For de Men Dem: Your First Date Kit.
It's the first date!! We all know men like to act like the first date is a 'casual' see-where-it-goes affair, so read the first sentence again without the exclamation marks. They also like to pretend like they don't fall into the frantic "What do i wear?!!" dilemma, so we are going to pretend along side and casually put up this product collage, so they can 'casually' be aware of what might work on this 'casual' event.
Let's jump right in. What are the 5 places on you she will notice first?
If you said eyes, you are wrong! Top 5 places she will look: Your shoes, your shirt, your ankles, your hair, your watch (maybe). That explains #1, #2, #3 and #6a. #6a, being your shirt, if she cares about labels, she will notice a crest, if you care about crests too, well, i guess you both are in luck! Your shirt has to be clean, crested or not, like this #6-guy kinda clean. No recycling for your date! Do not rummage through your laundry bag. Don't. Women have a superior sense of smell, i'm not kidding, click the link to see. We smell everything you can't.
#3 is Coconut oil for your hair, beard (no pressure, unless you are in the beard gang. If you are, then pressure!) and your ankles (we see them). Ashy ankles are one of those things that can only be tagged as preventable. Prevent it. The fact that you smell of coconut is probably an interesting ice-breaker. Hehe.
For a first date, comfort is important. You would already probably have a mild nervous breakdown from being close to her (except you are Bond. James Bond.). I guess its best you dress up in stuff you are comfortable in which brings me to number 6b! Shorts! I'm a great believer in shorts on a first date. It gives her the opportunity to see if it's an Esau or Jacob situation we have going down there and also gives you the opportunity to show off those legs. That is, if you have legs you are proud of. This is only appropriate on certain occasions, obviously and is completely up to you to try out. I don't think i've ever been on a date with someone who was brave enough to wear shorts....ok wait, maybe once. I don't think it was voluntary though. Long story. Only the brave....Pharrel pulled it off on the red carpet more than once. #Justsaying
#4 Handkerchiefs, aren't those extinct! Well, they shouldn't be. You probably need 2, one for drying your nervous perspiration(unless you are so together like Bond. James Bond) and the other for her, just in case she begins to cry for some reason. Maybe she can't believe how perfect you are and how long she has been waiting for someone like you. The things that make us cry......rme*.
#7 Sunglasses are great, but not for the whole duration. She probably wants to see your eyes at some point (except you are crying too, lol). #5 is this really nice bracelet by Paul Hewitt which i couldn't resist putting up. Accessories are great, as long as it's a minimalist effect overall.
I generally wouldn't recommend a tank top for your first date. Why? The armpits. The armpits are NOT a place anyone wants to get acquainted with right after the first "hello", especially if the hair there is of significant volume. Cringe*.
In conclusion, you don't need to have all these items to have a good time. It definitely helps to be neat and well put together and most importantly to have good intentions, which all women wish could be as apparent as your bare legs but she'll have to learn to decipher if you are a hit and run kinda guy all by herself.
If you live anywhere where your leaves are turning various shades of the primary colors already, well, this is probably the last weekend to try to wear this. So goodluck!
**Sheabutter also works wonders on ashy ankles but the smell would probably break the ice and much, much more.
Would you wear shorts on your first date? What 5 places do you think women notice first?
How to deal with Negative people (1)
Everyone has suddenly gone snobby with management of negative people! The general rule is to avoid them like a plague. Do not relate with them, everyone says, they spoil our own good vibe, our crystal aura, they disrupt the sea gulls that squeal around in our bubble of tranquility. They distract our unicorns from drinking from the burbly, shimmery brook, they ruin our day with their thunderous, dark clouds. Spot the negative people and then weed them out. I like this rule because its convenient and frankly i don't have to deal with anyone's bad aura. I have things to do and I have a calendar full of tasks and deadlines. I need to be productive and we all know what they say about productivity (*insert abstract Productivity quote*).
Nevertheless, i can't agree with this rule. It belittles my ability to impact others positively and i'm also at risk. You see, sometimes, i could be a little negative myself and I could very well be excluded from the unicorn islands of the "positive people"! And who wants that? No one! There's no way i'm passing on unicorns. So i have decided to deal with the bigger problem, bigger than dealing with negative people - dealing with negative me.
How to deal with negative people me
1. Think positively (but you already knew that)
Everyone knows this, but we only begin to chant "Think positively" when stuff has gone crazy and our negativity has gone crazy wild, biting at our heels and trying to ruin our lives. Thinking positively is a life style. It's everyday, every night, every waking, blinking second; not a magic wand. Whatever you think up in your mind or whatever ruling thought dominates your heart is what will spill out. Yes, your thoughts eventually spill out. It's like burping. If you had sea food gumbo for lunch, your burp 3 hours later will be nothing short of epic. So, think positively, ruminate on the good thoughts and burp rainbows.
2. STOP HAVING COFFEE AND DOUBLE-CHOC MUFFINS WITH FEAR
Honestly, i think at some point, fear was my best friend. Interestingly, she was always there. I never could complain that she ditched me....always there, in my bed, in the dark, in the car, on my run, on the plane. I literally would entertain fear unconsciously, until one day, she decided to take over my life. "She's part of the human response", you might think. True, but she is also NEGATIVITY in the flesh. So we broke up. Yup, we had bad blood. Definitely had bad blood. We could not be friends anymore. No more hanging out and catching up, started snobbing her and ever since, it has been coffee with God instead.
3. New habit: Choose not to complain
Complaining signifies a state of helplessness and constant dissatisfaction. It's not healthy for you or the people around you, so Shake it off! Shake it off! (I am on a Taylor Swift roll today). It takes a while to train yourself to stop complaining. On the average, it takes 66 days to acquire a habit (sometimes a little more). Try not complaining about traffic, the driver that just cut in, your commute, your boyfriend/husband/wife, parents, kids, work, the weather, lunch, the neighbor whose food smells like locust beans for 66 days. It will be the best 95,040 minutes of your life!
4. The gratitude plug
If you know anything about change at all or about quitting, you'd know a void appears in the absence of a past habit. So what to do with this gape left by complaining? Stuff it with gratitude, most especially to God. I don't know anyone who cares so much about anyone else as He does about us. There are so many things to be grateful for. That locust-beans neighbor for one, is something to be grateful for. Loads of people will kill for a neighbor of any sort but they don't have the opportunity (think Syria).
5. #NOTEVERYTIMEDEVILSADVOCATE
Encourage others! To encourage means 'to give confidence to.' People need confidence and its completely in our power to inspire. Speak words that encourage, not words that cut down. Encourage people to dream...dream big and to achieve those dreams, even if the dream is to sell a wide variety of colorful sequins for a living, just be supportive. Sometimes people in our lives do things we can't relate to and then we get stuck in our lack of understanding and do nothing. It's not about us, its about being a form of support #noteverytimedevilsadvocate #Justsupport #butonlylegalstuff .
6. See the good in people
I know. Some people task your optic nerves trying to see the good in them but it's there. Seeing the good in people requires you readjusting your perspective. Just a little more to the right. Yup, there it is.
7. Say Good things about people
Sometimes the words fall out of our mouths, but do they.....really? Every word that comes out of your mouth is actually passed along an interestingly complex neural circuit in your brain. It didn't just fall out. It was thought through and then it deliberately stepped off the ledge of your tongue. The fact that it's conscious and calculated means its controllable. We can actually CHOOSE to say good things. Speaking good about people is a necessity for the health of your mind. Trust me.
Do you have any tips on dealing with inner negativity? Please share below and remember to love on a negative person today! Unicorns are so in!
Letters to my great-granddaughter- The Assasination of Mary
Dear Charly,
This is the story of the assassination of Mary.
It was a dark, stormy night. As the rain slapped noisily against my window, all I could think about was completing my task. I sat in my old dilapidated room contemplating the plan. Ms. Y had come to me with the job. The target was Mary.
Mary had been making enemies or maybe not, I didn't care. My job was to take her out. In my line of work, many get paid for the services they render, but I do it because I enjoy it. I can't say many of my "colleagues" don't enjoy it much either but some of them end up in a shrink's chair. For me this is somewhat of a hobby. There's a joy that comes with taking existence, isn't there? A little laugh bubbles somewhere deep in your throat as you stare at the lifeless corpse you made. One minute there is life, a rhythmic thumping, a pulse - next, stillness, quietness.
Mary like everyone else would experience the stillness soon. She'd be removed, forced to cease, forced to rest in peace or in the Lord or in a pit. I smiled, almost fondly. I know Mary myself, we work together and I had thought knowing her firsthand would make the job harder, not in the slightest, in fact, I was ever so enthusiastic. I had no motive to kill either, so I guess the murder would never be traced back to me. The joys of getting away with murder, I giggled to myself as I polished my weapon. I'd write a book one day; How to Get Away with Murder, except someone beats me to it first.
Early the next morning, Mary was found dead at her desk. A couple of us knew who did it. Not to worry, i wasn't the only one who took Mary out, it was more of a group effort. We all chipped in at the office, a little stab here, another there, the same way we chipped in to buy her a chocolate frosted birthday cake last June. Now she was out cold, face ashen and mouth agape.
Just in case you have never thought about gossiping and backbiting this way, this is exactly what it is, Charly. The moment you open your pretty mouth to slander another person, you literally just killed the person. It's actually called "character assassination"; dishonoring another individual. People do stupid things, people do crazy things, people do down-right weird stuff but it's not your place to judge. Never was, never will be. When the gist comes your way, let it slide. Forget it and don't relate with the person based on what you heard.
I've done my own share of gossiping, probably enough to cover the next four generations of my progeny (another reason you don't have to). I've learnt to reconfigure my mind through a deliberate process, not to speak ill of people and to wish them the best, even if they slip up. Catch yourself when you can and stop polishing your weapon, someone might just be pointing a nozzle your way.
Love,
Great gran x
No one was hurt in the making of this post! If your name is Mary, I have nothing against you. Marys are my fave!
9 Unusual but Effective Couple Habits
Besides holding hands, staring deeply into each others eyes while sharing a giant tub of ice-cream and listening to Savage garden on shared earplugs every Saturday afternoon, besides going to the movies on Tuesday nights and flooding Instagram with Usies, there are tons of other couple habits that help build a healthy relationship. Here's a list of not-so-ordinary habits that can be adopted to build a fun, deep and healthy relationship. #1 is the hardest pill to swallow and maybe #9 too. Probably #7 too. #2.....takes some self-disciple. Ok...just read and let me know. Enjoy!
1. Tell each other about attractions to other people (cringe, told you)
Why: It eliminates insecurity, builds honesty and accountability
Before anything else, your partner should be your friend and communication should be very much embedded in your relationship. Being honest about attractions to other people is a very rare habit that can only work in a relationship that is very secure and with equally secure individuals, who have the same goal of making their relationship work. If that's in place, then the announcement of a crush doesn't seem so doomsday-ish, more like a teeny obstacle to be managed. Being able to talk about attractions sets your relationship several levels higher than the average and the wise and effective management of the situation, sets it echelons higher than excellent.
2. Laugh 95% of the time
Why: Why not?
Laughter is rumored to be the best medicine. Now, the medicine is not really the laughter itself, but the feel-good feeling derived from with the company you are with. Laughing with your other half creates a deeper social bond and release endorphins. In fact, laughing produces the same effect exercise does! It increases your heart rate and blood flow, increases your immune response. And best of all, laughter burns calories.* It's like working out with your partner without lifting a finger.
3. Resist the nag bone
Why: Studies show nagging reduces your partner's lifespan
I bet you didn’t know that. So if you want your partner around for longer, i suggest you stop nagging. He heard you the first time. As for men who nag, (lol, I know you exist) just stop it. STOP. It completely negates the effect of #2, in fact it negates this whole list. If your spouse nags, you need to get them to stop, your life is in danger! Send them this post!
4. Solve your disagreements in less than an hour
Why: prevents anger and hurt from festering
While researching for this post, i discovered quarreling too frequently might result in early death (I guess the grim reaper is generally drawn to couples, aye?) Even more interestingly, the unemployed spouse (namely the housewife, in most cases), is who dies first. What?! This is so unfair. Women always get the short end of the stick. If you are a nagging house wife, please stop. #3 promises to kill your husband and #4 promises to kill you too. Fights are healthy as long they are infrequent, don't involve physical or emotional bullying and as long as they are resolved with a timely, concrete "how-to-move-on-from-this-situation" solution. Like any other situation, fights need to be managed properly, otherwise, the anger festers and the resentment grows, stuff gets weird and then casket. Not worth it.
5. Imbibe the "Aphrodisiac diet"
Why: to increase the kink
Here's a list of foods to add to your daily meal schedule for increased hankipankiness: Avocados, Hot chilies, Bananas, Dark chocolate, Oysters, Pomegranates, Red wine, Salmon, Walnuts, Vanilla, Watermelon.
6. "Us time" = 5 X Social Media time
Why: Because Social Media is not going to get you any
The average person spends about 2 hours per day on the internet. 28% of that time is spent on social media (SM) platforms. That's about 33-45 minutes, roughly. Most of this SM time is spent in the presence of a spouse and that's expected because you can hardly do it freely at work. So on the couch you plop, with your screen in your face and her all blurry in the background. All this is fine, i'm not going to campaign that social media time be reduced. I'm however going to suggest that the time spent with your spouse matches this Facebook time....by 5. Let's do the maths, for every 45 minutes of Facebook time, you give your partner your undivided attention (without your phone) for 3hours 45 mins. Not too bad, right?
7. Talk after the big 'O'
Why: Because pillow talk matters
Pillow talk matters because right after orgasm, oxytocin (the love drug) floods both individuals making them feel a heightened level of trust and intimacy, setting the atmosphere for deep, future-planning and concrete conversations. Most people are very likely to confide and feel secure after pillow talk. In general, this leads to a healthier and blissful feeling of security (....until he falls asleep). Some even suggest that pillow talk might be as important as sex itself. Who knew?
8. Speak life into each other's lives
Why: Because it loads your minds with confidence and beastly determination (and who doesn't need that)
The only thing worse than cussing out your partner is not speaking anything at all. Some of us let life happen to our partners, we don't pray for them, we don't confess scriptures into their lives. Speaking into his life assures him that you have his back and most importantly God has his back. Positive encouragement also makes him more coordinated and efficient in executing tasks, which explains why your company insists you go for those motivational seminars and listen to that man with the brown tie for hours. Instead of letting your partner get all his motivation from a book or the man in the brown tie, be his life coach. Speak and Sustain.
9. Hang out with him while he's on the toilet
Why: there is no good enough reason for this
I don’t even know where this idea came from! I'm not sure if gisting while on the toilet makes you closer. Maybe it does, maybe not. You should try it though, even if it’s once, in a bathroom with an open window and maybe a fan and some air freshener and some scented candles and a gas mask.
Do you know any more unusual but effective couple habits? Or do you already do these?
*Note that 10-15 minutes of laughter burns just 50 calories. Yup, the only way to burn away that 700 calories you just had, is to laugh for over two hours.
How to avoid a "*Bleep* Better Have My Money" incident
If you have seen Rihanna's bbhmm video, you'd conclude that she is a bit much. But then again, we already knew that. Moving on. You'd also conclude that you don't want to be owing her any money. Owing the Pied Piper as well, not such a good idea . Let's face it, when you owe people money and you are constantly taking a piss, someone is going to get missing!
No one likes to talk about debt, me inclusive. In fact, my heart rate just got a little faster. I'm one of those people who can't sleep after borrowing. Lol. I see the person in my dreams and whenever I think about going window shopping on Kate Spade's website. However, let's talk about it.
Most people aren't going to show up at your doorstep, kidnap a relative of yours and ask for ransom like Badgalriri or kidnap all your children like the Pied Piper. But then again, you never know. One day, the person might just see you at the mall, clearly out of equilibrium with your new, shiny red soles and your numerous shopping bags. She watches you, stalks you a little. You go down to the food court, where you get a seat and take up 4 chairs arranging your shopping bags. Then you have a nice hearty meal of Thai Khaw Na Pet, a little duck after a long, arduous shopping session. You briefly think about the money you owe her but you just push it aside. "Next pay check", you think. All along she's watching you. Trust me, by night fall, your mum will be missing. No joke. Do not owe people money for extended periods of time and think it's ok to travel on holiday or buy a new car or eat duck. Don't. Especially the duck!
So how do you avoid an incident where Rihanna or a similarly disgruntled debtor appears at your gate and kidnaps your loved one because you owe them money? Here's how:
- Before you borrow, evaluate and ask yourself if this purchase is an absolute necessity or just a craving. If it is absolutely essential to your livelihood; like borrowing for your kid's fees or dinner or some change to get to a job interview, that might be ok. Louboutins and Kate Spade purses don't make that list
- While borrowing, be appreciative and ensure your lender that you will pay back. Make sure there is a witness to whom you are accountable. A mutual friend would do. Or make a video of your promise. Gotta love the tech-age
- Set a return date. Make sure there is a chance of return! Never borrow if you have no intentions of returning. It's more noble to you ask for a cash gift than trying to trick your lender
- Once you get an inflow of money, pay up your debt. Immediately. Like seriously, here's the order, seriously (think about BadgalRiRi...)
1) Pay your tithe
2) Pay the debt (s)
- If you haven't gotten any money by the return date, make an appointment with your lender or call them, so they know you still have it on your mind. Don't act like you forgot!
If you don't remember anything at all from this post, remember this, it is better to give than to receive from RiRi and do NOT get into debt if you don't have to. Avoid it like a plague. It's not fair to hold on to other people's sources of income, even if they are wealthy and wouldn't miss the money, pay back immediately. It only puts you in a fabulous light.
xx
Vent below :)
Get Over Him on a Budget! (tried and tested)
Not everyone is able to jet off into the sunset with a large floppy hat, white framed sunglasses and a Tory Burch bag, when they need to get over an ex. In fact, sometimes, it's the complete opposite. I remember I had to get over a guy in an apartment, all by myself without power (thanks to NEPA), no wifi, and a suspicious presence which I think was a mouse for about two weeks. Oh yeah, I was broke too and I couldn't drive yet. It was basically, me sitting next to my broken heart in the heat and darkness, drinking warm water and counting ceiling panels. Thankfully, I had family around me but only when they returned from work in the evenings and we would hang out.
During that period, i knew the best thing to do would be 1.) Not grovel or call him (ever, ever, ever) I do admit dialing his number a couple of times but then i didn't have credit on my phone, so it disconnected automatically. Lol. So you see, being broke did save me my dignity there.
2.) Get busy.
Not that kind of busy. I mean busy like active and occupied...but on a slender wallet. How? Check out the steps below:
The steps to the budgeted get-over-him plan (in no particular order)
Cry - cheap and cheerful. This works great! Unless you are in a dry desert and you need to conserve your body fluids. In that case, dry cry (I have a niece who is quite skilled at this, crying without tears, I could give you her card. She's a professional)
Face reality - Go through the stuff you own. You might want to box up the things that remind you of him. Of course, if everything reminds you of him, you will soon be without property and who needs property anyway? Seriously though, separate the stuff.
Spend time with family- Family can't dump you! Ha! Though they wish they could but they really can't. Tsktsk. (Love you, fam!)
Friends- Hang out with friends and meet new people even if you don't feel like it. Nobody wants to meet new people when dealing with heart break but its advised. You never know who you might meet!
Exercise- Endorphins! The happy drug. Say Yes to drugs! That sounds bad, doesn't it? I'll rephrase...Say No to drugs but say yes to naturally sourced neurotransmitters. There is no legal way to say this. Just exercise.
Get creative- Make something. Reproduce a recipe. Make a smoothie. Play with watercolor. Mould with clay. Try paper mâché ...actually don't. Don't try paper mâché, it's too much trouble. Try writing. It's cheap, doesn't require wifi or battery power, just paper and a pen.
Work hard at work. Being productive is a great way to be distracted during a heart break.
Don't bother going window shopping it just adds a huge list to the things you can't have right now, including him. Instead, look through you closet and wear your favorite clothing. Dressing up is known for achieving great moral boosts! So wear your "christmas" clothes. Well, unless they remind you of him and are now in the forget-you box (see point 2).
Indulge in ice-cream.... I'm kidding. Lol. Do not indulge in any ice cream. I don't know who came up with this ridiculous "eat your feelings" jibberish. You will gain weight. It's that simple. Weight you don't need. And weight that will get you a muffin top. No muffin tops, guys. Exes always come back to the scene of the crime! And guess who will now look like she has a mushroom cap in place of a waist.
Most importantly, talk to God, he mends hearts. You don't need a monthly plan or recharge card. He's right there. He's listening.
Ever tried to get over someone on a budget? If you have any more break-up budget tips, please share below!