New blog: Flavor, Spice and All That, Guys!
When my friend, Eki, told me her sister, Amal was starting a blog, a sudden smile lit up my face. It's the same smile reserved for anyone who chooses to get in on some creative madness (which by the way, is not reserved for a special lot and you should get nuts with us).
Allthingsbeingamal.com is a "lifestyle blog with a unique twist following the adventures of Amal Vasi; majoring in travel, food and beauty & style". She started off, rightly, with a post about visiting Ibiza, then a misadventure with Cataplana in Portugal, followed by a post about Lagos! Please visit and give her a cheer! She's all flavor and élan.
Best wishes, dearest Amal! Kill it! I dare say, she shall! *someone make me stop reading these Victorian books*
Muah!
There she is, Amal Belo-Osagie!
Discovered any new blogs recently? Please share! If you are a blogger please leave your url in the comments below! Thanks!
Real Stories #3: I'm Not In Love But Don't Tell 'Em
My last boyfriend had a big head, that was a huge problem for me, pun intended. He was also short. I liked him though and we had some really good times together...maybe even my best times! He was generous, a true giver. He cared about me, doted on me and took great care of me…well...until he remembered he was still into his ex. He’s with her now.
I was hurt but I know he wasn't "the one". He never gave me the "blood rush" or the excitement people who are in love claim to feel; the heart-wrench, the hand-touch jolts, the unforgettable kiss, the butterflies. No, we definitely weren't in love, that I am sure of.
I was hoping we would eventually “learn to fall in love”. Is there anything like that? Do people learn to fall in love? Do feelings grow? That’s usually how I approach most of my relationships; I hope the feelings grow out of infatuations...never works.
I know what you are thinking, “Why get into a relationship with someone you don’t really like?” Umm…peer pressure, maybe. Yeah, I definitely cracked a little under all the peer-pairing pressure. Everyone is getting into relationships and I think I should too, it just seems like the next best thing.
One time, I dated yet another guy who I didn't like so much (as usual), I honestly don't know what I was doing with him. He was a teeny bit appalling to kiss. The first time we had sex was the worst ever! It was so bad that I decided to keep myself since we broke up. I just couldn't believe I was sleeping with him, I didn't even like him. I got a new perspective on sex after that.
The moment I realize there's zero chance of me ending up with a guy, the relationship ends. Yeah, once I realize it ain’t love, I break up; usually by going into "ghost mode”. Lol. Grade A zone-out! Another method I use is nagging until he leaves (I become annoying; I get an attitude, then I begin to nag, works everytime hehe).
Dating has been enlightening, but I admit it gets a little tiring. It's the same cycle over and over again, getting to know someone new, same questions, different person.
"Hi" *in my thin voice* "Where are you from?", "Football or basketball?", "Flavor or Wizkid?", "Pizza delivery or dine out?", "virgin or non-virgin?"
Yup, it gets exhausting.
In all, I've decided to commit it into God's hands. I'm going to keep myself and be patient for his plans to fall into place. I'm definitely not going to date anyone I'm not crazy about from the beginning, feelings don't develop over time- at least not for me.
This article was written by an anonymous contributor. Her views and opinions are entirely hers and do not necessarily reflect the views of PGI on this topic.
This is story #3 of the "Dating Like Crazy" series (read #2 and #1 here).
Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.
How to Relate with People with Walls (Hello, Jericho)
Ever so often, we run into people I call "Wallies"- people with walls; walls around their hearts, minds and thoughts and we try to be the valiant knights that blow those walls in with a canon ball.
Before you get all bombs-away on a "Wallie", remember that no one is born with walls. Walls are built from trauma resulting from bad experiences.
I used to be a Wallie and it was a means of providing the security I wanted for myself. Of course, my first line of defense was a permanent scowl, which worked quite nicely, until I met people who didn't care whether I scowled or not, they intended to talk to me anyway! *side glance*
Most walls are unconsciously built, while others are consciously built in a deliberate attempt to keep their internal environment controlled, I believe I was in both categories. I was so good at this wall-business that if anyone tried to reach into my space and obstruct my building process, I'd splatter some cement on their arm and build them along the wall. Hehe. Was it fun? Yeah! Was it lonely within those walls? Yeah, sometimes.
I remember meeting this Wallie, who I really wanted to be friends with but she had like a Jericho-type situation going on, and honestly, I wasn’t prepared to put in that much work or circle her walls 7 times till they fell down flat. I had hoped she would come out at her own time but she never did, plus, I had my own walls too. Two weird Wallies. Tsk.
By the time my walls crumbled, and I came to discover the world outside my walls, which was filled with opportunities to be sensitive to other people and their needs and to do good, she was gone.
From being a Wallie, I learnt to respect other people’s experiences by trying not to scale their walls unless I was invited. I also taught myself to put in a little more effort with other Wallies and retired Wallies!
It’s usually a good idea to respect the walls others have and not feel the need to draw them out by their hair, screaming. One day, on their own watch, they will step out or let you in, if you wait around.
What do you think about this? Are there times you think walls should be blown apart? If you have walls, what does it take for you let people in? I'd really love to hear your thoughts.
Have you read this post from our "Dating like Crazy" series? Our writer talks about dating with walls after a traumatic experience.
Dreaming in HD
As children, we dreamt in high definition (HD). The sky was very blue, the clouds were very white and very tufty; the idea of being an astronaut was so accessible, outer space was just a ship away; no need to bother about the logistics. Words like 'President', 'Doctor', 'Lawyer', 'Engineer', 'Actor', 'Dancer', rolled off our tongues like butter whenever people asked about our future ambitions.
As we slept, our dreams came alive vividly- the delight, the adventure-as we ran and played in dreamland, the excitement burst into reality, even, as some of us would often run off our beds still in dream-mode and into the door! Identify yourselves! Lol.
When I was much younger I wanted to be a Doctor, Farmer, Librarian and a pixie and not any of the four but all four! The pixie who went to med school, who loved books and planted onions and mangoes. Lol!
There's a quality of wonder in children that we lose as adults, because the big bad world has been thoroughly unfair to us and also because we had to "grow up" and "face reality".
Many people associate being child-like with being deluded, unrealistic or retrogressive, but this scientific study shows that behaving and thinking like a child actually gets your innovation and creative juices flowing. Why? I guess because kids don't think mainstream like adults do. Studies actually show that they spend two-thirds of their day dissociated from reality.
And, why would I want to be dissociated from reality, Ike?
Good question.
Because we actually secretly (and apparently) crave dissociation from reality! It's the reason we spend hours on social media, the reason we pay to see Game of Thrones, to see Empire, to watch like 5 versions of Superman or Batman! (If they make another, I'm going to scream!) Escapes from reality are what concepts like TV shows and social media are based on. For that hour, I'm no longer 'Ike with the endless to-do list, instead, I'm a proud reality-escapee. Escapes from reality are valuable to us and apparently kids are pros at it. Kids think creatively and innovatively because their minds are wide open and their imagination is off-the-cliff.
Don't despair, I don't believe our wide-eyed child-wonder is gone forever as adults, I think it's just buried beneath a lot of adult emotions and rational soot.
Dust off your adult soot and don't let it shade your high-def dreams and don't ever stop dreaming! Do something that unleashes your inner child and let your creative juices run free!
I think I'm going to see "The Secret Life of Pets"!
I watched the magic school bus recently and my adult brain said, "It can't be healthy that these people shrink at will and get enlarged again." Then I thought, "If my kid was in that school, we sure would be looking for another school soon." Lol! That's the adult brain for you, right there.
What did you want to be when you were a child? Have you ever tried having a rational conversation with a child? How far did you get with that? Lol! Have you written your dreams out on paper yet? Hope it's all HD!
Real Stories #2: Her Side-Sausage And other Case Studies
The writer of this article travels a lot for work, lives in hotel rooms, meets exotic women and his adventures are based on his encounters on these travels.
"It's a man's world," They say.
"Yoruba demons are evil!" They screech.
"Beware of the beard gang", They whisper.
"He left me and got married a week later!" They grumble as they delete his photos furiously.
The idea that men are the only ones capable of inflicting any form of emotional pain in a relationship or any other stage of interaction is quite flawed. We aren't the only ones who dole out the hurt and pain- the women are not doing too badly in that department either!
"Prove it!" I hear you yell.
Like you had to ask.
Case study 1: Miss X, the Queen of Sausages
Miss X and I weren't official yet. We had been on for a few weeks, trying to "define things". At some point during this 'definition' era, she told me she was going to Abuja with her boss to meet with a potential client.
I would later come to realize that the boss and the potential client were, in fact non-existent and that Miss X actually had herself a little side-sausage up North. I admit that there were some signs I conveniently ignored and that I shouldn't have.
For example, in the first week, she kept asking to check my messages and chats. This really threw me off at first, but I didn't think much of it until later. You see, I had given her no reasons to be suspicious. Why had she transformed herself into Sherlock? Was this what I was about to sign up for? But in the end, I realized that only guilty people become suspicious for no reason.
One night, she had a little too much to drink and told me about 'side-sausage'.
Case Study 2: Miss Y, the Queen of Isiewu
Miss Y spent 2 days in my hotel room and wouldn't let me past first base. Hanky-panky couldn't have been more absent. During this time, she conveniently ran up a bill for my room consisting mainly of Isiewu, while I was away at work.
I remember standing and staring as she drove off in her uber into the warm sunset, the thick wad of Isiewu receipts in my palm. Classic Maga case, nothing to be ashamed of, Typical Mr Nice-Guy, we have all been there at some point in our careers.
Miss Y...well spoken, fun and alive, Half Swiss I recall.
I am grateful to God for replenishing my pocket.
Case Study 3: Miss Z, the Queen of Grilled fish
Miss Z…..oh Miss Z…..She friend zoned me so fast, I got wrinkles from the whiplash. The sad part was that, all through our interaction, I actually had the impression that I was making strides in a positive direction.
After all the Grilled-fish dinners (which I misunderstood as dates) and our night outs (during which she usually brought along her friends...of course, I paid), after all the trips, taking her to school(Bowen) in my official car complete with a chauffeur and police escort. The sum total of the reciprocated feelings I received were that of a 'friend closer than a brother.'
So you see, it's not just us the guys.
At first, my conclusion was that these girls ain’t loyal or were just plain evil, just like people think men are. The question is, are they really? Aren't women just as dangerous?
However, I have been privileged with the opportunity to travel for work a lot, and I've ended up with a rather eclectic romantic repertoire which I believe has given me a big picture perspective and helped me, believe it or not, appreciate women in a different way than most.
The relationship that left quite the impression was the most farfetched- so, some way, somehow, I dated an Arab lady from the Northern parts of Africa. A little unusual, but she was awesome- humble, intelligent, with a good sense of perceptive empathy, like nothing I've ever seen.
Unfortunately, "Thou shalt not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" and that’s the final say on the matter. However, I would say she definitely set the bar and helped me redefine what a relationship should be and for that I am grateful.
This article was written by an anonymous contributor. His views and opinions are entirely his and do not necessarily reflect the views of PGI on this topic. This is story #2 of the Dating Like Crazy series (read #1 here). Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.
Useful posts: What girls really want from the good guys, here.
PGI's July Girl: MOPE (The Dope Girl-Next-Door)
On Friday afternoons, when the yellow school buses line up across my street to pick up the school kids, chances are that I am listening to Mope Oyetunji's distinctly chirpy voice, discussing inspirational topics with her guests on the TGIF radio show. Most of the time, I find myself hollering my opinions at my radio, hoping that they are a little telepathic. Lol.
I’ve known Mope for about 5 years now and in that "short" time, I can testify with both hands on the holy book that she's remarkably special, she inspires me with her heels, her words, her happy heart, and her dedication to God. During our interview, she touched my heart more than once, without preaching a sermon and that’s not something you see everyday.
She's a Corrosion Engineer. She used to be a model, working with brands such as Oando, Iamisigo and orange culture.
She also has a truck load of girlfriends, if you are a guy, you might want to get her number. Be warned though, her husband is over 6'3 tall and I will not rescue you, I repeat, will not. Lol.
She discusses the key to work-life-God-self balance; her experience "living with a boy"; busts a popular modeling myth and insinuates that Moimoi trumps Akara. Let's meet her, and the many sides of her colorful Rubik's cube personality!
Warning: We laughed for a good part of this interview. Bear with us, laugh with us!
The Style-lover
First things first, I will start with the most important question to ask a style-savvy Engineer:
Is it possible to look good in a hard-hat?
Yes! *laughs* with some lippie and a great smile!
What was the best part about modeling?
The Giveaways! I’m kidding, the ‘Dress up’.
How did you get into it?
My friend, Bubu, recruited me. She had just started her label, iamisigo and she needed someone to help her model her clothes, so I volunteered. I did some other jobs after, mainly through referrals. Even though it was short term, I made the best of the experience and enjoyed every second of it.
What skills do you need to begin a modeling career?
Confidence. Courage. Strength. It's important to look after yourself- face, body and overall health. Also developing networking skills is a plus, referrals are big in the fashion industry.
Any modeling myths, you could bust for us?
The most obvious myth would be that models don’t eat! That’s not true at all. I’ve met a model who eats like a horse. Sometimes, it’s really just their genes and other times it’s eating healthy as well as portion-control. It’s all about those portions!
Do you dance in changing rooms?
Absolutely! Who doesn’t! *laughs*
Your hugest style influence?
My Mother. I call her "Fashionista Mama". My friends back in Nigeria go to her sometimes for material choices for events.
Do you ever hide an outfit in the store with plans to return to buy it?
Hahahaha! Definitely! Especially when it’s on SALE and I need to do a quick inspection of the clothes in my wardrobe that go with it!
Cyber shopping or store-shopping?
Cyber shopping (only because I don’t have the time)
What was the last thing you bought but had to return?
A pair of Mustard heels from Zara.
You are in a Men's clothing store, name two items you'd grab for your outfit?
Oh la la! Suspenders and those shocking brightly-colored socks.
*********
The Friend-Lover
What's the key to maintaining great relationships with girlfriends?
Loyalty and discretion. You shouldn’t tell Girlfriend C what Girlfriend A has told you in confidence.
What’s the key to being friends with guys?
Being truthful. Boys love the truth!
So girls don’t love the truth?
Hmmmmn
*we both burst out laughing*
What's the hugest lesson you've learnt from being married?
Compromise! In marriage, you’re a team and for two people to work together as a team, each member must give and take once in a while. Note: I said once in a while (no one should be a door mat)*laughs*
What's the coolest thing about "living with a boy”?
You get to wear his shirts, when you can’t be bothered about dressing up around the house!
**********
The God-Lover
How did you meet God?
I grew up in a Christian home but never really knew God for myself until 2006 when I was involved in a car accident in Ghana. I had a divine encounter with God and I remember saying “Lord, I am Yours, I want to be a vessel fit for Your use. I dedicate myself to You, use me for your Will.” From that day on I began a journey to enter a new spiritual life through God's Holy Spirit.
What's the coolest thing about Him?
His Sense of Humor! No jokes- I’m here asking God for akara meanwhile He has moin-moin in the oven waiting for me but I just don’t see it. His plans are always grander than mine.
Do you serve in church?
Yes I do, I’m a Junior Church (Children) teacher primarily. I’m involved in the Broadcast department where I host radio shows and present the news on Sunday (Visual). Lastly, I’m in the Virtuous Women’s Committee which is built to guide, strengthen and encourage women in the church amidst their busy schedules in life.
*Side eye* I just want to say for the record that I serve in ONE unit in church and I still feel a little overwhelmed! How do you do it? How do you balance it all-life, God, work, marriage, friends… all in heels?
*laughs* I think what works for me is ‘Prioritizing’ I’ve always used Jill Briscoe’s word Picture: picture each priority in your life as a box. Don’t try to completely fill each box or you’ll be exhausted. I ask God which boxes should be first in line for the season, even for the day. I reorganize them accordingly and then only fill up the first ones in line, voluntarily leaving the others only minimally filled, there’s that calm. That’s my balance – filling up what God wants me to and leaving the rest for another season because I’m no super girl. *laughs*
Describe hosting a radio show with one word?
AMAZING (A mix of Splendid and Unpredictable)
That’s 7 words!
I know! *laughs* Hosting is unpredictable because you never know what the audience is thinking and what their response might be on the other side.
Does it help to look pretty going to the radio show even if you won't be seen? Like, does it
help you get into host-mode or help your show-biz psyche? Lol
Hahaha! Sometimes, but saying that I think a lot of times my mood dictates my style for the day as opposed to the other way round.
Do you ever feel like not talking on the day of the talk show? Let's assume you've had a long, tiring day, do you scowl at the mic?
*laughs* No! There have been a couple of times when I’ve been super knackered after a long week but you’ll be amazed how the topic in itself motivates you or even simply getting in front of the Mic and thinking ‘No one wants to hear grumpy’, you just kinda shake it off.
What types of topics throws the station into an excited, air-pulsating frenzy-with phones ringing off the table and guests almost off their seats?
Haha! Relationships!
The Self-Lover
Do you ever have me-time? What do you do then?
Oh yes, I do- it keeps me sane and re-energizes me. I read inspirational articles (online- I don’t do books), listen to podcasts or I go for a run (if the weather plays nice).
5 things in your handbag right now as we speak:
Cocoa butter lip therapy Vaseline, my bunch of keys hanging off a cowboy-boots key-holder, nail file, spare earrings (just in case I leave home in a hurry), tissues.
Eau de Parfum or Eau Naturale?
Eau de Parfum. Ike, don't even play like that. *laughs*
4 Things I've learnt
1. Put spare earrings in all your handbags! They are the easiest things to forget in a hurry.
2. Daily priority list- ask God to tag the most important items for the day!
3. As a girl, I really should listen when my friends advise me and I should try this baked moi-moi recipe…hmmm.
4. Opportunities arise from being a blessing and being selfless. Who needs a model for free? *Grin*
Thank you so much, Mope, for being PGI's July girl!! Love you to style heaven and back!
Catch the TGIF show on Fridays at 7pm GMT, here!
Pages by Ike's Exciting News for July!
July is almost here! I feel like it's everyone's favorite month, secretly anyway.
70% of my relatives have their birthdays in July, which you can imagine means the joyful crashing sounds of piggy banks and the popping sounds of party streamers!
July is also hotdog month in some part of the world and nude recreation month somewhere...else. *blink*
In the spirit of all the fun, I thought we could have a little party of our own here!
About July
This month, PGI will be introducing the "Real Stories- Dating Like Crazy" series, featuring real-life stories, of real people telling their funny and not-so-funny stories, most importantly sharing with us what they've learnt on their dating journey!
Our sole intention is to learn from these stories, as you know by now that Pages by Ike encourages learning and sharing; learning from our experiences and the experiences of others and sharing with others, so they can benefit as well.
About The Contributors
Our contributors are everyday people, not pro-writers. The emotions are true and their stories are unfeigned.
It has taken a lot of courage and vulnerability for these people to share their experiences, so please honor them with your kind words and laugh as you deem fit but remember these are real people with scars to show.
I appreciate them! They are truly sterling!
How can you help?
You can help by reading and sharing your own experiences and/or knowledge on the matter.
I believe one person's experience enables others to make better decisions, so please don't forget to share! Someone might need that particular story!
Schedule
Running through July, there will be two Dating-Like-Crazy posts every week, one from the girls and another from the guys, starting this saturday!
I'm too excited! Can't wait, can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait for you, July!
Don't miss a story!
Subscribe here. Follow on IG here and send a private comment here. Oh, bloglovin' over there!
What To Do With All That Cray-Cray!
Sometimes God tells us a little something about our future, about his plans for us, about the tasks he needs us to accomplish. I have learnt not try to explain these things to anyone. It will make zero sense to them. If you've ever tried, you'll find yourself trying to convince these people that...you...aren't...a...little...mad.
You know how God's plans are a little shocking? Well, let me be the first to say he has shocking plans for you, just like he had for all the cool patriarchs. They all sounded and looked a little crazy because they chose to follow God's instructions. They also didn't bother to explain anything to anyone.
For example, if Noah tried to explain what God told him to his neighbors, it'll sound a little like this:
"Duh. Look at the clouds. *pointing at a clear, cloudless, blue sky*"It's going to rain cats, dogs and their mothers, baby. Hehe" *continues hammering the 450 feet boat in a desert*
*side eye*
If Jesus was going to explain what he came to do:
"I will be killed, well, not really, as in, not killed...killed like forever. Maybe for like a few days, I won't be dead for too long, tops, the weekend and then we can get around to the fish barbecue party Peter suggested the other day. Who's bringing the coal?"
*two side eyes*
If Abraham had to explain the Isaac-fiasco, it'll sound like this:
"Eliezer, look, I'm going to kill my kid. Sharpen the knife. No, not that one. The one with the brown hilt, firmer grip. Shh, Eliezer. Don't panic. It will all work out. See you later and make the goat stew I like, with some spicy herbs on the side, the ones with the tangy taste. Ciao!"
*wide eye- side eye*
If Moses had to explain:
"Things could get ugly, I know, but look, I'm walking...just me...into the world's most powerful presidential villa and I will demand the release of their slaves and then *whistles*, we are out of there! Yes, I know I stutter *rolls his eyes* Of course, I won't be arrested, you worry too much. Yes, I know they throw prisoners to the crocodiles!"
Stop trying to explain your life to people. Stop. They will NOT understand. Heck, even you don't understand God's perfect plan for your life. All you know is that his plans are good, not evil, filled with purpose and have been set even before the earth existed.
You'd notice that walking with God involves a lot of raised-brow-side-eye situations. Everyone will think you are super-cray but you are in good company *clinking glasses with Mary, Noah, Joseph, Abraham, Isaiah, J-bae*! So what to do with all that cray, keep it to yourself.
Hey, what are your thoughts? Do you get frustrated when people don't understand your word from God? Do they give you side-eyes? Or are you a keep-it-to-myself kinda person?
Please remember to share!