Side-chic Rehab: How to Slay that Heartbreak
This one is for the side-chics.
The ones who took the brave leap of partition and said 'I'm done with this ish', and bravely broke up with that predatory man who constantly chose someone else over them.
Congratulations!!! No one has probably told you and you may not feel it just yet, but you did the right thing by breaking up with him! You saved everyone a lot of misfortune including yourself, you do not want to be on a scorned wife's to-do list, trust me. It only ever results in undignified cat fights or sometimes, more hazardous encounters. Here are some tips to help through your transition. I hope it helps:
Heal
It probably hurts as much as any breakup, so it's great to cry. Cry all month or year, if you want. I hope you have a friend who knows the whole story and is willing to be there for you, without rolling her eyes as she hands you the tissues. However, keep in mind that side-chics receive little or no sympathy from people, so don't expect any.
Forgive yourself
You have come to the decision either by your own volition or by coercion, understanding that living without him is ideal, that shows a lot of courage. If for a long time, you have hated yourself for it, it's time to forgive yourself and let it go. Lesson learnt moving on.
Forget closure
Closure is over-rated, don't bother trying to find out why he did it or why he wouldn't leave his wife for you. Don't try to reach out to his wife either. No, sending her an apology is not a good idea. It was never between you and her. They are a unit, regardless of what he said about her. She doesn't need closure from you. If she needs closure, she will get it from his apology or whatever way they sort their issues out.
Just retreat and lick your wounds (for all eternity, that expression would always sound gross). The great thing about life is that licking your wounds is not as gloomy as it sounds. You could amuse yourself with a purchase or travel somewhere by yourself, eat some exotic street food on the upbeat streets of Marrakech or some fine dining at L'Ambroisie, umm or at home on a paper plate.
If you are on a budget, you are in luck! Read here for budget/heart break tips.
Now to the fun part!!!!! His gifts. What to do?
So now that you are out of the relationship, it's time to give out that Cartier watch and the Marco Bicego necklace. I know we all want to keep the stuff, right, but items have a way of reminding us of every moment and shared breath. You really want to give them out. If you are considering burning them, especially the car, consider other options (no point being dramatic and ruining the ozone). Find someone who is sorely in need. Hopefully someone you don't see too often and just hand them over.
No one ever takes this advice lol so it's ok if you just hid your Ferragamo purse in the back of your drawer when you read this tip.
Time to rebuild those bridges
It's time to get in touch with all the people you broke ties with because they wouldn't support your side-chic status; mum, siblings, friends etc. Try spending time around friends and also people who are in need or hurting and find ways to bring them joy.
Come to mama, fishes in the sea
Get out there! The good news is there are oodles of men on the planet. The better news is there a specific guy for you out there who is currently unattached! The bad news is he might be buried in a haystack. Here's a post that could help with finding him!
Acquire some good judgement
Good judgement and prudence will do you a world of good. It definitely will prevent you from making the same mistake twice! How do you acquire good judgement? The best sources are self-improvement books. Just google "Books on good judgement" or just download a bible! That works. Note that it's a continuous process and requires practice.
Remember to do something meaningful for people around you. Being more sensitive to the needs of others is the best way to deal with pain within.
What to do with your libido?
I wish I knew. If you weren't having sex with him, well, great, it usually takes a lesser time to get over a man you weren't sleeping with. If you were, it might be time to find three hobbies. Why three? Well, one active, one semi-docile like painting or beading or sewing and one in your community which involves helping people. You might also want to avoid risqué material. Just saying.
Side chicks are forever despised by society and the recovering ones need a place to go. Pagesbyike is your go-to! We take everyone contrite❤️ .
Any advice for retired side-chics? If this helped you, please comment below. You can be anonymous if you want. Just sign in and fill in 'Anonymous' as your name! Are you considering dumping a guy who has you on the side, we can help!
How to Give Advice
#1 Don't
*Supposed End of post*
What do you think though? Do you give advice often? How does it play out? How often is your 2 cents really appreciated, especially in complicated situations; take advising a mistress or side-chic as an example. If you know any, do you honestly think she'd take your advice?
Side-chics get advised more often than a juvenile delinquent. Everyone wants to chip in and tell Stella that dating the married guy is suicide....and in some cases, Stella, it is. It really is. Don't say we didn't tell you.
The best thing to do in my opinion is not to advice or at least learn to advice properly; whether financial, career, marital, weight management, parenting advice. It has to be done right. It takes a lot of maturity and self-control to effectively advice a person and have the person really listen and see your point. Seeing someone doing something wrong and taking the time to provide reasonable, loving advice takes ALOT. If you insist that #1 is not an option and this person is really important to you, ensure its done right and read on!
#2 Have the right motive: Your motive should be to encourage, to lift, not to tear down. Your advice should be communicated in love and with the utmost respect, not with malice or in derision. If your motive is to show that you are superior, or to scorn or to gloat refer to #1
#3 Don't speak without planning out your thoughts. The great thing about thoughts is that they reflect themselves in your speech. If you aren't coming from a good place, it definitely will be obvious in your choice of words. Sort your mind out first before talking to someone else about their issues.
#4 Never ever start off with "I told you so" or "You should know better" or "A word of advice". Those conversation-starters are dynamite! They get a person defensive and slight impenetrable to your well-wishing words.
#5 Be patient. People don't naturally like advice, so take it slowly, very slowly and speak plainly. If you aren't a patient person, don't bother; refer to #1
#6 If you really must advice, make sure it's not condescending
We aren't any better than anyone else. We are just privy to some information which we are fortunate to be able to share. If "Condescending" is your middle name, refer to #1
Did I miss anything? Share below!
How to Ward off Bae-Predators!
The world was a large place arranged in order by the careful and deliberate actions of the creator. Now, in the begining, he made man and woman. It was a pair (a him-her kinda project). Things were good, strolls were taken naked and everything was just plain organic and airy.
Then came the serpent; suddenly, "him" and "her" ate a fruit, everything went south, disorder took over, lions began to eat us for lunch, couture was born and most importantly, side-chics appeared.
Since the appearance of side-chics (a.k.a boo-poachers, a.k.a bae-predators), everyone has gone crazy and back trying to understand the best way to deal with this societal dysfunction. These days women look over their shoulders and skitter around like mice, looking through baes' phone, emails, bank statements, checking for the slightest semblance of infidelity, eyeing him suspiciously as he chuckles at his phone....all......because....... of....... one........ fruit.
These poachers are everywhere, just last month in fact, at a funeral, some lady found Ed quite remarkable and whispered, "Hey, dark hot chocolate" as she passed by him. Ha! All over, I tell you, in crevices and cracks, hanging off the walls and slithering through grocery stores and even funerals!
Have no fear though! Once again, we have science to thank for another relationship hack. A couple of months back i stumbled on a study from the University of Minnesota which discussed a discovery of the ultimate territory marking ingredient! Imagine if it works, we might be on the verge of solving an ancient disturbingly habitual social impairment.
So what is it? What is this salt that wards away the vampire?
One word.
Handbags. Two words actually.
Luxury Handbags.
Studies show that the display of luxury items ward off potential bae-predators. Hmmm.
They discovered that women who carry designer bags or shoes come off to relationship-hyenas as stable, as well as having loving devoted partners!
These affair-friendly females reported that they would think twice before pursuing a man who was on a date with a woman with luxury accessories! It didn't even matter if they were told that the luxury item was bought by the woman herself and not the man. They just believed the man had something to do with the provision of these items and believe when a man buys expensive things for his significant other, it means he is vested in the relationship. It's a double whammy, new bags 😍 and territory marking.
Nevertheless, luxury bags probably aren't a sustainable solution. Imagine you invest in a pricey item based on this post and for the first few years, you go everywhere with this bag and bae; what if you can't buy anymore of these expensive bags and the predator sees you 15 years later with the same now-weathered bag, all thread bare and stressed, she'd probably figure out it was just a poor front that she should have ignored 15 years ago. Predator-mode activated!
Therefore, instead of lugging around the 15 year-old hustle-satchel, here's a more sustainable way; ensure your relationship has the highest standard of love, friendship, transparency, communication, honesty and of course, a handbag fund.
What are your thoughts? Anyone finding bae chocolatey? What really is this world coming to (rhetoric question, except you have an answer!)