3 Fun Things I Realized Playing Pokémon GO
I downloaded Pokémon Go, the day after it was released. I really only downloaded it as a tribute to the fun stickers I had as a child and because I like Pikachu (because it's yellow). The game is visually engaging and at the start, allows you to choose an avatar who helps a researcher on a creature-capturing project. I think. I never read the preamble before games. Ike, does this also mean you don't read terms and conditions?
*crickets* What's your point?
Anyway, your quest is to capture the creatures. The fun part- the game gains access to your smartphone camera (with your consent) and finds creatures around you, using your camera! It usually appears like you are about to take a photo of the outlandish creature which just made its way to your pillow.
Pillow talk with this angry bird
Once you've captured the creature, you collect them in a Pokéball. You then have to walk around physically to get more creatures and Pokéballs. I love that the game gets me to move and encourages me to get active in my real life. Great fitness incentive.
3 Things I realized playing Pokémon Go:
1. Canals aren't that deep (not when you are chasing this cute, yellow tubby creature, at least)
Worth splashing for.
I found one of my creatures in a canal. How delightful, I thought, this game is really putting things in virtually-realistic places. The cute creature splashed around in the canal as I was on my way to grab some tea at a local coffee shop, soon I found myself inching closer to the banister, which I believed was installed to prevent people from falling in. Next thing, I found my hand over the railing. It was then I realized...I had become a Pokémon Go zombie; my eyes riveted on my screen and completely unaware of my environment. You could have taken my shoes and my glasses and I wouldn't have minded one bit. That cute yellow thingy just needed to fit into my catcher! I leaned over...just.an.inch.moooore...
2. I can't be tricked to exercise
Nice try, Pokémon. This girl can't be tricked to exercise with virtual offerings and incentives. However, set me, please on a glorious high street lined with shops with show glasses exhibits of books and handbags. All the eye-tingling offerings. I would gladly walk 10 miles. Ask my Fitbit. It knows.
3. Pokémon can't work in Nigeria
Lol! To any African, you know how we really aren't about bats. Even worse bats that appear in our rooms at night. There I was getting ready for bed and I checked my phone for a Pokémon. Behold it was a silly black bat floating around in the dark area of my dully lit room. I'm like nah-ahn.
I don't do bats. Cute and yellow things. Yes. Black bats, no.
I eventually gave up on the game when the creatures became even more difficult to catch. Apparently, if you go up a level, the creatures become more difficult to catch and for me, that would mean- me, in a canal.
Do you have the Pokemon Go game installed? What's your highest level yet? Any misadventures like the players below? Lol
Funny stories about Pokemon GO players:
Man goes hunting for Pokemon creature at 3am, gets rounded up in a "drug deal"
This could very easily have been me, if I was hunting handbags.
Man falls into Manhole playing Pokemon Go, claims Candy crush was a safer bet
Aww, I miss Candy crush.
Fugitive caught in his pajamas as he walks to the police Station to catch a Pokemon
Is that guy kidding me right now?! Lol. Move to Brazil, man! Play Pokemon there! *Thinks Zika* Move to Alaska, man!
Woman plays Pokemon and walks right past Beyoncé as she performs. Beehive, not glad
Ok, that one cracked me up! Lol! The Beehive doesn't take kindly to anyone ignoring Bey.
Cover photo: D.H Bragdon
New blog: Flavor, Spice and All That, Guys!
When my friend, Eki, told me her sister, Amal was starting a blog, a sudden smile lit up my face. It's the same smile reserved for anyone who chooses to get in on some creative madness (which by the way, is not reserved for a special lot and you should get nuts with us).
Allthingsbeingamal.com is a "lifestyle blog with a unique twist following the adventures of Amal Vasi; majoring in travel, food and beauty & style". She started off, rightly, with a post about visiting Ibiza, then a misadventure with Cataplana in Portugal, followed by a post about Lagos! Please visit and give her a cheer! She's all flavor and élan.
Best wishes, dearest Amal! Kill it! I dare say, she shall! *someone make me stop reading these Victorian books*
Muah!
There she is, Amal Belo-Osagie!
Discovered any new blogs recently? Please share! If you are a blogger please leave your url in the comments below! Thanks!
Made for Grey
The sky was overcast, as I walked down to the library about noon today. I was off to return some books. It was beyond grey and the clouds had that stormy, purple tinge to them. As I walked along, I realized a man with a red baseball cap had stopped by the door of his car, his hand on the handle and was staring at me.
It was then I realized that he had caught me smiling to myself, and also that I was walking with a leap in my step. "How odd", he must have thought, in a Victorian accent. "For who is happy on a day such as this? The weather couldn't be less satisfactory!" *Reading too much Jane Austen* (Too much Jane Austen, bah! Like that's possible!)
During this walk, I would come to intensify my delighted gait and the man would continue to twist his neck awkwardly in its rigid axis. I had realized something: I was made for grey days, WE were made for grey days; all of us- we were made for days of gloom, for purple tinges and howling winds! We are the rays on that overcast day, the beam through the clouds, the bubbly in the hushed! We are so lit that we really don't know what to do with ourselves!
We were made for grey! No silly clouds will get us down. We shine bright even on a gloomy day!
Say it with me!
We were made for grey! No silly clouds will get us down! We shine bright even on a gloomy day!
If you could use some rays yourself, try encouraging someone else. You'd be amazed at how suddenly your world would light up! Also try a good book and some milo or hot choc! Goosebumps, baby!
Are you a fan of grey days or sunny days? Not a trick question! Lol. Have you read any Jane Austen's? Don't the characters just come alive and show up in your day? *crazy-book-lover talk*
Real Stories #8: Notes To Read On The Dating Roller Coaster!
Hi, people! My name is .... o wait, I am supposed to be anonymous. Ike asked me to write a few things that I have learnt on my dating journey. I have written them in notes-to-self style. I hope my notes help someone else out there! Whenever you get question mark symbols floating above your head and heart about certain issues, flip back to this post, it just might help! Best wishes on that wild, dating roller coaster and holla if you see me. O wait...I'm anonymous. This anonymous thing is tricky. Hmmn.
Let's jump right in:
- If the kissing is poor, making out will be nothing more than poor *cringe*
- Not every relationship will end in marriage
- Don't superimpose another relationship on yours. No two relationships are the same
- Don’t date out of pity. You will be wasting everyone's time
- Don’t do trial-dating either (it’s a trial because one party isn't interested)
- Communicate. Engage. Understand.
- Be empathetic, try to see from the other person's point of view...
- ...but don’t drop your standards because you are trying to be empathetic.
- Find the 'mumu*' button and use it well *grins*
- Let your 'No' be 'No', have some self-respect and you'll avoid being taken for granted.
- Be friends, play games, challenge each other, laugh together, be rivals, pray together.
- Always, always express how you feel, be vulnerable, be happy, be yourself, be angry, be emotional, be irritable, be cranky, be hungry, be everything that makes you you. The sooner he knows everything about you, the better.
- Maintain eye contact (it spells intimacy).
- Don’t lie; some lies don’t follow you to the grave. And if you guys end up together, you might confess mistakenly.
- If there’s anything that bothers him that you do, consider compromise, if its doable.
- ..but don’t compromise your happiness for someone else’s. Be happy, be selfish! Muhaha. Ok, don't be selfish but understand the concept of compromise and apply it wisely.
- If you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with him, don’t make out and definitely don’t have sex with him.
*mumu: in this context mumu means lovingly taking advantage of your S.O's affections for you. It's not as twisted as it sounds. Let's rephrase, lovingly and effectively channeling your S.O's affections for you to the things you care about so that he spends his romantic energy wisely. Take that Merriam Webster!
This is story #8 of the "Dating Like Crazy" series (read #7, #6, #5, #4, #3, #2 and #1 ). This article was written by an anonymous contributor. Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.
Real Stories #7: Retired Chauvinists, Love and Skoin-Skoin
I've always been mysterious. I was one of those guys who had everyone guessing who his girlfriend was. It was customary for me to be seen with a lot of 'remarkably pretty girls' without actually being with anyone of them. I wouldn’t say I was a player or a demon, though people might have lazily classified me as such.
Contrary to what outsiders thought, I was actually struggling to ‘seal the deal’. Lol. I was one confused fellow and thought I knew what I wanted in a girlfriend, but in retrospect, I simply had no clue and what's more interesting, is the fact that I had rather unrealistic expectations. The only constant thing in my non-existent love life then, was my attraction to complicated people, people who have what is popularly referred to as ‘skoin-skoin’. Simply put, if the girl was deemed to be a normal person by me, then I simply wouldn’t be interested. I still can’t figure out why. Was it the thrill of the challenge of deciphering what made her tick and then go cukoo-cukoo? Maybe I'm a little 'skoined' too? *shrug*
The interesting thing is that these skoin-skoin girls always seemed to like me, but whenever it came down to the real deal; it was always one excuse or the other;
‘Let me pray about it’,
‘I don’t know',
'I am not ready yet, but I feel like I will be soon’,
‘I need to consult great grandmother in the village',
Okay, no one said the great grandmother bit but you get what I mean. Boy, it was frustrating! I sure had this unparalleled ability to pick those girls and inflict pain on myself in the process… Wait! Eureka! That’s it! I know why now, I am probably a Masochist! It’s the pain, I loved the pain! What makes it worse was I had quite a number of beautiful, decent NORMAL ‘take-home-to-mama’ girls who were willing to be my Miss, but I was never willing to go down the dating path with them. How dare they think I would? Didn’t they know they were too normal for me? *hiss*
Lessons learnt dating.
I learnt that arrogance and dating don’t mix. I grew up around several "macho" uncles who were world-class players, disrespected their women and were quick to stamp their authority all over situations. Right, so I must have grown up a little chauvinistic, resisting vulnerability and compromise in my relationships. I wasn’t going to be disrespected by any girl, they all had to know who was boss. Anytime a girl I was dating gave me mixed signals, my next reaction was to kiss her goodbye. How could she? No one disrespects the boss! What I didn’t realize was that they were just being ‘women’, sometimes they don’t mean what they say. They want you to fight for them (I still think their wahala is too much sha). It’s really incredible how I thought I knew women and later realized I knew absolutely NOTHING about women.
One thought that constantly comes to mind now is how my uncles probably would have gone back to kneel down and beg (and even cry sef) their girls back in privacy of their rooms, while giving me the impression that they were the greatest macho-men around! I learnt that women are complicated, and to the brothers out there, don’t bother trying to understand them, lest you run mad; but the key is patience.
I also learnt that a woman typically has two different natures; the Angel and the Scary, Scorned, Vengeful Angry Bird. The part you see or experience largely depends on how you treat your woman. Nurture her, treat her well, and you have yourself the angel, always.
This is story #7 of the "Dating Like Crazy" series (read #6, #5, #4, #3, #2 and #1 ). This article was written by an anonymous contributor. Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.
Ever been attracted to skoin-skoin traits? Makes it interesting doesn't it?
What To Expect in Marriage (Only the Good Stuff)
Bum Slaps Make Good Marriages
Mr and Mrs. A* have been my parents’ friends for as long as I can remember. They always had smiles on their faces, always smelt good, were always happy! Always happy. One day, after yet another cheerful visit to our house, they chose to show themselves out and headed for their car. As they headed out, up our driveway, unaware that I was at the window, watching them go, Mrs. A slapped Mr. A on the bum and then they burst into silent giggles.
Hmmn. I cocked my head to the side.
I mean, this was new and not so new. My parents did stuff like that but just in front of us, not in front of other peoples’ houses. Public, flirtatious bum slaps were not very common in my town. Definitely never saw those in Agbeni or Mokola market. Oh wait… yes, I did but it was gross, it involved a bus conductor and a hawker and has no bearing on this blog post.
Anyway, Mr and Mrs A were old. Like old, old. They had like 4 grown kids, so this wasn’t newlywed stuff. As they stepped out of our gate, they whispered and chuckled and then Mrs. A's hand came to rest lightly on his waist, a very friendly, intimate gesture.
To my 6 year-old self, it was like 'Whao, this thing called a happy, fun marriage isn’t rare at all!' This marriage thing was going to be a breeze and the flirtations would last forever! We’d giggle and smack our bums all day. What could be better than that?
Much later in life, I would come to appreciate mum, dad and their friends so much more because I realized that to have that quality of a relationship, they must have put in a lot of effort. I’m not saying bum-slaps make good marriages, well, I am. Kind of. Lol. The love, regard, honor, flirtations and friendship.
I would also realize that my marriage becomes whatever I imagine it to be and that being around good couples that provide the right picture of what a marriage should be is important!
I'm very much aware that not everyone has/had good models for this but if you look well enough, you have models in your life right now. God always tucks templates in your life; templates worth emulating!
Alright, alright Ike, we’ve heard. What should I expect in marriage?
First, we can only expect these things if we are willing to put in the work and prayers! Deal? This is where you say, "Deal."
1. Bum Smacks (you guessed it!)
Marriage is serious but it isn't uptight. You should expect a free, fun, warm atmosphere which involves a lot of laughter and contentment!
Marriage is fun! It's the exclusive selection and preference of one individual above all others, based on a mutual understanding and appreciation of the other person's abilities and characteristics, both good and bad. It's all fun and games most of the time. The bible says, the sounds of rejoicing is always heard in the tent of the righteous (married or not, for our purposes let's use 'married'). I just imagined living in a tent with Ed. Post idea!
2. Hello, Eden!
In marriage, all is laid bare. Like naked-bare. Literally.
So yeah, you guys are naked a lot, hopefully. You also begin to reveal your true, true nature.
I won't lie to you, stuff gets real in marriage. Suddenly you wake up and realize that the gap teeth which you fell in love with, turned out to be actually customized dentures. You realize oops, that was a wig, her lashes aren't that long and she has a beard. You realize he snores like a 1978 model tractor and apparently wears a tummy clincher (for men), it turns out they have those too. Copy-cats!
Still, you realize it's beautiful and worth it.
3. Serial Finish lines
Marriage is a huge marathon with other little marathons in it. People change. I wish that wasn't true but it is. People change and every time they do, you begin to run a mini race, where you both are tied at your ankles, like a three-legged-race type thing. You have to keep going, evolving on each other, loving each other and winning all the races as a couple and tapping bums! This would be a good time to slap your significant other's bum, just because. Make this post worth it.
4. A Slay Mate
I have tried praying by myself about particular issues and the results were staggering but when two people are united and pray- uhwee! Things get a little violent, results come, progression comes. Pray together. I don’t mean doze-pray. Lol. I mean conscious, heart felt, heaven-jerking prayers!
5. A Better You
I learnt this in my first year of marriage! Marriage makes us better versions of ourselves. How? Disagreements shave off pride. Every time you choose to take the high road, some pride gets mowed off! In no time, you will become a better person. Choosing to end quarrels quickly and well, discussing the issues and ways to be better makes this thing a breeze.
6. Learning Everyday and Talking About Farts
We learn everyday in marriage, it’s always a different day, a different lesson. First to say again: marriage is not really about you, it’s always about the other person. In learning to love and serve your spouse, you become the best version of yourself!
We also talk about our failures and farts, stuff that embarrass us and the fears that imprison us and we work together to get rid of those.
7. A Sudden Realization That Your Marriage is Unique and a Little too Hot to Handle
Ok, I’m probably not the first to say this one: there is NO ONE like you and absolutely no one like your sig. other! Therefore, you can’t ever have a marriage like anyone else’s. We have to remember to never superimpose other people's marriages on ours. Your marriage is precious, unique and exciting, with a message to share with the world! There is a place for mentoring and emulation of positive habits but there’s no space for destructive comparison or things will definitely implode and then there will be absolutely no bum slaps- and we can’t have that!
Hey, what are your thoughts? What were/are your expectations about marriage? Any fun marriage mentors in your life?
Real Stories #6: What I Saw When I Opened Her Bedroom Door
They always say be 'Friends First', apparently the best relationships are with those people you first build friendships with. I don’t know why, but it is what they say, so don’t argue, just Find a Friend and date the hell out of them.
I did.
I was in the University and I was friends with this super-cool girl. From the first conversation, we had so much common ground; same taste in music, movies, same goals, same quirky humour, and the same type of crazy. She was "my guy"! It was so intense, the friendship, we were always up to something and it was funky all the time. Dating her never crossed my mind though, until one evening when I narrowly escaped falling into a ditch and instead fell on her lips.
Maybe it was love all the while, and so the amazing friendship birthed a beautiful relationship. She was even better in relationship-mode. She could cook a storm and a chilled day. She made sure I went to church and read my bible, solid woman! I was happy and content, so I gained weight.
We had dated for a year and then one evening, I walked in on her having sex with this man. I opened the door and there my girlfriend was, on top of him, cowgirl style. I remember the sweat on her face, the crease of her brows, the shock on her face. The man was visibly startled, there was a brief commotion on the bed, but in all of this, she didn’t stop riding him, they just kept on, apparently too shocked to stop or whatever. I froze there and watched for about 10 seconds, I died 7 times.
I rushed out of the room and then I started to run, I’m talking real actual sprinting. I don’t know why I was running, but it was in the direction of my car. There was water coming out of my eyes, plenty of water, but I wasn’t crying, I can’t explain the biology. This was by far the most pain I had ever felt, it was traumatic, and my chest hurt, like it physically hurt. The haunting picture of her on top of him that I still can’t "un-see".
How can somebody just blind-side you with some real shit like that? This solid woman. This fight-with-me-if-I-didn’t-go-to-church woman. Where did my girlfriend find Aristo? So I am just ordinary school boyfriend? So many questions.
Maybe being cheated on isn’t fun. Maybe fall into a ditch instead. Maybe always knock and don’t badge into your girlfriend’s room. Maybe dust yourself up and move on. Maybe it’s no big deal and shit happens. Maybe don’t trust people anymore. Maybe stay hopeful. Maybe the best relationships are with those people you first build friendships with.
She said she was sorry.
This is story #6 of the "Dating Like Crazy" series (read #5, #4, #3, #2 and #1 ). This article was written by an anonymous contributor. Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.
Amusing Conversation With My Nephew (Wait for it!)
My nephew, Dabi (who is 7 years-old today), is on holiday, and is staying with Ed and I for about 2 weeks. This was a conversation that transpired yesterday, after I served him his hot bowl of Basmati rice, plantain, tomato stew and chicken strips. He was waiting for it to cool down.
Dabi: If Ruel* and I are here together, where will he sleep?
Me: If Ruel was here, I'd pack my bags and go to Bahamas because you guys won't let me rest and you'll be running around and stomping on the floor even if I tell you not to
Dabi: Haha! Who will cook for us?
Me: I don't know. I'll be in Bahamas
Dabi: We will cook by ourselves
Me: That's probably illegal
Dabi: What's illegal?
Me: Cooking by yourselves is probably a crime. The police will get you!
Dabi: *Gasps* We will hide!
Me: The K9 will find you
Dabi: What's a K9?
Me: A police dog
Dabi: Doggie! It will sniff me out!
Me: Yes, indeed and I'll be on the beach in Bahamas!
Dabi: I will run away and run to the airport, get on a plane and give the attendant my ticket
Me: Well, the K9 will give the flight attendant his ticket too and follow you on the plane. He'll seat next to you and read a newspaper. Then mid-flight he will look at you suddenly! And keep looking at you till you land!
Dabi: (squeal-laughs) No!!! I will use my parachute and land in Bahamas
Me: No way! I'll move to Grenada!
Dabi: I'll swim after you!
Me: Wait, so you won't take Ruel along?
Dabi: Oh yes, I'll use Ruel as a raft and paddle to meet you
Me: *must have fallen over my seat laughing* That's just mean
Dabi: Ruel will have his turn too.
Me: Alright! Fair enough
Happy birthday, Dabi!
*Ruel is my other nephew and is Dabi's cousin and best friend.
Do you know any children? Don't they say the most ridiculous things? Lol!
