Love Your Frenemies!
In the entire history of mankind, till present, no one rocks the "Frenemy" jersey like Judas Iscariot. He was a seasoned hater, a hypocrite and a very proactive enemy. Only recently, I realized that he went out, voluntarily, to the Pharisees to inquire how he might assist in their efforts to arrest Jesus! Lol. He actually got up from his meal of lamb chops and olives with a side of coleslaw and walked to find ways to resourcefully betray his friend- if that isn't proactive, I don't know what is!
I personally found him interesting because he was always with Jesus, through the miracles and the walking on water, feeding the five thousand and raising dead people; through everything! Why couldn't he just be happy for his friend? Why was he so bitter and weird? Why did he voluntarily snitch on his friend?!
His dedication to this betrayal, is one of the most mysterious stories in the bible; actually, come to think of it, maybe not, because we already know haters gon' hate. Still, it's bothersome that he took this "frenemy" business so serious and in my personal opinion, a little too far. He was so resolute and active about it. Why? Well, because it was his destiny. Simply put. Judas was designed to accomplish something in the life of his friend, something that the whole of mankind kind of depends on, even till this day! Judas was part of the big plan! Frenemies are part of the big plan in your life (most times, anyway!)
While I know frenemies are a pain in the tush, they are actually there for a reason. My default statement usually would be "shake that hater loose" or "be rid of that backbiting frenemy" but what if we stop and ponder; what if our frenemy actually had a purpose in our lives?
Dying for mankind was Jesus' life's goal and a frenemy played such a huge part! Jesus, kind of embraced the role of Judas in his life! In fact, one day, during diner, Jesus looks at Judas, straight in the eye and tells him point blank that he needs to get on with whatever he's supposed to do. He's urging him to stab him in the back! It's beyond me, this story. Lol!
I guess frenemies do have a function then!
Did you know that frenemies are known to improve productivity and attain accomplishments in our lives? Science proves it. Wouldn't it be great to put our frenemies to good use and see what comes out of the relationship?
We should ask God for guidance and grace to deal with frenemies and then, when their task is done, ask him nicely, that they please get lost.
What are your thoughts?
The Yoruba Demon-Angel Hybrid
In the post on Yoruba demons, we established that women are into bad boys. When My friend, Tee (who is a self- proclaimed Yoruba angel) read the post, he protested! He felt like there was absolutely no hope for all the good boys out there. If girls are biologically programmed to fall in love with bad boys, then what hope exists for the good guys? Did it mean he had to become a bad boy? Did nature hate good guys? No Tee, you don't have to be a bad boy to get the girl. Nature doesn't hate you, on the contrary, it loves you!
From observation, i've noticed that the good boy actually sights the girl first, and the bad boy notices her, much, much later ( because the bad boy is too self-absorbed and is swimming already in a cascading stream of women). However, on the long run the girl ends up with the bad boy. Pray tell me why?! If you were the first to see this beautiful girl, why would some other guy come along and whisk her away? Answer: Because good boys say nothing when they like a girl. Nothing. Nahda. This is from experience.
For all the good guys out there, who have lost the loves of their lives to a Yoruba demon, it's probably because you were taking your sweet time. Then science nails this baby on the head; a study shows that ...Argh.. I love science...a study by Michigan State University, shows that women would mostly choose the first man who approaches her. This is because women are risk averse and quite frankly we don't know when the next best guy will come along. So we abide by the bird-in-hand principle. If every good boy who spotted that girl first made the first move, think of all the happy couples that would be out there right now!
Nature apparently doesn't hate good guys by letting the bad guys get the girl. It, in fact gives everyone a fair chance. It especially gives good guys the upper hand with the first-come, first-speak, first-get rule. But like I said, the good boys shuffle their feet, put their hands behind their back, open their mouth and nothing comes out!
Girls fall for the bad boy because he's assertive, confident, exciting. Wouldn't it be great if we had an angel-demon hybrid who is actually fully angel but has the qualities that attract women to the bad boys; a loving, respectful, romantic, who remembers important dates and is also assertive, fun and makes the first move.
Of course, sometimes both a good guy and a bad guy make their move and she still picks the bad guy. Sigh. It's still about the excitement.
I remember one time I wanted to make this good-boy/bad-boy decision. I won't say who I chose but let's just say....I stumbled on a study to justify my actions. Watch this, you are going to love it.....and probably pass out from shock.
A study from the University of Virginia showed that people would rather put themselves in "harmful" situations than be bored. The subjects of this study were put in an empty room with absolutely nothing to do. The only thing available to them was a device with which they could electrocute themselves. After hours of being bored out of their skulls, the subjects were seen to administer small doses of electric shock to themselves! Best believe. People really, really, really, really hate being bored, which is exactly what girls think will happen when we end up in a relationship with a good guy.
So, if people would rather be electrocuted than bored, this implies and further strengthens the claim that women would really rather risk getting electrocuted by a bad guy than be in a mellow relationship. (LoL! I can't help thinking about hairs on end and everyone looking like Doc from Back to the Future in that room)
So good boys, how about that hybrid?
Stuff to Say to your Reflection
Hi Everyone, I hope you had a great weekend!
Starting the week with the not-so-glam Monday, as always.
This is a fun, practical post which involves mirrors and simple soliloquies! Too much fun for a Monday morning, I know.
It also involves learning a new good habit that might help get through Mondays...... and the week and maybe even life!
The New Habit: Talking to yourself, out loud
Studies show that talking to yourself is awesome! People who talk to themselves tend to be more productive, get things done faster, are able to motivate themselves right into achievements and might even be smarter.
Finally! What took science so long to vindicate us? I have been talking to myself for as long as i can remember, i survived the 'anyone who talks to himself/herself is crazy' era. Now, we can all safely come out of the closet and sing Hot Chocolate's 'Sexy Thing' to ourselves in the mirror.
People who talk to themselves always stop us in our tracks and evoke strange looks on our faces. I'm not sure why, it's really only strange because a bunch of people said it was. It's also believed to be a stereotypical habit of mad people scientists. Mad scientists, usually ARE geniuses anyway, so no harm.
Studies also show that the best way to talk to yourself is in second person as in, 'Ike, pick the orange as your snack, not that caramel-y thing.' Instead of thinking it, saying it stimulates a more favorable, positive response.....in most cases. In other cases, the caramel-y thing just finds its way down our throats.
Being vocal about your goals and plans, as well as saying them repetitively to yourself (a habit, christians refer to as confessions) actually motivates your mind and brain into accomplishing them.
Therefore, speaking to yourself, in second person, about your goals is a pretty handy lifestyle tip. Politicians, athletes, artists and a great bunch of achievers do it, so why let them and we, the pioneers of the habit have all the fun?
The Fun, Practical part: Get a mirror or go to the office restroom. Look at your fine self and say these words:
"*insert name*, You are remarkably brave and full of potential. You are talented and smart. You are not easily frightened. You care. You don't ignore the homeless and poor. You are creative and successful! Your thoughts are beautiful not ugly. You assume the best and not the worst. You are discerning. You work hard. You enjoy working hard and working out-- Ok, not really, but you will........eventually, this year (take deep purposeful breath). You drink loads of water. You eat healthy and live healthy. You make better choices. You do not spend money that you don't have. You invest wisely and save adequately. You are faithful and principled. You are successful and generous! You believe in miracles, where you from? You sexy thing. 🎶
Drumroll on the sink or wall. Then slowly back out (or moonwalk) and give yourself a little wink!
Gosh I need some chill!
p.s Insulting or berating yourself and saying things like 'I'm so stupid', 'I'll never amount to much', is a bad idea and can not be found in the lyrics of Hot Chocolate's 'Sexy thing'.
Any takers on this habit? Do you talk to yourself? How's Monday treating you?! What's your Monday morning theme song? Remember to share!
Mum, on the matter of Eloping with Dimeji
When I was in primary 2, I was going to elope with Dimeji, my crush. We had it all figured out too, after school that day, we would meet at the Mobil petrol station closest to my house at 4pm, with all our things, including our toys and disappear forever!
We were two 4 year-olds.
When I got home, I was stoked. I started packing! I couldn't tell the time yet, so I'd ask anyone around what the time was and smile knowingly to myself, counting down the hours.
At some point that evening, mum and I had a little disagreement, so I blurted out that Dimeji and I were running away this evening anyway, and pouted.
She must have laughed for a full 10 minutes. Then she said, "He's probably eating beans at home and taking a nap. When you are ready, I will take you to Mobil."
I didn't believe her though. How could Dimeji be eating beans?! He was probably packing his clothes and stuff into his Warner bros. backpack.
I asked my siblings to take me to Mobil. I had to meet Dimeji! He would be waiting! Why didn't they understand? What was so funny? No one took me, I was so sad. I kept imagining him standing at Mobil being bullied by bus drivers and taxi drivers, waiting for me with our survival gear; toys, clothes and maybe a packet of biscuits. I packed my flute too, you know, for entertainment and all.
In school, the following day, after assembly, I walked up to Dimeji to apologize for not showing up, it was my family, they just wouldn't cooperate! Would he like to try again?
Dimeji couldn't even remember that we planned to elope!
Was he kidding?! Mum was right, he probably was eating beans and chilling when he got home, while I spent all evening packing and trying to get to my rendezvous!
That was my last memory of liking Dimeji. I immediately moved on. How could he not even remember plans we made just 4 hours before? He was severely crushed but i wasn’t very forgiving. Plus this was before science validated males as the more forgetful gender!
So to Dimeji's wife or significant other, and to all the women out there really, don’t be mad at him if he forgot your anniversary and the song at your first dance. Science has proven that men are more biologically forgetful than women. Dimeji, that was no reason to ruin my only chance of eloping though!
By the way, just because science validates the fact doesn't mean forgetting her birthday and elopement schedule is acceptable! Any Dimeji experiences or justification of this habit? Please comment below! Plus is your mum eerily right almost always?
9 Things you didn’t know about Women (#7 Though)
Just when you thought women couldn't get any more complicated, here are 8 things (plus one) you probably didn't know about them. Enjoy and identify below!
#1 We are happier when we gain weight
This study shows that women reported an increase in mental quality of life when they gained weight; another case of our biological setup working against us. Lol! Fun.
#2 We are gold diggers and proud. Whatever!
Women like men with the prospects of resources, can you really blame us, no? Blame it one our biological setup (again), it's how we are wired. Women seek men who are able to provide for them and their offspring. It's only logical that we'd be gold-diggers, only a little bit, yes, even if we make our own money.
#3 We love us a man who wears red
Not like a ridiculous all-red outfit, but just one piece of apparel that's red. In a study where female subjects were shown photos of the same man wearing a blue, grey or red shirt, most women reported that the guy looked most attractive and sexually appealing in the red shirt. Red is associated with power, dominance and status. There we go again G-digging.
#4 We like a little "girl-envy"
Apparently we shop to show off to other females and not to men. This I couldn't believe, it makes sense though, a girl would go, "wow, you have the new mulberry!", a guy really might not notice lol. Women are more likely to give a specific, educated compliment, so i guess it foloows that we would want to dress for such "educated" compliments. I like dressing for me though! I compliment myself already!
#5 We mark our territories too
It has been discovered that women are able to draw borderlines around their partners and spouses when they carry expensive labeled handbags. A study shows that when women see another female with a pricey handbag on one arm and a man on the other, she crosses the man off her potential sugar-bae list.
#6 We think men who do chores are hot
Don't ask. While it sounds like a fine case of reverse psychology, it's true and we can't argue with stuff science proves. So men, hehe!
#7 We attracted to men who look like dad
Studies show women who have good relationships with their fathers, tend to fall for a pop-look-alike. Lol! I don't want to talk about it anymore. Lol
#8 We act like we don't need mentors
A study shows women are more hesitant than men about asking to be mentored. This could be for several reasons, maybe the misconception that other women don't like to help subordinates get up the work ladder. It's not entirely a misconception, I've experienced that first hand. There are women who have a problem with helping others out of insecurity and other personal reasons, but there are some who don't mind. It's important to find a good mentor. We need to be more proactive with reaching out to women in higher positions, it's been proven that mentored professionals have a higher chance of success.
#9 Working mothers are more productive than their peers who have no children! Who knew?!
According to this article, working mamas have been seen to be more productive at the work place. This might be because they are better organized or they feel the need to catch up to a greater degree, so they don't fall behind. Whatever it is, they do it well! Way to Go, Mums!
I think i might be 8, 7, 6, 3, 1 and ta-dah...2! Love you, Ed!
Can you identify with any of these? Are you actually happier when you gain weight? Do you have a mentor? Does he look like dad?
20 Practical Tips to manage Love Spats
In an ideal world, you and bae would do nothing all day other than eat shiny apples from mystically named trees, swim in shimmery rivers and run around absolutely naKed. However, earth-to-us, that's not the case. Relationships in the real world are great...until a disagreement pops up. Several people believe that having too many fights might erode the quality of a relationship, but this isn't what science tells us. In a study, it was observed that the health of a relationship does not depend solely on the frequency of quarrels but on the method and technique of resolving issues. In fact, another study argues that conflicts arise as a result of a lack of conflict management skills in a relationship.
Skills. Conflict management. Misunderstandings. Science. *Chin in palm* If only someone would write a blog post on how to practically apply conflict management skills to love spats, so we can get back to the naKed part....
Say no more, here are 20 practical tips on resolving relationship conflicts- any conflict really.
1. Make the conscious effort to remain calm. [This is the 1st bottleneck of the spat. Once you do, it only becomes easier]
2. Identify the main root of the fight and the cause of irritation. If you are passive aggressive itmight take a little longer [bottleneck 2]
3. Be eager to resolve the problem
4. Speak only when your partner is calm too
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Now the fun part (who is going to break the silence...a post for another day!) There's always one person who can tolerate the silence less, if that's you congratulate yourself and give yourself a little wink...you might be the more mature one, you might also be the one who gets to the resolution finish line faster, so don't feel sad you always have to break the ice.
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5. Do not respond based ONLY on your point of view
6. Do not try to punish. Punishment is the other side of naKed. We don't want that.
7. Think: How do we move on from here?
8. Don't play the victim
9. Think clearly
10. Do not throw the solution of the problem at your partner. Let him/ her work through it and find a solution with minimal guidance
11. Respect your differences
12. Be humorous
13. Listen
14. Explain your point of view in a clear and respectful way
15. Keep your voice down
16. No name calling, no blaming, no nagging, no visiting the past or parochial conclusions
17. No, it's never too late now to say Sorry🎶
18. Address every issue in isolation , none of that "This is just like last time......" or "you always.....", "You never"
19. Forgive. Like it never happened.
20. x and makeup
Misunderstandings are just an expression of different needs that long to be met, usually expressed in mismatched voices and perfect scowls. I hope this post helps ease the scowls!
Have a great weekend xx
How the Apes Plan to Take Over the World
One word. Meme-a-thons; this is how I spend my evenings, unwinding, giggling, even bawling sometimes. In the last two years, i have increasingly become a social media addict. That isn't shocking to you because you probably are an addict as well. Lol. I probably watch at the least 45 memes a day!
Well, studies show that the human brain loves being online! We love it! Our brains are like an insatiable trough that craves excitement and amusement. We are constantly looking for the next best thing, the next best meme. We are way past addiction with this internet-social media thing. In 2012, the average time spent on the Internet was about 3-5 hours, a day, now, we are spending about 5-7 hours a day!
This increased use of the internet and being perpetually transfixed on social media is now known to cause a loss of empathy, impaired decision making, and a perpetual adrenaline-high, resulting in mind fatigue.
Here's how: On either side of the cerebral hemispheres in your brain are the insular cortices. The insular controls your consciousness, emotions, empathy, cognition and interpersonal functions in general. In more practical terms, the insular controls your self-consciousness and environmental awareness; it's the reason you cry when your friend mourns, the reason you help when someone is in trouble etc. Studies now show that the increase in media-use causes a direct shrinkage of the insular!
Now here's where I'm going with this, the scary part, the ONLY other creature on earth who has access to the functionality of this insular- this ability to access these higher emotions, is the ape.
The apes show empathy, they cringe, they mourn with members of their family and friends. When a cousin ape falls into a 9-foot ditch, they don't giggle and take out their iPhones to record. When an ape kid gets hit by a car, they don't step over her and send out tweets about how they just witnessed something "absolutely crazy!" They don't have social media, so I'm guessing these apes are definitely not shrinking their insulars away, instead, probably developing this function quite extensively while we run around like zombies poking our phones and laughing intermittently at memes!
Decisions. Decisions. Moderate my nightly meme-a-thons or keep shrinking my brain and let the apes take over?
Of course, I'm not saying we should ditch social media all together, No! I love social media and all those crazy memes but I'm suggesting that we tone it down a bit and save the insular!
Imagine one morning you wake up, you hear a low grunt from the right side of your bed, it's an ape and he's wearing military gear with a side smile, he's holding your phone. He hangs it over your head, taunting you, as you would have taunted him with a banana. In a split second, he throws your phone into a large steel cage sitting in the corner of your room, you look at him, then at the phone, ....Would you jump in? Would I?
From my overactive mind.......
Why "Yoruba Demons" are Here to Stay
Here's a conversation between my friend and I:
My friend: I enter wedding receptions these days and everywhere I turn, I see "Yoruba demons"
Me: *laughing uncontrollably*
My friend: Yes, o! And they always look so good! Fresh, with their full beards, wearing their black native and staring at you from behind their sunglasses
Me: Ehn just don't look at them na, sit down far far away from them
My friend: *sighs ruefully*
Me: *Sigh in solidarity because I know how we girls do like the quintessential bad boy*
Fact: Girls love them some Yoruba demons. We like the psycho ones that stare at us from behind the dark lenses; the ones who make us feel uneasy and uncertain; the guy that says like 5 words per day , that smells like a Tom Ford lab and throws us an occasional side grin. Yes, The one that uses his eyeball-print as the passcode to his phone and has at least 3 aliases- Jimi on the mainland, Jay-Eye on the island and Jim off the shores of Nigeria.
As for the simple, nice guys with the ready grin, one universal name and no passcode on his phone....... though, bleh, not so much.
Why? Why do we tend to fall for the no-good demon and ignore the good guy?
A study shows that we like bad boys because our minds think they might make good fathers for our kids.... I know, they lost me there too. Here's the weird biological explanation.
Women are drawn to bad boys because bad boys are confident, assertive, exciting and the biological interpretation of this to the female mind is that these confident, assertive creatures will produce after their kind, that is, produce confident, assertive children who have a better chance of surviving on the planet. Remember "survival of the fittest", this principle is engrained into our biological psyche and our decision-making process unknowingly depend on it in this case. Somewhere in our minds, the Bad boy is the alpha male and we are drawn to him because we believe he will give us viable offspring that will survive the elements.
Basically at the root of this is the need to procreate and multiply.
Note that in theory, women say they want a nice, adorable guy; the type of guy who treats his girl like a queen and loves her for who she is. But in reality, what she really wants is to fall into the clutches of a bad bad bad boy who will turn her mind to mush and give her demon babies that survive the elements!
That's just jacked up. Lol.
Then the plot thickens, a study shows that we get more to attracted to bad boys when we are ovulating! Tsk! Your own body trying to set you up to be a single parent. I can't believe it. We really are our own worst enemies.
So, if there is a wide-eyed nice guy and a Yoruba demon up for grabs, chances are that the more aggressive guy-demon will be chosen and nice guy gets the bench. The warm friendship bench.
Girls are not stupid though, we know you are bad....so as sharp girls who want to eat their demon and have it, we choose to fix the bad boy; we want him to go to church with us, join the ushering department and submit his phone password. Just like that!
*Blink*
We want Bad boy to retire because we suddenly show up on the scene. It doesn't work that way. You'll realize this once you discover that you can't get the leopard to go spotless or to wear velvet. Demons don't change. I don't know where we get this change idea from.
I blame Disney movies for this false understanding of the concept of change in relationships. There's an implicit understanding that change is guaranteed once you get into a relationship with someone. For example, Beauty and the Beast, the guy changed because she showed up and kissed him; the little Mermaid, she kissed him and changed into a human to be with the guy; Tarzan ditched his hot signature loin cloth for a suit at some point. Since we were kids, fairy tales have been tied to the "He will change. Kiss him, he will change". Ain't no demon changing here. He won't change. If you do kiss him, you'll probably change-into a mum, a single mum thanks to your ovulating ovaries. Sigh. Girls won't stop liking the demons, they are here to stay. As for the good boys, 1 in 3 will eventually become a demon and we'll all live happily ever after.