6 Things (plus 1) to do with Your Wedding Dress
What do brides do with their wedding dresses after the wedding? Umm...nothing, well for me, nothing. For some reason I am very attached to my dress *looking at it lovingly*! Bah! I'm going to sell it. No...I won't. This deliberation has been on for quite some time now- to sell or not to sell. Sometime ago, I got the opportunity to work with David Bragdon, a style photographer who happens to be my neighbor! He was graceful enough to have my wedding dress photographed just in case I chose to sell it (the big S word). However, before I make any hasty decisions, I've decided to explore all other options available! Hopefully at the end of this post, I'll come to the most likely decision. Your ideas are completely welcome, (see #7)!
Here are 7 things to do with your wedding dress:
1. Pass it down to your daughter
My mum passed down her 35+ year old wedding dress to my sister who took bits of it and incorporated it into her wedding veil! It was so adorable!
2. Save it for your 'Renewal of Vows' ceremony
If ever you choose to renew your vows at 5, 10, 15 or 50 years (or never...also an option), wouldn't it be great to be able to actually fit into your wedding dress still! A-ha, that's a challenge. Psst, I couldn't fit into my dress when I tried it on for this shoot! Don't be like me! Be forever fit!
3. Sell it (sniff)
This is the most likely option because I feel like my dress is really just occupying space and also I don't like things wasting away when they could be benefiting someone else. As you can tell, I'm a huge recycler, well most of the time.
4. Donate it to charity
While I was asking for opinions about what to do with my dress, a friend casually said with a flick of her wrist and a toss of her hair, "Donate it. I donated mine to charity." She might as well have told me to jump off the 8th floor. I forgive her. I do.
I'm attached to the dress, I don't know if it's because it took me ages to find or because I'm just a drama queen. Maybe a little of both. I don't think I'm donating either way.
5. Rent it out
Renting is a great idea because it brings in cash but you have to be prepared to dryclean it after every transaction. Not to mention have it repaired everytime it rips. *Pausing and thinking this through*
Like I'd have to give it out and then have it returned to me smelling like someone else. What if someone else does stuff in it. *Pensive*
No, I can't. I can't deal.
6. Convert parts of it into household linen
Scream!!! How could you even suggest that, Ike?! Lol. This clearly takes guts. If I ever tried to cut up my wedding dress, I'd be stuck standing there with a pair of scissors until Jesus comes and pries it out of my hands. I don't think I could. *goosebumps*
7. Please comment below for the best answer(s) for #7
What did you do with your wedding dress? What do you suggest I do with mine?! The first three answers will be alloted point 7(a), (b) and (c)!
Related posts: Why your wedding day is not the happiest day of your life; The one that got away; Your wedding dress shopping check list!
What To Do With All That Cray-Cray!
Sometimes God tells us a little something about our future, about his plans for us, about the tasks he needs us to accomplish. I have learnt not try to explain these things to anyone. It will make zero sense to them. If you've ever tried, you'll find yourself trying to convince these people that...you...aren't...a...little...mad.
You know how God's plans are a little shocking? Well, let me be the first to say he has shocking plans for you, just like he had for all the cool patriarchs. They all sounded and looked a little crazy because they chose to follow God's instructions. They also didn't bother to explain anything to anyone.
For example, if Noah tried to explain what God told him to his neighbors, it'll sound a little like this:
"Duh. Look at the clouds. *pointing at a clear, cloudless, blue sky*"It's going to rain cats, dogs and their mothers, baby. Hehe" *continues hammering the 450 feet boat in a desert*
*side eye*
If Jesus was going to explain what he came to do:
"I will be killed, well, not really, as in, not killed...killed like forever. Maybe for like a few days, I won't be dead for too long, tops, the weekend and then we can get around to the fish barbecue party Peter suggested the other day. Who's bringing the coal?"
*two side eyes*
If Abraham had to explain the Isaac-fiasco, it'll sound like this:
"Eliezer, look, I'm going to kill my kid. Sharpen the knife. No, not that one. The one with the brown hilt, firmer grip. Shh, Eliezer. Don't panic. It will all work out. See you later and make the goat stew I like, with some spicy herbs on the side, the ones with the tangy taste. Ciao!"
*wide eye- side eye*
If Moses had to explain:
"Things could get ugly, I know, but look, I'm walking...just me...into the world's most powerful presidential villa and I will demand the release of their slaves and then *whistles*, we are out of there! Yes, I know I stutter *rolls his eyes* Of course, I won't be arrested, you worry too much. Yes, I know they throw prisoners to the crocodiles!"
Stop trying to explain your life to people. Stop. They will NOT understand. Heck, even you don't understand God's perfect plan for your life. All you know is that his plans are good, not evil, filled with purpose and have been set even before the earth existed.
You'd notice that walking with God involves a lot of raised-brow-side-eye situations. Everyone will think you are super-cray but you are in good company *clinking glasses with Mary, Noah, Joseph, Abraham, Isaiah, J-bae*! So what to do with all that cray, keep it to yourself.
Hey, what are your thoughts? Do you get frustrated when people don't understand your word from God? Do they give you side-eyes? Or are you a keep-it-to-myself kinda person?
Please remember to share!
Sliding into Her DM: Are you Making these Mistakes?
I personally applaud and respect any man who has the courage to walk up to a girl or slide into her DM(Direct message) or even send her a love note. It takes courage and a sweet dose of vulnerability and confidence to do any of these.
"Sliding into DMs", for those who don't know, is the way millennials "walk up to a girl and ask for her 'digits'."It's just how the kids do it these days. You see her, send her a direct message, start a relationship, #ShesaidYes, wham...family portrait!
My friend is planning on sliding into a girl's DM soon. I'm so excited and oh...have we mapped out his strategy or what! Hehe. *rubbing hands together mischievously*. He has been watching her for weeks and is like the ultimate cyberstalker. He knows what she likes, who she hangs with, where she hangs out, what she listens to. Don't call the cops, we just want to have a friendly conversation ... and a family portrait! Lol.
Some people find DM-sliding a little offensive, because, well, it shows that the guy, like my friend, has been stalking them a little, which on some level is a little worrisome...flattering...but worrisome all the same.
I haven't successfully stalked and dated a guy off the internet, so I can't give you a step-by-step process of how to slay cyber-stalking so well that you'd end up at the altar but I can tell you a few things than might turn women off, if you do choose to slide.
Here goes:
Sliding in on LinkedIn (1)
So, you are on LinkedIn for no particular reason, you absent-mindedly hit the "my network" widget at the bottom. LinkedIn readily provides a long list of people who you might know but you honestly have no clue who they are. You begin to scroll through the awkward smiles, ambitious suits and professional mugshots.
Scroll.
Scroll.
Suddenly your thumb goes stiff. You see the prettiest girl, with the fullest lips and the most captivating frozen stare, gazing out from the most beautiful face you've ever seen! Naturally, your blood begins to boil. You skim quickly through her profile. Hmmn, impressive. Your suspended thumb begins to quiver and hover over the Inmail button.
Don’t!
Whatever you do, DO NOT slide into her Inmail.
I know, a lot of people meet their significant others on social media. However, LinkedIn is a professional platform. The mission of LinkedIn is "to connect the world's professionals to make them more productive and successful"....which has nothing to do with her lips or her stare or your love life.
There are other platforms that would provide the right mood for your advances: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat. You can look for her on those platforms but not LinkedIn. LinkedIn is so professional that any guy who hits on a girl there looks like he's "idle", which is like profanity within a professional setting. Don't be that guy. Find her on Facebook or Instagram. Of course, that also takes some skill, otherwise, you'd be deleted, unfriended and blocked in one flick of her wrist.
Using words of endearment at-first-DM (2)
Using the words like damsel, bae, baby, bo, boo, sexy, beautiful, lovely or any term of endearment in your introductory statement is a "Nah"; also telling her she's pretty or sexy or you think "you are in love" is also a little invasive, to say the least.
It's like walking up to her physically and saying those words to her face. You'll get a long hiss and a feisty rendition of Megan Trainhor's "No".
Typing just the word "Hi" and nothing else (3)
If she's that attractive, chances are that you aren't the only slider. "Hi" is great, it's definitely better than "Sexy Damsel", however, don't just send Hi. No kidding, our first response is usually 👀 . Introduce yourself briefly and comment on a recent post of hers- a friendly, not-too-familiar comment. Also don't say "I want to be your friend." That line has been worked to death.
Liking everything on her timeline posted since 2005 (4)
What can I say? You just have to stalk with style.
Having a record of cyber bullying or aggression (5)
The internet never forgets! Muhaha. One day that brash, harsh comment you made on someone's profile will come back like a bad rash; and just in time to blow your chance of getting with this girl you like.
Having a boring profile (6)
This includes outdated grainy profile photos from 2006 (even worse, no profile photo at all). If you are putting yourself out there by sliding into her DM, then go all the way! Give her something to look at! A nice photograph does wonders.
The whole essence, in summary, is to stalk with stealth. Introduce yourself, be pleasant, clever and witty. Try not to like all the photos she has ever put up since 2009. Remember, stealth. Study her. If she responds to your introductory message, send a follow-up message. Still no endearment, please. You have it from here. Chat with her without flirting until she shows some form of interest. If she doesn't show any, keep scrolling! There's a girl out there in the huge expanse of cyberspace for you, with whom might be the possible chance of a family portrait!
Wish you the very best in your stalking endeavors!
Hey, do you get LinkedIn slide-ins? What are your thoughts on romantically-inclined direct messaging?
Related posts: Why phone-dating isn't as bad as it sounds; Dating by referral; How to get her to be ready for your date on time!
4 Things To Do When You Don't Have WiFi
Have you ever been somewhere without WiFi and you've been forced to stare into thin air or at the springy tendrils of a stranger's nose hair? If you haven't, good for you. This is about to be the situation of my day on this wonderful, sunny Friday and I have come prepared with 4 things you and I could get around doing, during that situation that gravely threatens human survival- the moment you have no wifi!
Here are 4 things to do:
1. Empty your e-mail box
Argh! So no WiFi, huh? Don't despair, there's always a sunny side to everything. It's time to finally open those 6,547 emails that you have ignored all this while! No Wifi means more free time to organize. [Why do I feel you don't think that's sunny?]
2. Finish that book you've been reading since the year before
We all have that one book that stares at us from our night stand or that sighs every time we take it out and instead of reading it, spend all our time on our phones. Read it! [Note to self]. I still don't know if Evie ends up with handsome, melancholy heir Robert McAndrew in Hester Browne's Vintage girl. And I haven't known since I started reading it last year. Lol.
3. Talk about the weather
Slowly but surely, talking about the weather and every other form of necessary, unnecessary subject of small talk is slowly disappearing from our social culture, with everyone hunched, poking and giggling at their screens. Myself, most of all. I miss talking to strangers! Ed and I spoke to a stranger recently and he turned out to be an awesome photographer. He took a "family portrait" of us on the street! Check it out on my Instagram page!
Taking a break from screen time provides opportunities to connect with real people and what's cooler than that?
4. Restore the ancient hobby of people-watching
People-watching is really fun, as long as you don't witness a murder while watching and then have to be on the run. If you think about it, we spend a lot of time on social media "watching" other people. Well, people-watching is like Snapchat without the filters and time-constraints! Also, if you are a creative writer, you and I know that watching people is a great creative trigger.
Another sunny side to not having WiFi is that your battery lasts. *shrug* That's got to count, right?
Hey, do you have any ideas for me? Help! Do you do any of these already?
My Marvelous Eight. For Tosin Famakinwa (nee Phillips)
A year ago, Tosin went to hang with Jesus. I can't imagine what they do all day but I know he watches over her, I know he can't get over her dimples and I have a feeling they are probably playing Elewenjewe as we speak.
Here's a piece I wrote a year ago when she left:
June 16, 2015
Yesterday, I stared glassy eyed at the barista as he made my hot chocolate. My throat was itchy and i knew I was going to cry if he said anything to me, however casual. He smiled at me and said something which my brain failed to acknowledge. Then he repeated it. Then he repeated it again. I couldn’t hear him, I couldn’t see him, my tears brimmed and clouded my vision and my sunglasses didn’t help either. Then his forehead creased and he asked, “Are you ok?”, clearly concerned. I smiled back at him and half nodded, half shook my head. Then the tears came.
I’m not always this emotional at the very sight of hot chocolate. You see, recently, I lost someone with whom I built thousands of childhood memories. She was very spirited. Very. I remember her little arms flaying and wrapping around me and shoving me through her front door, enthusiastic about what she had planned for the day—whatever it was 8 year-olds have planned for the day. Lol.
Her cheeks dimpled eagerly and always preceded her smile. It was almost like those adorable cheek pits were the warning that announced her wide toothy smile. Her face just plain lit up. It was contagious, that smile.
Whenever I saw her dad’s white car from my window, i’d run down the stairs bounding over three-at-a-time, out the door, up the drive way, out the gate and into her wide arms and then we’d dance around, like the silly kids we were. It was a wonderful period of my life and all I remember is a lot of sunshine and squeals. We were 8 year-old's and if you had the opportunity of a pleasant friend at 8, you'd know what I mean.
I’m pretty sure most Saturdays of my 8th and 9th year were spent with her. Now trying to remember what we spent our Saturdays doing; we played FLAMES!!!!! Who remembers that? You'd write your name above and the name of a boy beneath and cross out the letters you had in common, whatever was left was used to know your romantic situation. Lol! She taught me to always add the middle name, it made the experiment more weighty. Lol! Then, we played Name-Place-Animal-Thing. Yes, we were intellectual 8 year-old's. It was about paper, pens and text for us, albeit unscholarly. Then we'd play Life or Monopoly or Elewenjewe*! Then eat! She was a great foodie. It takes a certain kind of person to genuinely appreciate every bite of her meal; every flavor, individual and blended. Then we'd read a couple of Sweet valleys or Enid Blyton's.
I would laugh at her scrawny writing and the precision with which she'd etch each curve and stick, like each word was a work of art that would earn an approving nod from Monet. She would laugh at the fact that I called a television— Telly. She was funny and vibrant, she had a good heart and you could see it from a mile. I haven't seen her in a while but I remember her heart and that's good enough for my memories.
Then one day, just a couple of days back, she left. She just left. I'm not going to whine about how she didn't say bye or how this is goodbye or isn’t. I am honored to have shared my pure, formative years with you,Tosin. In heaven, we'd chill by the Fanta Chapman river and play Life again or cards. #teamelewenjewe. Lol.
I love you, Tosin.
Thank you for painting "8" irrevocably marvelous.
Tosin always wanted to be a lawyer, and I agreed with her on her choice of vocation because she always had an opinion and had quite the mouth on her. Lol! She wrote a blog called www.lawataclick.com , which was relaunched recently! Weee! I've been on the blog since yesterday, it's like Law for Dummies! Love it.
Why You Shouldn't Throw Eggs At Prostitutes
Sometimes, I sit on my sofa, put up my feet and seriously wonder about God. He is nothing like us. He doesn't think like us, he doesn't work like us and he doesn't speak like us.
He's so unpredictable with his plans and unapologetically so. For example, He sent Jesus into the most unlikely family on earth, the last family you'd expect to have our Saviour born into. Jesus' great great gramps and grams had some very scandalous situations in their lives. He had super-great gramps Judah, who played a little more than footsie with a girl who he thought was a prostitute. She turned out to be his daughter-in-law. Cringe! *Secret of the Sand script-flip* Of course, the one-night-stand produced a baby called Perez!
Jesus also had Rahab (aka Sugar-Rae), the prostitute with the sultry pout, the endless hair and legs for miles. Something tells me she was pretty good at her job, she'd wink and hand you a business card and mouth, "You can call me Sugar-Rae." Her house was on the wall of the city, so she probably had a welcome package with non-transferable coupons for new tourists (She was a great business woman).
Jesus had super-gramps Solomon, who was born by a woman, whose husband, David had murdered intentionally to get with her *side eye*.
When I think about these stories, I interlace my fingers behind my head and smile. I like that He doesn't think like me. I adore Him for it. He will use anyone to get his business done. You'd think God would pick a "flawless generation" but nope, it pleased him to use that one crazy family, even though they had DRA-MAH!
Let's not turn up our noses up at anyone or any family. We are all beautifully crafted for use, yes, even the Rae-Rae's!
Hey, what are your thoughts? I'd love to know!
7 Things Every Career Girl Should Know
Hello, Monday! There's no better time to evaluate your career goals and understand what areas need a little boost, than a Monday in June! We need to get on track before July gets in, you know how July gets, scaring us with its-second-half-of-the-year-what-do-you-have-to-show-for-it reputation.
Right below are some important skills and career building tips that every career girl needs to know. Hurry, before July gets in! Here goes:
1. Value your work and skills in those heels
We work pretty hard but how much do we value our skills?
"Yeah, well, I'm great with CAD."
"I can build a website in my sleep." *shrug*
"So what if I can make 700 plates of party lunch plates in three hours."
"I take care of our home, run errands and take care of the kids. I wish I had a real job."
"I speak 4 languages but bleh..."
So many women have skills and they should be celebrated (which is why we have PGI girls!)! We should value our accomplishments and skills. True, there's always room to learn some more and to improve but value should be placed on that which we have accomplished and the tasks we achieve on a daily basis.
2. Negotiate circles around anyone
I understand some systems do not support equal pay between both genders but for some of us who have the opportunity to negotiate pay, we sometimes cower. Here's the fact, men negotiate pay. It's the fact.
When Ed negotiates, I cringe but he usually gets what he wants and I don't...I just get more wrinkles from cringing. Men are more likely than women to negotiate pay. As women, we are a little bit bashful about asking for more. Asking for more is a risk and studies show that women are more risk-averse than men. That maybe the reason, it may also be that we just don't value our skills enough to put a good value on it (see #1). You have to ask for more, to get more. There are no pink ponies and shimmery wands in the real world, and no one is going to drop extra cash on your lap until you ask! Ask for more!
3. Shop for a mentor
Hey, girls, so mentors! It turns out that females hardly get mentored and this is a three-pronged problem. Prong #1 There are far less women in managerial positions than men and so there are less female mentors to start with. Prong #2, some women in authority sometimes feel insecure and might feel like other female subordinates might be out to get their positions, so the ones who ask to be mentored only get very leveled teaspoons of advice and mentoring. No one is trying to still your job, Ma'am. Well, maybe some are, but others just want to learn. Help the younger women. Prong #3 Younger women hesitate before asking for mentoring, assuming the senior colleagues don't have the time or that they come across as bothersome. Reach out to your mentor-crush first, and if you get shut-down, move on to the next.
4. Recommend people for positions
A female superior is less likely to recommend a subordinate for a position according to this study. This study by the Harvard review shows that men are more hands on with their mentoring, they help to plan their career moves and empower their mentees in new roles! It's not quite the same with women. Women in power need to mentor and pull more women up the ladder.
*Who you epp?*
5. Keep your home separate from your work as much as possible
The first thing I learnt in business school was this; your client doesn't care if you've had a bad day. Get it done. Honestly, your boss doesn't care, your client, customer. No one cares. Get it done!
OK, so you have a great boss and he does indeed care. It doesn't matter, act like he doesn't. At first, I thought this was a little harsh, slowly i discovered that it teaches you to be professional in your dealings, to execute tasks promptly and to show results. If you have excuses, leave them at home. If your child is sick, tell it as it is and get time off work. Don't get someone to sign in for you and then not show up.
Also leave your work at work. Finally, that double life you always dreamed of!
6. Go the extra mile, still in those heels
There is always an extra mile, right after the publicly-proclaimed finish line. I learnt this from one of my classmates from school. She dotted all i's, crossed all t's, intersected all x's; her work was always of superior quality and it stood out because she chose to do more than expected! Go the extra mile.
7. Don't be afraid to ask for help
Girl-pride is great during empowering ladies' nights and karaoke renditions of "Independent Women", however, when it comes to achieving your career goals and contributing to your organization's objectives, it's a good idea to ask for help when you need to. Find a mentor within you company or industry, someone who can give you guidance for your task. If there's no one suitable, ask questions! Ask the people on your team for help. If need be, call a meeting and have a constructive problem-solving session. Don't feel like people are going to stare at you like you know nothing. People will always stare and judge, that's OK. When they are done, they will peel their eyes off you and stare at someone else. Ask questions, please. Gather information and execute your duties like you were made for it!
I hope this helped! Please don't forget to share! Thanks. What steps are you taking this month to launch that awesome career off the ground?!
Related posts: PGI girl, Joko; Your very own business idea; Improve your work-space with these tips!
How to Get her to be On time for your Date
It's the weekend. Duh-dum! Date night! Well, maybe, if she's ready by the time you get in.
Bet you triple-clicked on the link because you are tired of seeing your girlfriend or wife wobbling around in her heels, looking for her lipstick and keys and perfume, while you fume with your back against the door post, with that “You can’t be serious” look and the “We are going to be late…again” grunt.
Ok, first, here are some things you should know as a man about how we get ready; a LOT goes into our preparation for outings. A lot! I, personally take a few moments to get ready and by “few”, I mean “not few”.
It takes us sometime to get our things together and the time we take varies in direct proportion to the amount of make-up we use.
Formula 1:
Time ∝ Amount of Make up used
If you got attracted to a 10-over-10 face-contoured, brow-perfect, tummy-trained queen, then that's exactly what you signed up for! It’s a great idea to factor that in, whenever you go on dates with her, instead of fuming by the doorpost. You do want her to remain the girl you fell in love with right? A-ha, see!
The time we take also depends on if we know what we plan to wear already.
Formula 2:
Time ∝ What-to-wear conundrum
One great way to urge her to be on time would be to get her to see value in early preparations. I learnt to see the value in being ready on time the hard way; I'd be in a hurry or stressed out and I'd forget to wear lipstick on lined lips! One day, I went out with one penciled-in eye brow! Lol! That's a secret, don't utter that anywhere.
No one had to spell "value early preparations" out for me with my astonishing brows. Your girlfriend probably doesn't forget her brows, but anyway, the point is, the more time she has to get ready, the better. I've consciously started planning my prep-time, so that I have enough time to try on at least two outfits, draw my brows, paint my nails even, and it's such a relief!
Below are the 5 Golden rules that may help to get her ready, so you don't get into the cinema 45 minutes into the movie:
Golden rule 1: Use wiser sentence structures
Don’t tell her the time of the movie (or appointment) but tell her the time you need to leave. Instead of “We have reservations for 8pm”, try, “We have to leave at 6.45pm to be on time."
Golden rule 2: Ditch the grunt and scowl
Don’t nag her and utter the words,"You are wasting my time." It's not progressive or helpful in anyway.
Golden rule 3: Motivate her
If she is not an early bird and you have an early appointment, getting her coffee or tea or breakfast in bed might really help (grin). If you are picking her up for a date, you should call her about your location, time and status updates. Communication is completely necessary.
Golden rule 4: Inspire by example
A relationship is an improvement platform, where both partners encourage each other to be better people and essentially rub off on each other, but only rub on the good stuff. Don't start eating toe-clippings just because your girlfriend does it.
Anyway, if she has previously suggested that you improve some aspects of your life this might be a great time to improve! You could trade too! You could say, "Why don't we work on these areas of ourselves: I'll improve in this area, while you improve your time management?"
Note: This is not a conditional agreement. It's not a "I'll-change-if-you-change" type of agreement, it's more of a collaborative effort to make each other better.
Golden rule 5: Send her this post!
Hey, what are your thoughts? I'd love to know! Do you ever get stressed because you are in a hurry? Ever forgotten to wear your other false lash in the frenzy? Men, which is your favorite rule? Girls post up soon!
Related posts: My worst date experience ever; Your first date kit (Men); Dating on referral!