pagesbyike 6/24/16 pagesbyike 6/24/16

Relationship Canapé 001

A Relationship is a crazy classroom, you never stop learning!

Well, I'm learning too, so let's do it together. The new "Relationship Canapé" series contains bite-size relationship tips and tidbits; so applicable that you can apply them even in your sleep!

Here's the first:

Don't be an expert on what's wrong with your significant other, instead, be an expert on what makes them so amazing and tell everyone who cares to listen, especially him!

Psst! Have you told your S.O what rocks about him today? Skip the why-didn't-you-take-out-the-trash lament (you probably will get another chance soon. Lol)

Tell him what's great about him!

Have a great weekend!

pagesbyike 6/20/16 pagesbyike 6/20/16

Sliding into Her DM: Are you Making these Mistakes?

I personally applaud and respect any man who has the courage to walk up to a girl or slide into her DM(Direct message) or even send her a love note. It takes courage and a sweet dose of vulnerability and confidence to do any of these.

"Sliding into DMs", for those who don't know, is the way millennials "walk up to a girl and ask for her 'digits'."It's just how the kids do it these days. You see her, send her a direct message, start a relationship, #ShesaidYes, wham...family portrait!

My friend is planning on sliding into a girl's DM soon. I'm so excited and oh...have we mapped out his strategy or what! Hehe. *rubbing hands together mischievously*. He has been watching her for weeks and is like the ultimate cyberstalker. He knows what she likes, who she hangs with, where she hangs out, what she listens to. Don't call the cops, we just want to have a friendly conversation ... and a family portrait! Lol.

Some people find DM-sliding a little offensive, because, well, it shows that the guy, like my friend, has been stalking them a little, which on some level is a little worrisome...flattering...but worrisome all the same.

I haven't successfully stalked and dated a guy off the internet, so I can't give you a step-by-step process of how to slay cyber-stalking so well that you'd end up at the altar but I can tell you a few things than might turn women off, if you do choose to slide.

Here goes:

Sliding in on LinkedIn (1)

So, you are on LinkedIn for no particular reason, you absent-mindedly hit the "my network" widget at the bottom. LinkedIn readily provides a long list of people who you might know but you honestly have no clue who they are. You begin to scroll through the awkward smiles, ambitious suits and professional mugshots.

Scroll.

Suddenly your thumb goes stiff. You see the prettiest girl, with the fullest lips and the most captivating frozen stare, gazing out from the most beautiful face you've ever seen! Naturally, your blood begins to boil. You skim quickly through her profile. Hmmn, impressive. Your suspended thumb begins to quiver and hover over the Inmail button.

Don’t!

Whatever you do, DO NOT slide into her Inmail.

I know, a lot of people meet their significant others on social media. However, LinkedIn is a professional platform. The mission of LinkedIn is "to connect the world's professionals to make them more productive and successful"....which has nothing to do with her lips or her stare or your love life.

There are other platforms that would provide the right mood for your advances: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat. You can look for her on those platforms but not LinkedIn. LinkedIn is so professional that any guy who hits on a girl there looks like he's "idle", which is like profanity within a professional setting. Don't be that guy. Find her on Facebook or Instagram. Of course, that also takes some skill, otherwise, you'd be deleted, unfriended and blocked in one flick of her wrist.

Using words of endearment at-first-DM (2)

Using the words like damsel, bae, baby, bo, boo, sexy, beautiful, lovely or any term of endearment in your introductory statement is a "Nah"; also telling her she's pretty or sexy or you think "you are in love" is also a little invasive, to say the least.

It's like walking up to her physically and saying those words to her face. You'll get a long hiss and a feisty rendition of Megan Trainhor's "No".

Typing just the word "Hi" and nothing else (3)

If she's that attractive, chances are that you aren't the only slider. "Hi" is great, it's definitely better than "Sexy Damsel", however, don't just send Hi. No kidding, our first response is usually 👀 . Introduce yourself briefly and comment on a recent post of hers- a friendly, not-too-familiar comment. Also don't say "I want to be your friend." That line has been worked to death.

Liking everything on her timeline posted since 2005 (4)

What can I say? You just have to stalk with style.

Having a record of cyber bullying or aggression (5)

The internet never forgets! Muhaha. One day that brash, harsh comment you made on someone's profile will come back like a bad rash; and just in time to blow your chance of getting with this girl you like.

Having a boring profile (6)

This includes outdated grainy profile photos from 2006 (even worse, no profile photo at all). If you are putting yourself out there by sliding into her DM, then go all the way! Give her something to look at! A nice photograph does wonders.

The whole essence, in summary, is to stalk with stealth. Introduce yourself, be pleasant, clever and witty. Try not to like all the photos she has ever put up since 2009. Remember, stealth. Study her. If she responds to your introductory message, send a follow-up message. Still no endearment, please. You have it from here. Chat with her without flirting until she shows some form of interest. If she doesn't show any, keep scrolling! There's a girl out there in the huge expanse of cyberspace for you, with whom might be the possible chance of a family portrait!

Wish you the very best in your stalking endeavors!

Hey, do you get LinkedIn slide-ins? What are your thoughts on romantically-inclined direct messaging?

pagesbyike 6/10/16 pagesbyike 6/10/16

How to Get her to be On time for your Date

It's the weekend. Duh-dum! Date night! Well, maybe, if she's ready by the time you get in.

Bet you triple-clicked on the link because you are tired of seeing your girlfriend or wife wobbling around in her heels, looking for her lipstick and keys and perfume, while you fume with your back against the door post, with that “You can’t be serious” look and the “We are going to be late…again” grunt.

Ok, first, here are some things you should know as a man about how we get ready; a LOT goes into our preparation for outings. A lot! I, personally take a few moments to get ready and by “few”, I mean “not few”.

It takes us sometime to get our things together and the time we take varies in direct proportion to the amount of make-up we use.

Formula 1:

Time ∝ Amount of Make up used

If you got attracted to a 10-over-10 face-contoured, brow-perfect, tummy-trained queen, then that's exactly what you signed up for! It’s a great idea to factor that in, whenever you go on dates with her, instead of fuming by the doorpost. You do want her to remain the girl you fell in love with right? A-ha, see!

The time we take also depends on if we know what we plan to wear already.

Formula 2:

Time ∝ What-to-wear conundrum

One great way to urge her to be on time would be to get her to see value in early preparations. I learnt to see the value in being ready on time the hard way; I'd be in a hurry or stressed out and I'd forget to wear lipstick on lined lips! One day, I went out with one penciled-in eye brow! Lol! That's a secret, don't utter that anywhere.

No one had to spell "value early preparations" out for me with my astonishing brows. Your girlfriend probably doesn't forget her brows, but anyway, the point is, the more time she has to get ready, the better. I've consciously started planning my prep-time, so that I have enough time to try on at least two outfits, draw my brows, paint my nails even, and it's such a relief!

Below are the 5 Golden rules that may help to get her ready, so you don't get into the cinema 45 minutes into the movie:

Golden rule 1: Use wiser sentence structures

Don’t tell her the time of the movie (or appointment) but tell her the time you need to leave. Instead of “We have reservations for 8pm”, try, “We have to leave at 6.45pm to be on time."

Golden rule 2: Ditch the grunt and scowl

Don’t nag her and utter the words,"You are wasting my time." It's not progressive or helpful in anyway.

Golden rule 3: Motivate her

If she is not an early bird and you have an early appointment, getting her coffee or tea or breakfast in bed might really help (grin). If you are picking her up for a date, you should call her about your location, time and status updates. Communication is completely necessary.

Golden rule 4: Inspire by example

A relationship is an improvement platform, where both partners encourage each other to be better people and essentially rub off on each other, but only rub on the good stuff. Don't start eating toe-clippings just because your girlfriend does it.

Anyway, if she has previously suggested that you improve some aspects of your life this might be a great time to improve! You could trade too! You could say, "Why don't we work on these areas of ourselves: I'll improve in this area, while you improve your time management?"

Note: This is not a conditional agreement. It's not a "I'll-change-if-you-change" type of agreement, it's more of a collaborative effort to make each other better.

Golden rule 5: Send her this post!

Hey, what are your thoughts? I'd love to know! Do you ever get stressed because you are in a hurry? Ever forgotten to wear your other false lash in the frenzy? Men, which is your favorite rule? Girls post up soon!

pagesbyike 6/8/16 pagesbyike 6/8/16

Your Wedding day is not the Happiest Day of your Life

You know how people say, "Your wedding day is the happiest day of your life"? They are wrong. They are also wrong about it being the most important day of your life, but that's another post.

Your wedding day is not the happiest day of your life! My mum told me this, in not so many words- in 22 words actually.

She said,"Focus more on your marriage than the wedding, which is just one day. Your marriage, on the other hand, is for years."

When she said that, I thought, "Well, mum, OK... I will do everything you have just said...right after I get my bouquet of perfectly formed blush-pink peonies, my get-Cinderella-green-with-envy shoes, the cake of my dreams and my two veils!" (I know, who gets two veils!)

Every time I got seemingly carried away and distressed by my wedding planning, she would repeat herself, using some variation of the statement.

Then things started to go awry.

I never got those peonies and that got me very upset, also one of my veils never got delivered! The delivery company claimed that it was actually delivered and someone accepted it and signed for it. Clearly, it was delivered to the wrong address. It's beyond me why anyone would want to willingly accept a wedding veil and not return it, when they discovered it was a mistake!

Why was this happening to me?! *insert bride-static melodrama* I was paying a lot of attention to this wedding plans but it was still going wrong. What then would happen to my marriage plans, which I was paying like 21% of my attention to?!

I soon realized a wedding is really 1 day in over 30,000 days to be spent with this same, sexy person.

That's what mum was trying to say, in other words.

In other, other words, what she was trying to say was, prepare yourself for marriage, build your spirituality, improve your temperament, practice forgiveness, develop the habit of flushing away grudges, guard your lips and pray for your home, even before you walk down the aisle. In essence, pave the path for increasing happiness in your marriage.

Your wedding day is not the happiest day of your life, every other day is and it gets happier with each sunrise! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also don't let them tell you that you should enjoy your wedding day because it only goes south from there. Arch your brow (and your back and any other thing that can be arched) and ask them,"What do you know?"

Do you know anyone going crazy with her wedding plans? Please share with her (or him...yes, indeed, groomzillas exist).

What are your thoughts? Did you have any disappointments with your wedding planning? Do people say it only gets worse after the wedding to you? Bah, lies.

What to do on sunny Saturday afternoons: fool around in your wedding dress.

Photo credit: David Bragdon

pagesbyike 6/1/16 pagesbyike 6/1/16

Why You Shouldn’t be in a Hurry to get Married: The Law of the Avocado

The other day, I heard about a couple who got married three weeks after their first date and they are very happy together; they’ve been together for over five years now! I love that couple already. They clearly aren’t mainstream. Those are the type of stories I love to hear and tell people; extraordinary situations, good vibes, no negativity, no bad thoughts—you know, being the exception, the couple who dates for three weeks and whose marriage don’t fall apart in a huff and puff contest! I really like those stories. However, that's not what this post is about. It's about the crazy world we live in and the law of the avocado.

Stay with me.

I love avocados. I don't know what it is- I cut it open, I see the green flesh and I get very, very happy. I go crazy with one half- I eat it with a spoon, or slather it all over my chicken sandwich or chop it into my salad but I only ever use half, because both halves might be over-doing it for me. Now, if you’re an avocado-lover like me and you realize you can only eat one half, then you know that in a few moments, you desperately need to figure out a way to preserve the other half as soon as possible.

Why?

Avocados contain an enzyme known as polyphenol oxidase, which when exposed to air turns it brown. Summary, leaving your cut avocado out, will have it looking like something the cat dragged in and sneezed on.

Avocados are very sensitive to air— and to time. If you leave it out for about 10 to 30 minutes, it just keeps grinning at you, all green and lush and juicy. In two hours…then ...ATCHOO!! Cat’s sneeze.

It’s the same with relationships, it always starts out green, lush and juicy—always; but like the avocado, when left to the elements, it begins to show its true nature (which isn't always negative by the way). Nevertheless, it's a good idea to date for a while before getting married. There are no rules about how long a couple should date before they get married, however, the importance of knowing without any doubt or sentiment that you are making the right decision is so ridiculously imperative.

One of the advantages of dating for ages, is that it gives you a chance to sit still and watch your relationship, to watch for habits, for anger issues, for spending patterns, for cheating habits, for interpersonal skills and parent-sibling relations, to watch for reconcilable and irreconcilable differences. Do all the watching before you get married. Seriously, before you say ‘I do’, sit back, and watch your avocado-relationship in HD, if need be, rewind, pause, set to slo-mo. Please, just watch. Whenever you notice any issue, it's a good idea to discuss with your significant other. If it is an irreconcilable difference then, well then, I guess you caught it before you said “Yes”.

If you give your relationship enough time to let its real nature come through, you could be saving yourself a lot of drama. On one hand, it could either pass the avocado test, i.e remain greenly constant and constantly green- unchanging, despite the circumstances or amount of time or it might morph and look like 'the thing I said about the cat'. ATCHOO!

Ever tried the avocado test on your relationship? Did you have a short dating period? How cool is that? If you did, please share! What’s your ideal dating duration? Ever heard about the wait-for-30-days-before-we-start-dating rule?

Please share your thoughts with us:

pagesbyike 5/30/16 pagesbyike 5/30/16

11 Spoilers for my 15 year-old Self

If I could meet my 15 year-old self, she would be in for a world of surprises, if only she knew. Of course, the ideal thing would be to give her good advise and have her make good decisions early on- and what better way to nudge her straight, than by feeding her life-spoilers, even though they would probably reduce the fun of her experiences by over 200%, hehe). Here are 11 spoilers I'd tell her:

On her identity crisis:

No, you will not be wed to Curtis Jackson also known as 50 cent (rme)

On her love interest at the time:

*Clears throat*, I don't see this guy in our future, not even remotely; like I don't even think you are friends with him on Facebook!

On her future ambitions:

What's a Facebook, you ask? Well....this is going to be good. Grab a pen. We are about to be very....very rich. While the world is still recovering from the "Y2K" supposed- apocalypse, buy a one-way ticket to California, there's this place called Silicon Valley............

On her opinion about mum not understanding her:

Summary: You and mum become best friends and then you literally start acting like her.

On her blind dedication to Arsenal FC:

*Static* Sigh. I would say give up but don't.

On her love for mono-sleeve blouses:

You didn't really think tops with just one full sleeve would stay, did you?

On her relationship with God:

You guys are like best buds and you begin to discover how much you both have in common

The Spoiler about the One:

His name starts with a consonant and a vowel! *insert everlasting mischievous laugh*

On sex:

Everything they say about it is true. It's thoroughly primordial and not cute, don't get hung up on trying to have it till you really should, with the right person.

On writing as a hobby:

Please don't shred and burn our diaries. Please....but I know you will, anyway. I know you don't want anyone knowing what goes on in your head but we write a blog, so there. Get over yourself.

On Self-respect and respect from others:

Respect from others is over-rated. The only respect you need is from us, me and you. Make decisions that make your future self (yours truly) proud of you and I'll ensure I make you proud too ♥️

What spoilers would you tell your 15 year-old self?

pagesbyike 5/27/16 pagesbyike 5/27/16

3 and a Half Ways to End a Relationship- by Skip

If you read PGI often, you might know Skip, our anonymous reader who sends me letters and calls me "Lix". Whether he's talking about his kissing conundrum or about finding the one, he never fails to crack us up. Here's his latest letter where he talks about ending a relationship without looking like a jerk. Enjoy!

Dear Lix,

It’s been a while and I miss you too.

Nothing much has been happening, except that I’ve really been trying to figure out exactly who I am and what I’m here for; so I’ve stopped eating healthy, I don't think I’m supposed to be about that balanced-diet-fit-fam life, although I recently started fixing the sheets once I finally wake up in the morning; it’s crazy, I’m like a machine, I’m up, wham bam, bed fixed! I consider this cool and very adult. Also, no more pre-marital sexing on that bed. Not anymore. I have moved all that business to the guest room; I’m like a machine.

So this morning, I realized she was gone and it really hurt me. No heads-up, no conversation, nothing! She left with all her sweetness and hotness, even groundnut too. My boli woman was always there for me, always always, and I’m all for road reconstruction and better infrastructure, but when the government decides to interfere with my relationship and move her away, that’s where I draw the line. I strongly feel these past months together can’t have been for nothing, I bet she knew weeks ago that she would have to leave and she didn’t say anything; she was today’s plan for lunch.

Maybe she couldn’t bear to see my disappointed face. Maybe she didn’t care. Maybe she did. Maybe she left a note. Maybe last night’s rain washed away her note; although a note is hardly the fitting way to end what we had. I even told her at times when I had to travel. Lix, do you remember that ex that thought I would be interested in making the 6-hour journey to attend her wedding? She also thought it was appropriate to end our 4-year relationship with a text message. It’s like nobody knows how to breakup properly, because that’s what happened to me this morning, it was a breakup, and I’m not going to put this one on the government.

Meanwhile, let me share the 3 most appropriate ways to breakup since this has suddenly become about that:

1. Speak your truth.

Speak your truth and end with ‘…so I think we should end this’. By truth, I mean the honest reasons everybody thinks they want to hear, that they deserve to hear, until they hear and then they wish that they didn’t, like ‘Agnes, I really don’t like you anymore, so I think we should end this’, ‘Agnes, I’ve met someone better for me so….’, ‘Agnes, although it was my idea, I can’t handle the distance so…’, ‘Agnes, I just had the best sex with someone else....in the guest room, so…’, ‘Agnes, your house is in Festac so…’. Whatever you do, don’t chicken out with Agnes, it’s not you, it’s me. You may text, BBM or WhatsApp your truth. You can also put it in a note but make sure to write legibly and throw in a few xoxo’s at the end; I give you extra points if you tweet your truth @Agnes.

2. Restore to Factory Settings

This is way easier but takes a longer time than speaking your truth. Basically, what you to do is nothing! Act like there was never a relationship. Stop visiting or hanging out, stop those long phone conversations, and maybe don’t even pick up calls. Remember you’re a busy person, so make sure to reschedule every time he/she tries to meet up. Make sure to be as cordial as possible though, nobody is fighting with anybody! If he/she tries to start fight, don’t do it, apologize and promise to be better but don’t be better. In two months or less, you’ll be single and if you play this just right, he/she will break up with you and then you get extra points.

This requires you to be an Asshole and I know this comes more naturally to some folks while others may have to dig deeper to find their inner asshole, but it gets the job done; especially if you’re in the business of hurting people: and breaking up is all about hurting people, whether or not you mean to, so you might as well be the best asshole you can be.

You know that boyfriend who went funny and you don’t know what happened because he was so very cool and you loved him really hard? Now you know he couldn’t speak his truth so he restored to factory settings!

3. Fake your death.

Fake your death. The key here is to "Fake it". If at any point you realize you’ve died for real, then you haven’t done this right; so you died and made wrong life choices, I hope you now realise it wasn’t even that deep.

There may be a 4th appropriate way called “The Idealist-ist”, this is where you bla bla bla bla I’m tired of making stuff up! See Lix, I don’t think breakups are meant to be “appropriate”. Boli women leave and hurt you, you find better Boli so you start buying from someone else, you decide to balance-diet-fit-fam because, summer body, so you stop eating Boli.

Breakups are by their nature very horrible, at least for one person. “We had such a magical evening, and the breakup made it even more special”, said no one. I’m certain if someone decides to stop being with you, there’s not much you can do; and maybe it honestly isn’t you, and it’s them, I don’t know.

I guess if you have to, just do it!

Abi?

On your sofa,

Skip.

Disclaimer: PGI does not endorse the happenings of Skip's guestroom.

pagesbyike 5/24/16 pagesbyike 5/24/16

ECO102: The Opportunity Cost of Cheating

Definition: Opportunity Cost (Economics)
The loss of potential gain from other alternatives when one alternative is chosen.

Example 1: If one body-con dress from Zara costs $99 and a pair of Badgley Mishka pumps costs $268. What is the opportunity cost of choosing the pumps over 3 Zara dresses in three different colors,if a sales promotion is on for the dresses: buy one get one 40% off?

Answer: *bored face*I don't care, I intend to buy them all and also the chandelier earrings in the corner.

Opportunity cost (OC) was a concept lost on me in Economics class. I intended to be so rich, that I’d have no need for such troublesome math issues. Why would I want to give up one thing for another, when I could conveniently (or inconveniently) have both? I am of the school of thought, which abides by the rule of eating your moist and glorious cake and having it. Who wouldn't want to rip up a priority list and play Candy Crush Saga in an Economics class, when you know all those concepts don't concern you at all?!

However, that isn’t how reality works *sad face*. We have to make choices- the best ones, while weighing options continuously, to obtain optimum satisfaction and the best use of our resources. And not just financial resources but also the resources of time, energy, physical and mental acuity-anything that can be converted into productivity and profit.

Therefore, the concept of opportunity cost can also be applied to most life-decisions we make, and not just for pecuniary causes. For example, there is an opportunity cost for you reading this post, you could easily spend your time doing something else**. There is an opportunity cost for having a quarrel with your spouse or partner, or keeping a grudge; you guys could very well be making out on a raft, while sipping pineapple cocktails in between. And of course, there is the opportunity cost of cheating. When a person chooses to be unfaithful, are the benefits forgone, considered? What potential gain is lost when the alternative of infidelity is chosen? What are they missing out on, by nibbling illegal, glorious cakes in shrouded, dark, air-conditioned hotel rooms?

Before we answer those questions, let's first figure out, why people cheat. Studies show that women cheat as a result of emotional dissatisfaction with their partners while men cheat as a result of sexual dissatisfaction or in search of “variety". Summary, a lot of dissatisfied parties and a need for “variety”!
For some clarity, I will invite you to go back with me to the Stone Age, to gain some understanding to why science believes people cheat and why men seek variety *shrug*.

Men have an inherent biological drive to produce as many offspring as possible. Back then, a man would tend to holler from cave to cave in an attempt to spread his gene pool. Now, at that time the best strategy they could come up with, albeit crude, was to impregnate as many post-puberty women as possible. Women weren't into the monogamous scene either because they received favors from their sexual partners and the fathers of their children and the more wallets flipped open for child support, the better. For the women, their decisions were based on the base-criteria of food and protection, for the men, well, anyone who could give birth to a child worked. For optimal supply of their needs, women and men ran loose on the streets, shopping for as many partners as possible! Staying with one man couldn't produce the highest social responsibility output, neither could staying with one woman produce the highest offspring output!
So it was thus:

Homo Erectus: *grunts and points to self*: Many. Baby. Me

She Erectus: *grunts*: Protect. Food. Me want chicken with side of sweetcorn.

Homo Erectus:*points to woman*: Ok. Boobs. Mine.

She Erectus *points to 6 other men*: Also. Them

Homo Erectus:*points to a group of women*: More. Boobs. Mine. Again. Me have many baby!

She Erectus: Me. Many. Food. And Lion. Not eat me.

It was dysfunctional but simple, men could have multiple partners, women could have multiple partners.

It’s not the same today, as you would notice. These days, Homo Sapiens*** rule the streets.
Shouldn’t we, as Homo Sapiens, who are rumored to have the bigger brains and more comely bone structures and let’s admit it, better looking facial features than the cave men, act the part? Homo Habilis and Homo Erectus worked with basic biological urges, that was their excuse. What's the Homo Sapiens excuse? Habilis and Erectus weren't aware of the concept of opportunity cost (and probably hygiene as well) but we are and are able to make better decisions!

Example 2: What is the opportunity cost of cheating on your significant other(S.O) with the Homo Erectus down the street?

Answer:

1. You have more spending-money

Affairs are expensive and if not uncomfortably expensive, they still impact resources. Now, many people don't mind spending a little side cash here and there for a "good time" and there have been correlations between successful people and a propensity for infidelity (because they can afford it). The interesting specimen though are the middle-class or lower middle-class who cheat! The value forgone when taking her to that hotel or on that 19 hour trip, could be put to better use. Bottom line, you have more cash to go around!

2. You have more energy to expend

Cheating requires so much physical and mental energy. You have to come up with an infallible do-not-get-caught strategy; you have to use your toe-pinkie print as the pass-code to your phone; you have to bribe your driver incessantly to cover your tracks-your driver, who has now bought a pretty flat in the city from your generosity; you have to look your kids in the eyes and ensure they don’t sense your dishonesty and unfaithfulness. It’s just so much work- and the lies-those just keep morphing and multiplying. Conserve your energy, save the planet!

3. You get to visit the same ice-cream shop with 200 flavors to choose from (creative variety)

We established that men cheat sometimes because they seek variety. Here's something you don't hear everyday: Monogamy requires creativity. Having sex with the same person for years, definitely requires that you do some homework to spice things up regularly. If your sex life is boring, it's an opportunity to make it work for the both of you. It's like going to your favorite ice cream shop and having >150 flavors to choose from! No need to cross the street to the other store, when you've been going here for ages and this one knows what you need before you even ask. It gets better, you don't have to pay a dime.

4. You get a life-long bestie and someone to share dentures with

Prudent people don't cheat. It might be all bat-swinging and triathlons now but one day you will grow old and "who's gonna have your back when it's all gone?" *in Shaggy's voice* Stay faithful and play the denture game.

5. Heart peace and an unlocked phone

Imagine a life where your heart doesn't climb into your mouth whenever your wife's fingers graze your phone or a moment when your child is playing a game on your phone and a sext doesn't mistakenly come in. Imagine everything was simpler and you could sleep with both eyes closed, that's what you get when you stay faithful!

6. Productivity and becoming the next Zuckerberg

Less time eating moist, glorious cake, means more time to focus and spend on more useful things, like starting a business or pursuing a dream you've always wanted to. Use your time well!

7. You are able to repair and rebuild as a team

Women, cheating because you aren't emotionally satisfied or because your S.O is broke is probably not your better alternative. Emotions, for one, are so over-rated. There are millions of emotions that come with your side-man and you get the whole package, not just the squishy love bit. Finding ways to fix the emotional deficit in your relationship is less of a hustle and at the end you get the satisfaction of saying, "Hey, we fixed that!"

8. The avoidance of having children with the same proclivity for cheating

It's one thing to want loads of kids, it's another thing to ensure that they are raised with care and sufficient emotional, spiritual and financial support. What Habilis and Erectus didn't know was that it was not about quantity, it was about quality. The cohesive effort of raising wonderful kids with your S.O should be priority-kids who turn out less like the cavemen. Like I asked in this post, how do you prevent your child from being lynched by a group of 17 girls for cheating on them? I guess here's an answer to that: live by example, honor your marital bed and esteem honesty.

*** Word on the Science-streets is that Homo Sapiens are evolving, see what i mean? Not the time to think like Habilis at all. Levels have changed.

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