Here We Go Again!
Hey, you! You came back! You came back! Welcome. Happy New Blog year! I know you are expecting me to tell you what I did during my time off in September- about my somber reflection, my cyber-muteness and how I've obtained inner strength for the next blogging year. So I will tell you.
~pause~
I played a lot of PS4, ate too much and crashed our friends' honeymoon and did everything else in between; still I got to reflect and get many things in perspective.
I missed being here, missed you guys. PGI turned one last month, I couldn't have pulled that off without you. Thank you for reading and for all your support.
I think this new year I might bring a little more playfulness to the blog. Just a little more. Think we could fit some more in? Pressed-down-shaken-together rascality. Lol. I know, just when you thought there wasn't anymore space! Looking forward to it! I also hope you like the new look. PGI is constantly trying to make this platform easy to use and easy for you to poke around.
By the way, Happy Independence Day, Nigeria. 5&6 is a really big deal.
A few more things I did in September: umm...oh, yeah, I high-fived the coolest homeless guy and I quit the gym.
Then I un-quit the gym.
How have you been? Glad to be back? What was September like? Did you crash anyone's honeymoon? 'Cause you really should.
6 Reasons You Should Read Men's Magazines (if you are a woman)
I like reading Ed's magazines because they are very testosterone-y and steely! The general misconception is that they only ever talk about bicep curls, energy bars, cars and girls...which is a little true but you'd be amazed at the great life-hacks you'd find in those glossy minimalist dude-pages. It's definitely less pink and has fewer photographs of handbags (which I find a little underwhelming) but hey. Here are 5 reasons to read guy-magazines:
1. Great gift ideas
Men's magazines are a great resource for gift-ideas for your guy! No easier way to spot trending merchandise than flipping through the pages of a Men's magazine. They have fragrance tabs as well, just like ours, so you can sniff before you buy. Right, it's settled, no more plaid handkerchiefs for his birthday, maybe a 2017 Mercedes C300?
2. Ridiculously easy recipes
While we get those "marinade the plump chicken breast for about 48 hours" type recipes, men get the easiest recipes! A girl needs quick, basic and yummy sometimes. Not every time, ofada stew
3. Jolting inspiration
Get some inspiration from a boy-boss! I just read about a 72 year-old man who climbed Everest, had a heart attack and then ran 7 marathons! Seriously! I'm so going to out-cardio everyone at the gym today.
4. Keeps you in the slang-loop
I was completely done reading an article, when I realized that the word "staff" is used to refer to masculine genies! I did not know that! I was actually wondering why they kept using the word in odd places. Suddenly, when the manager says, "I'd like you to meet the staff", it will be a little weird. Thanks a lot, Men's magazine.
5. Learn new tricks
Apparently, men talk about sex a lot, but you knew that already. Splayed all over the pages are personal accounts, experiences and quite "interesting" stories which could help your sex life (or not) depending on how to like to roll (or not roll). There's probably something in there for everyone though. Choose and pick.
6. Eye Candy (for the single ladies)
What can I say? It also smells like your next boyfriend (fragrance tabs).
Do you read Men's magazines or blogs? Which are your favorite? Who was the last person that inspired you?
4 Things To Do When You Don't Have WiFi
Have you ever been somewhere without WiFi and you've been forced to stare into thin air or at the springy tendrils of a stranger's nose hair? If you haven't, good for you. This is about to be the situation of my day on this wonderful, sunny Friday and I have come prepared with 4 things you and I could get around doing, during that situation that gravely threatens human survival- the moment you have no wifi!
Here are 4 things to do:
1. Empty your e-mail box
Argh! So no WiFi, huh? Don't despair, there's always a sunny side to everything. It's time to finally open those 6,547 emails that you have ignored all this while! No Wifi means more free time to organize. [Why do I feel you don't think that's sunny?]
2. Finish that book you've been reading since the year before
We all have that one book that stares at us from our night stand or that sighs every time we take it out and instead of reading it, spend all our time on our phones. Read it! [Note to self]. I still don't know if Evie ends up with handsome, melancholy heir Robert McAndrew in Hester Browne's Vintage girl. And I haven't known since I started reading it last year. Lol.
3. Talk about the weather
Slowly but surely, talking about the weather and every other form of necessary, unnecessary subject of small talk is slowly disappearing from our social culture, with everyone hunched, poking and giggling at their screens. Myself, most of all. I miss talking to strangers! Ed and I spoke to a stranger recently and he turned out to be an awesome photographer. He took a "family portrait" of us on the street! Check it out on my Instagram page!
Taking a break from screen time provides opportunities to connect with real people and what's cooler than that?
4. Restore the ancient hobby of people-watching
People-watching is really fun, as long as you don't witness a murder while watching and then have to be on the run. If you think about it, we spend a lot of time on social media "watching" other people. Well, people-watching is like Snapchat without the filters and time-constraints! Also, if you are a creative writer, you and I know that watching people is a great creative trigger.
Another sunny side to not having WiFi is that your battery lasts. *shrug* That's got to count, right?
Hey, do you have any ideas for me? Help! Do you do any of these already?
Travel light: Your Relaxed (Glam) Weekend-Away
At first.....
Conversation with myself as I stand in my closet.
Me: Do you really need a lint roller on a weekend trip?
Me: Yup. Even though, I'm taking zero dark colored clothes.
Me: How many bottles of perfume do you need?
Me: Two
Me(gives me the look)
Me: OK, one.
Me: What else do we need?
Me: Lotion, shoes and bags- for every occasion and there may be 4 or 5 occasions, 2 cameras, a towel and 2 changes of clothes per day and also two changes of pajamas.
Me: It’s just two nights.
Me: *blank look* So?
I don't travel light. It's just not something I do. If you travel light, I'd like to praise your skills of prioritizing and decisiveness-please, be very proud! I'm currently trying to join the club. I've been slowly moving over to the minimalist camp, ever since I married Ed, who is chronically allergic to people bending over at airports, to rearrange their overweight luggage! Lol!
I've embraced minimalism all around- less furniture, less junk in my bag (Yeah, right), less stuff on my desk and in my drawer, less keys and cards on my key-holder, less carbs on my plate (carbs-control), fewer shoes but MORE bags *grin* Can't go minimalist there, sorry. I'm a bag hoarder.
Minimalism is really refreshing. It reduces clutter, provides more space, better time management because I don't spend ages looking for my keys in a near-stark living area and I don't spend the end of ages looking for the right key on my bunch. It also helps you relax and think clearly. When traveling, it helps to have the exact items needed for the trip, no knick-knacks. It makes you feel more organized and less worked-up. A study actually shows that, having too many options for one event may lead to depression.
I'm definitely learning to travel light with the least minimum number of functional items possible. God help me.
I decided to make a weekend-away travel items list, so that I don't have to have this conversation with myself every time I have to go on a trip, convincing myself to take just one bottle of perfume.
Downsized a little...
Relaxed Weekend Away (with no chance of glam)
✔️Comfy shoes
✔️Liners/socks
✔️1 sling bag (how generous of me *pout*)
Bedtime
✔️A pair of PJs
✔️Head scarf (if needed)
Toiletries
✔️Toothbrush
✔️Toothpaste
✔️Mini mouthwash
✔️Mini Floss
✔️1 bottle of Perfume/body splash
✔️Day face cream/ Night cream
✔️Nail hardener (brightens manicure/doubles as plaster/band-aid)
Clothing
✔️Hand towel**
✔️3 changes of underwear (plus 1, just because)
✔️2 bottoms (including a pair of shorts)
✔️2 tops (including a tank)
✔️1 dress
Electronics
✔️Phone charger
✔️Phone
✔️Earphones
✔️Camera
Entertainment
✔️1 book
✔️1 magazine
Personalize your experience
✔️Your favorite snack
✔️5 individual packets of your favorite beverage (mine is mint or berry infusion tea) 😍
✔️3 capsules of your Multivitamins
Relaxed Weekend-Away (with a chance of GLAM) add-on items
✔️Cocktail ring
✔️Earrings
✔️Heels (this kills the "relax" factor, for sure)
✔️Clutch purse
Are you a light traveler? Please share your secret! Are you are heavy traveler? When last did you have to open you luggage and rearrange at the airport? Lol! What items can't you live and leave without? Are you taking your vitamins? (in mum's voice)
** I like to travel with my own towel but a bath towel is frowned upon by light-travelers, so a smaller hand-towel will have to do. Sniff.
My Worst Date Experience+a Date outfit idea!
I'm writing this post to redeem my worst date experience ever. So, there we were on that cool, sun-setting evening- as i sat down next to my date, my pants ripped...down...the...back! I am not kidding. I'm yet to find an explanation for this mis-hap! The guy was very graceful and we were good friends too, so we laughed at me and he got me back home. It was a very "drafty" journey!
In retrospect, maybe i should have worn a dress but I've never been a dress-lover (slowly becoming one though). For a date with Ed, i usually go for a pair of Capri pants and a pretty blouse, heels (subject to my mood), pretty earrings and remarkable nail polish (greatest dinner topic and #1 icebreaker, assuming ice needs to be broken)!
The perfect date outfit is first, comfortable, second, unassumingly hot and third, not prone to sudden rips up the back! Lol. What's your most "fondly-remembered" dating experience?
Top: Dorothy Perkins
Capri pants: Dorothy Perkins
Shoes: Prima Donna Collection
Earrings: Kate Spade
Arm Candy: Fitbit
5 Awesome Things I miss About Lagos
Photo credit: Ed Adegboye
Lagos is one of the most remarkable places i've ever lived. It has a life of its own; bubbly, loud, severe and self-consciously modern. It's completely oblivious to other places as it sun-bathes (literally) in its resources and lively metropolis but still, is intricately tied to the global world! It's my city crush any day and I can't wait to visit soon. Here are 5 things that I miss about Lagos:
1. The Traffic Shopping Mall
It's common knowledge that you can purchase anything while stuck in Lagos traffic. Three random items that I've negotiated for in traffic-- a dog, a Christmas tree and a standing fan! Lol! I miss you, mall of life! Innovation in retail.
2. Buka Food
While I am not an avid buka crawler like Ed, I do have certain buka crushes like "white house" in Yaba! Hmmn. I do a pretty good job with cooking my Gbegiri's and Ogbono's, but nothing beats firewood-cooked food, that wasn't cooked by you (the latter is the important part, lol). I miss the street food too; puffies! Boli! Roasted corn! Akara and bread on Ile-Ife highway! Haha! Street, yo!
3. My Adrenaline High
Driving in Lagos is my ultimate be-wary trigger. Your adrenaline is pumping over time as you swerve from an incoming bus, avoid a pothole and miss by an inch, a pedestrian walking haphazardly across the street! You have to be able to keep your eyes focused on the road and also have eyes at the back of your head, in the bid to make it to your destination in one piece , while watching out for LASTMA, FRSC and that strange guy in your window who may have a concealed weapon. I met that guy.
I do NOT miss that guy.
4. Living the Music
Listening to new Nigerian music on YouTube is just not the same as living in Nigeria and listening to it in your car or at a party on the weekend or is it just me who feels this way?
5. Yellow Cabs (Oko asewo*)
The first time I heard a biker call a yellow cab driver "Oko asewo*", i was thoroughly offended! I thought he was insinuating that i was the asewo, considering the fact that i was the only one in the cab. My aunt later pacified me with the truth; "Oko asewo" is their nickname because they served a different clientele after hours. Interesting! I miss seeing them though. I'm sure uber is giving them a run for their money! I hope they aren't struggling so much. Are uber drivers the new Oko asewo's?
Where do you live? What do you miss about your last location? What do you miss about Lagos? If you live in Lagos, please recommend bukas and tell us the most interesting thing you've ever bought in traffic!
*I want to believe the translation in English is Pimp.
4 Kid-Habits that are secretly Life-Hacks
Little people are synonymous with the word "unjaded". All they care about is...well, nothing. Their carefree attitudes cause them to have a unique perspective on life and to act in certain ways which we as adults sometimes fail to grasp. I mean, yes, they drive us up the wall sometimes but other times, they are completely wise and so worthy of emulation! Here are 4 habits to hack life with; habits that come naturally to children that we simply must adopt:
Laugh
Children laugh. They laugh over 400 times a day. I'm guessing this is because they don't have any worries, no bills, no Instagram like-scarcity, they definitely don't watch the news, just purple suede dinosaurs and talking moon-faced trains. I'm not sure we'd find 400 events to laugh at in a day as adults. We can fake-laugh though; it's something my niece taught me. Laugh for absolutely no reason!
Ask Questions
A typical 4-year old asks about 437 questions in one day. Lol! Mums and dads can probably testify. I'll be sure to introduce my children to Siri as soon as they can speak or redirect the questions to daddy. I'm joking. I think the reason adults get irritable with all those questions is because we've lost the sparkle of wonder and curiosity....and we are tired half of the time.
We have to re-learn curiosity. Ask questions. Note to self.
Develop Offense-Amnesia
Kids are the best. Have you ever been upset with a child, and then they apologize, but you are still a little upset? Or have you ever made a child cry and THEY come to hug you and apologize? In a flash, they've moved on and started playing with their toys or coloring a picture and showing it to you? There's just a purity about their souls that shouldn't be lost in adulthood either.
Make good decisions
Children do the right thing (well, most of the time). According to a study conducted by the Yale Infants Cognitive Centre, it turns out we are born with the innate ability to make the right decisions. In this study, babies as young as 3 months old, observed two puppet bunnies in a puppet show; one dressed in green, one in orange. The bunny dressed in green was seen helping another toy during the puppet show, while the one dressed in orange was mean to the toy. When asked to choose one, the babies chose the bunny dressed in green(the helpful bunny). The babies chose the "good" bunny! Watching the video, is almost unbelievable. There really is an innate ability to tell right from wrong, to make the right decision.
Make good decisions guided by your innate moral convictions!
Do you have little people in your life? What's the best part about hanging with them? Any life lessons?
A Tale of Outsourced Sex
Everyone knows that awkward Sarah-Ab-Hagar triangle, right? Not your typical everyday story; Sarah and Ab are trying to have a kid, God says 'Chill guys, I got you.' Sarah really really wants a kid but more for Ab than herself. At a certain point, she doesn't even care if this kid comes from her or not, so she sends Abraham and Hagar (her maid/ housegeh) away for the weekend; personally buys Hagar's lingerie, packs a hamper full of dark chocolate, some red, some juicy pomegranates and pays for their stay at Funky Oasis Adults Only resort. There was no way the girl was returning without at least one fertilized egg.
For a long time, I thought that was a selfless act; Sarah: the most selfless, giving wife that ever will be (because ain't no other girl in this day and age would doing any of that)
Sarah of life!
Even before Accenture ever dreamt of developing optimization frameworks for operational and infrastructural efficiency and outsourcing.....Sarah was already right there, outsourcing the heck out of her duties, optimizing and renting out certain infrastructure.
Of course, she later came to regret it, as would any woman, who outsources her role as wife, lover and custodian of the South-End wonderland of her husband. Not only did Hagar return with a fertilized egg, she also returned with an attitude, which in my opinion was all Sarah's doing. You just don't outsource a man's junk like that, girl! Not for any reason!
Of course, we all think this doesn't happen any more in this century. That was 1872 B.C.E, this is 2016! No woman is going to tell her husband to sleep with the maid; no woman outsources. Those were my thoughts too. Then two weeks back as I poured my cake batter into the baking pan, a thought dropped straight into my mind: We still outsource our husband's needs! It's subtle and Hagar-less but we still do; all the things we get frustrated dealing with, or stuff we've taken for granted, like talking about his day...in detail, like putting down your phone and actually relating with him, like not bringing work home, like not developing the mystery headache...all these things really just create a void. A void willing to be filled by other people.
This is the truth, i'm not trying to sound like those bearded aunties who tell you "Ah. Someone will steal your husband of you don't "cooperate." I'm not, but maybe 'beardy' Aunty Ava does have a point.
Take Vashti for example, she did not "cooperate" and guess who came along with advanced submission and respect-your-bae skills printed all over her CV? Esther!
Be his best friend, his priestess, his helpmate, the source of his wise counsel, his naughty lil' thing! They aren't duties or obligations, they are your rights and they really are part of who you were destined to be since the beginning of the world.