The Green-Eyed Monster (featuring Kermit and Thor)
Envy stems from a dissatisfaction with the present circumstances of our lives, in light of the progress of someone else's.
One minute, we love our jobs, our cars, our engagement rings, our apartments and houses, the next minute not so much, because that other girl's job is so much more glamorous, it takes her to places with names you can't pronounce, her engagement ring breaks your screen when you see it on Instagram, her boyfriend looks like Thor, her car looks like the Jetsons', her apartment must have been fork-lifted off of @InspireMeHomeDecor. Suddenly your stuff looks so raggedy and ancient. Suddenly, your boyfriend looks like Kermit.
Envy starts with that subtle conscious or unconscious comparison of what we have with what belongs to someone else. Then we begin to wish it was ours. We wonder what makes her so special. We wonder why we are so unlucky. You wonder how a girl like that gets all that stuff and a girl as hardworking and morally superb as you gets.....this.
Why in the world do we spend time comparing our lives with that of others? Why do we let the good fortune of others so easily upset our state of contentment? Why do we let it ridicule all we have obtained and worked so hard for? We let it exhaust our effort and cloak our accomplishments.
One thing I know is that envy needs your permission to do all these things. Another thing I know is envy puts a cap on your capabilities! I can't decide if that is a corny line or if it sounds good. Lol. It's the truth though, it puts a cap on it, air-tight and all. It limits your achievements to the standard of the person you envy. You'll never do better than that person. Think about it, what if we are destined for more than what that person has? What if we are destined for an amazing ever-after with Kermit-bf or a way more fulfilling job? What if Kermit-bf hooks you up with a nicer ring eventually? What if?
In Ancient Greece, envy was frequently associated with illness. The Greeks compared envy and jealousy with liver disease, during which bile is overproduced in the liver, turning the patient a little green. They may have found envy so ailing and debilitating that they came up with the expression "green with envy".
I agree that envy is a disease. Your immunity to it, however, is contentment and realizing your path is unique; that your life's plan which God drew out is the most optimal plan, any other plan would be substandard.
So do you have that friend who has it all together; great job, smart, talented, stylish, Thor-Idris hybrid of a boyfriend and all the things you wish you had? If you don't, you should get one. It's a great opportunity to learn to be delighted for another person's good fortune, a chance to overcome the green fluorescence of envy. When you finally do, you'll be a better person than you ever were.
Have you hacked envy? Please tell us how!
Don't forget to enter for the give-away!
Bank of Daddy to Bank of Bae
Sometimes, I imagine my dad somewhere on an island, say old San Juan wearing a straw hat, drinking an authentic piña colada and kicking the sand into the air as he dances off into the sunset. Oh, the joy! Those high maintenance girls are gone! Now he doesn’t have to stare into those doe eyes anymore, wondering why shoes and purses cost so much; doesn't have to try to wrap his mind around the concept of weaves and why I pay so much to have them put in, even more perplexing, #teamnatural expenses; how expensive is it to let your own hair grow out of your own head?! I'm kidding my dad is awesome and has never considered my sister and I a burden, but he can't deny our high maintenance-ness. Now, we are both married and on those delightfully warm, sunny wedding days, he signed off all responsibility to our wonderful spouses. He must have chuckled discreetly at each one's beaming, ecstatic face and thought, "In time, my son, in time."
It's been over a year now that i've been off payroll for Bank of Daddy(BOD), of which daddy had been the chairman and mommy, the president of the financial reserve. For close to 30 years, BOD has found ways of investing and working to ensure that everything that I have needed and sometimes, wanted, has been provided to the best of its ability. These days, i am with Bank of Bae (BOB), where bae and I are chairman and president. Things are a little different.
For starters, we only began investing in the last one year. Needs, cravings and wants are no longer in an indistinguishable muddle. There exists now something called a priority list. Purchases are planned, bills have our names on them, which really makes me feel old, we own a printer and care about ink, we own saucers and single people don't want to be friends with us anymore (sniff). That was completely random, back to having a priority list.
I've had a couple of days when Ed and I would disagree in the store aisles over stuff we actually need. You know how we girls really really need a pretty shiny salad tosser? Or is it just me? What about all those colorful Kate Spade home decor items; those neon colored kitchen utensils, like the fuschia whisk and lime spatulas, those bedsheets with so much threadcount, it's almost like sleeping on a cloud. Uh! those towels that make me feel like I just dried myself with a sheep, and then, that clutch purse.....*eyes glazed over* and then.....*eyes twinkling* those killer-heels! All this while, I'm all over the store and Ed is looking at me like, "Umm.....rent."
Needless to say, I needed to get a grip and who likes to get a grip? Not me. I wish I knew the steps to transitioning. It's either one of two things, either you restrict yourself and acquire more financial management skills or expand to what is in Bank of Bae and acquire even MORE financial management skills. Now, your very perception of value needs to be reconfigured. Now, the strappy sandals you just bought really should be on number 9 of your priority list but it's still number 1. Now, if you want to get a Masters degree, you actually have to plan. In the past, Bank of Daddy would wire you all the money. Not any more, now you own saucers! If you don’t mentally prepare yourself before you take your vows, its very possible you’ll think you are still on pay-roll from BOD and then you make an unjustifiable purchase (the pair of killer-sandals) which puts a significant dent in BOB and then to make it worse, you kinda forgot to buy groceries. If you are lucky or in the UK or US, you'll be able to return the purchase. If you live in Italy or Nigeria, I guess you and Bae would have to eat your new shoes for dinner.
It starts with a change in our minds to downsize or expand, all with wisdom and also the decision to choose to be realistic and considerate. Little comparison can be made with the financial situation of BOD and BOB, Bank Of Daddy has like a 40-50 year head-start, it's sturdy while BOB, sometimes, is like that new bank down the road, it needs a little bit of time to take root, so some consideration and prudence from your end will do it a lot of good. If you are high-maintenance, take the knob down just a notch. In time, it all comes together. Of course, it helps if BOB allows some occasional splurging, it makes the readjustment process a little better. So hear, he-baes, your task is to help her transition easy, let her buy her cloud-bedsheets or get her the clutch that got her eyes glazed over or that random polka dot skirt that makes her happy for some reason; she's in transition. And you know what they say about people in transition.......[hehe, nothing, just get her the clutch, jo].
Have you loved on your parents recently, verbally and financially? How have you successfully transitioned from BOD to BOB? How did you figure it out?
Emperor of Sofa to Emperor, Fitfam
Photo credit: Me!
If you are an adopted member of #fitfam (like me) and ignoring Cold stone, Krispy Kreme and Dominos is getting pretty hard; if running 5 miles feels like a stretch and exercising in general looks like it's cut out for others and not you, well, I've got great news for you. Below are some tips on how to repudiate your reign as Emperor of sofa and assume a new position; Emperor of #fitfam. If you can't stand the term #fitfam, please skip to the last paragraph. I can't particularly give you a time frame for your transition; the main determinant is your will....fused with this post. Here goes....
1. Insta-Mentor
An insta-mentor gets you rolling out the mat and grabbing the dumbbells in no time. Mine on Instagram is @sofialevfitness. She never fails to inspire my abs. My abs love her. The part of me that hates to work out though....not so much. During those times when I don't feel like being Emperor, I just scroll fast past her 15 second videos, but then after a swift scroll, there she is again! She's one of those multiple photo/video uploaders. A fitness mentor inspires your body parts and it helps if they are really active on social media and in your face all the time.
2. Buy Gym wear (neon does it!)
I don't know if this happens to anyone else but when I wear my gym clothes, I have a Clark-Kent-like transformation. My jaw is set, I stand akimbo, staring into the sun with an imaginary red cape blowing in wind...that kind of stuff and then off I go to the gym to run less than my proposed 3 miles. Superman has his timeout days too, what can I say? Nevertheless, buying gym gear definitely helps your morale and enthusiasm in breaking a sweat. If you feel you need an arm, head, ankle, belly band, get them all, as long as they makes you feel like you were born on the thread mill and get that heart rate up.
3. Gym/Work it
Now that you have those neon beauties, i guess it's important to join a gym! It's worth every penny. A cheaper alternative would be buying work out tapes (I said tapes, I don't know why i said tapes). If you are on a budget, google some aerobic exercises or do what i do; make up a routine and work it out consistently.
4. Ignore junk food
You'd think that associating the word "junk" with "food" would turn us all into junk food snobs but no, makes us love and crave it even more. Make cooking a habit and do it quantities that last at least a week. Also snack right with healthier options; nuts, fruits, vegetables. Leftovers and healthy snacks are the key to junk-snubing.
5. Make healthy eating fun!
Try new healthy recipes and make healthy pastries. If you are a baked goods lover, bake healthy. Eat dinner early, 7pm early, and if you are above the age of 25, carby night-caps are probably not the best idea.
6. Get a pedometer!
I should get paid for this pedometer thing but seriously, get one for yourself and a loved one this Christmas. It helps to measure your daily activity. You'll very soon realize how sedentary you actually might be, which we don't want, sitting being the new smoking and all. Set a target for each day, we are supposed to take about 7000-8000 steps a day. My pedometer just whispered, "Hypocrite," which is exactly why you want one.
7. Be consistent!
#Fitfam is a lifestyle and requires a complete lifestyle turn around. It really is a conscious effort to get off the sofa, suspend Netflix 'n' chill and actually get active. Having someone who you are accountable to helps a lot as well; someone to stare you down as you open the fridge at midnight; someone to slap your wrist as you reach for that ooze-drippy caramel-ly, chocolatey desert; someone to send you this post, because they love you.
So remember; insta-mentor+ some neon+ junk snobbery+ workout tapes +dinner before 7+ nagging pedometer+ willpower= Emperor Fitfam
Now, if you hate the term #fitfam and you want absolutely nothing to do with them. Read this post again and cover the #fitfam with your pinkie. Once you've done that, buy you some neon colored gym clothes, follow a health entusiast on IG, make some healthy diet changes, buy a pedometer and share this post.
7 days = Creativity
This post is inspired by Brit and Co's #iamcreative initiative. I think they just broke my excitement scale.
Next week is my creativity week. I will be taking 7 days out to create something unique, never mind unsightly, at least it would be all me. I plan to do this activity for at least an hour everyday starting Monday. I have a pack of paint brushes that I use as accent decor, I guess it's time to put them to work. I also might try to bake something or make a drawing of some sort. Whatever it is, it's going to be thoroughly exciting and i can't wait to show it to you. No judgement, remember! Safe space and all. Lol.
Some creativity tips i'll be working with include:
Know thyself, Ike: Clearly there will be no creating before 6am as it is widely known that i am not a morning person and do not like to be spoken to before the hour of 9.
Habits, Chores: I have to make sure all my chores are done the night before. I don't think Picasso woke up to a sink full of dishes and was bursting with inspiration and enthusiasm.
Ignore social media, just a little bit: I'm going to be a little behind on the memes and trends. Please, please tag me in all of them, I'll catch up during the weekend.
Read on new creative project: YouTube it, that's creativity heaven.
Exercise everyday and stay still: Exercise and moments of silence are awesome for creativity, though on opposite sides of the spectrum. The shower is known for crazy epiphanies and inspiration too. However, I will not be exercising in the shower in an attempt to kill two birds with one stone, although the thought has crossed my mind.
Show at least one person your work, artists do not like to show people what they've done but your work is all you! Plus you get better everyday. By day 7, you actually might consider a career change.
Would you like to get in on this challenge? .......unleash your inner creator? Here are some ideas of stuff to create and activities to engage in:
- An entirely new dish with strange ingredients
- A painting you'd be proud to hang on your wall or give to the president, either works, no pressure
- Photoshop editing, you could download a trial and watch what you can do to a picture of your ex! No, not that one, the other one, the awful one with nose hair! I'm kidding, no meaness. Try editing one of you favorite photos. Watch YouTube videos to help breeze through.
- Knit something burgundy, color of the season and rightly so!
- Write something, anything; an experience, a story, a recipe, anything.
- Bake something you'd usually buy.
- If knitting and cooking is too Stepford-wives for you, there's also graffiti, murals, ceiling work(MichaelAngelo style), sewing(Stepford again), sewing with leather and metal, designing, dress-making for dolls (I used to be a pro!), carving, sculpturing, web designing. There's just so much to do.
Art and creativity is renown for improving and maintaining health. If you are stressed and having a tough week, well, art and creativity is exactly the pill you need to pop. It's wonderful, feeling proud about something you have made with your hands or mind. When you get discouraged, think out loud to yourself "God is the great creator, and guess who was made in his image." Wink.
What are you going to create?
How to deal with Negative people (1)
Everyone has suddenly gone snobby with management of negative people! The general rule is to avoid them like a plague. Do not relate with them, everyone says, they spoil our own good vibe, our crystal aura, they disrupt the sea gulls that squeal around in our bubble of tranquility. They distract our unicorns from drinking from the burbly, shimmery brook, they ruin our day with their thunderous, dark clouds. Spot the negative people and then weed them out. I like this rule because its convenient and frankly i don't have to deal with anyone's bad aura. I have things to do and I have a calendar full of tasks and deadlines. I need to be productive and we all know what they say about productivity (*insert abstract Productivity quote*).
Nevertheless, i can't agree with this rule. It belittles my ability to impact others positively and i'm also at risk. You see, sometimes, i could be a little negative myself and I could very well be excluded from the unicorn islands of the "positive people"! And who wants that? No one! There's no way i'm passing on unicorns. So i have decided to deal with the bigger problem, bigger than dealing with negative people - dealing with negative me.
How to deal with negative people me
1. Think positively (but you already knew that)
Everyone knows this, but we only begin to chant "Think positively" when stuff has gone crazy and our negativity has gone crazy wild, biting at our heels and trying to ruin our lives. Thinking positively is a life style. It's everyday, every night, every waking, blinking second; not a magic wand. Whatever you think up in your mind or whatever ruling thought dominates your heart is what will spill out. Yes, your thoughts eventually spill out. It's like burping. If you had sea food gumbo for lunch, your burp 3 hours later will be nothing short of epic. So, think positively, ruminate on the good thoughts and burp rainbows.
2. STOP HAVING COFFEE AND DOUBLE-CHOC MUFFINS WITH FEAR
Honestly, i think at some point, fear was my best friend. Interestingly, she was always there. I never could complain that she ditched me....always there, in my bed, in the dark, in the car, on my run, on the plane. I literally would entertain fear unconsciously, until one day, she decided to take over my life. "She's part of the human response", you might think. True, but she is also NEGATIVITY in the flesh. So we broke up. Yup, we had bad blood. Definitely had bad blood. We could not be friends anymore. No more hanging out and catching up, started snobbing her and ever since, it has been coffee with God instead.
3. New habit: Choose not to complain
Complaining signifies a state of helplessness and constant dissatisfaction. It's not healthy for you or the people around you, so Shake it off! Shake it off! (I am on a Taylor Swift roll today). It takes a while to train yourself to stop complaining. On the average, it takes 66 days to acquire a habit (sometimes a little more). Try not complaining about traffic, the driver that just cut in, your commute, your boyfriend/husband/wife, parents, kids, work, the weather, lunch, the neighbor whose food smells like locust beans for 66 days. It will be the best 95,040 minutes of your life!
4. The gratitude plug
If you know anything about change at all or about quitting, you'd know a void appears in the absence of a past habit. So what to do with this gape left by complaining? Stuff it with gratitude, most especially to God. I don't know anyone who cares so much about anyone else as He does about us. There are so many things to be grateful for. That locust-beans neighbor for one, is something to be grateful for. Loads of people will kill for a neighbor of any sort but they don't have the opportunity (think Syria).
5. #NOTEVERYTIMEDEVILSADVOCATE
Encourage others! To encourage means 'to give confidence to.' People need confidence and its completely in our power to inspire. Speak words that encourage, not words that cut down. Encourage people to dream...dream big and to achieve those dreams, even if the dream is to sell a wide variety of colorful sequins for a living, just be supportive. Sometimes people in our lives do things we can't relate to and then we get stuck in our lack of understanding and do nothing. It's not about us, its about being a form of support #noteverytimedevilsadvocate #Justsupport #butonlylegalstuff .
6. See the good in people
I know. Some people task your optic nerves trying to see the good in them but it's there. Seeing the good in people requires you readjusting your perspective. Just a little more to the right. Yup, there it is.
7. Say Good things about people
Sometimes the words fall out of our mouths, but do they.....really? Every word that comes out of your mouth is actually passed along an interestingly complex neural circuit in your brain. It didn't just fall out. It was thought through and then it deliberately stepped off the ledge of your tongue. The fact that it's conscious and calculated means its controllable. We can actually CHOOSE to say good things. Speaking good about people is a necessity for the health of your mind. Trust me.
Do you have any tips on dealing with inner negativity? Please share below and remember to love on a negative person today! Unicorns are so in!