3 and a Half Ways to End a Relationship- by Skip
If you read PGI often, you might know Skip, our anonymous reader who sends me letters and calls me "Lix". Whether he's talking about his kissing conundrum or about finding the one, he never fails to crack us up. Here's his latest letter where he talks about ending a relationship without looking like a jerk. Enjoy!
Dear Lix,
It’s been a while and I miss you too.
Nothing much has been happening, except that I’ve really been trying to figure out exactly who I am and what I’m here for; so I’ve stopped eating healthy, I don't think I’m supposed to be about that balanced-diet-fit-fam life, although I recently started fixing the sheets once I finally wake up in the morning; it’s crazy, I’m like a machine, I’m up, wham bam, bed fixed! I consider this cool and very adult. Also, no more pre-marital sexing on that bed. Not anymore. I have moved all that business to the guest room; I’m like a machine.
So this morning, I realized she was gone and it really hurt me. No heads-up, no conversation, nothing! She left with all her sweetness and hotness, even groundnut too. My boli woman was always there for me, always always, and I’m all for road reconstruction and better infrastructure, but when the government decides to interfere with my relationship and move her away, that’s where I draw the line. I strongly feel these past months together can’t have been for nothing, I bet she knew weeks ago that she would have to leave and she didn’t say anything; she was today’s plan for lunch.
Maybe she couldn’t bear to see my disappointed face. Maybe she didn’t care. Maybe she did. Maybe she left a note. Maybe last night’s rain washed away her note; although a note is hardly the fitting way to end what we had. I even told her at times when I had to travel. Lix, do you remember that ex that thought I would be interested in making the 6-hour journey to attend her wedding? She also thought it was appropriate to end our 4-year relationship with a text message. It’s like nobody knows how to breakup properly, because that’s what happened to me this morning, it was a breakup, and I’m not going to put this one on the government.
Meanwhile, let me share the 3 most appropriate ways to breakup since this has suddenly become about that:
1. Speak your truth.
Speak your truth and end with ‘…so I think we should end this’. By truth, I mean the honest reasons everybody thinks they want to hear, that they deserve to hear, until they hear and then they wish that they didn’t, like ‘Agnes, I really don’t like you anymore, so I think we should end this’, ‘Agnes, I’ve met someone better for me so….’, ‘Agnes, although it was my idea, I can’t handle the distance so…’, ‘Agnes, I just had the best sex with someone else....in the guest room, so…’, ‘Agnes, your house is in Festac so…’. Whatever you do, don’t chicken out with Agnes, it’s not you, it’s me. You may text, BBM or WhatsApp your truth. You can also put it in a note but make sure to write legibly and throw in a few xoxo’s at the end; I give you extra points if you tweet your truth @Agnes.
2. Restore to Factory Settings
This is way easier but takes a longer time than speaking your truth. Basically, what you to do is nothing! Act like there was never a relationship. Stop visiting or hanging out, stop those long phone conversations, and maybe don’t even pick up calls. Remember you’re a busy person, so make sure to reschedule every time he/she tries to meet up. Make sure to be as cordial as possible though, nobody is fighting with anybody! If he/she tries to start fight, don’t do it, apologize and promise to be better but don’t be better. In two months or less, you’ll be single and if you play this just right, he/she will break up with you and then you get extra points.
This requires you to be an Asshole and I know this comes more naturally to some folks while others may have to dig deeper to find their inner asshole, but it gets the job done; especially if you’re in the business of hurting people: and breaking up is all about hurting people, whether or not you mean to, so you might as well be the best asshole you can be.
You know that boyfriend who went funny and you don’t know what happened because he was so very cool and you loved him really hard? Now you know he couldn’t speak his truth so he restored to factory settings!
3. Fake your death.
Fake your death. The key here is to "Fake it". If at any point you realize you’ve died for real, then you haven’t done this right; so you died and made wrong life choices, I hope you now realise it wasn’t even that deep.
There may be a 4th appropriate way called “The Idealist-ist”, this is where you bla bla bla bla I’m tired of making stuff up! See Lix, I don’t think breakups are meant to be “appropriate”. Boli women leave and hurt you, you find better Boli so you start buying from someone else, you decide to balance-diet-fit-fam because, summer body, so you stop eating Boli.
Breakups are by their nature very horrible, at least for one person. “We had such a magical evening, and the breakup made it even more special”, said no one. I’m certain if someone decides to stop being with you, there’s not much you can do; and maybe it honestly isn’t you, and it’s them, I don’t know.
I guess if you have to, just do it!
Abi?
On your sofa,
Skip.
Disclaimer: PGI does not endorse the happenings of Skip's guestroom.
Related posts: 8 reasons you might be stuck in a bad relationship; The sunny side of your breakup; What to expect when you call up an ex!
PGI March Feature: LAWYARTIST
The day I stumbled on Lawyartist's Instagram page, it was like #throwback on steroids! I took a delightfully dizzy one hour journey through the funky 1990's and early 2000's, skipping through this crazy kaleidoscope vortex of my favorite cartoon characters, all in in vibrant color; Inspector Gadget, Mario, Sonic, Speedy Gonzalez, JackJack Incredible, Pinky& the Brain, Johnny Bravo, even Cheshire Cat, for whom I have an unnatural dislike. Lol! They all felt so alive and real! I could almost touch them....and I tried. Even that cat *side stare*
Lawyartist is Adetunji Muiz Onibanjo and our March PGI feature! He's a practicing Lawyer and Artist. He is a complete riot and uber-talented! I see his work on the walls of my kids' rooms when the time comes! Here's our fun chat below! Enjoy!
But first...that Cheshire Cat!
What song describes you at 5.30am?
Survivor’s 'Eye of the Tiger' on weekdays and Ty Dolla’s 'Or Nah' on free weekends.
Please describe your art?
Mixed media, as I rarely restrict myself to one medium. When I have just an hour to spare, it’s almost always just graphite pencils and ink. A couple more hours on my hands and I usually add some colour (alcohol markers, oil/wax artist pencils, water colour). I aim to master digital art this year as well. *fingers crossed*
Lawyartist was One a few days ago! Could you please describe the last one year, asLawyartist, in three words? (This interview was conducted in January 2016)
Consistency. Experiments. Shock!
At what age did you begin to sketch/paint? What/Who encouraged you to continue?In what tangible ways have you developed this talent?
I have drawn/coloured since my earliest memories. It’s weird because I never thought my talent was anything special until I noticed my friends’ stick figures remained the same over the years.
Although my parents encouraged me to draw and colour early on, I’d say my first motivation was a rivalry. A primary and secondary school rivalry I had with a now late friend, Dapo ‘Stunna’ Adenuga (RIP). We were both extremely competitive and always trying to outdraw one another. It has also always given me joy to draw things, especially cartoons I watched or was just fond of as a child.
I have developed this talent over the last year by being consistent (drawing every single day for the last six months and every other day for the preceding six months), watching videos on YouTube, stalking my favourite artists on Instagram and most of all by the dreaded but trustworthy Messrs. Trial and Error.
What do you do with your drawings once you are done working on them?
Typically, I store them safely away in my portfolio or folder. If it’s graphite based, I spray it with an aerosol fixative first, to avoid smudging. If it’s a commissioned piece, I inform the client and have it framed, picked up, posted or hand delivered as the case may be. Sometimes high quality prints of my work are made upon completion, these are also for sale.
Lastly, I flip through my body of work periodically to see what I could have done better and how far I have come. Self-assessment is crucial.
What does your creative workspace look like?
Oh dear, it depends, you know. Over this last year I traveled a little more than usual, so my workspace has had to go mobile several times. Quite a few of my best pieces started on a moving train (shout-out to EastMidlands trains), others on a friend’s desk or in the school library. Wherever I set up, I prefer to have my sketching glove (a glove that partially covers my drawing hand to prevent it staining the paper), 0.3mm mechanical HB pencil, clipboard/sketchbook and good lighting. It’s simple, if you don’t have your standards, the overall quality of your art will suffer.
During the art process, my desk is usually messy, I clean up after I finish each piece and then mess it up again during the next one. It’s a cycle.
How do you balance being an Artist with being a Lawyer? I'm assuming they are both time consuming?
Your assumption is correct, this is the question. I will say this however; I love both art and law. They are both huge chunks of my life and personality, they both stand for different sides of me, so balancing them is super-tricky but a must. Lawyartist was born over the winter of my masters programme and existed side by side by all my seminars, essays, examinations and dissertation. As the Almighty and my efforts would have it, I triumphed.
This year sees me return to full time legal practice (i.e. a real life Harvey Specter, without the unrealistic fun) while remaining The Lawyartist. This will definitely test my limits but I am prepared to keep the healthy balance going.
If you could go somewhere, anywhere in the world, and sketch all day, where will it be?
The Louvre, Paris, never been there but it looks like inspiration will find you once you get there.
What are your creative work must-haves?
My favourite music playlist, TV show or movie I like and have already watched playing in the background. Already watched so I don’t have to pay attention to it at the detriment of what I’m drawing. Drawn a lot to shows like Sons of Anarchy, yesterday it was Boardwalk Empire Season 1, Episodes 3-5.
Thus, I usually prefer to have two screens if I’m drawing for long, my iPad and MacBook or my MacBook and my old laptop. One screen to search/display sources of inspiration and the other to show my slight distraction i.e. a video/my Twitter timeline (those guys are so funny). When no screens are available, the Drawing playlist on Spotify will do, highly recommended. Sharp pencils are also a must (which is why I prefer mechanical pencils for sketching, they don’t get blunt, just click).
Those cotton buds! Lol! Where did you learn to smudge with those?
I just improvised one day when I was too frustrated to sharpen a proper blending stump or as they are called 'tortillions'. It’s a bad habit, which has stuck.
Don’t worry, I have clean ears, I promise. I think.
What location/time do you get most of your ideas? [Examples of answers: on a run, driving, the shower, on the toilet seat]
All of the above, inspiration is such a strange creature.
Do you ever have a creative block? What do you do?
Well right now, I’m just trying to become a pretty sick artist so not every drawing is entirely creative. I make my own characters and concepts occasionally but primarily focus on old school cartoons and themes to draw, so I don’t have to be creative every single day (yes, remember Lawyartist draws every single day even after work).
However, even drawing something that already exists has its ‘block’ periods. So what do I do? I either watch a movie to ease up or if that isn’t feasible I look for something I would ordinarily really feel like drawing and force myself because I have an endgame in sight for my art. I have to be epic.
What/Who is your most recurrent muse?
I’ll categorise them for clarity sake:
Artist muse: There are sooooo many, mostly itsbirdy, Art_of_Supershinobi and Adxnna.
Fashion muse: Fisayo Longe, Estaregrams and TheOrangeNerd of OrangeCulture.
Cartoon muse: Stewie from Family Guy
What's the longest time you've spent on a piece?
A total of 18 hours, in four sessions. It was an Iron man oil pencil piece.
What is the quirkiest thing about you?
My thought process.
Who is your favorite TV villain, present or past?
So tough, it’s between Bane and The Joker from The Dark Knight Trilogy. Recently, Kylo Ren from Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens became number three. If I had to pick one, it would be Bane. Kylo Ren’s getup though, so coooooool!
Any other hobbies?
I am a former gym rat that now does home workouts. I run long distances, skip, swim and occasionally play basketball and football.
What app do you use the most on your phone?
Since Lawyartist’s inception, it’s been Instagram, easily. Spotify, Twitter and my Dictionary.com app are not far behind.
What do you feed your inner child? How do you keep your playful self alive? Do you watch cartoons/ animations?
Spot on, I feed my inner child anime and my favourite movies. It’s weird because I draw cartoons way more than I watch them, especially the new ones. e.g. Adventure Time, The Regular show, Frozen etc.
What are you reading these days?
I need to do better in this regard as I used to be an avid reader. Today, I read NatGeo’s 100 Events That Changed The World. Once work resumes in a couple of weeks, it will be court cases and case reports etc.
What would you rather be reading?
A billion zeros in my bank account. In Pounds.
Lagos or London?
Lagos
What do you love about Lagos?
Its unpredictability (such a gift and a curse). Both of Lawyartist’s parents are from Lagos, so it’s truly home.
Pounded yam or Amala?
You saved the toughest choice for last. ARGHHHH, URGGGGGH, Amala, forgive me.
Thank you so much, Lawyartist for this fun interview and for inspiring through your work and aspirations!
4 Things I learnt!
1. That someone else agrees with me on Kylo Ren's outfit! If I could, I'd wear it as Pj's. Looking dope in my sleep
2. "If you don't have standards, the quality of your work will suffer."
3. Cotton buds make amazing smudging blenders! After this interview, I tried using cotton buds (q-tips) to smudge my eye-pencil on my lower lash line! Thanks Lawyartist, for the unintentional makeup hack.
4. Believe in what you do, do not stop, ever, ever and cyber-stalk your fave cyber-mentors. *Grin*
If you'd like to contact or connect with LAWYARTIST, you can! Please find his contact details below!
Phone number: +2348129402878
Email: lawyartist@gmail.com
Instagram art pages: www.instagram.com/lawyartist
www.instagram.com/lawyerart
YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/c/thelawyartist
Twitter: www.twitter.com/lawyartist
Facebook: www.facebook.com/lawyartist
Tumblr: http://lawyartist.tumblr.com
Deviantart: http://lawyartist.deviantart.com
Snapchat: Lawyartist
Playing catch-up is fun, but guess what's even more fun?! Subscribing! Click the button below!
Good Things Come to Those who Stalk
“Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who seek the LORD will lack no good thing.”
News flash: Even lions grow weary, give up, take off their running shoes and watch their dinner run circles around them, they go broke, go hungry and lack....but those who seek (chase, delve after, pursue, inquire, quest, search out, stalk) the Lord lack no good thing. Think of all the good things you can imagine, yes, even that random thing you just thought; none will be lacking, if we just choose to chase God ☀️
#stalkGod
How to Get Him to Propose (Straight from de Men dem)
Hey, hey??! How did your Valentine's weekend go? Don't be disappointed if he didn't propose yesterday; he might have it scheduled for another date or actually, not at all. While the latter option just felt like i shoved an aloe vera stalk in your mouth, it might not be entirely bad that he doesn't plan to propose at all. In fact, if he doesn't plan to and you know, you should joyfully pack your pretty little things and head for the mountains! #DontwasteYOURtime2016
Last week, i had fun asking a few guys about the best way to get a guy to propose. Of course, these are completely their own views on this situation. First, they all agreed that a man can not be forced to propose if he is "not ready"; mentally and financially, which i believe is fair enough. They couldn't quite provide the perfect guide to getting him to propose but they attempted to correct some misconceptions women have about their proposal prospects and then proceeded to give some advice....
......They mentioned a couple of things we girls might be doing that may delay that proposal! Here goes....
“Nagging about it.”
“The sex. If I get the sex, i might take my time with the proposal- Why buy the cow?”
“If she’s dispensable and I’m just passing time”
“Playing house. Washing my clothes, cleaning my apartment and cooking doesn’t mean we are married or that I will propose.”
“You being impatient and complaining about how your friends have kids.”
“Conversation about your eggs...like seriously?...”
Then they provided some advice.......
“Stop waiting for a proposal, it just makes your wait feel longer. Make your own plans. Be busy, focus on your career, go for a Master’s program, begin your own business and channel your passions. A proposal should be an add-on not the main purpose of your life.”
“If you know a guy isn’t going to propose and you know you are wasting your time, you should leave”
“Wait until i’m ready....it might be 7 years”
“Initiate a Long Distance Relationship. He might realize he doesn’t want you far away. Who knows, he just might propose.....or not!”
“Do not be dispensible! Let him understand how valuable you are.”
“Involve Jesus! LoL!”
“Score Goal (get pregnant), he still might not marry you though. Lol! Ok, seriously, don’t get pregnant! *Straight face*”
“Develop yourself. Develop your inner beauty.”
“DO NOT NAG ABOUT IT”
Alright, so does this mean we girls are sentenced to being quiet about our concerns about growing old and our aging eggs and cannot talk about marriage at all with bae? Of course not! I believe at some point in the relationship the discussion about marriage should come up. It's important to know how serious this relationship is or what its prospects are. You deserve to know, don't be scared. Ask questions!
We girls get terrified of asking because we think he will run away. Let him run, it'll save you time. Ask him questions like; "What are views on marriage?", "Where do you see this relationship in 5 years?", "What do you want from me on the long term?" This should be a tear-free, matter-of-fact conversation; you shouldn't be trying to manipulate him, you should be trying to get information with which you will make your decisions. Of course, as a woman your intuition should kick in and you should be able to tell when a guy isn't particularly serious. If he isn't, you'll know.... we always know. In that case, as my Strategic Management teacher once said, "Sometimes, the best strategy to making a profit is the Exit Strategy." You might have to pull the plug on that relationship, if you know its going nowhere; from that move *deep breath*, full steam ahead and greater possibilities!
#DontwasteYOURtime2016
Thanks to all my interviewees! We have kept them anonymous-ish, much love and hugs for the advice, guys!
What are your thoughts? Do you think these really delay the proposal? What do you think about having the prospects-conversation? What are your experiences? Are men weird? Which is your favorite ring? Lol!
P.s: Ahem..Men, those rings up there can be found here, here and here.. just saying!
Gift Ideas for Him
Hey girls, after much site prowling, I came up with 10 items your "Him" might enjoy. Ed has been hitting my homepage waiting for this post because he thinks his Valentine's gift is here. Lol. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Hope it's helpful! Enjoy xx
1. Wireless Headphones for when you nag // 2. Docking Station so he knows where he phone is and you don't have to play phone tag // 3. Apple Watch sport, because it's the fad// 4. Dress Boots because they "work" for work, not-so-long walks and the dance floor // 5. Leather Backpack so he has free arms for your shopping bags!
1. Plaid Bowtie for #modePreppy 2. Doppkit for his toiletries for those weekends away ( and so he doesn't use your toothbrush) //3. Leather Bracelet because it's been cool since forever //4. Casual Loafers for date night //5. Duffel Bag for the dapper look!
"For Her" Gift Ideas up soon! You should guess what's #1 on the list is! *GRIN*
P.s: You don't have to shop off the links provided, this post was created more as an idea prompter than a direct guide! Happy Shopping!