Your Wedding day is not the Happiest Day of your Life
You know how people say, "Your wedding day is the happiest day of your life"? They are wrong. They are also wrong about it being the most important day of your life, but that's another post.
Your wedding day is not the happiest day of your life! My mum told me this, in not so many words- in 22 words actually.
She said,"Focus more on your marriage than the wedding, which is just one day. Your marriage, on the other hand, is for years."
When she said that, I thought, "Well, mum, OK... I will do everything you have just said...right after I get my bouquet of perfectly formed blush-pink peonies, my get-Cinderella-green-with-envy shoes, the cake of my dreams and my two veils!" (I know, who gets two veils!)
Every time I got seemingly carried away and distressed by my wedding planning, she would repeat herself, using some variation of the statement.
Then things started to go awry.
I never got those peonies and that got me very upset, also one of my veils never got delivered! The delivery company claimed that it was actually delivered and someone accepted it and signed for it. Clearly, it was delivered to the wrong address. It's beyond me why anyone would want to willingly accept a wedding veil and not return it, when they discovered it was a mistake!
Why was this happening to me?! *insert bride-static melodrama* I was paying a lot of attention to this wedding plans but it was still going wrong. What then would happen to my marriage plans, which I was paying like 21% of my attention to?!
I soon realized a wedding is really 1 day in over 30,000 days to be spent with this same, sexy person.
That's what mum was trying to say, in other words.
In other, other words, what she was trying to say was, prepare yourself for marriage, build your spirituality, improve your temperament, practice forgiveness, develop the habit of flushing away grudges, guard your lips and pray for your home, even before you walk down the aisle. In essence, pave the path for increasing happiness in your marriage.
Your wedding day is not the happiest day of your life, every other day is and it gets happier with each sunrise! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also don't let them tell you that you should enjoy your wedding day because it only goes south from there. Arch your brow (and your back and any other thing that can be arched) and ask them,"What do you know?"
Do you know anyone going crazy with her wedding plans? Please share with her (or him...yes, indeed, groomzillas exist).
What are your thoughts? Did you have any disappointments with your wedding planning? Do people say it only gets worse after the wedding to you? Bah, lies.
What to do on sunny Saturday afternoons: fool around in your wedding dress.
Related posts: 6 Must-haves for your dress fitting; Watching someone else find "The One", The Organized Bride PGI Girl-Ufuoma ; The One that got away.
Photo credit: David Bragdon
One Thing to do with Those Pretty Lips
I spend about 8 minutes applying my lipstick. To make my lip color pop, I color both lips with a lipliner pencil similar in color to my lipstick. At this stage, it already looks like I'm wearing lipstick...and sometimes, I get distracted, I start doing something else, forget to wear my lipstick and go out with penciled-in lips(lol)! Only the make-up savvy girls who see me know my blunder- but who isn't make-up savvy these days?
After filling in with lip-liner, I plump it up with my lipstick, which instantly pops the color. The underlying liner helps prevent your lip lines/cracks from showing through the lipstick. It also helps your lipstick stay on longer.
Right after this, I blend and get rid of the color bleeds.
Some people use a concealer and concealer brush to line their lips to make sure it's well sculpted.
Either way, you end up with great looking lips!
Imagine that after all of this, my lips looking as magnificent as heaven's pearls, I part those marvelous lips- and less pearly, less magnificent, less heavenly things begin to come out of them- lies, derisive words, gossip.
I know gossip, especially, is yum. It's like a platter of grilled, peppered croaker fish with a side of fried plantain and crushed peppered sauce. It's beyond me why it tastes so good and apparently, the worse the situation is for the person we are talking about, the spicier the croaker and the softer the plantain.
Spicy, soft or not, gossip is unpleasant and no longer fashionable. There I said it, it's not trending anymore.
The next time you get an opportunity to gossip, shut it down, blend those pretty lips and talk about something else.
What do you think sparks up gossip? I'd love to know your thoughts!
7 Quirky Phobias and the People who benefit from them.
I'm on a magnified feel-good-optimistic streak this month; so much that in this post we are going to talk about the benefits of phobias! Well, we are going to talk about phobias - and the people that would benefit when other people have those phobias. One man's 'bo!' is another man's boo.
One thing is certain, having a phobia doesn't benefit the person who has it, in any way, (well except phobia #1).
Below are 7 whimsically interesting phobias, which of them would you benefit from?
1. Mageirocophobia
The fear of cooking.
Who this benefits: Me.
"Babe, I have Mageirocophobia. *innocent stare* Lets eat out, forever!" That's what I'd say. However, we all know that's not the best idea. Cooking your own meals helps you monitor the quality and quantity of ingredients used!
2. Pogonophobia
The fear of Beards.
Who this benefits: My mum.
She doesn't get the beard-gang trend at all! I keep telling her, "Mum, Jesus had a beard!" Lol!
3. Chaetophobia
The fear of loose or detached hair (or bundles of Brazilian hair).
Who this benefits: Boo.
Having chaetophobia means no extra expense on over-priced extensions. I think I've had a mild case of Chaetiphobia before. I bought this Grade A Peruvian bundle once and honestly, it felt like it was alive! It was that authentic.
4. Ablutophobia
The fear of bathing
Who benefits: No one. No one at all.
No comment. Actually, comment: There's no substitute for a bath. I just checked, not even air baths.
5. Eurotophobia
The fear of female genitalia
Who benefits: Your parents (if you are a guy)
They'd love for you to be europhobic until you are like 27 and you have a job and can actually afford to have a baby.
6. Anuptaphobia
The fear of being single
Who benefits: The Yoruba demons and Arch-demons.
Being frightened of living for months unhitched only causes you to run into the arms of the bad boys and if you are a guy, into the arms of a girl-demon. Choose not to live in fear. Nothing inspired by fear can end well.
7. Chronophobia
The fear of time passing
Who this benefits: Your doctor's mortgage payments.
Whenever I have a badly planned day, I admit I end up with a mild case of chronophobia. Actually, if you ever say "24 hours is not enough!" You might be well on your way to this phobia. Try planning your day the night before and tick off your to-do items as you go! That way, you don't have panic attacks and sporadic palpations that require you to see you Doctor often.
Do you have Pentheraphobia (fear of your mother in law)? Read here to figure out how to deal!
Do you have any phobias? Who would they benefit?
The Man who sits on My Sofa at 5.30 AM
At 5.30am, just before the sky turns honey-amber, right there, in the dark space of my living room, sits a man, on my sofa. His posture is regal but alert, like he is poised for something, like he's anticipating.
He is still for most of the time, his pupils are fully dilated, his ears attentive, his skin cool from the conditioned air, his senses accommodate all they can in this dark room.
In the still silence, he says nothing. If he was anything like me, he would cross his legs several times, or make a fuss in his seat, searching frantically for a distraction. He sees my pile of magazines, a little smile lights his face but he makes no move to pacify the discomfort of his wait.
Suddenly, he hears a rustle from my bedroom, he sits up with a start. He is hopeful. He cocks his head to the side, he holds his breath, then wills himself to breathe.
Photo credit: David Bragdon
The rustling stops and the silence returns.
He remains still on my sofa. Now the sun is peeking from the base of the sky, its rays streaking flamboyantly.
It's 6.30. Vibrations take over the ambience. My phone vibrates from the closet, where I have put it. I do this to ensure I get up, walk to it and turn it off, "the walk will wake me up," I always tell people, it will. My Fitbit violently vibrates against my wrist.
He is sure I will wake up now and see in a glance, the man who sits on my sofa at 5.30. The vibrations go on for a few minutes. His head is cocked again. His breath is held. He hears a dull thump, as my feet swing off the bed and hit the floor in a groggy stance.
He hears shuffling, I'm making my way to the vibrating phone. He is sure I will come out to the living room now. The phone stops.
He hears quick steps go into the bathroom; a flush; a rushed fall of barefoot steps; a rustle of bed fabric.
Then silence.
He stares out of my window at the sun and waits.
At 6.45am, I stumble out of my room. I stop short and stare at my empty sofa.
Wait.
I'm forgetting something.
No!
I forgot something.
I was supposed to meet with Him at 5.30am!
How did I forget?
I'm sorry that I stood you up for the umpteenth time, J-bae*. I sit dejected on my sofa. I should have set 6 alarms, I should have splashed some water on my face. I should have done the jumping jacks. I should have...
With every preemptive tip, I feel myself sink heavily into the soft cushions, my shoulders droop, my eye shut into slits. We were supposed to meet and talk like we always do, but I wouldn't get out of bed...and now he's gone away.
He's gone.
I lay my head on the side of my sofa, ashamed to pray or sing.
Then I feel it...a warmth, a glow, it surrounds me. It draws me in, like arms. It's so warm, my face breaks into a smile.
He isn't gone.
He is here.
He never left. ♥️
**One day, the word bae will become completely obsolete, but till then, J-bae, for me, is none other than Jesus!
Related post: The obvious solution to doze-praying; Think Thomas; God's soprano voice and twerks
Why You Shouldn’t be in a Hurry to get Married: The Law of the Avocado
The other day, I heard about a couple who got married three weeks after their first date and they are very happy together; they’ve been together for over five years now! I love that couple already. They clearly aren’t mainstream. Those are the type of stories I love to hear and tell people; extraordinary situations, good vibes, no negativity, no bad thoughts—you know, being the exception, the couple who dates for three weeks and whose marriage don’t fall apart in a huff and puff contest! I really like those stories. However, that's not what this post is about. It's about the crazy world we live in and the law of the avocado.
Stay with me.
I love avocados. I don't know what it is- I cut it open, I see the green flesh and I get very, very happy. I go crazy with one half- I eat it with a spoon, or slather it all over my chicken sandwich or chop it into my salad but I only ever use half, because both halves might be over-doing it for me. Now, if you’re an avocado-lover like me and you realize you can only eat one half, then you know that in a few moments, you desperately need to figure out a way to preserve the other half as soon as possible.
Why?
Avocados contain an enzyme known as polyphenol oxidase, which when exposed to air turns it brown. Summary, leaving your cut avocado out, will have it looking like something the cat dragged in and sneezed on.
Avocados are very sensitive to air— and to time. If you leave it out for about 10 to 30 minutes, it just keeps grinning at you, all green and lush and juicy. In two hours…then ...ATCHOO!! Cat’s sneeze.
It’s the same with relationships, it always starts out green, lush and juicy—always; but like the avocado, when left to the elements, it begins to show its true nature (which isn't always negative by the way). Nevertheless, it's a good idea to date for a while before getting married. There are no rules about how long a couple should date before they get married, however, the importance of knowing without any doubt or sentiment that you are making the right decision is so ridiculously imperative.
One of the advantages of dating for ages, is that it gives you a chance to sit still and watch your relationship, to watch for habits, for anger issues, for spending patterns, for cheating habits, for interpersonal skills and parent-sibling relations, to watch for reconcilable and irreconcilable differences. Do all the watching before you get married. Seriously, before you say ‘I do’, sit back, and watch your avocado-relationship in HD, if need be, rewind, pause, set to slo-mo. Please, just watch. Whenever you notice any issue, it's a good idea to discuss with your significant other. If it is an irreconcilable difference then, well then, I guess you caught it before you said “Yes”.
If you give your relationship enough time to let its real nature come through, you could be saving yourself a lot of drama. On one hand, it could either pass the avocado test, i.e remain greenly constant and constantly green- unchanging, despite the circumstances or amount of time or it might morph and look like 'the thing I said about the cat'. ATCHOO!
Ever tried the avocado test on your relationship? Did you have a short dating period? How cool is that? If you did, please share! What’s your ideal dating duration? Ever heard about the wait-for-30-days-before-we-start-dating rule?
Please share your thoughts with us:
Related Posts: Married to a jerk; 4 things I wish I knew on Dating Boulevard
5 Random but oh-so-true Reasons to Pack your Lunch
I know, I know, packing your lunch doesn't sound like fun at all, well, not unless it looks like the photo above. Let's skip through 5 reasons it may not be so bad after all!
1. It's a great lunch-time conversation starter, assuming your food doesn't contain locust beans (iru, the world's most sensational ingredient). If it does, you shall be sitting by yourself, my friend!
2. It's probably cheaper than buying lunch.
3. /4. You should take your lunch to work or school, well, because you are such an awesome cook and someone does have to eat it or because you are the worst cook who ever walked the face of the earth and you need to improve your cooking skills with practice! It's a win-win!
Psst! YouTube is great for learning how to make new dishes and to improve your culinary skills!
5. Taking your lunch with you is probably healthier than buying lunch-you get to control the quality and quantity *side look*.
Do you take your lunch to work or school? Do you get questions about your food from colleagues? Wait, do you get a free buffet at work? Are you guys hiring? *Grin*
11 Spoilers for my 15 year-old Self
If I could meet my 15 year-old self, she would be in for a world of surprises, if only she knew. Of course, the ideal thing would be to give her good advise and have her make good decisions early on- and what better way to nudge her straight, than by feeding her life-spoilers, even though they would probably reduce the fun of her experiences by over 200%, hehe). Here are 11 spoilers I'd tell her:
On her identity crisis:
No, you will not be wed to Curtis Jackson also known as 50 cent (rme)
On her love interest at the time:
*Clears throat*, I don't see this guy in our future, not even remotely; like I don't even think you are friends with him on Facebook!
On her future ambitions:
What's a Facebook, you ask? Well....this is going to be good. Grab a pen. We are about to be very....very rich. While the world is still recovering from the "Y2K" supposed- apocalypse, buy a one-way ticket to California, there's this place called Silicon Valley............
On her opinion about mum not understanding her:
Summary: You and mum become best friends and then you literally start acting like her.
On her blind dedication to Arsenal FC:
*Static* Sigh. I would say give up but don't.
On her love for mono-sleeve blouses:
You didn't really think tops with just one full sleeve would stay, did you?
On her relationship with God:
You guys are like best buds and you begin to discover how much you both have in common
The Spoiler about the One:
His name starts with a consonant and a vowel! *insert everlasting mischievous laugh*
On sex:
Everything they say about it is true. It's thoroughly primordial and not cute, don't get hung up on trying to have it till you really should, with the right person.
On writing as a hobby:
Please don't shred and burn our diaries. Please....but I know you will, anyway. I know you don't want anyone knowing what goes on in your head but we write a blog, so there. Get over yourself.
On Self-respect and respect from others:
Respect from others is over-rated. The only respect you need is from us, me and you. Make decisions that make your future self (yours truly) proud of you and I'll ensure I make you proud too ♥️
What spoilers would you tell your 15 year-old self?
3 and a Half Ways to End a Relationship- by Skip
If you read PGI often, you might know Skip, our anonymous reader who sends me letters and calls me "Lix". Whether he's talking about his kissing conundrum or about finding the one, he never fails to crack us up. Here's his latest letter where he talks about ending a relationship without looking like a jerk. Enjoy!
Dear Lix,
It’s been a while and I miss you too.
Nothing much has been happening, except that I’ve really been trying to figure out exactly who I am and what I’m here for; so I’ve stopped eating healthy, I don't think I’m supposed to be about that balanced-diet-fit-fam life, although I recently started fixing the sheets once I finally wake up in the morning; it’s crazy, I’m like a machine, I’m up, wham bam, bed fixed! I consider this cool and very adult. Also, no more pre-marital sexing on that bed. Not anymore. I have moved all that business to the guest room; I’m like a machine.
So this morning, I realized she was gone and it really hurt me. No heads-up, no conversation, nothing! She left with all her sweetness and hotness, even groundnut too. My boli woman was always there for me, always always, and I’m all for road reconstruction and better infrastructure, but when the government decides to interfere with my relationship and move her away, that’s where I draw the line. I strongly feel these past months together can’t have been for nothing, I bet she knew weeks ago that she would have to leave and she didn’t say anything; she was today’s plan for lunch.
Maybe she couldn’t bear to see my disappointed face. Maybe she didn’t care. Maybe she did. Maybe she left a note. Maybe last night’s rain washed away her note; although a note is hardly the fitting way to end what we had. I even told her at times when I had to travel. Lix, do you remember that ex that thought I would be interested in making the 6-hour journey to attend her wedding? She also thought it was appropriate to end our 4-year relationship with a text message. It’s like nobody knows how to breakup properly, because that’s what happened to me this morning, it was a breakup, and I’m not going to put this one on the government.
Meanwhile, let me share the 3 most appropriate ways to breakup since this has suddenly become about that:
1. Speak your truth.
Speak your truth and end with ‘…so I think we should end this’. By truth, I mean the honest reasons everybody thinks they want to hear, that they deserve to hear, until they hear and then they wish that they didn’t, like ‘Agnes, I really don’t like you anymore, so I think we should end this’, ‘Agnes, I’ve met someone better for me so….’, ‘Agnes, although it was my idea, I can’t handle the distance so…’, ‘Agnes, I just had the best sex with someone else....in the guest room, so…’, ‘Agnes, your house is in Festac so…’. Whatever you do, don’t chicken out with Agnes, it’s not you, it’s me. You may text, BBM or WhatsApp your truth. You can also put it in a note but make sure to write legibly and throw in a few xoxo’s at the end; I give you extra points if you tweet your truth @Agnes.
2. Restore to Factory Settings
This is way easier but takes a longer time than speaking your truth. Basically, what you to do is nothing! Act like there was never a relationship. Stop visiting or hanging out, stop those long phone conversations, and maybe don’t even pick up calls. Remember you’re a busy person, so make sure to reschedule every time he/she tries to meet up. Make sure to be as cordial as possible though, nobody is fighting with anybody! If he/she tries to start fight, don’t do it, apologize and promise to be better but don’t be better. In two months or less, you’ll be single and if you play this just right, he/she will break up with you and then you get extra points.
This requires you to be an Asshole and I know this comes more naturally to some folks while others may have to dig deeper to find their inner asshole, but it gets the job done; especially if you’re in the business of hurting people: and breaking up is all about hurting people, whether or not you mean to, so you might as well be the best asshole you can be.
You know that boyfriend who went funny and you don’t know what happened because he was so very cool and you loved him really hard? Now you know he couldn’t speak his truth so he restored to factory settings!
3. Fake your death.
Fake your death. The key here is to "Fake it". If at any point you realize you’ve died for real, then you haven’t done this right; so you died and made wrong life choices, I hope you now realise it wasn’t even that deep.
There may be a 4th appropriate way called “The Idealist-ist”, this is where you bla bla bla bla I’m tired of making stuff up! See Lix, I don’t think breakups are meant to be “appropriate”. Boli women leave and hurt you, you find better Boli so you start buying from someone else, you decide to balance-diet-fit-fam because, summer body, so you stop eating Boli.
Breakups are by their nature very horrible, at least for one person. “We had such a magical evening, and the breakup made it even more special”, said no one. I’m certain if someone decides to stop being with you, there’s not much you can do; and maybe it honestly isn’t you, and it’s them, I don’t know.
I guess if you have to, just do it!
Abi?
On your sofa,
Skip.
Disclaimer: PGI does not endorse the happenings of Skip's guestroom.
Related posts: 8 reasons you might be stuck in a bad relationship; The sunny side of your breakup; What to expect when you call up an ex!