Channel your Inner Freak!
As a retired control freak, I can safely say that the day I retired was probably the best day of my life. Suddenly, i felt less responsible for other peoples’ errors (which were not even my business in the first place); I was at peace and my opinions were safely back in their home where they belonged, behind my shut mouth!
I loved to control events, decisions and situations. I must have mentally ripped the serenity prayer in to shreds a million times like, "What are these ones talking about?!" I remember once trying to will a crying baby silent with a stare on a 6-hour flight. I wasn't very successful. Lol.
Most ambitious of all, i tried to control God and how he spoke to me; “Please speak to me, God, but not in a loud voice or in any scary appearance. Let it be mellow. Also, i’d prefer if i’m not alone or in the dark. NO burning bushes or angels appearing out of thin air hollering “Fear not”, when they know i’d be terrified!”
Then one day, I stopped. I figured it was becoming uncontrollable, this need for control, which was one more thing out of wack. How could a control-freak have an uncontrollable vice? A vice that surfaced frequently, often suddenly and unbridled by any restraints and often resulted in frustrations because the situations were beyond my control and not my jurisdiction anyway! So I decided to step back, examine and let go. Best. Decision. Ever.
Being a control freak impacts your relationships, your faith, your business, your health, your sleep, your mood, your sleep; it's just an all round disaster. I know i said 'sleep' twice.
The most important type of control- the one we should all be scampering to acquire, really is self-control. My 'Self' just gave me the side eye because it knows it's true. Self is the most untamed entity in all existence and trying to control it is another script entirely. Imagine developing the will-power-muscle not to retort when someone is being less reasonable; not hitting snooze when the alarm goes off; walking away from that chocolate fountain; not chipping in on gossip; not overspending; running an extra mile; eating healthy; not being glued to your phone all day. Self-control is difficult but it's really what we should be imbibing instead of trying to take over the world. It's the path to mastering your soul, spirit, intellect, will, emotions, conscience, body, decisions; and who doesn't want that?!
So now, i am a self-control freak, channeling all that energy within, much to the delight of a thousand babies air-borne and to the annoyance of my 'Self'. Yeah, whatever, Self.
Have you any control freak experiences? Are you retired or still in play?
Don't forget to enter the giveaway?!
SCREAM! Cupcake frostings, Cobwebs and Courage
On my bed, flat on my tummy, typing in the dark; thinking about my fears and masterminding their demise.
About 3 months ago, in my old apartment, I ran into a spider while taking a shower. It was a peeping-Tom spider, who in my opinion was too huge for the habit. Of course, I screamed and ran out of the shower. Then spent the next 30 minutes googling methods to kill a spider who just showed up randomly in your bathroom, and also gathering my ammunition, which included a vacuum cleaner, newspapers, a long, long, long, long, lon-ng broom, my spray deodorant (this I can't explain). I tried practicing my swats at it and I bounced from side to side, looking for the best angle to hit it, but still, after a full 40 minutes, I couldn't do anything. I just stood there terrified out of my wits. Then I started to pray. Lol! Jesus is probably like "Girl, seriously?"
The spider definitely didn't move by any divine power. It just stayed there. Then I realized, there was someone else right there with me.... Fear. This had quickly become a fun, crowded showering experience.
Note: I do not like crowded showering experiences.
I then decided- I would NOT let fear rule my bathroom. This is my bathroom! This, I said to the spider. Lol! If this was recorded, I'd have like 5 million hits right now on YouTube.
After another 15 minutes, I hit it with the famous long broom and that was all. Spider, gone; fear zapped; me again all alone, just the way I like my morning rituals.
Fear; it disappears with one swat, one slap, one flick of the wrist. It's a decision, you just need to decide not to share the shower nozzle with it, just the way you'd choose that chocolate fudge buttercream frosting on your cupcake.
#NoFools2016
“Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces”
#Nofools2016 #NothingPersonal
Accountability Post: Garri vs Salad
This is my accountability post. The one where as the writer of a life-hack blog, I give account of the better decisions I have made recently.
First up, The Garri/Salad dilemma.
I never thought i'd say this but last night, I chose a salad over chilled garri. I don't know if it was a mood thing but I think I really might be making better life decisions! *crickets* Ok, so the jury is still out on whether I made the right decision there but still, I was proud of myself.
Better decision in a bowl 💋
Next, The Young&Restless Fix.
Last week, I stilled my tongue and refused to gossip about this amazing Young-and-Restless type intrigue and drama situation, not even with Ed. We have both decided not to gossip about other people with each other. My will-power muscle was stretched on that one. Everytime I felt the urge to say something, I just looked to the side, out the window and minded my own business. Minding my business is so cool though, all the stuff I can achieve in that time..........
Next up, kicking procrastination in the mutz (not a typo and also not a word)
I've been giving procrastination a knee in the mid-area. It deserves it and much more. Now, I'm trying the trick of breaking my tasks in to smaller, more manageable tasks. Also, studies show that if you start a project, your brain will prompt you to finish it, more like nag you, because it needs the closure, it needs to see that the task can be ticked off as resolved. I'm trying it and it's working. The trick is to start and the trick to starting is to break the huge task into teeny bits!
What great decision have you made recently? Nothing is insignificant. Good decisions should be celebrated (hence the garri celebration), whether it's putting the phone down and resisting the urge to flirt with an ex, paying back debt quickly, letting go of grudges, choosing not to be stuck in a random relationship, understanding your place with God, passing on garri, choosing not to complain or remembering to shine your light!
Share with us! What awesome decisions have you been making?
How I Hacked Winter Studying
Yet again I find myself studying in the winter, a girl who grew up knowing two seasons; the humidly hot rainy season and the dry, even-hotter harmattan season.
I foresee many more scholarly winters in my future. Winter, if you ask me should be a season where we all hibernate like bears; cuddle up in caves, metabolism low as heck, drink tea (or whatever bears drink) and file our nails....but again no one has asked me.
While we all wait for me to be asked, I have tried to make my winter studying as conducive for success as possible. My winter study kit includes (and I want you to picture as I list them): a cup of tea, a blanket, my socks, huge sweater, lounge pants, hot water bottle, my books/laptop, my bed and a pillow. If you have envisioned this study-kit properly, you'll conclude that chances are that I'm going to study for 5 minutes and then fall asleep until 6 AM, then I'd wake up angrily and start study again.....and you are right. Winter studying is a pain.
So how did I hack it? It was pretty easy. It was through the unintentional help of two of my friends.
I had told these two on separate occasions about my 5 minute study and snooze situation. They jokingly advised me with the best study hack ever, winter or not. The interesting thing was hearing the same suggestion from two different minds. They said the next time I snoozed 5 mins into studying, I should tape my tuition receipt to my desk....as a friendly-ish reminder. It cracked me up, still does whenever I think about it but they had a very valid point. A reminder that tuition has been paid for your endeavors either by a parent, guardian or yourself does give you a kick in the bum. It gives even a harder kick when it's a loan. I taped my tuition receipt to my desk and it helped me through a cold, windy winter. Bet i'd do it again soon. So thank you guys, you helped me hack winter studying!
What's in your study kit? Have you hacked winter studying? Tell us how!
The "Let it Burn" Post
“You are a light.
I am a light.
So why is the world so dark?”
Ever since I was a child, I was convinced that everyone could see into my bedroom, whenever the light of my room was on. Later on, I believed people could see into my room whether or not the light was on.
The latter was caused by paranoia and by watching too many stalker-outside-your-window movies. Lol! So let's stick with the first. The first conviction has proven itself time and time again. It is the reason why on one very dark night, as i did the dishes at the kitchen sink, looking out the huge kitchen window into the neighbors' living room (unintentionally), i saw too much. Way too much. Way, way, way too much. So much that I had to suspend my chore, all because their lights were on! If you leave your light on, people WILL look into your home, hence the invention of window curtains. Use your curtains, neighbor.
The first is also the reason why i now live on the second floor surrounded by tons and tons of trees and I'm also a bit more careful with looking into lit-up homes....all that trauma. Cringe.
So what's this thing about light? Why is it so attractive?
Why does it attract so much attention?
Well, first, it attracts the observer probably because he/she is in the dark or in a less lit room;
Second, because the observer's interest is piqued by the illumination;
Third, because illumination promotes visibility and direction.
What if I told you that you were light; that there's someone in the dark that needs some of your light; that someone needs hope, needs to see what's going on in their lives and have a sense of direction; that you are a flare and that someone, people, even a whole community could be sprinting to your light?
So if you are a light, why is it so dark where you are? Why are people broken apart, staring hopelessly into space and defeated? I asked myself the same question and i figured it's probably because i'm right beneath my bushel, knitting and singing Taylor swift songs and way too self-absorbed.
It may also be because I'm operating on "low current" and giving off a flickering beam. I might not be consistently connected to the source of my light (God), not beaming as brightly as I should.
Today, I've decided to burn my bushel (good thing it's made out of wicker!)
It's all gone and encourage you to do the same. If you look around you, no matter what part of this great and magnificent planet you are, you will see darkness. It's time to burn that bushel, come on out. It's time to beam and give light, time to be a beacon of hope and love.
Let it burn, then let it shine.
xx
This is so me. Smh. Burn that Bushel ❤️
Do you know someone who needs your light?
Abi's Story | Married to a Jerk
Nabal, i think, might have been the most notable jerk in the bible, other than Judas, of course. Nabal was also married to one of the coolest girls ever recorded- Abigail. I mean, for David to have married her as a widow, it must have meant she was pretty cool or she was severely endowed. Endowed with whatever made David tick....probably, virtue........Yeah, right! Grin.
If you don't know the story, you could read it here. I had always imagined David marrying Abigail because he pitied her, because she was old and raggedy with creases on her face, cloaked in grey; because no one else would want her. That was not the case, the bible actually says she was quite the hottie and when the bible calls you a hottie, you best believe.
Unfortunately, she was stuck with this less-than-desirable man, Nabal.
It was a typical "How-did-a-beautiful-girl-like-you-end-up-in-a-dump-like-this?" situation. What makes the story unique is the familiarity of the situation. We all know an Abigail; one girl stuck in a "dump-like-this", stuck with a fool. It happens all the time.
Abi, somehow makes dump-situations quite promising, mainly because she ends up with David, another hottie. Most importantly, Abi makes this life of hers a bit more bearable by making the best of her dumpy-situation, without ever imagining she would ever come out of it. Sometimes, we think we are in bad situations and so we'd have to live dreary, miserable lives where we mope all day or distract ourselves with social media or Game of Thrones. She was very aware of Nabal's folly and its potential for impending doom and was able to manage it very well.
I think there are many things to be learnt off this woman, whether we are married or single; dating or not, dating fools or not, married to Nabals or not. She wasn't just a pretty face, not at all, she was endowed, like i said with so many "virtues". On a more serious note, here are 6 things to learn from this girl, Abigail. Here they are below:
1. She was very prepared for NABAL's stupidity
It would appear Nabal did stuff like this often enough, so, at some point she must have acquired wisdom and would counter his folly often and swiftly. He was rude and literally a fool. It's sad to think people like that exist, even worse to think amazing women are stuck with them. Get wisdom and get understanding. They are the most universal currency you'd ever know. They would save your life and set you on the path to destiny, in Abi's case, her wisdom set her on the path to becoming queen.
2. She was approachable to her servants
The servants could talk to Abi. She wasn't stuck up and lofty. By contrast, Nabal was. His servants called him a brute and called him unapproachable. Our subordinates should find us approachable, not perceive us as the kings and queens of tyranny. Take care of people in lower ranks and be friends with them. They may save your hide and hook you up, again, with destiny.
3. SHE DID NOT PROCRASTINATE NEITHER WAS SHE A G.O.T FAN!
Not kidding, if that was me, David might have killed us all. I might have said to the servant who reported the situation to me, "You do realize, Game of thrones is on right now. I'll go and meet this David person right after I find out if Jon Snow is dead for real." She did not procrastinate or take situations lightly. She was also quite informed about David and she knew he was an fugitive. She had probably seen him on TV. I guess that means we should watch the news and not just GOT.
4. She sent the servants ahead with the food
Dang, this girl though. She sent the food first. Your gift makes a path for you. This shows us not to be stingy, to know how food pacifies people (yup) and how to deliver gifts (with humility). Then she appeared right after the food had been delivered, probably not too bad looking either. She was the dessert.
Was that too much?
She was the dessert though....eventually.
5. She saw david's potential
Note these were David's broke days, like Chris Gardner (In Pursuit of Happiness kinda broke). David's hustle was too real but she saw he would be great, despite it. She saw substance and potential. She wasn't clairvoyant, she saw because she had substance too! She wasn't superficial or drawn to wealth, maybe she used to be and ended up with Nabal and now had come realize that money couldn't buy many things (in the case of Nabal, common sense). Her values had probably evolved with depth, as should ours.
6. She spoke into his life (ok, officially my fave girl in the bible)
Abi spoke into David's life and he literarily burst into a song and began to praise God. That's deep and you need to think about that. She spoke words of life into his being and evoked praise from him.
Now looking at Ed while he's asleep and I'm thinking about speaking words into his life even as he sleeps. Maybe tomorrow while he's awake. Nope, I'm going to do it right now.
Speak life into his being.
xx
In Pursuit of Happiness' cousin- Joy
I have a problem with Happiness. She is very fickle, temporary and most problematic of all, subject to the environment. Stuff make us happy all the time; the weather, food, friends, Chelsea FC's new humble status(lol), a raise, your new car with 0% APR, that Zara spring jacket, a guy, your child, your pet, your spouse, a rerun of Back to the Future!
These things can make you happy, they truly can. They possess an inherent quality which evokes a feeling of pleasure within us; but watch this, a man can make you happy, friends can make you happy, the same way your child can make you happy and then in the next second can easily tick you off; the same way your perfect-10 jeans can make you happy, when those lunges begin to pay off. You feel great, you look great, everyone on the street thinks you are Joy-Girl(pun unintended); construction workers are falling in gutters, cabbies are gaping, commuters are slowing down, husbands are getting backhand whacks from their wives. It's a great top-of-the-world feeling. Then comes a week long of ice-cream, pizzas, some caramel stuffed nutty chocolate bars; temptation galore which you fell into gladly. Now those same pair of jeans no longer make you happy; the construction workers don't notice you anymore and those that do can't take their eyes off your new tummy ( aka "the flabster.")
The thing about happiness is that it's subject to external forces, THEY own the power.
Joy, on the other hand is your personal decision to be full of delight whether your waist hangs high or low. I once met a homeless guy who honestly might be the most bubbly person I know. Even though he had no shelter and lived off the charity of others, he was such a riot! We might have talked for over an hour and honestly, when we were done I was tired, he was still roaring with energy! I'm like this guy though....even though he's homeless and lonely, he's full of an infectious, albeit exhausting joy.
Here's something even much more stable than happiness; Joy. It resides deep inside us. Situations and issues try to affect it but can't, not unless you give them permission to.
Remember, you are the sole protector of your own joy on earth. God does his bit and then you do yours. Do not let anyone or anything steal your joy. No one; nothing, not your jeans, not the construction workers, not even yourself.
xx
Don't forget to enter for the give-away!