Beard Envy
I once met this guy with a beard. A beard like nothing Ed and I have ever seen before. It was jet black( fiercely so), full, light reflected off its healthy sheen that from a particular angle, you'd think the hair was white. We decided to ask what his secret was. “Coconut oil”, He said. Nothing else. He couldn't do anything wrong in my eyes after that beard. Of course, we all took a picture with him( not him, but really with his beard)...
Ed and I once met this guy with a beard, a beard like nothing we had ever seen before. It was jet black( fiercely so), full, light reflected off its healthy sheen that from a particular angle, you'd think the hair was white. We decided to ask what his secret was. "Coconut oil", He said. Nothing else. He couldn't do anything wrong in my eyes with that beard. Of course, we both took a picture with him (not him really, but with his beard).
So did Ed have beard envy?
No, Ed didn't have beard envy. I did. I wondered, "How could someone have such an awesome beard and I don't?! All that awesome chin hair." If that guy ran for the presidency, he'd win. No joke
I know. I know. I'm female. But that doesn't matter! Why don't I have that beard?
Why don't I have a beard?
Sulk.
Irrational? That's exactly what our thoughts sound like when we envy other people.
Lol!
Why don't I have that?
Envy is a show of discontentment with our present circumstances, which could be a good thing if properly addressed. Envy makes us lose sight of who we are, what we have, what we are able to achieve, what we represent.
Let's say I decided to lose sleep over getting a beard and started rubbing coconut oil on my chin. Imagine if my chin is still hairless after a year? I’d get frustrated and bitter, and every time I see the guy with the presidential beard, I'd go bright green with envy- getting all green in the face for something that isn't tied to my destiny and purpose.
Do we ever wonder what our path should be in life and if we are on it? Or do we veer off by staring at someone else fulfilling their dreams, envying them? What if you don’t need that person’s endowments to achieve your goals? What if I don’t need a beard to be great? Envy has never driven anyone to pure success. Instead, it has driven many down dark paths in which most of their dreams are mediocre and unrealized and they forever sit on the sidelines of someone else’s race, hoping to get on their own tracks but they never do.
I've stopped pining for beards and the awesomeness of others, instead, I celebrate my bald chin and all the treasure that exists within my being.
Edited at Will Rogers Airport, during a 9-hour flight delay.
The Man who sits on My Sofa at 5.30 AM
At 5.30am, just before the sky turns honey-amber, right there, in the dark space of my living room, sits a man, on my sofa. His posture is regal but alert, like he is poised for something, like he's anticipating.
He is still for most of the time, his pupils are fully dilated, his ears attentive, his skin cool from the conditioned air, his senses accommodate all they can in this dark room.
In the still silence, he says nothing. If he was anything like me, he would cross his legs several times, or make a fuss in his seat, searching frantically for a distraction. He sees my pile of magazines, a little smile lights his face but he makes no move to pacify the discomfort of his wait.
Suddenly, he hears a rustle from my bedroom, he sits up with a start. He is hopeful. He cocks his head to the side, he holds his breath, then wills himself to breathe.
Photo credit: David Bragdon
The rustling stops and the silence returns.
He remains still on my sofa. Now the sun is peeking from the base of the sky, its rays streaking flamboyantly.
It's 6.30. Vibrations take over the ambience. My phone vibrates from the closet, where I have put it. I do this to ensure I get up, walk to it and turn it off, "the walk will wake me up," I always tell people, it will. My Fitbit violently vibrates against my wrist.
He is sure I will wake up now and see in a glance, the man who sits on my sofa at 5.30. The vibrations go on for a few minutes. His head is cocked again. His breath is held. He hears a dull thump, as my feet swing off the bed and hit the floor in a groggy stance.
He hears shuffling, I'm making my way to the vibrating phone. He is sure I will come out to the living room now. The phone stops.
He hears quick steps go into the bathroom; a flush; a rushed fall of barefoot steps; a rustle of bed fabric.
Then silence.
He stares out of my window at the sun and waits.
At 6.45am, I stumble out of my room. I stop short and stare at my empty sofa.
Wait.
I'm forgetting something.
No!
I forgot something.
I was supposed to meet with Him at 5.30am!
How did I forget?
I'm sorry that I stood you up for the umpteenth time, J-bae*. I sit dejected on my sofa. I should have set 6 alarms, I should have splashed some water on my face. I should have done the jumping jacks. I should have...
With every preemptive tip, I feel myself sink heavily into the soft cushions, my shoulders droop, my eye shut into slits. We were supposed to meet and talk like we always do, but I wouldn't get out of bed...and now he's gone away.
He's gone.
I lay my head on the side of my sofa, ashamed to pray or sing.
Then I feel it...a warmth, a glow, it surrounds me. It draws me in, like arms. It's so warm, my face breaks into a smile.
He isn't gone.
He is here.
He never left. ♥️
**One day, the word bae will become completely obsolete, but till then, J-bae, for me, is none other than Jesus!
Related post: The obvious solution to doze-praying; Think Thomas; God's soprano voice and twerks
Leah's Story | When your Dad sells you: Buy One, Get One Free
If you've ever seen the words "Repeat class" or "Retake course" on your report card, the realization of those words come with dramatic chest palpitations, a huge feeling of inadequacy, you lean on the wall to steady yourself and take quick successive breaths- if you are a drama queen.
However, what your teacher or course director is really trying to say is, "*insert your name*, you need to get 'IT'; you just have to get 'IT' before I can let you move on to the next level".
"IT", being the general gist and point of enrolling in this class in the first place.
I've repeated too many times to count now. Well, I've never actually repeated an academic class, but my life lesson classes, sometimes, are stuck on repeat. My 'forgiveness' class probably took 4 years to pass, with a D (aka room for improvement, mildly speaking).
Early in the year, a story caught my eye about a woman who just didn't get IT either and it took her a pretty long while to figure out what life lesson she was supposed to be learning. It was the story of Leah; the least-slaying girl in the bible (we'll get to that in a bit).
Leah was the third wheel in Jacob and Rachel's relationship. Leah was Rachel's older sister and was given to Jacob as a wife because in their culture, it wasn't cool for the older daughter to remain single, while her little sister ran in tall meadows and rolled around in the hay with the man of her dreams. It just wasn't allowed. So, her dad, Laban, tossed her as a surprise add-on into Jacob's cart. Talk about discounted merchandise. Imagine what that would have done to the poor girl's esteem!
Leah, by the way was not a hottie, it was clearly stated in the bible and when the bible denies you as a hottie, best believe. She wasn't slaying, was definitely not styling or fleeking or whatever. Basically, she was this girl that dad was really, really trying to get rid of; that Jacob did not want AT ALL; that her sister probably despised because she kind of stole her man and that girl whose esteem needed a little a lot of a ummph!
Here are some quick facts about this story: Jake had always been in love with Rachel; Rachel was also in love with Jake; Leah was in love with Jacob but no one cared. Really. No one. Not even me, not until last January when the true impact and relevance of this girl's story hit me right in the face.
Where were we? Yeah, no one cared, I imagine Jacob and Rachel running around a tree (or a cactus), carving their names into it and blushing at each other, then suddenly, Leah comes into the scene, looking for some carve-blush-love action, but that never happened. Rachel and Jake paid her no attention at all and Leah complained incessantly about it.
Then God noticed, that she was unloved! He actually noticed and because of that He gave her children. Why did He give her children? Was that supposed to make up for her love-cactus denial and love starvation? I've wondered about this since January. Then one day, I realized, He gave her the kids to teach her something; but what?
When Leah had the first baby, she thought to herself, 'Yay, Jake is so going to love me! *Sigh*! My initials will finally be carved into that cactus!'
Baby Rueben came, no one cared.
She got pregnant again, she thought, 'OK, this isn't a drill. He will love me this time!'
Baby Simeon came, crickets.
Then Baby Levi, nothing. No roses, no party, no blue stone of the Nile. Nothing. Just the same ol' crickets.
It was after this baby IT hit her! Jacob was never going to love her or her kids (in fact, it was later recorded that Jacob loved Joseph, Rachel's son, so much that he gave him the famous coat of many colors. He didn't love Leah's kids that much).
On Leah's delivery of her fourth child, she finally got what God was trying to teach her all along!
When her fourth son, Judah, came along, she said "This time, I will praise the Lord." When I read this scripture in January, for the first time, I initially thought she had given up hope on being loved by Jake but in actual fact, she had gotten IT! She got what God was trying to teach her. You see, God had been chasing after her maniacally! He wanted Leah. He chose Leah. He wanted her to turn her attention from pining for Jake's love. He wanted her to look and focus on him. The unwanted, unpretty, third-wheel, non-slaying, add-on wife was being chased by the God of all things!
He chose her. I can't get over that! This has excited me for about 3 months now, that a person that people do not regard as important would be chosen by God.
“God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being may boast in the presence of God”
It took Leah 4 children, to understand that God was saying to her "Hey, darling, stop trying to get that guy to fall in love with you. Psst. Fall in love with me."
Sometimes we hear stories like this: "God is not giving them children because he wants their attention." And we think God is this mean, stingy person who only knows to withhold before he gives but that's not who he is! He gave Leah tons of children to get her attention! And then one day, Leah got IT; and from her, son, Judah came Jesus Christ, the Saviour of all mankind, 36 generations later.
The day we get IT, heaven begins to unwind the scrolls of our destinies.
Psst! Get IT. Fall in Love with Him!
I hope you enjoyed this post! If you know someone who might need it, please share!
Experience: The Day I went Commando
Confession: So the other day, I went commando .........
For those who don't know, "going commando" is a situation where you forget (or voluntarily decide not) to wear underwear; like there's nothing, niente, nahda- just you and the wind.
*uncomfortable silence*
Now that we've established that uncomfortable silence, let's move on and lay a very important brick for the progression of this post.
Three years ago, I stumbled on a passage, which led me to believe that I wear two types of underwear everyday: a physical pair of briefs and a spiritual pair of briefs! Who knew?! It turns out that we are required to wear a "basic undergarment" which can be found in Colossians 3:
“....and regardless of what you put on, wear love. It’s your basic all-purpose undergarment. Never be without it.”
We are required to wear LOVE! All the time!!! It sounds good...I know but it's a little harder than it appears. We are supposed to consciously and deliberately don on our spiritual briefs - and I'm guessing they should be like full-coverage love briefs and not thongs. Lol! I feel like the more hypothetical coverage our spiritual underwear has, the more protected we'd be from the elements *shrug* Officially overthinking this. Tsk...spiritual thongs.
So back to my story, I went commando (spiritual-commando) to church, my love drawers were at home and I wasn't even aware until I got tested.
After service, I was standing in line, getting some tea, when out of nowhere this man cuts in front of me and pretends not to know that he had just cut a line! I don't like queue-cutters, not at all, not even if they are my family.
So anyway, this guy jumps the queue and acts like he's just minding his business. I decided not to call him out, because it wouldn't end well. I did stare him down a little. I was sure he could sense my irritation. After catching my eye a few times, he cowered and shrunk and maybe choked on his coffee a little.
I felt so bad, afterwards! Like after service, seriously, who fails at practicing biblical stuff? Turning the other cheek and all!
I was glad it happened though, it made me see that I had to voluntarily and consciously strap up this love-skivvies and stop harassing queue-skippers with my unparalleled stare-down skills! Holy Spirit, help me!
So people, never go commando with love. Love is our spiritual underwear and going commando is a complete No-No!
Almost Married to Jake- 2,555 days of Summer!
Conversation I imagined between Rachel and her dad, Laban:
Rachel (beautiful and dramatic, screeching at the top of her voice, yanking at her hair): But dad, I love him and he loves me!!!!!! Why can't we be together?!
Laban (rolls his eyes): Because of the goats, my daughter, because of the goats
Rachel: What does my love life have to do with your goats?!
Laban: You used to be my chief operations officer! You used to be my best shepherd, then you meet some run-away kid who goes around making stew and stealing people's birthrights! You were my COO! Now who will be in charge of operations and Supply Chain Management?! Let your boyfriend work for me, if he can promise me returns on my investments, increased productivity and increased randiness among the sheep, then you can be married. I might even consider giving him some equity, a few goats and sheep.
Rachel: Ok, dad. How long do we have to wait?
Laban: 7 years
Rachel: What?!!!!! I'll be like a hundred by then!
Laban (puffing his shisha and looking over his spectacles): Don't be so dramatic, Rachel, what do you want Leah to say? Plus no sneaking into his tent at night. I got eyes all over this place........No making out either!
Rachel (mutters under her breath): Yeah, right.
The bible said none of that by the way that's all me, however, I can imagine Rachel, miserable and anxious, waiting to be allowed to marry the man she was in love with.
She was made to wait 7 years and so was Jake. Yeah, just a couple thousand days, approximately two thousand five hundred and fifty-five days. During that time, God was working. He was working on Jake (as he always does on us), preparing him to be a better man, a better husband, purging him of his Yoruba Demon ways, showing him that there were other ways to succeed other than being deceitful and stealing stuff! He was refining him and equipping him to be that tenacious man who wrestled with God and prevailed! He was preparing him to be Israel.
So, I ask Rachel, would you rather walk down the aisle with the whipped teenage boy who ran around making stew and stealing birthrights, or the mature, resourceful, refined business man who wrestled with God in prayer and prevailed!
God works overtime, he never ever ever clocks out. And guess who he's working for--you. If you are like Rachel waiting for a guy, wouldn't you rather let God expunge his Yoruba Demon-ness before you meet him? If you are building your business and it's taking forever, wouldn't you rather let God set all things together working for your good, even things you are unaware of? Take your time, while God gets your "ish" together for you, chill and enjoy your (±) 2555 days of Summer!
P.s: This post was supposed to be about how Jacob waited 7 years and we were supposed to laugh about how whipped he was and how he wasn't allowed to get laid but he was so deep in love he didn't care. And then I was going to ask if love like this still existed today. Clearly that post didn't go according to plan! Feel free to comment on both the intended and unintended post!
Illustration by @poetolu
Think Thomas
Thomas also known as Didymus or T.diddy or Doubting Thomas was a disciple of Jesus. Everyone knows him for being the guy with the scowl standing with his arms crossed and his brows matted as he stares down the other disciples, in bible stories. Sometimes, he has a speech bubble extending from his mouth saying, "If I can touch his hands and his sides, then guys, you've got you a believer." It's funny how I've never ever wanted to be Thomas. As a kid, I wanted to be......maybe Philip because I imagined he'd have a short, full tufty beard that glistened in the sun( I don't know why), or Thadeus because his name was cool or Barthelomeow because no one would ever send me to do chores with that type of name. "Barthel'-- never mind, John, please get the door." Never ever did I want to be Thomas. He was the faithless one, the doubter, the one who wasn't perfect because he needed proof. We all turned up our noses at him in Sunday school. I have a significantly sized nose, so me, most of all.
Then last week, a thought hit me as I had tea with Jesus. I came to discover two things: 1) Thomas was me 2) Thomas was special
Let me give you a little background: Jesus had died and risen, along with him rose other dead people** causing the creepiest event in history [Other formerly dead people were seen around Jerusalem; mommies in grave clothes appearing at busstops drinking frappacinos, and other formerly dead people hanging out at the local market and in hot tubs. It was Halloween on steroids.] He also had just made one paranormal appearance to the disciples to show them he was now alive, however, Thomas wasn't there. He was probably somewhere, doubting away.
When Thomas returned, they gave him the gist and they showed him all their selfies with the Master. He folds his arms, mats his brows etc. Then Jesus appears. Again.
Again.
He appeared again. This was a Jesus who had just done the most unbelievable, unachievable thing in the history of the seen and the unseen; he had died for man and risen again. I bet he was scheduled for interviews, lunches, world summits, Ophra must have reopened shop to have him on her show. Parties on rooftops in his honor; angels must have been singing and asking for autographs, God the Papa must have been waiting on tiptoes at heaven's gates for his return. But Jesus put all of that on hold and reappeared, to show Thomas he cared about him, not only at times when he had faith but also when he had doubts.
Whenever your faith is creaky, God doesn't kick you in the sheen. He does everything and anything, including walking through walls and letting you poke his scabs, just so you believe. So don't let anyone turn their significantly sized noses at you when you are weak in faith. You will in no time be strong. Don't think he'd rather hang out with the strong people of faith and no doubters. Just remember He came back for one man. So that he could believe. One man named Thomas.
xx
**Matt 27vs52-53
Selfies and Piggy-backs
Isaiah 46:3-4 (MSG)
The more I read this with my name scribbled in, the more I see myself on God's back, completely protected and at rest. Also completely taking a selfie!
If you've ever had a baby on your back before, you'd know that they absolutely love it. They turn their heads from side to side and smile to themselves (for some reason), poke you a bit and pull your hair (if you have any) but eventually, they fall asleep. It's a place of protection and comfort. Studies show that babies carried this way find security in their carrier, forming a bond, listening to the carrier's heartbeat, getting used to his/her voice and moving when he/she moves.
I want to hear God's heart beat, i want to hear his voice. And he promises to carry us till we are old. Like when we are 97, we will still be pampered and doted on by our God, piggyback riding and still hearing his voice, pulling his hair and enjoying the warmth of his love-while taking a selfie.
xx
PS: Scribble in your name in verses that show God's promises to you! What's you favorite promise from the bible? You could take a screen-shot and upload in the comments!
Babywearing: The Benefits and Beauty of This Ancient Tradition by Dr. Maria Blois
“You are blessed when you’re content with just who you are - no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourself a proud owner of everything that can’t be bought.”
Matthew 5 verse 5 (MSG version)
Bet you didn't know Jesus' diction was so hot!
Remember to share with a friend!