you and report your account across all social networks). She'd be a wonderful resource though *pensive*. Probably not the best idea you and I have ever had.
Paying attention to reviews work wonders though, with any purchase, especially an intended purchase who intends to share your living space and toothbrush *blink*. Once you’ve done your homework, you’d know whether to zoom straight to the cashier with this awesome steal or put that baby back on the shelf... way back on the shelf!
What are your thoughts?
4 Things I wish I knew on Dating Boulevard
This post isn’t sponsored by reviews.com. They just write objective, honest reviews and I like that.
Relationship Canapé 002
#2 Celebrate each other's successes and triumphs, whether big, small or teeny!
This study shows that responding to your significant other's (S.O) good news, such as an achievement or a promotion, with positivity and genuine enthusiasm, is a great ingredient for a successful relationship. True, your ideas of things worth celebrating may differ, however, if it matters to S.O or puts a smile on his or her face, guess whose face should actually reflect that smile?! Yup, even if you aren't having such a good day yourself!
Learning to be a better S.O every day!
Psst! When last did you celebrate something together? Do you do this already? Tell us! Tell us!
Which of these Mrs-Money-Bags Girl is She?
Money and love have long been married in a complex, symbiotic relationship for ages. Sometimes 'love' exists because of money and sometimes money ceases to exist because of love -- and the other person's spending habits. Lol. Money management disparities cause a lot of misunderstandings and disagreements between couples; and just when you didn't think this money matter couldn't get more entertaining, people, most times, get attracted to other people with contrasting spending habits. Hehe. Fun.
So, what's the best way to handle this baby? Recently, our reader and avid commenter, David, sent me an article, which covered a talk hosted by Harvard Law School last February. Present during this talk as panelists, were individuals who are experts in negotiation, lasting marriage and mediation and they were asked to give advice, provide solutions and share effective techniques to develop healthy relationships.
It was advised that couples open joint bank accounts because couples with joint accounts tend to bemore committed, "share money, time and responsibility".
Could this joint account idea be a middle ground for the financial management differences the couple might have? I wondered.
Of course, advice isn't one size fits all, because we all have different backgrounds, experiences and spending habits. Some people have intentions of owning a secret savings accounts, some love the idea of joint accounts, some just don't get it, some believe in spending one salary, some believe in spending till you drop and some believe in saving money till you drop.
As human beings, many of us have come up with ways around this money-love conundrum! Below is a list of 7 hypothetically real girls in different financial situations. I think when I was 8 years old, I wanted to be girl #2 and #7. I was almost #5 at some point! Have you ever been or do you know any of these girls? Which girl would you want to be? Which girl is your alter-ego?
Girl #1
Married. Full time job. Joint account with husband. No personal savings.
Girl #2
Married. Full time job. Joint account with husband. Secret personal savings account.
Girl #3
Married. No job. Monthly allowance from husband. No savings at all!
Girl #4
Married. Entrepreneur. Earnings spent on household. No savings. Husband's earnings used predominantly for savings and big purchases.
Girl #5
Single. Full time job. Joint investment and savings with boyfriend.
Girl #6
Single. No job. Manhunt.
Girl #7
Married. Concealed savings and property. And a crazy-believable poker face.
The League of Extraordinary Power Couples
One day, as i sat on a bus somewhere on a London high street, mildly distracted by a bunch of noisy teenagers, it occurred to me that my marriage was not about me! Alarm bells! How was that possible? Whoever heard of a marriage not being about the bride! Well, the wedding, that bit, i could have as my own but the marriage, not really.
You see on that suspiciously warm day, i realized that the fact that I was getting married to the man of my days wasn't just a benefit for me and him alone. There seemed to be a deeper purpose. Being together had to be more than celebrating promotions, having themed house-warming parties and naming ceremonies. Ed and I were together because God needed us together, to get things done for Him. Promotions and parties were just add-ons; just the side-dishes. The main dishes were hidden in His heart and we had to find them out. Yum.
Before we got married, someone asked me what our vision was as a couple! I responded with an endless 'Ummmmm...' and several clueless blinks.
I soon realized that every couple had a purpose and had to have a vision; a strategic direction that would lead to a future they both desire. It was the thing that would keep them both on the same page, causing them to succeed as a functional unit.
Imagine if that vision was in concord with the vision God already had for them. It'll be nothing less than extraordinary.
Every couple has a divine reason they are together and anything that tries to contradict that is a distraction from the fact.
As i got off the bus that day, 3 thoughts came into my mind; (1) we needed a vision (2) I needed to stop daydreaming on buses, I always missed my stop lol (3) God needs us, the same way we need him ♥️
No matter how long you've been married, please come together and write out your goals; personal goals as a couple, financial goals, spiritual goals, goals that build the community etc. Make time to evaluate your progress and don't be afraid to do more. Remember to ask God what he needs you accomplish as a team and a family.
Please share and invite people to be part of God's non-exclusive league of extraordinary power couples!
xx