8 Reasons you might be Stuck in a Rut-n-Relationship
One day, you wake up and realize you are in a relationship you shouldn't be in.
"What am i doing here?!" The sky is NOT a different kind of blue, birds are NOT singing, neither is Michael Bublé, your laces don't tie themselves anymore, the clouds definitely have given way and you have fallen a good 100,000 feet out of heaven. You know you can do better but it's just easier coasting along and holding on to the familiar, just because it's what you've always known. That's the main reason we remain in unhealthy relationships; it's inconvenient to leave. First you have to break up with him, then his friends, then try not to think about him when you buy the 3 scoop vanilla-choc-cookies'n'cream ice-cream on a waffle cone you guys would usually get on Sunday afternoons. You'd also have to get back to having no boyfriend and someone to cuddle, no one to tag in bae-memes. You'd probably have to buy another phone, after throwing your phone against the wall with all those wedding photos on IG. Leaving might be really uncomfortable, so we remain in the Bublé-lessness and dissatisfaction. Of course, our friends tell us to move on with it but we don't. The secret to getting on with a break up is to watch your reflection slap itself in the mirror. It works eventually, on the 6th smack. Just kidding.
Bye, Felicia!
Below are other considerably amusing reasons we might decide to stay in a relationship we shouldn't be in:
1. HE OWES YOU MONEY
Lol! This literarily might be the most hilarious reason to remain in a relationship. If your almost-ex-bae is owing you money and you have no intentions of leaving without it, i completely understand. You are not alone, I've done it before. Then I had to ask my reflection...."Wait around for him to pay the debt OR Buble-Birds singing with the right guy+Lace-self-tying package." The Lace-tying was all the persuasion I needed.
2. YOU OWE HIM MONEY
This is less funny than the previous because I guess it shows you have a conscience. Some girls would bail even though they were indebted. That's really nice, however, your ovaries aren't getting any younger. It might be one of those situations when you might actually need to borrow to pay up a debt and move on out. Being trapped in a relationship because you owe is robbing yourself of time and fulfillment .
3. YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THE IN-LAWS
It's that situation where you started dating him and then you became best friends with his sister, became healthy hair journey buddies with his cousin and favorite visitor of his gateman. Argh! The dodgiest ones have the best family, I don't know how, honestly. It's like his emotional deficit was divinely redistributed to his siblings and parents in double measure. It really makes breaking up so much more difficult! Break up with the family first in your head.....not forever though, just till everything is settled. Take time out for yourself to move on. The family should understand and respect your decision for some time off. If you realize his family remind you too much of him, I guess you have to let them go too.
4. YOUR FAMILY IS IN LOVE WITH HIM
When mum won't stop baking him cakes, cooking him banga soup and dad won't stop inviting him over to "tease his intelligent young mind" over a glass of Jack. Seriously, Dad?
Have a talk with your parents, let them know you are letting him go. They need to as well. Plus, you also eat cakes and banga and have an intelligent young mind. How about they re-direct all that to you for now?
5. SEX
This is in two parts:
a) The sex is great
"Staying with a man for sex is a great idea." See how that sounds? Enough said.
b) You invested sex and now you feel trapped
Sex is an investment but if the relationship isn't working and you feel you might lose out by walking away, let me be the first to say, you won't. Think of all the grade A sex you could have with the right husband instead of this substandard body bumping you now currently endure because you feel tied to him. Moving on would be painful but staying in a dysfunctional, retarded relationship could do more damage on the long-run.
6. HE GIVES YOU A STIPEND
If this stipend is 6-7 digits and in a currency that is on a typical foreign exchange board, well, what can I say? Refer to question at the end of reason #1. If you are to lazy to scroll back up: Wait around for your stipend OR Buble-Birds singing with the right guy+Lace-self-tying package. Entirely up to you, but just think....lace self-tying!!!!!
If it's a 2-3 digit stipend.......grunt!
7. HE BLACKMAILED YOU TO STAY WITH HIM....
........the makings of a Days of our lives episode! If he knows something about you and threatens to tell if you leave, maybe you should confide in someone and find a way to tell it to the people he's threatening to reveal your secret to. That just sounded very soap opera-ish, truly.
8. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITHOUT A BOYFRIEND
There are other fish in the sea and here's how to find them!
What's the most random reason you've stayed in a relationship? How do you fall out of love with the in-laws? Have you ever remained in a relationship for reason #1?
Fun bits of Phone Dating
It usually starts with your friend saying "I know this guy you might like." You look suspiciously at her because that was what she said last month and following through on her recommendation, blind dates have now been tagged traumatic and a No-Na-ah for you. So skeptically, you eye her and ask that very question which we all ask at a blind date offer- "Do you have a picture?"
Clearly, it follows that any one eligible for phone-dating or blind-dating be equipped wth a stash of recent pictures (taken in flattering light and with minimal editing). Emphasis on recent, no reliance on old glory, y'all. It's a very pivotal moment when that person sees your photo and either gasps(good gasp) or gasps(bad gasp). Put forward your best photos. If in doubt, ask a friend's opinion, nothing to be ashamed of, I have a friend who I bother all the time. Sometimes you think you look like your favorite Eva but you don't. You really don't. Again I say, get a friend's veto.
A favorite bit of phone dating for me is the quality and pliancy of conversation. It was definitely more fun before social media, when we hd2abbrv8! Fun days. I guess many people think you're disadvantaged if you have to have conversations on the phone and not face to face. Frankly, I think it helps to focus on building the intellectual communication aspect of the relationship before you meet in person, get to know him/her before the physical element distorts it all. I'm not saying that being face to face doesn't encourage intellectual roots but it does get a little distracting when you just met and you're staring into those dark eyes, in that perfect face, on this sweater-weather day, while you get all the butterflies in your tummy. Flicker goes the flame of intellect with those darn butterflies.
Wait, random question, have you ever had butterflies while talking on the phone? I think I have! I wonder what the physiological interpretation of butterflies are. I'm going to find out and write a geeky post on it. I'm kidding, like I write geeky posts. Hmmph.
In addition to developing roots, it also helps mute ignorance...e.g if the person uses a big word you can quickly check what in the world it means! Lol! I remember a guy once sent me a message with this huge word. My friend and I scrabbled everywhere looking for the meaning of the word so I could send an appropriate reply. This was before smart phones so I had to actually check my dictionary! .........and now I've dated myself and everyone will know how ancient I am. That day though, thanks to the ignorance-muting effect of phone dating, i was able to respond with an equally big word which took him an hour to respond to! A-ha!
Another fun bit; phone farts and bathroom breaks. Have you ever been on the phone with a person you really liked, early in the relationship and you need to go? As in go, like #2 go? With #1 you can keep the person talking and mute the call so he doesn't hear you. But #2 is a hang up the phone situation. Don't try muffling the mic, muting or doing the tissue cushion trick. Hang it up. Do it.
If nothing has been learnt from this post then let this be your take away; Your sexting screen shot is a heart beat away from becoming a meme these days. Hehe.
Date with Decorum💋
What is your best bit about phone-dating?
Love, Angels and Grunts
"Don't give people advice once they fall in love. Give it before." That's what one of my older friends says.
We all know people are very irrational when it comes to love, so once a person keeps coming back to you with the same problem, same complaints, same situation, same bruise(different eye), you need to grunt and be done with it.
No point trying to "speak sense" into anyone who is in the skies above, floating on heart-shaped clouds with harp-playing angels. Though the Angels have also wondered and probably asked her about the black eye from last week and the inverted bruise this week. They asked what she's doing up, up here on the clouds still, naturally she must have replied them with the ".....but I love him" statement, so the Angels grunt and play on.
No one really listens to you when you advice them to leave someone they think they are in love with. They usually come to the realization themselves and not because someone told them to. This happens in time or sometimes never at all; sometimes they remain with the bruise-giver for life. As a friend, be ye not irritable if she knocks on your door and stumbles in with a tear-streaked face, sits on your sofa and asks for the umpteenth time, "Should I leave him?", she's crying yet again, using up all your tissues, just like she did last week. And the week before. (This is why you tactfully bought her some handkerchiefs for her birthday).
Even though it's eating you up inside and you want to shake some sense into her, show her a mirror and scream "Yes!" in all 7000+ languages (with the angels as backup voices), just grunt. Seriously, don't bother. #JustGrunt
P.s: If you need to ask someone if you need to leave some guy, you already know the answer. Grunt.
What are your thoughts on grunting? Would you keep advising or would you grunt in chorus with the Angels?
5 Tips to Consider when Catching Fish (and by fish, we mean a guy)
Imagine coming out of the worst relationship in the history of relationships. Maybe you ended it voluntarily or you were 'involuntarily dislodged' (aka dumped), you are a little sad and angry but generally relieved. People come up to you, console you, they slap you on the back and say how there are many fish in the sea, a plethora of opportunities; clown fish, gold fish, snappers, the striped ones (can't remember what they are called), those shiny ones, the scaly ones. They say "No worries! There are 28000 species of fish, if you take out the Sharks , we still have more than 26000 species to work with still!"
I feel as if at this point I have over-explained the technicality of “fish in the sea.” You get my point though, you leave a dyfunctional relationship and jump off the ledge into the sea of singlessness expecting to be surrounded by all these amazing, hot fish but it's all silent on the sea floor. Then....oh! you see a fish! You try to get his attention, but instead attract the attention of his unfriendly spouse; a menacing snapper. "Well", you think to yourself, "the world is a sea, there will be fish for me." At this point, I should state explicitly that fish will be synonymous with a guy in this post.
Where are all the guys? This promised bliss and plethora of options seems a little inconsistent with the situation at hand. For some reason, all that's available for now are your ex (sea weed) and loads of married people (sea anemone). What happened to all the fish?!!
Well, the fish are all in there. Right there! I'm sure it doesn't help either when someone who got out a relationship like you suddenly gets a new fish. People never tell their fishing secrets! Even at the market, fish show up, placed on ice or filleted and sealed in a plastic bag, there's so much they don't tell you at the market or on the packet about the process of catching fish, likewise, there's loads of stuff happy couples don't tell you about the process of catching fish, but you know how I like to be the teller so, these are my observations on the fish scarcity and five tips on being a bit more strategic with fishing using real fishing methods:
Remember, everyone is looking for a different kind of fish and all methods are different. So this may or may not apply to your fishing endeavours. Here we go......
1. Patience!
I live in one of those places where the lake freezes over and people drill holes in the frozen lake, sit on little buckets/stools and fish...for hours, in the cold, cold, o-so cold air. I watch these guys fish from the comfort of my car (naturally) and admire their tenacity. They sit, resolute, for quite a long time. Most amazingly, sometimes, they catch a fish and if the fish isn't situable for their needs(e.g too small), they put them back! So after sitting in the cold for ages, I finally get a tug on my line or in our case a guy decides to ask me out, a guy that actually likes me and then I choose to let him off the hook? Why in God's blessed world would I do that? Well, because that's not what the fisherman wants or requires. How quickly do we settle for less, when we are pressured by the environment and the harsh nagging voice of society to be engaged before 24. Not every tug on the line is The right Fish. True, everyone is getting married but they probably didn't marry the first fish they caught. Which makes it necessary to know what exactly it is you want in a fish. Yup, have some fishing standard.
3rd fish, first row...hell-to-tha-naw, to the no no no 🎤 LOL!
2. Know thy fish
So do you want a fish with muscles, a fish that likes to karaoke in his spare time, a fish who likes to walk on the beach, a church fish, a fun fish, a geek fish(the best!), a dimpled fish, a shy fish. Great, you know what you want. Specificity helps direction and technique.
To be honest, I didn't know specifically what kind of fish I wanted but I definitely wanted a God-loving, honest, fun and wise fish. I left the details to God. Awesome thing about God, all other things are usually added when you leave stuff to him but first, basic specifications.
3. Habitat (I)
Fishermen do alot more than catching fish when out on the lake. They actually stop for a moment and get acquitainted with the habitat, they take in the environment, enjoy it or at least they try to. Key word being, TRY. Enjoy being single. Married people never tell you but sometimes, just for a milli-second in the middle of a hot stressful Wednesday afternoon with their spouse upset on the other side of the phone, they reminisce about the days they were single and stare ruefully into the horizon. So enjoy the environment and your status while you fish!
Habitat (II)
Also understand the habitat of the kind of fish you want. If your kind of fish likes to hang around karaoke bars, well, you know where to set up your tent...and I think I have unintentionally set you up as a stalker. Lol. No stalking, no tents; all figures of speech.
4. Bait Right
While there is no creepy-less way to say this, it's important to bait your fish by attracting the attention of the kind of fish you want. Types of baits: Appearance, Body language, Crew(as in friends/crowd), Location. Dress to attract what you want, polish your body language. Your friends and your regular locations are a pretty strong indication of who you are.
Then, values; your most priced bait. Whatever values you have have the ability to scare fish away or make them linger and eye the bait. If your values are compatible with fishie's, then he bites, which is what we want! Yay!
5. Consulting
Jesus is like the Ernst and Young for fishing! Not even kidding, he is like THE fish-farming-catching consultant, ask Peter. He can help you find the right fish! You just need to ask and you'll be recommending his services to everyone like I am now.
[Remember to wait in style. I'm of the school of thought that waiting around for your life to start only when you meet a new fish is a great way to waste your life. There is just so much to do! Travel, learn skills, make friends, work on you, build an empire, eat fried insects, paint murals, visit Venice, no, you don't need a man to visit Venice! I believe you should carry on with life while conserving point one (patience) and at the right time after lessons have been learnt, character has been developed, experience has been acquired (hopefully not too painful), the right person comes along. Till then style, it is.]
In no way have I tried to represent the complex, unphathomable phenomenon called love in a simplistic way. I just believe lessons can be learnt from our environment and the complexity of existence.
Do you have any fishing tips or fishing experience you'd like to drop below? Are you surrounded by seaweed? What's your best bait technique?
Bank of Daddy to Bank of Bae
Sometimes, I imagine my dad somewhere on an island, say old San Juan wearing a straw hat, drinking an authentic piña colada and kicking the sand into the air as he dances off into the sunset. Oh, the joy! Those high maintenance girls are gone! Now he doesn’t have to stare into those doe eyes anymore, wondering why shoes and purses cost so much; doesn't have to try to wrap his mind around the concept of weaves and why I pay so much to have them put in, even more perplexing, #teamnatural expenses; how expensive is it to let your own hair grow out of your own head?! I'm kidding my dad is awesome and has never considered my sister and I a burden, but he can't deny our high maintenance-ness. Now, we are both married and on those delightfully warm, sunny wedding days, he signed off all responsibility to our wonderful spouses. He must have chuckled discreetly at each one's beaming, ecstatic face and thought, "In time, my son, in time."
It's been over a year now that i've been off payroll for Bank of Daddy(BOD), of which daddy had been the chairman and mommy, the president of the financial reserve. For close to 30 years, BOD has found ways of investing and working to ensure that everything that I have needed and sometimes, wanted, has been provided to the best of its ability. These days, i am with Bank of Bae (BOB), where bae and I are chairman and president. Things are a little different.
For starters, we only began investing in the last one year. Needs, cravings and wants are no longer in an indistinguishable muddle. There exists now something called a priority list. Purchases are planned, bills have our names on them, which really makes me feel old, we own a printer and care about ink, we own saucers and single people don't want to be friends with us anymore (sniff). That was completely random, back to having a priority list.
I've had a couple of days when Ed and I would disagree in the store aisles over stuff we actually need. You know how we girls really really need a pretty shiny salad tosser? Or is it just me? What about all those colorful Kate Spade home decor items; those neon colored kitchen utensils, like the fuschia whisk and lime spatulas, those bedsheets with so much threadcount, it's almost like sleeping on a cloud. Uh! those towels that make me feel like I just dried myself with a sheep, and then, that clutch purse.....*eyes glazed over* and then.....*eyes twinkling* those killer-heels! All this while, I'm all over the store and Ed is looking at me like, "Umm.....rent."
Needless to say, I needed to get a grip and who likes to get a grip? Not me. I wish I knew the steps to transitioning. It's either one of two things, either you restrict yourself and acquire more financial management skills or expand to what is in Bank of Bae and acquire even MORE financial management skills. Now, your very perception of value needs to be reconfigured. Now, the strappy sandals you just bought really should be on number 9 of your priority list but it's still number 1. Now, if you want to get a Masters degree, you actually have to plan. In the past, Bank of Daddy would wire you all the money. Not any more, now you own saucers! If you don’t mentally prepare yourself before you take your vows, its very possible you’ll think you are still on pay-roll from BOD and then you make an unjustifiable purchase (the pair of killer-sandals) which puts a significant dent in BOB and then to make it worse, you kinda forgot to buy groceries. If you are lucky or in the UK or US, you'll be able to return the purchase. If you live in Italy or Nigeria, I guess you and Bae would have to eat your new shoes for dinner.
It starts with a change in our minds to downsize or expand, all with wisdom and also the decision to choose to be realistic and considerate. Little comparison can be made with the financial situation of BOD and BOB, Bank Of Daddy has like a 40-50 year head-start, it's sturdy while BOB, sometimes, is like that new bank down the road, it needs a little bit of time to take root, so some consideration and prudence from your end will do it a lot of good. If you are high-maintenance, take the knob down just a notch. In time, it all comes together. Of course, it helps if BOB allows some occasional splurging, it makes the readjustment process a little better. So hear, he-baes, your task is to help her transition easy, let her buy her cloud-bedsheets or get her the clutch that got her eyes glazed over or that random polka dot skirt that makes her happy for some reason; she's in transition. And you know what they say about people in transition.......[hehe, nothing, just get her the clutch, jo].
Have you loved on your parents recently, verbally and financially? How have you successfully transitioned from BOD to BOB? How did you figure it out?
99 ways (plus one) to Fall in Love All Over Again
Don't wait for valentine's day to figure out new ways to love your other half! Start today with these 99 pretty great tips!
- Go on regular date nights
- Be best friends!
- Write his name on lipstick on the bathroom mirror (sigh, which you will later have to clean...yourself)
- Revitalize the romance with intimate dates
- Pray together
- Hide notes in secret places
- Go to bed at the same time (unless you are studying)
- Listen to music together-share earbuds
- Send him on a scavenger hunt in the house
- Buy him gifts he will love
- Write him letters
- Hide a treat in his glovebox or desk at work
- Read the Bible together
- Wear shirts that tell the world you love your spouse
- Praise your spouse to other people
- Let them overhear you
- Read a marriage devotional
- Porn-proof your home
- Sleep in his t-shirts
- Look to him to make the big decisions
- Let her make the smaller ones
- Don’t nag him (nagging kills, no joke)
- Put down the toilet seat, pick up your socks for her
- Renew your vows privately with whispers and memories
- Renew them publicly with cake and bubbly
- Fight naked (with caution, ahem)
- Tell him you like him
- Receive his compliments (believe him when he says you are beautiful. Death to modesty for the moment)
- Pick your battles
- Show her you love her and tell him you respect him
- Go away together at least once a year
- Frame your wedding vows
- Hang pictures of the two of you around your house
- Kiss in front of your kids
- Make his favorite dessert
- Have pictures of just the two of you made
- Make sex a priority
- Spend time apart occasionally(and enjoy it)
- Learn to enjoy something he loves
- Surprise each other
- Meet him at the door
- Text each other from across the room
- Be accountable to each other
- Set reminders on your phone to remember him/her throughout the week
- Call him right now and tell him you appreciate him
- Be affectionate
- Leave work and come home early
- Wash, vacuum her car. Keep it full of gas.
- Give each other romantic coupons
- Engage every day in meaningful conversation
- Compliment each other
- Touch your spouse several times throughout the day
- Take one day a month to make your spouse your total focus
- Let each other sleep in
- Be spontaneous!
- Argue fair: avoid these words “you always” and “you never”
- Kiss every day
- Find tangible ways to serve your mate without complaining
- Forgive quickly
- Be honest.
- But not hurtful
- Get on the same page: plan your budget together
- Look your best as often as you can
- Guard your marriage
- Get out of debt (and stay out)
- Laugh together
- Have a date night in
- When your together-BE TOGETHER (take a break from phones, technology, etc)
- Talk about your favorite memories together
- Tell him he’s sexy just because
- Tell her she’s pretty, especially when she’s not feeling it
- Make him breakfast in bed
- Do her chores for her
- Get a couple’s massage or host your own privately
- Read a book out loud together
- Dance together-soft music (alone) or rocking music with the kids
- Bring her/him a favorite drink during the middle of the day
- Exercise together-hikes, bike riding, etc
- Choose not to be annoyed by an irritating behavior/disappointment
- Tell him a secret he doesn’t know about you
- Thank your spouse just because, often
- Sit on the same side of a booth at a restaurant
- Lay in bed together and stare into each other eyes, without talking
- Learn something new together-take an art class, cooking lessons, etc
- Leave a sweet comment on the Facebook wall
- Teach your kids about marriage
- Stop what you’re doing, look them in the eye and listen to their answer
- Create art together
- Support each other’s goals
- Know when to talk and when to hush
- Consider counseling (even if there isn't conflict)
- Doodle his name
- Bring her flowers (even when she says they are too expensive)
- Wear something he loves
- Share furniture-sit in his lap
- Work out together (massages right after)
- Plan fun throw-back dates
- Fight for your marriage
- Remember your spouse rocks-even when they don’t
Have a great weekend xx
No other picture depicts love quite like this. I see this in my future....like tomorrow-future.....
This list was sourced from wearethatfamily.com but has been edited considerably. My modifications are in italics and completely off the subject, the picture to the right (or above) is #100. Make this for him/her this weekend and watch all 99 fall into place. If you have any great tips, please remember to comment below!
Have a great weekend!
Long Distance Relationships: You, Her and Jack
Let it be known that, at some point during a long distance relationship (LDR), there are three members of the relationship; you, her and Jack.
Before we talk about Jack, let's set the stage; you and your girlfriend have been dating for some time and are cheerfully resident in close proximity, but now she has to relocate to Switzerland because she has been admitted into a graduate program of her dreams. The only thing is you are stuck here, wherever here is, with the rest of us! Hi, neighbor!
So Switzerland; she settles in, you talk often, very often; skype, FaceTime, BB video, letters, letters in bottles, tin phones, the works. There are a few times when you promise to call but you fall asleep with your face in your dinner (the story of my life in grad school). Apart from the macaroni stuck in your left nostril, everything is fine.
Then comes Jackson.
Jackson (or Jack), the guy who lives in the same city as she does. The guy who reminds your girlfriend how far away you are. Jack makes it apparent how often you don't call back. He shows her all the things you do wrong and all the standards you fail to live up to as a boyfriend. He makes a big deal about how you can’t make it for christmas. That’s unforgivable, he’d say, shaking his head. You don’t deserve that. He tells her.
So basically, he makes sure you look like a jerk. This he might do explicitly or implicitly. Explicitly by saying it out loud and implicitly by doing all the things you should be doing. He shows how often you don’t visit her by visiting her, frequently, sometimes he's in the background of your Skype calls!
I don't know from under what rock Jacksons crawl out from but I am certain that there is a Jackson rock where they meet and hand out little booklets because they tend to be consistent in their behavior. He calls coincidentally when your face is stuck in your dinner. He shows up at her door with lunch/Sharwama/coffee/smoothies.....my personal favorite, friendship flowers. He doles out a couple of these famous Jackson quotes:
"You deserve better."
"What does he mean he can't make it for Christmas?"
"How do you know he's not cheating at this very moment?"
"If I was dating someone like you, I'd be here every weekend"
"Why do you have to go and see him, why can't he come here?"
"Wow, that's all he got you for your birthday."
"He mailed your gift?"
"If you were mine....."
The general one-size fits all response to all these statements is, "Do you not have anything better to do, Jack?", said in all sincerity. I don't know where they get the time and energy to chip at someone else's hard work.
However, no need to despair, there maybe some hidden advantages in this Jack matter. First, Jack keeps you on your toes, which is a good thing.
Second,…….there’s no second.
If ever your LDR encounters a Jack, it would be great if her conviction about your love for her is extremely firm. I had some Jacks at different times of my 6-year LDR and of course, the bull-headed side of me met the statements with retorts and general intransigence but still, i always found myself drawn to Ed at those times because i needed to be sure this Jack guy was on crack (I, in fact think one of them might have been) and i needed to know that all he was saying couldn't be validated. It's important to prove all Jack's comments void and to ensure her security in your commitment. Her mind has to be stronger than Jack’s voice in her head. The only thing that makes her mind stronger in an LDR are your words, attention and gestures. Keep the fights to a minimum. Be creative with your gifts. Be consistent with your communication. Beware of the Jacks.
Have you had any Jack experiences? Or Jackie experiences (see below)?! Even more thrilling, are you a Jack?
Note: There are girl-Jacks too, the Jackies. That's another post altogether.
The Secret of the Unengaged Bride-to-be
4 years before Ed proposed, I went on a mock wedding dress hunt with my sister. It was entirely her idea and i had all the possible imaginable reservations about it. For one, I didn't want to be the "crazy" lady who made wedding dress appointments and wasn't engaged......... but then again, why let all the "crazy" people have all the fun! So I booked an appointment with a local wedding store, over the phone, avoiding the question "When is your wedding?" ever so skillfully with a grunt, an "a-hem" and the word "Soon." At the appointment, the woman was definitely really, really interested in the date of the wedding, so i said it was "inconclusive" for now. I guess at this point she really just thought i WAS the crazy lady who made wedding dress appointments and wasn't engaged; the one her manager always told her about.
In retrospect, i think this was the most important part of my wedding dress hunt adventure. From the trip, I was able to understand what styles looked best on me; I knew I preferred mermaid gowns and off-shoulder neck styles (I always thought i'd be a Cinderella ball-gown-kinda girl). I knew lace it was and always would be. I knew my veil had to be a statement. I also became aware that sometimes when you don't know what you want some style managers try to force dresses on you. It was a real eye-opener for me ......and an eye-slanter for the suspicious style manager.
How to pull this off...
Let's get it out there; yes, you do require some level of nuttiness for this escapade and who isn't a little nutty, huh? Apart from the benefits of acquired knowledge, it might also set things into motion if you tell your almost-fiancé about the appointment (not with the intention to manipulate him into proposing but just so he's aware and doesn't stumble on your photos one day on your dropbox account and has a heart attack); might get him thinking about the next move too.
You can make it a girls' outing! Get a couple of your girlfriends, engaged or not and do a mock hunt (each of you could book appointments in different stores to avoid being thrown out into the streets, after buying absolutely nothing). My friend, Eki and I did it once on Oxford street. We ran around in the rain, ducking into shops soaking wet, much to the dismay of the preppy shop assistants. Then we ate street crêpes in-between the appointments and after it all, ended up in wasabi eating a spicy bowl of sweet chili chicken bento while flipping through photos of the dresses on our phones. Fun!
It helped me streamline my wedding dress hunt. I also went for my real fitting very informed and confident. I knew exactly what I wanted which made the job easier for me and my style manager. Not knowing what you want is the bane of every wedding-dress style manager's existence. I got a lot of "Thank God! You know what you want! That's impressive!" remarks.
If only knowing what i wanted got me a discount, lol.
It also gets you thinking about themes, flowers, your hair and jewelry. It gets you planning a shopping budget and helps with being realistic with the numbers. Best of all, it's fun and a great way to spend an afternoon with your girlfriends without looking like the lone crazy woman who tries on dresses.
Now when you start taking photos like this with no intentions of buying anything, you probably will get thrown out! Lol! Thank you Eki for letting me use this photo. mmuah!
What are your thoughts on mock hunts? Do you know what styles you would like? Share with a friend who is nuts enough to try this with you...and then book some appointments!
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