How to End up with the Sexiest Person Alive
On the bunch of keys that open the door to a great relationship, is one shiny silver key that no one likes to talk about.
Attraction.
We talk about it but then it’s quickly lost in that whole, “it’s what’s on the inside that matters” jingle, which by all means is the truth and a great jingle, otherwise, the relationship would be superficial and weird and all you’d have is a pretty picture and nothing else. See what I mean, almost lost my silver key there talking about that jingle again. Back to our gist.
My friend once broke up with a guy because she didn’t find him attractive and I didn't understand why she did that.
“…But he’s a good guy!” I protested, “Why would you do that?” Then one day, as I was thinking about this, I realized that she had a point; a very valid point.
Assuming she married this nice, responsible man- because Ike didn’t wouldn’t stop whining about how great a guy he was (I really didn’t stop)- what would happen? They would play house for about a month or two, have a series of “lie-there-like-a-fish” sexual encounters, then what? She’d keep on living with someone who she had no attraction or particular liking for. Classic case of Marianne in Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility. She would be miserable. She’s glad she didn’t stay with him because now he's with someone who thinks he looks better than a shirtless Channing Tatum on a pole! One sister’s Elma Ford is another sister’s Channing.
One of my guy-friends did the same. He broke up with a girl who he didn’t find attractive. Now she is with someone who thinks she is some form of Gisele-Megan Good-Scarlette Jo' hybrid and she’s about to start planning her wedding.
These two friends of mine were light-years ahead of me in realizing three things; 1. In marriage, there should be a lot of rustling sheets(fact); 2. Physical attraction matters (fact); 3. Ike isn’t the one who has to live with their decisions and lie there like a fish (fact)
Really, there’s nothing wrong with choosing not to be with people you aren’t physically into and vice versa. You are simply making them available to the people who find them irresistible. Someone else would cherish, honor him and give him the best sex of his life *shrug*
Take this as another example: One time, I met a guy who liked me and everything about me except the shape of my head Lol! Can you even believe it? My glorious, wonderful head! That’s the way the world works, preferences, desires, decisions. If he stuck it out with me and my head (assuming I complied), we’d be in a relationship which just involves him staring angrily at my head and kicking himself, while I’d be staring outside a window pining for Ed, who clearly loves my head (He tells me this all the time.)
We know that physical appearance isn’t the primary criteria for choosing a life-partner; of course, this person you have chosen, must have a wonderful, beautiful spirit and heart with which you connect so intimately, that you have frequent fits of increased heart palpitations per minute; but also, this person must test your self-control, if you know what I mean*insert stupid grin*
Choose the right person for you- there’s only ever one “sexiest-person-in-the-world” for each person. Choose your very own sexiest person alive and don't settle for less!
I would love to read your thoughts on this. Do you agree with the decision to let go? Does physical attraction matter to you? Do you like the shape of my head? (Trick question)
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5 Obvious Habits That Make Relationships Go Kaboom
In relationships, there are good "Kabooms" and there are bad "Kabooms". This post aims to point out 5 bad-kaboom triggers that could cause a relationship to go desperately wrong. They may seem trivial and the big deal may be questioned. However, the presence of these habits in a relationship implies that the relationship needs a little work, as do all relationships, that we may all attain the good kaboom (fireworks) *grin*
Bad Kaboom Triggers
1. Hanging up the phone
Someone recently asked me if it was OK for a person's significant other to make a habit of hanging up the phone in anger.
Yes, it is...if your significant other is 12 years old.
Adult relationships require a lot more than hanging up to prove a point or to show displeasure. The last time I hung up on someone was a while back but still I'm sure Elmo was disappointed.
Action: If you can't deal with the conversation at that moment, simply state that you are upset, would need some alone-timeand excuse yourself.
2. Cussing out (privately or publicly)
Except cussing out is a huge turn-on or a value-adding activity for a couple, it's probably best not to. Berating your significant other, in front of other people isn't cool at all. It shows a lack of respect and drops you down everyone's hangout list. "Not inviting those guys to dinner anytime soon."
Action: Get on everyone's guest list by postponing the resolution of your misunderstanding to a later time when you are both alone.
3. Talking about your problems to other people
Here's the gist and I hope you'll agree: Anyone who will not be present after the disagreement, at the "make-up make-out" session should not be involved in any step of the disagreement either. Third parties shouldn't be in your relationship's business, neither should you run to them when stuff gets weird.
Action: Talk to the only other people involved in this spat- God and your partner
4. Running to mummy every time something goes wrong
My mum also believes in the 'make-up make-out' rule. Why run to mum when mum has her own make-out schedule to keep?! Figure it out, child!
5. Not listening
This is not the same as zoning out, although they have the same results. Not listening doesn't mean you aren't present mentally during the conversation but it means you aren't reading between the lines and trying to understand what S.O is saying. Half of the things we try to say never get said. They instead come out in weird blurts and verbal squirts that convey less meaning than they actually imply.
Paying rapt attention to S.O and understanding what's being said helps the quality of a relationship a lot! I've come to notice that on the days I pay attention to what Ed is really saying, I almost always get a "I'm so good at decoding and decrypting, I should be employed by the CIA" feeling!
Action: Read between the lines.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Are there times that it's absolutely necessary to talk to someone about relationship problems? Are there any more habits you think could make relationships go wrong?
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Real Stories #8: Notes To Read On The Dating Roller Coaster!
Hi, people! My name is .... o wait, I am supposed to be anonymous. Ike asked me to write a few things that I have learnt on my dating journey. I have written them in notes-to-self style. I hope my notes help someone else out there! Whenever you get question mark symbols floating above your head and heart about certain issues, flip back to this post, it just might help! Best wishes on that wild, dating roller coaster and holla if you see me. O wait...I'm anonymous. This anonymous thing is tricky. Hmmn.
Let's jump right in:
- If the kissing is poor, making out will be nothing more than poor *cringe*
- Not every relationship will end in marriage
- Don't superimpose another relationship on yours. No two relationships are the same
- Don’t date out of pity. You will be wasting everyone's time
- Don’t do trial-dating either (it’s a trial because one party isn't interested)
- Communicate. Engage. Understand.
- Be empathetic, try to see from the other person's point of view...
- ...but don’t drop your standards because you are trying to be empathetic.
- Find the 'mumu*' button and use it well *grins*
- Let your 'No' be 'No', have some self-respect and you'll avoid being taken for granted.
- Be friends, play games, challenge each other, laugh together, be rivals, pray together.
- Always, always express how you feel, be vulnerable, be happy, be yourself, be angry, be emotional, be irritable, be cranky, be hungry, be everything that makes you you. The sooner he knows everything about you, the better.
- Maintain eye contact (it spells intimacy).
- Don’t lie; some lies don’t follow you to the grave. And if you guys end up together, you might confess mistakenly.
- If there’s anything that bothers him that you do, consider compromise, if its doable.
- ..but don’t compromise your happiness for someone else’s. Be happy, be selfish! Muhaha. Ok, don't be selfish but understand the concept of compromise and apply it wisely.
- If you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with him, don’t make out and definitely don’t have sex with him.
*mumu: in this context mumu means lovingly taking advantage of your S.O's affections for you. It's not as twisted as it sounds. Let's rephrase, lovingly and effectively channeling your S.O's affections for you to the things you care about so that he spends his romantic energy wisely. Take that Merriam Webster!
This is story #8 of the "Dating Like Crazy" series (read #7, #6, #5, #4, #3, #2 and #1 ). This article was written by an anonymous contributor. Please note that this is a real story, please comment kindly. Thanks.
Relationship Canapé 001
A Relationship is a crazy classroom, you never stop learning!
Well, I'm learning too, so let's do it together. The new "Relationship Canapé" series contains bite-size relationship tips and tidbits; so applicable that you can apply them even in your sleep!
Here's the first:
Don't be an expert on what's wrong with your significant other, instead, be an expert on what makes them so amazing and tell everyone who cares to listen, especially him!
Psst! Have you told your S.O what rocks about him today? Skip the why-didn't-you-take-out-the-trash lament (you probably will get another chance soon. Lol)
Tell him what's great about him!
Have a great weekend!
x
Have Fun Dealing with Pentheraphobia (the fear of Mothers-in-law)
All engaged couples, in my opinion should take one change management class before they get married. Marriage is a wonderful thing, full of delight, sparks, laughter, pouts(sometimes) and subtle and not-so subtle changes. That's the tricky part; these changes.
Change is an underlying theme in marriage, it's a new situation all together, new experience, new items on your shopping receipt, new conversations that never crossed your mind while dating, new living arrangements, new budget and resource allocation, new events, new individuals and participating bodies. In-laws. Da dada dum*insert eerie howl* Whether passive or active, in-laws are an interesting garnish to a marriage.
I think everyone expects some degree of in-law drama, as they prepare to get married; and for some, they get it, all of it! For some, they get nothing. Either way, it's important to have great in-law management skills.
Before i started dating Ed, i think i may have had a case of pentheraphobia, the fear of mothers-in-law! This is actually a thing, guys. Lol. But then again, there's a phobia for even cooking(Mageirocophobia), now, that would be an interesting excuse when i want to eat out, my eyes, wide, scared and all.
Anyway, so to deal with my Pentheraphobia, i decided to get some in-law management skills, by observing other people relate with their in-laws. I ended up with the awesomest in-laws, so i really don't know why i was stressing, i'd invite you to join our family but we are out of single people. Hehe.
What i learnt from watching these relationships was this; best advice ever: Treat your in-laws like you'd treat your family. I realized that you are in control of the way your relationship with your spouse's family could turn out. It could be great or a terrible disaster.
Treating them like you'd treat your family, or even better, as you would treat yourself goes a long way and sets you up for a great life with them and joyful grins from your spouse!
For example, if you buy your dad a particular fountain pen all the time, you should find out what your father-in-law likes and buy it occasionally for him too; if mum likes to sleep in the pretty guest room at your house with the floral print curtains, then set it up for your mum-in-law too; if you are planning to build your parents a house, and your in-laws have hopes of building a house too, I guess 2 is the lucky number. What I'm saying is, esteem your in-laws, treat them like you'd want to be treated at that age or maybe even a little more! Learn to honor them, they are your new family!
I know, i know, there are some inlaws that act like they belong on the set of The Omen, Lol! For them, you need to treat them as family too, love them, hope your spouse calls them out of his own volition and pray for them!
What are your thoughts on managing in-laws? Do you have Pentheraphobia? How do you deal?
Look Guys, No Toes!
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There's nothing more exhausting than getting offended, being upset, waiting to be pacified by an apology; then becoming offended again, upset again, loitering in the hall for an apology, then offended again....the cycle is endless..... It's gets more complicated when there are multiple cycles running at the same time. Everyone has the ability to upset you; friends, family, kids, colleagues, strangers (uhmm, strangers the most!). They all come with their little annoying wheels and the moment they annoy you, round the cycle goes.
To be rid of this tiresome cycles, I have decided to stop the silly centrifugal force powering them- my toes. I'm cutting off my toes! Now, no one can step on them. True, I still get upset but not for long. These days, I just look at the person for about 4 seconds, shrug and classify the situation as an code Magenta and I move on. And who doesn't love Magenta.
Here's what triggered this, a while back two people upset me and until recently, I had been waiting around for an apology from these people. When I told them how I felt about their conduct, they provided a counter-argument, defended themselves and well, they never apologized. However, since, i've stopped keeping any record of wrong , plus, the timeline of the offenses were becoming ridiculous, I had to do something about it. I apologized to myself on their behalf, bribed myself and cut off my toes! Who knows when these persons would get around to realizing that what they did to me was wrong. If I was still mad, well, that would be ALOT of anger plaque now, wouldn't it? No time. Words to live by:
✔️Forgive in advance.
✔️Make excuses for people.
✔️Don't wait around for an apology.
✔️Cut off the toes (metaphorically)
✔️When someone comes around with the intent of offending, point down and scream, 'Look, No Toes!'
How do you deal with getting over offenses? I believe there's a world where people just walk around without getting offended and wrong-doings just get dusted off their shoulders. If you live in that world, you seriously need to show us all the way! Comment below! xx If you don't, tell us about your journey there!
How to Give Advice
#1 Don't
*Supposed End of post*
What do you think though? Do you give advice often? How does it play out? How often is your 2 cents really appreciated, especially in complicated situations; take advising a mistress or side-chic as an example. If you know any, do you honestly think she'd take your advice?
Side-chics get advised more often than a juvenile delinquent. Everyone wants to chip in and tell Stella that dating the married guy is suicide....and in some cases, Stella, it is. It really is. Don't say we didn't tell you.
The best thing to do in my opinion is not to advice or at least learn to advice properly; whether financial, career, marital, weight management, parenting advice. It has to be done right. It takes a lot of maturity and self-control to effectively advice a person and have the person really listen and see your point. Seeing someone doing something wrong and taking the time to provide reasonable, loving advice takes ALOT. If you insist that #1 is not an option and this person is really important to you, ensure its done right and read on!
#2 Have the right motive: Your motive should be to encourage, to lift, not to tear down. Your advice should be communicated in love and with the utmost respect, not with malice or in derision. If your motive is to show that you are superior, or to scorn or to gloat refer to #1
#3 Don't speak without planning out your thoughts. The great thing about thoughts is that they reflect themselves in your speech. If you aren't coming from a good place, it definitely will be obvious in your choice of words. Sort your mind out first before talking to someone else about their issues.
#4 Never ever start off with "I told you so" or "You should know better" or "A word of advice". Those conversation-starters are dynamite! They get a person defensive and slight impenetrable to your well-wishing words.
#5 Be patient. People don't naturally like advice, so take it slowly, very slowly and speak plainly. If you aren't a patient person, don't bother; refer to #1
#6 If you really must advice, make sure it's not condescending
We aren't any better than anyone else. We are just privy to some information which we are fortunate to be able to share. If "Condescending" is your middle name, refer to #1
Did I miss anything? Share below!
How to Get Him to Propose (Straight from de Men dem)
Hey, hey??! How did your Valentine's weekend go? Don't be disappointed if he didn't propose yesterday; he might have it scheduled for another date or actually, not at all. While the latter option just felt like i shoved an aloe vera stalk in your mouth, it might not be entirely bad that he doesn't plan to propose at all. In fact, if he doesn't plan to and you know, you should joyfully pack your pretty little things and head for the mountains! #DontwasteYOURtime2016
Last week, i had fun asking a few guys about the best way to get a guy to propose. Of course, these are completely their own views on this situation. First, they all agreed that a man can not be forced to propose if he is "not ready"; mentally and financially, which i believe is fair enough. They couldn't quite provide the perfect guide to getting him to propose but they attempted to correct some misconceptions women have about their proposal prospects and then proceeded to give some advice....
......They mentioned a couple of things we girls might be doing that may delay that proposal! Here goes....
“Nagging about it.”
“The sex. If I get the sex, i might take my time with the proposal- Why buy the cow?”
“If she’s dispensable and I’m just passing time”
“Playing house. Washing my clothes, cleaning my apartment and cooking doesn’t mean we are married or that I will propose.”
“You being impatient and complaining about how your friends have kids.”
“Conversation about your eggs...like seriously?...”
Then they provided some advice.......
“Stop waiting for a proposal, it just makes your wait feel longer. Make your own plans. Be busy, focus on your career, go for a Master’s program, begin your own business and channel your passions. A proposal should be an add-on not the main purpose of your life.”
“If you know a guy isn’t going to propose and you know you are wasting your time, you should leave”
“Wait until i’m ready....it might be 7 years”
“Initiate a Long Distance Relationship. He might realize he doesn’t want you far away. Who knows, he just might propose.....or not!”
“Do not be dispensible! Let him understand how valuable you are.”
“Involve Jesus! LoL!”
“Score Goal (get pregnant), he still might not marry you though. Lol! Ok, seriously, don’t get pregnant! *Straight face*”
“Develop yourself. Develop your inner beauty.”
“DO NOT NAG ABOUT IT”
Alright, so does this mean we girls are sentenced to being quiet about our concerns about growing old and our aging eggs and cannot talk about marriage at all with bae? Of course not! I believe at some point in the relationship the discussion about marriage should come up. It's important to know how serious this relationship is or what its prospects are. You deserve to know, don't be scared. Ask questions!
We girls get terrified of asking because we think he will run away. Let him run, it'll save you time. Ask him questions like; "What are views on marriage?", "Where do you see this relationship in 5 years?", "What do you want from me on the long term?" This should be a tear-free, matter-of-fact conversation; you shouldn't be trying to manipulate him, you should be trying to get information with which you will make your decisions. Of course, as a woman your intuition should kick in and you should be able to tell when a guy isn't particularly serious. If he isn't, you'll know.... we always know. In that case, as my Strategic Management teacher once said, "Sometimes, the best strategy to making a profit is the Exit Strategy." You might have to pull the plug on that relationship, if you know its going nowhere; from that move *deep breath*, full steam ahead and greater possibilities!
#DontwasteYOURtime2016
Thanks to all my interviewees! We have kept them anonymous-ish, much love and hugs for the advice, guys!
What are your thoughts? Do you think these really delay the proposal? What do you think about having the prospects-conversation? What are your experiences? Are men weird? Which is your favorite ring? Lol!
P.s: Ahem..Men, those rings up there can be found here, here and here.. just saying!
Foregone
Fiction
It is abominable, that which I do.
But I hurry to it anyway.
I follow the stream by the white light of the moon, stilling myself at every sound of crunching leaves or rustling bushes. I have wrapped myself in the darkest Ankara, on top of it, is my father’s hunting tunic, darker than night. I have smeared his tobacco and spice behind my ears to ward off any strangers or their dogs.
A traveling stranger is less interesting if she smells of tobacco and roots, than of hibiscus and lemons.
In my hand, is my shepherd’s crook. It whacks and chokes, whether it be sheep or person.
This is no man's land, distant from mother's watchful eye. Any assailant would be out of range of father’s arrow.
Now well into the forest, I hear the faint roar of the waters and my heart races. Quickly, I begin to climb the hill.
It is dark but I know where to place my feet, where to grip and brace, where to heave and lift. The darkness amplifies the thunder of the rushing waterfall of Arè. It surrounds, it terrifies. It is enough to fail a heart.
I remove my sandals and wade into the river, she welcomes me and draws me in along the current. I hold unto familiar stones, slippery and some tufty with growth, my feet find ground on the sandy bed. I feel for the rocks and climb out into a cave.
At last.
He is there waiting.
He rises to his feet. My heart thumps, my belly flutters.
Tórę..