A New Blog Post(August)

Let's just pretend like I never left…

Alright, the year is almost over, literally. I secretly love the last few months of the year, because it's when the year raises its brows at us and our notepads of semi-accomplished year-long resolutions. It's also the season the year shoos us to the finish line of those accomplishments. Right now, 2017 is hot on my tail. I slowed down on my plans for the year a little bit. 

Why? 

I had a major creative melt down. I know I'm making it sound nice, breezy and yummy like ice cream "melting down" a cone but it was nothing of the sort. It was quite horrifying. I really don't know how I got out(prayer had a lot to do with it). Anyway, I'm out and awesome! Details of this will come up soon, but in the while I must ask you to pardon me for this unplanned break, and accept my bribe of a new fictional series starting this Wednesday! You'll love it. Uhh and tell a friend *grin*.

How have you been?! What's new? 

34 Questions Every Nigerian Ex-Primary School Student Should Ask

It was children's day last weekend! I don't know about you, but it brought back memories for me; childhood memories! Parties, puffy pigtails, amusement parks, Fanta, and of course, school! I wouldn't trade my memories of attending a Nigerian primary school for the world. It was so much fun and full of peculiar events and traditions. Very peculiar. We actually did somethings that our contemporaries in other parts of the world could probably identify with and somethings they'd never understand. Even I wonder sometimes. As a child-turned-adult, here are 34 peculiar questions I still wonder about. Try answering each question. Let me know how many reasons you could come up with. I couldn't find an answer for #7 and #11 though. Lol! 

34 Questions Every Nigerian Ex-Primary School Student Should Ask

1. Why did we wrap our exercise books with sheets of calendars? 

2. Why did school-bought food have so much dodo? And beans! Blink.

3. Who loved the smell of those moderately translucent neon colored erasers? Who chewed them (side eye)?

4. Who chewed chalk (covering face)?

5. Who in the world stayed back in those gross toilets to write "Segun loves Dolapo"? Eww

6. Why did everyone smell of old house on cultural dance day? 

7. Why did my primary 2 seat partner try to erase with an eraser and saliva and end up tearing his notebook four pages deep? 

8. Why was SOP so important?

9. Why did someone steal my pink recorder? 

10. Why couldn’t anyone decide on whether to call it a recorder or a flute?

11. Why did my seat partner spit into his recorder so that the spit drooled down the flute opening? 

12. Why did he and his friends find it amusing?

13. Why did we make sweater babies? Lay sweater flat. Fold both arms across the chest. Roll from the neck, tuck formed tube into the open hem. Where did this knowledge come from?

14. Who taught me to make paper planes, boats, jets, fans?

15. Why was transitioning from pencils to pens such a big deal? 

16. Buttermint. Tom Tom. Malta sweet. Dandy. Robot. Eclairs. Goody Goody. Sweet alagbon. Biscuit alata. Marie. Shortcake. Round okin. Eleganza. Bic. Yellow pencil. Yellow wooden ruler. Onward. 2A notebook. 2B pencil. Why do I miss these?

17. Why did the school bell bring me joy?! Were we psychologically conditioned by school bells?

18. Why was using the word "Love" such a big deal? 

19. Why was forgetting my locker keys at home such a disaster? 

Why did I sit on see-saws with strangers and have fun doing it?

20. Why did our writing notes have multi colored lines?

21. Why did one teacher teach all the subjects? 

22. Did we really have to swing our arms to marching songs? 

23. Why did I always play the Angel during Christmas plays? Ok, not always.

24. Those rulers with pictures that changed with direction to light! Why did that excite me so?

25. Round pencil sharpeners with mirrors on the back. Who was the genius inventor of this?

26. Name, Animal, Place, Thing. Why was alphabet "X" saved for last?

27. Why were some play songs banned from the playground?

28. Was primary school the time I got all these bruises on my legs?

29. Why was home time so beautiful?

30. Why did mum bring me a snack when she picked me from school?

31. Why was school excursion day so cool?

32. Why was being a brownie even cooler?

33. Stand up. Close your eyes. Raise up your hands. Why did I listen when my seat mate told me to put my raised hands down. The teacher had stepped out, he said.

34. Where is my seat mate these days? 

What was your favorite primary school memory? Which one of your answers to the questions amused you the most? 

Salome’s Story | The Flash-In-The Pan Performer

Imagine that fine day in Jerusalem, you and I are at Herod’s party sipping our glasses of Pinot Noir, as we gobble up our array of Mediterranean-style cuisine. Everything is going great- it's Herod's birthday, the food is being wheeled in by the second, the drinks flowing, music playing, John the Baptist is in the dungeons below, but still everything is going well.

A dance performance is announced by a colorfully dressed servant. Herod’s niece and step-daughter, Salome, appears on the center stage. We are stunned by her excellent dance techniques, standing on her toes one minute and her elbows the next, twirling her flaming hulla hoops, all with the vigor of Beyoncé and the stretchiness of Ciara, spinning, transitioning into some ballet-krunk footwork; throws in some moonwalking into that medley.

We are all fascinated by her superior motor skills, of course.

The King, himself, is visibly impressed, red in the face, eyes glassy with pride and lips wide in a smile. He's also probably a little drunk, and his next proposition gives some evidence to this.

“Ask me for anything”, His voice thunders, all at once offering everything and nothing at the same time.

All heads turn to look at him and back at her. The whole room is silent, so much that we could hear a pin drop.

“Go ahead. Ask away! I'll give you up to half of my kingdom. Just ask!”

The girl is shocked. She had skills, she knew, but to be rewarded with half of the kingdom! We sip our wines, wide eyed and expectant. What would she say? This girl could be our queen by nightfall, depending on our postal codes.

Sip.

Everyone’s breath is held.

No one speaks.

We only hear our thumping hearts and the labored breathing of the dancing girl catching her breath from the activity and now this proposition!

She doesn't know what to say. Eventually she manages,“Please give me some time to make my decision.”

Smart woman.

She retreats to her mother's side.

The silence erupts into murmurs. We are excited and mildly terrified. Our political system now sat in the balance with this inexperienced girl up for Queen, no thanks to our mildly intoxicated king and this girl’s superior stanky leg dance moves.

What did this mean for us?

Would she increase taxes?

Would she subsidize our donkey hay?

Would we have more public holidays?

Would we have Monday's off? 

She returns.

The murmurs quieten; with the look on her face, we are certain she has decided to be queen of half of the kingdom and the issue of donkey subsidies would be debatable.

“I want the head of John the Baptist on a platter?” She sounds unsure and looks at her mother, who nods slowly. 

Our blank stares are epic. Your mouth is wide open. I push up your jaw and close your mouth shut. The hall erupts in chaos.

She can’t be serious! John?!

First, John is such a cool guy! Who'd want to kill him? The only reason he was in prison was because Herodias* wanted him there but also, the king loved to visit him in prison, hang out and ask him questions that puzzled him.

We all love John! Well, not all of us, but most. What was this child saying?

The king is distraught, hey, but his word is his word, whether under the influence or not. So a few moments later, John’s head is on a platter.

The end.

Head. Platter. End of party.

The most intriguing and disturbing part about this occurrence is that Salome could have asked for anything. ANYTHING; but she asked for something that held no meaning or value after 2 minutes. I get what they were going for-- some drama, some intrigue, some lip-trembling theatre and they achieved this for about 15 seconds, but the moment they cut his head off, the value of that head decreased by 1000% - and that was how Salome never became anything greater than a flash-in-the-pan dancer, forever lost to obscurity because she asked the wrong person for advice. She could have been queen. A renowned dancer. A warrior, maybe. A Queen-warrior-dancer but no, she had to ask for advice from some woman who was past her prime and buried in bitterness, a woman who lacked judgement.

The women in this story are just plain sad. They really could have been something, maybe Queen and Queen-Mother. Two weeks after, they were still Heroidas and Salome who depended on Herod for money to buy earrings and ankle bracelets. Hurrah, at least they still had the rotting head on their dresser. A few years later, Herod died, and with him probably died their livelihood. Tsk. 

In life, we get the opportunity to become what we were destined to be; this very important moment presents itself to everyone and is dependent on two things: time and chance. 

It all aligned for Salome that day, the entire universe aligned, breaths were held, the silence throbbed. All she had to say was "Half." 

She didn't.

She took the wrong advice. Seek out your counsel wisely, there are so many influences out there. Seek out the right influences and advice cautiously, think it all through. Weed out your Herodias and watch the universe align as you walk into your destiny.

Sipping that Pinot.

What are your thoughts? 

---

*[Quick backdrop, Herodias got married to Herod, her brother-in-law and moved into the palace with her daughter, Salome. John, the Baptist called them out and said it wasn't lawful for them to be married and found it eeky. Herodias held a grudge against him because of this and when the opportunity arose, she asked Salome to have him beheaded]

PGI's May Girl- Banke (Businesswoman, Easy Peasy)

Banke and I have talked about many things from flowers, to jobs, to school, to business to marriage, to husbands who like to cook, and to food-processor-made pounded yam. We talk about hair and the care of it. She taught me to have a pair of scissors for my hair; a girl can't use the same pair of scissors to cut up Christmas craft and then trim her hair an hour later, with the same pair. My hair deserved its own pair of scissors, she said. It did? (Don't judge me lol!)  She always had these really useful tips on her Instagram page and I knew she knew hair. Of course, she had to do something with this passion and skill she had, so we talked some more about dreams and possibilities. Then one day  Banke stopped the talking and did something. On this day, I was scrolling through Instagram and on Banke's page was displayed a jar that read "Butter by Banke". She had done it! Just like that! She had launched a hair-care product line- a brand, she was suddenly an entrepreneur! The day that jar popped up on my timeline, I was so excited. She did it! She birthed a dream just like that. Without drama, or drumroll or cymbals. Her story is so simple and inspiring, she'll make you want to start that thing you think is a big deal in a snap!

Here she is, making business look too easy since 2016...

What's your full name?

Oluwabamike Olaoluwakitan Adewale (nee Ogundairo)

Cutest nickname(s) 

Bankymoon; Kilolo, short for Bankilolo

Least cute nickname

Ban-ku-seh 

My fave quirk about me...

So not sure this is a quirk or normal but most mornings for breakfast I have bagel slathered with crunchy peanut butter and then a dollop of jam to add some sweetness ... a salad for lunch for "a neutralizing effect". I'm too sure I'm not the only one that does this

How long have you had your natural hair?

About 4 years

I'm thinking about leaving the "naturalista" life soon. What parting words do you have for me?

Don’t go!!!!

Do you ever think about leaving too?

Nope!

Do you feel the pressure to stay natural? 

Not at all! I love my hair and it’s actually the reason I started Butter by Banke.

I love that name, Butter by Banke. It has this softness to it. I feel like I'm a getting a massage. Lol! How long did it take you to come up with that name?

Not very long. I thought it was cheesy at first but ran it by a few people who liked it, so it stuck. We have one product line for now, expansion is definitely in the works. It's called Shea Deliciousness, it's an organic hair and body butter and it’s for men too!

I assume Shea Deliciousness is the secret to your beautiful hair? What's your hair night time routine?

Yes and it's so easy to use, I wet my hair first, add the butter and style. I also use it to steam my hair after every wash. Night time routine:  If I have my hair done (crochet braids or box braids) I simply wear a static net satin night cap. When I rock my hair in a puff, I scarf it down to have the front flat. In the morning, I apply Butter by Banke, re-scarf for a bit and I’m good to go! I get compliments all the time.

How did it all start?

While planning my wedding, I wanted to give out wedding favours and found an idea on Pinterest- lip balms! I also wanted to make and hand out jars of body butter, so I ordered the containers. I made the lip balms but I never got around to making the body butter in all the frenzy. After the wedding, I made it and gave out jars of the butter to friends and family. Then it happened. They would call me up and say, "Banke, I've run out of butter. Make more!" I had the jars so I kept making more.  I had most of the ingredients and the jars too, so I kept at it and my husband, Yinka convinced me to start selling. Voila!

What challenges did you face starting this business?

My main concern was whether people would be interested in my product in such a saturated market. I started to overthink everything. My husband was there. He encouraged me and affirmed the validity of the idea. He encouraged me to focus on using and investing what I had already (jars, knowledge and skill). 

What would you say to someone facing the same challenge in their business?

If someone were to ask, I'd say what he told me "Only invest what you can bear to lose. Don’t focus on the profit, focus on the value you’re giving to people."

What principles guide your business?

I have a three-point set of principles:

Simple. Natural. Effective

Simple: Our product is simple to use. Using Shea Deliciousness eliminates having to mix 9 products yourself. Simplicity is genius.

Natural: Only natural ingredients are used, which is undoubtedly helpful to hair and skin

Effective: It works. I’ve seen it work for me and others and we believe in the product.

Does your husband secretly use Shea Deliciousness?

He uses it unashamedly! He even complains when I finish it! *laughs* He makes me make more!

What would you say to anyone who is reading this and is full of self-doubt about their brand?

First, you have to believe in your brand.  Believe in it, people will see the passion and believe in it too. Start small and invest resources you don't mind losing. If it doesn't work, you know you tried and there was some collateral lost, but not too much. Don’t let fear keep you down. Try.

The first day you filled your first jar of Butter by Banke, how did you feel?

Excited! When I put the stickers on the jar is best feeling! 

How do you strike a balance between your day job with running Butter by Banke?

I am a Communications and Marketing strategist in a financial institution by day.

I run Butter by Banke on the weekends and evenings.

Morning person/Night person?

Morning person. My mum is a morning person and raised us that way.

What's the best thing about having 9 older sisters?

The support system. It’s a good conversation starter. It stops everyone in their tracks.

How many hours can you wear heels for before your first "oowww"?

First, 4 inch heels are best I can do. I can stand in them for about 2 to 4 hours. I don't try to take the heels off in between and wear again, it makes the pain worse. I just sit down often and have flats ready in the bag.

Who is your hugest style influence?

Hair: Pinterest

Clothes: I don't have one fashion style because I had a lot of hand me downs.

Though I'd say Sister number 7 ("Tomato") has some influence on me. We all go to her for style advice.

The one meal you know you kill every time?

Pancakes (I don’t like to cook!)

One item you beg people to buy for you from Nigeria?

Groundnut!

One place I have visit when I go to Nigeria

Terra Kulture. I love Nigerian theatre. The play I’m really looking forward to is the Secret life of Baba Segi’s wives. I loved the book.

Last 3 items bought

Okra

Sofa covers.

Stickers with the Butter by Banke logo

Thank you, Banke for being our May PGI girl!

4 Things I learnt...  

1. Stop talking about it and do it!

2.  Focus on the value you provide, not on profit

3. You have the jars. Don't stop pouring in and creating.

4. She loves pancakes, I love pancakes. I guess that about seals this friendship

Thank you so much, Banke, for being PGI's May girl! I can't wait to see the wonderful things Butter by Banke rolls out soon. Love you loads!! 

Get your Shea Delicious hair and body butter. I can feel it on my fingertips already. 

Contact: Instagram @butterbybanke

When Opposites Attract| What To Know When Loving An Extrovert or Introvert

So you fell in love with someone who is completely different from you. Surprise! No surprise there, actually, a good number of us find ourselves attracted to people who are fundamentally different from us. The further they are from us on the temperament spectrum, the more googly and starry our eyes become. Num.

Opposites attract; we bond over our similarities, and are fascinated by our differences. Extroverts, for some reason, find introverts mysteriously hot, while introverts find extroverts colorfully entertaining, and like the opposite ends of a magnet, *snap* we stick. This isn't always the case as you know, but you and I can agree that we know at least 250,346,000 couples living out this extrovert-meets-introvert love story.

It's awesome being with someone who is different, it provides experiences you never would have had otherwise. One of you likes to party, while the other loves the couch, then you get the best of both worlds! One of you loves to be around family, friends and even family of friends, and the other loves the company of the wall (In fact, maybe you've caught him smiling at the wall a few times) Well, best of both worlds again; sometimes, you could both hang out with people, and sometimes, you could both smile at the wall.

I took the Myers Briggs test a few years ago and it turns out I'm both an introvert and extrovert. I'm a hybrid of some sort, so that explains a lot. Lol. Ed is the star of the show because he has to know when to switch methods of loving me. I decided to write this post on how to love your introvert or extrovert because I'm a hybrid and I get the complexity of all of this. Stay with me.

First, let's get this out there—there is nothing wrong with your introvert or extrovert. If she is a couch-lover and you always know where the party is at, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with this person you love, in fact, you'll find that you complement each other quite well. If your extrovert loves to host friends and strangers at your dinner table every weekend, there's nothing wrong with that either, it's a personality type and is part of what makes him the person you love. The strangers though...(can't help you there).

In these cases when opposites attract, it's usually important to accept the person the way he or she is, cherish your similarities and celebrate your differences.

It makes your experience all the richer—walls, strangers and all. Let's assume your introvert is a "He" and our extrovert is a "She". Here are some important tips on how to love them: 

How to love your introvert

#1 Accept him (there is nothing wrong with being reclusive) Don't try to make him an extrovert, that's not who he is.

#2 Let him have his own space. Respect the space 

#3 Never criticize him publicly

#4 Never demand to settle a quarrel on the spot. Internalizing is a bid deal to introverts. Let him walk through the process. He'll speak eventually.

#5 Listen when he finally starts to speak, read between the lines and clarify after he is done communicating. Clarify after, not during, it may disrupt the internalizing and thought process and then in goes Mr. Turtle into his shell. 

#6 Make time for him

#7 Celebrate him privately (I feel like some extroverts like to be celebrated publicly as well). However, if he really doesn't like being center of attention, keep it private.

#8 Acknowledge his arrival in public with very little ruckus, nothing to draw attention!

#9 Don't let him feel left out during conversations with other people, ask what his opinion is. Acknowledge his contribution.

How to love your extrovert

#1 Accept her (there is nothing wrong with being gregarious) Don't try to make her into an introvert, she'll grow defensive and weird.

#2 Let her fly! Extroverts love to be around people, they feed off the energy of congregated parties, you might need to make some adjustments to learn to tolerate having lots of people in your space(lol)

#3 Praise your extrovert publicly and let her hear you do it

#4 Let her do her thing, whether it's to travel or hang out or host multitudes at your home

#5 Don't guilt trip her when she returns from doing her thing (very important, it contradicts #6)

#6 Support her activities. Buy her a ticket to Maui, make her multitude feel welcome at your home, party sometimes 

#7 Let her know she is the life of the party

#8 Let her know she is the life of your party (*cue* awww)

#9 Be happy to see her in private and in public and show how happy you are!

Are you an introvert or extrovert? How do you like to be loved? How do you love yours?

4 Reasons You Should Read The Broadcast Messages Your Parents Send To You

If you ever wondered where your parents get those videos—the "Happy New Month" videos with the jazz sound track and the glittering letters, well, welcome to the club, it appears we will never know. My 4 parents love to send me broadcast messages and videos that have been forwarded to them by friends. The real mystery is who the people who create and peddle out these messages are. They sure know how to cover their tracks.

Our parents love them anyway.  In a way, it’s a little endearing to see them embrace technology and social media so readily. Their generation really is the real MVP. They were privileged enough to witness town-criers as kids, send telegrams and hand-written letters as young adults, they used those phones with the circular number dials in the 80s and 90s, then they moved to digital phones and faxes, then came emails, cellular phones and texting. My dad owned texting! He probably came up with at least half of the acronyms used in texting today, some of them my siblings and I are still trying to decipher until date. Owned it!

I miss using this phone! 

Seriously though, that generation amazes me, the way they have adapted to the times and adopted technology so fast.

If I were them, I’d have given up right after telegrams. So the next time they send you a message, regardless of the quality of the media, here are 4 reasons you should read it:

1. To humor them(and yourself):  The messages our parents send actually make the news at our dinner table. Ed and I go like,“Did you see the message dad sent out today?” Then we either reflect or laugh or be grossed out(my mum once sent a video of a chicken farm attendant pumping chickens with gallons of fat till they were double their sizes. We did not eat chicken for a month. Then she sent one about canned fish…)

2. To learn: Surprisingly some of these messages could be quite informative. We owe several lifestyle changes to some  of the broadcasts my parents and Ed’s parents send to us. For example, we have started drinking more water, eating more fruits and vegetables and are thoroughly aware that Jesus is coming back soon, through the not-so-gentle-reminders.

3. So you can discuss with them next time you speak: You know that moment when mum excitedly asks,”Did you see the video I sent to you?” and you start to stutter. Never to happen again! These messages make great conversation starters, and mum is glad that you acknowledged her message. The best child award goes to you.

4. To smile and remember how awesome they are: All 4 parents of mine love to send "Good Morning" messages, "Happy New Month" messages, messages containing motivational content as well as debatable political views. My favorite are the conspiracy theories. I personally love conspiracy theories and have mine stacked up in my mind. It makes me glad to know where I got this from. Lol! I try to send some back as well when I can. Yes, I admit, sometimes I'm a peddler, but only because it makes them happy!

How about you? Do your parents send you these broadcast messages? Which was the best? Are you a broadcast peddler? 

One Thing Every Creative, Parent, Spouse and Entrepreneur Should Know

I am my own biggest critic. I probably edit a piece of creative work more than I should and just when I'm done, I realize, "Nope, I can't possibly be done, that line just isn’t good enough", "That expression fails to communicate", I'd rumple my electronic sheet of paper and start all over. Of course, I'd continue to poke and cringe at it for ages even after it's published.

Everyone who has ever created or invented something-no matter how seemingly minute- has probably criticized their creation on some level. For sure, it's important to be uncomfortable with mediocre work but at the same time, we must be sure that we see the good in what we do, much more than we see the bad (Creatives, Selah).

Well, that wasn't me a few weeks ago. Critique-extraordinaire was my compound middle name, and if I had written something as awesome as the Ulysses or The Great Gatsby, I wouldn't have known. I would probably have burnt it or deleted it (if I was feeling less dramatic). I became so critical that I lost the sight of the good (spouses out there, Selah!). Anyway, as always, I was stopped in my tracks when I stumbled on this scripture:

“And He created the *insert creature*…and God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:4; 10; 12; 18; 21; 25; 31.

Every day that God created something new, He saw that it was good. Granted, He's the grand master of all creators and creation, and everything He could ever make will be good, but He could have chosen to see how huge my nose is (which is perfect, by the way) or thought the sky was too blue or not blue enough after it rains. He chose to see good. He created, saw the good and moved on to create more! He saw the good in you. He sees the good in us, everyday.

When you create, take some time to stop and actually look at the wonder you have produced and consciously see the good in it. See the good in your creation, in your toil, in your kids(yup, they are creations too technically). See the good in your idea (Hey, Entrepreneurs). Yes, that one idea.

Go for it.

It is good.

I would love to know your thoughts! How does this message apply to you life? I'm pretty sure is transcends many more life roles than those in the title! 

Pillow Talk | Foreplay's Afterplay

For ages, we couldn't get anyone to stop talking about the importance of foreplay because there was proof that it genuinely improved sexual experience- all that kissing and touching gets your heart racing and giddy, works up that apetite and primes your neighbors for the uncomfortable noises that follow.

Now it seems we maybe equally unable to keep anyone quiet about another step...pillow talk!

Pillow talk has been proven to save marriages and prolong life. I joke not.

What is pillow talk? According to the Cambridge dictionary, pillow talk is defined as a conversation between sexual partners in bed.

How easy is that? Just talk to each other right after! Well, these days, most people find out there is a third member involved in their sexual experience, preventing these intimate chats--cell phones. Hey, Instastories! 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but picking up your phone right after scoring, is not the most ideal way to build a romantically functional relationship. Does anyone say "scoring" anymore? Yes. Me.

According to Psychology Today, the acceptable process for any action that can be described as sex, should follow the following sequence: foreplay, penetration, intercourse, orgasm, pillow talk, maybe sleep. Usually in that order, no steps skipped and no cell phones, otherwise, what are you doing?

Each step is uniquely important, but pillow talk is now being researched extensively, as the importance of post-coital communication comes to light.

This study shows that people who pillow-talked after sex felt more secure and were happier. The average time for this effect was 15 minutes of pillow talk. The study showed also that if the time exceeded 15 minutes there was a even higher level of trust, security and relationship satisfaction reported. 

What's the science behind pillow talking? 

According to Professor Denn of the University of Connecticut, oxytocin, our favorite hormone (for obvious reasons) plays a huge role in facilitating pillow talk. Oxytocin is released when orgasm occurs (hence, obvious reason) and is known to trigger pro-social behaviors, making us happy and chatty, which most often results in pillow talk. Note, men are generally less chatty because testosterone dampens the effect of oxytocin but I can guarantee they will be more than happy to have pillow talks that are about more sex. Those crazy Martians. Tsk.

It's definitely worth noting that alcohol consumption also dampens the effect of oxytocin. It's like the ultimate anti-cuddle factor; so take it easy on the wine before sex. More pillow talk inhibitors are Instagram, sleep and kids... Side eye at all three. Kidding, love the kids. Nonetheless, they have to respect cuddle time.

So orgasm, check. Oxytocin, check. Pillow talk, check. Pillow talk is an important step. It should not be replaced by sleep or phone prodding. It improves relationships significantly because it's a rare form of intimate communication, which blends vulnerability in with trust and happiness. It leads to closeness, trust and relationship satisfaction, thanks to oxytocin, our bestie.

So instead of reaching over for your phone, let it charge for an extra 20 minutes. Let oxytocin do its work, Snapchat can wait. 

What are your thoughts on pillow talk? I'd really love to know!